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  • 1 Post By artandale

Thread: The "you have a girlfriend" objection

  1. #1
    davek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default The "you have a girlfriend" objection

    Hi guys, it's my first post on the forums.

    For the last 3-4 years, since I met my current girlfriend and moved to her place, I've been laying dormant. Lately I've been slowly coming back to the game.

    I'd like to know your take on how to handle pickup if you're in a long-term relationship and you're not seeking another one, just casual sex.

    So I began my return to the game with the low hanging fruit, i.e. hitting on HBs I already know. Turns out, most of them also know my girlfriend personally or at least know that she's there.

    It occurs to me that I might have burnt 2 decent interactions to the ground by not properly addressing the "but you have a girlfriend" / "your girlfriend wouldn't like that" etc. objection. I tried ignoring it or steering the conversation away from itódidn't work. So I'd like to know if there are any field-tested methods for handling these objections.

    I know the situation is much different on cold approaches, since I can either flat out lie about my status or just ignore the objection. Since the HB isn't in the social circle of my girlfriend, there are no consequences for her on hitting on someone's boyfriend. But if anyone could provide his take on those situations as well, I'd really appreciate that.

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: The "you have a girlfriend" objection

    Outside the social circle is always the easier.

    I think if you do want to by pass the GF thing you can address it or ignore it. Theres no third option. If you address it make sure you're framing it as if you are still with her. The idea is to get the girls you're gaming to chase you regardless of you being single. Look at who have better chances to do this. Celebrities, comedians and rock stars are usually scene as figures that can have promiscuities because of the association to the social life. Its not always true but that's what we defined as apart of the social conditioning and stereotype. So how do you apply this to your life? Start by making yourself appealing to their interests or work within yours. What tends to happen is that commonalities form quickly when you both know certain subjects. When you get to be in person with them you can wear down their walls by building and slowly starting to break rapport. What i'm getting to is the 'it just happen' card where you don't do the talking and let things escalate without definition. When you're hanging out with the ladies just surprise them at the right moment with a kiss. Make sure you got their attraction for you before you do. I believe thay you can still approach anyone anytime but you need to be able to game them like you're gaming yourself into being lost in the moment and letting the moment rule--not by your mind.

    To summerize--isolate, comfort build and then get them to give you solid signs that are screaming at you and then surprise them. If they keep brining up your girlfriend then you havent built enough attraction with breaking rapport and keeping the girl distracted by you are rather than who you are associated with.

    The idea is to make her chase you.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    davek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: The "you have a girlfriend" objection

    Thanks for the reply.

    Could you elaborate on building/breaking rapport? Does it mean to simply push/pull or is it a different concept?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: The "you have a girlfriend" objection

    It does but its more specific to teasing. Push pull is more about calibrating your teasing and comfort. Building rapport is more like getting to know them. Breaking rapport is more about working on the escalation ladder. You push and pull to build or break rapport.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #5
    davek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: The "you have a girlfriend" objection

    Thanks for the explanation. Does anyone have an idea how to address the objection?

  6. #6
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: The "you have a girlfriend" objection

    1) Be honest you have a girlfriend. Never ever hide it. Use it to your advantage. If she is good looking show the other girl a pic or tell her about her great virtues. Subtley you could leverage you are not completely satisfied but there is often no need.
    2) Some women will not be interested at all. Other will still bite. Your numbers may be reduced but not eliminated.
    3) You have a girlfriend but you are not in prison. Love is appreciation not possession. Say that to them. Say you are a man but still have natural desires. Say you like talking to them (new girl). Say you are a good man, an honest man - perhaps that the new girl is kind of intriguing or special in some way though. What they say is sometimes similar to LMR. Be confident and push through it. Position it so the new girl is tempted to out compete your girlfriend. She is competing for you.
    4) Women are afraid of other women. They are also competitive. Use that to your advantage.
    5) Don't get caught.

  7. #7
    davek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: The "you have a girlfriend" objection

    Whitedragon, that's some good stuff, will definitely try it.

    You wrote never to lie about it. There's one variant of this objection where I feel it's better not to tell the truth. It's when she asks "does your gf know about this?". Obviously I don't tell my gf, so the true answer would be " no".

  8. #8
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: The "you have a girlfriend" objection

    Quote Originally Posted by davek View Post
    Whitedragon, that's some good stuff, will definitely try it.

    You wrote never to lie about it. There's one variant of this objection where I feel it's better not to tell the truth. It's when she asks "does your gf know about this?". Obviously I don't tell my gf, so the true answer would be " no".
    Absolutely. Women understand the situation. Always be honest saying you have a girlfriend. But also be honest in saying 'Of course she doesn't know'. So you're not lying to the new girl. That's the hard part because you are lying to your GF if you have to make an excuse and thats where you have to weigh up whether the guilt is worth it.

    You can also be honest in saying 'I don't normally do this or even think about it...but there's just something about you...'. That will make her feel special but you are still somewhat unobtainable. Girls like a challenge. They know men are not perfect but they love honesty, they don't like a guy admitting they sleep around with everyone (even if they are still attracted) but won't be so offended if they know its a kind of random thing. 'A rainbow' a 'shooting star'. You can say things like 'I'm a good man but occassionally we have misdemeanors, its natural'. Then try and change the subject...like start kissing her.

  9. #9
    davek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: The "you have a girlfriend" objection

    This plays nicely into the "it just happened" card which artandale mentioned earlier. Solid advice guys, will try this out the next time!


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