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Thread: More advice needed

  1. #1
    jayk238 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default More advice needed

    So I am following Neil Strauss other book on game and the challenge. I've been following it pretty well and have had great results. I mean this- because of CBT I have changed. there was a time i was so scared that i couldnt even have the courage to say hi to people or ask them questions now i do it so authoritatively people love me for it and talk to me. Example- I saw 4 women from ireland with obv accents at starbucks. sat next to them and after a while i said your accents, where are you from. we talked for a while, and i could tell some of them were attracted to me even though they were married. Just simple things like that have given me confidence.

    now for the advice.

    I went to a club and it wasnt too packed- but I noticed that when i went in there whatever confidence i had at starbucks etc was wiped away. i think its because i saw these really tall guys and felt difficult to stand out. having to look up and knowing i was at the waist of others is embarrassing. I am 5'7 and with shoes on maybe 5'9- a weak 5'9. And these guys in their well heeled boots were all over 6. It made me weak- even though I noticed girls checking me out.

    I saw a lonely girl who was clearly not dressed to impress but was attractive anyway sitting by herself. poor girl kept looking at me and I never made a move. I was also nervous because of my perceived insecurity ( I guess all that CBT met its match then)- what can I do in these situations to negate my height insecurity. Why am I behaving differently here than at the coffee shop.

    I have a theory- at coffee shops, library- I can ask them indirect questions- what are you doing etc. But at the club everything is so direct its hard to just go up to women I don't know and talk without obviously letting them on that I'm hitting on them. Now if I sit at a bar and see a girl next to me its much easier- but this is usually not the case. Its more like they're together or sitting together etc. Which makes it harder.

    Also- I was at library today and saw a girl who i ribbed on how she wasnt studying but was texting. I talked to her, she was obv. interested. I waited for her and we both left together. I asked her for coffee and got her number. Obv interest- since we sat down and looked through her things. This is the kind of confidence I never had. I wasnt very attracted to her (past drug history) But I figure I can practice the openers and sets that Style talks about.

    is it ok to practice on a girl you are already seeing to get over anxiety and know it works or is it TOO different from cold openers?

    Finally after that I went to starbucks and saw a cutish girl- she seems like an attention girl/ Maybe has a bf? I dunno. I told her her desk looked cluttered. she smiled. I came back and asked for her name- she told me but didnt ask for me. i didnt put my hand out to shake her hand (usually what I do)- was this obvious lack of ioi or is this just who she is possibly (she was foreign, seemed maybe awkward).

  2. #2
    Maverick1027's Avatar
    Maverick1027 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: More advice needed

    Hey there! Welcome to the forums! This is a popular topic and you are not alone.

    It's okay to practice openers on anyone. Openers are for men, women, groups. They are designed to get you into a new person(s)/group of people's circle (if even for a few minutes). Talk to everyone. Smile at everyone. Be friendly. Have fun. Make friends. Doing all of this will build your confidence and will make your game smoother and more natural. Most importantly: HAVE FUN! and don't care what happens. Because, there are wayyy too many fish in the sea to care if "that one doesn't like you".

    To better help you, you should read the thread "How To Get Over Shyness".

    Hope this helps.

  3. #3
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: More advice needed

    Looks like you're learning a lot of day game too. Its not bad. Its meant for areas in which people can socialize without too many distractions in public. A club oe night game rather is more physical game and with bars there are tactics you have to develop to read body language and isolate. Theres a big difference between the two. Your intentions get muddled if you're trying to compare one situation to the next. Instead just treat every moment as the best part of the day. Pretend like you're creating each moment and its all fun--even the bad stuff can be fun.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

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