So I am following Neil Strauss other book on game and the challenge. I've been following it pretty well and have had great results. I mean this- because of CBT I have changed. there was a time i was so scared that i couldnt even have the courage to say hi to people or ask them questions now i do it so authoritatively people love me for it and talk to me. Example- I saw 4 women from ireland with obv accents at starbucks. sat next to them and after a while i said your accents, where are you from. we talked for a while, and i could tell some of them were attracted to me even though they were married. Just simple things like that have given me confidence.
now for the advice.
I went to a club and it wasnt too packed- but I noticed that when i went in there whatever confidence i had at starbucks etc was wiped away. i think its because i saw these really tall guys and felt difficult to stand out. having to look up and knowing i was at the waist of others is embarrassing. I am 5'7 and with shoes on maybe 5'9- a weak 5'9. And these guys in their well heeled boots were all over 6. It made me weak- even though I noticed girls checking me out.
I saw a lonely girl who was clearly not dressed to impress but was attractive anyway sitting by herself. poor girl kept looking at me and I never made a move. I was also nervous because of my perceived insecurity ( I guess all that CBT met its match then)- what can I do in these situations to negate my height insecurity. Why am I behaving differently here than at the coffee shop.
I have a theory- at coffee shops, library- I can ask them indirect questions- what are you doing etc. But at the club everything is so direct its hard to just go up to women I don't know and talk without obviously letting them on that I'm hitting on them. Now if I sit at a bar and see a girl next to me its much easier- but this is usually not the case. Its more like they're together or sitting together etc. Which makes it harder.
Also- I was at library today and saw a girl who i ribbed on how she wasnt studying but was texting. I talked to her, she was obv. interested. I waited for her and we both left together. I asked her for coffee and got her number. Obv interest- since we sat down and looked through her things. This is the kind of confidence I never had. I wasnt very attracted to her (past drug history) But I figure I can practice the openers and sets that Style talks about.
is it ok to practice on a girl you are already seeing to get over anxiety and know it works or is it TOO different from cold openers?
Finally after that I went to starbucks and saw a cutish girl- she seems like an attention girl/ Maybe has a bf? I dunno. I told her her desk looked cluttered. she smiled. I came back and asked for her name- she told me but didnt ask for me. i didnt put my hand out to shake her hand (usually what I do)- was this obvious lack of ioi or is this just who she is possibly (she was foreign, seemed maybe awkward).