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Thread: How and when to compliment my girlfriend

  1. #1
    99Problems is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How and when to compliment my girlfriend

    I'm in a relationship recently after having dated her for months. This is my first relationship and I need some help with knowing when and how to give her compliments without sounding soppy or nice guy.

    For example, we went out to the cinema. I noticed that she had her hair curled (I had previously said to her that I liked it that way), she also had the lipstick on that I told her I like and she was wearing a new dress. Despite noticing all of this, I didn't compliment her. Previously I had complimented her in a bit of a nice-guy way but was able to play/laugh it off with her. That is what got me thinking about how and when I should compliment so hence I held back on the day of the cinema.

    Anyway, the day went great but when we got back to her house and she was changing she asked me "Do you not like my new dress?" to which I replied that I did but obviously by this point it was too late. Now she wasn't upset or annoyed but I should have complimented her. To make things more awkward, the dress was brand new and I was even with her the day that she bought it - but forgot!

    So my questions are:

    When should I compliment her?
    How do I compliment her in a meaningful way without sounding nice guy?
    How often to compliment her?
    What things should I compliment her on - other than looks?

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Fire Eater is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How and when to compliment my girlfriend

    When you first see her on a date, I think that is the best time to give a simple compliment on her dress, hair, etc. You can be specific. I am sure you know things about her that you admire that you could compliment on. If it relates to one of her stories she is telling, I think that could be when to compliment one of those qualities.

    Not too much or too little, but somewhere in between.

  3. #3
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How and when to compliment my girlfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by 99Problems View Post
    So my questions are:

    When should I compliment her?
    How do I compliment her in a meaningful way without sounding nice guy?
    How often to compliment her?
    What things should I compliment her on - other than looks?

    Thanks in advance.
    Short Answer: Solving your issue of wondering when to compliment is good, but in order to really understand what you should or shouldn't do, you need to mold your mindset into something which processes what to do nigh unconsciously.

    But yea, literally, read everything (I would suggest even the posts in the other categories, 'Being Alpha', 'Dealing with ex's', everything. They're all colored in a way that makes them relevant to you and your relationships, and interaction with women as a whole). Shark's insight into relationship dynamics and game in general is phenomenal.

    In general, you don't want to shower your girl with compliments every time she puts on some flip flops. Genuine compliments, used sparingly, are 10x more effective in magnitude. Try not to compliment her on her looks too much. Notice the little things. Show her affection, but never let her think she's 100% secure in the relationship, or that she can stop actively vying for your attentions because you're totally devoted to her.

    If you were heading to the sack after the date, also consider responding like so: "Oh ya it was great, it's kind of getting in the way at the moment though...."*slowly start sliding it off her shoulders*

  4. #4
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How and when to compliment my girlfriend

    You two must be young, and this is a very sweet story you told. You're both so worried about what the other is thinking, and in a way that is not tainted by previous relationships.

    Quote Originally Posted by 99Problems View Post
    When should I compliment her?
    Compliments are a form of attention. You should use attention as a reward for behaviors you want to encourage and the opposite of attention (ignoring) as a punishment for behaviors you don't want. In the case of the cinema date, her hair, lipstick and dress were all efforts she made to be attractive to you. This is very desirable behavior and should've been complimented.

    Quote Originally Posted by 99Problems View Post
    How do I compliment her in a meaningful way without sounding nice guy?
    This is a great question! Pay attention to what you are feeling and why you are complimenting her. "nice guys" use compliments as a way to ingratiate themselves to their target. It's slimey and manipulating. In other words, if you are complimenting her to be rewarded by her, you're doing it wrong. And it's creepy.

    You don't always need words, especially when it comes to looks. You could have complimented her curls simply by looking at them hungrily and sexily. You are saying with your touch, your body, and your eyes and expression "I noticed you curled your hair, and I know you know this turns me on." Rewarding her efforts (and make no mistake, this was an effort she made specifically for you!!) with your sexual attention cannot be "nice guy."

    If it's a non-sexual compliment, a simple smile and nod of approval could be enough, especially if it's a small thing to compliment.

    Quote Originally Posted by 99Problems View Post
    How often to compliment her?
    I honestly don't know. It's pretty much a situational thing I think. I would think every time you feel she deserves a reward.

    Quote Originally Posted by 99Problems View Post
    What things should I compliment her on - other than looks?
    This question is a little concerning to me. Surely there are things you like about her other then her looks? Her taste in music, her intelligence or wit, her sense of humor, her cooking, her decorations in her home, her clean car, the way she drives, her charm, her easy going attitude, her laugh, her sense of fashion, that she makes her bed every morning, how well she treats you, how well she treats her family or friends, her dependability, that she doesn't own a cat.

    If you are with her for just her looks, there is nothing wrong with that. But it does indicate you're not being very honest with her if you are building this up as a relationship.

    However I doubt this is the case with you. I think you just aren't really thinking this through, and the above list of things not based on looks got you thinking. I'd like to point out that complimenting her dress is not necessarily about looks. It can be about her effort to look good (for you). or her sense of fashion or style. Same thing with her curls or lipstick. And I hope this advice helps you to be creative with your compliments. Diversity is the spice of life.


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