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  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Are these IOIs or have I completely misread her?

    There's this girl I really like and I also think she likes me too.

    We met one year ago when she was doing an internship in the city I live in. She has returned to my home country ever since, but we have stayed in touch through Viber and Facebook and we write to each other regularly. We also always see each other whenever I go back home. So, you can say that we are sort of friends at this stage.

    I hope I haven't misread her but I have the impression she liked me from the very beginning (from the way she was looking at me). She also chases me a lot I have to say: she's the one who writes first most of the time (and her messages are always sweet and warm), she really insists that we meet whenever I come back home, and she giggles non-stop whenever we speak on the phone or meet. Even now, she remembered the exact date I was coming back home and she immediately sent me a text to check on me and arrange for a meeting. Moreover, once we set the date and time, she sent me a text in the following terms "Yeaaaaaahhhh! Looking forward to seeing you! "

    So, I am meeting her tomorrow. We spoke on the phone and she was really excited. The thing is that I am really tempted to kiss her (just because that's how passionate I feel about her). The problem is that she lives in my home country while I live abroad. I am really not interested in a long-distance relationship and I have always refrained from doing anything with her. I really don't want to lead her on but I also have this irrepressible urge to kiss her.

    I actually picked a romantic venue for our next meeting. I would really love to kiss her and then walk together hand in hand I am not looking for sex or anything in particular. I just want to release this tension inside of me.

    Now, if she feels the same, it should be fine. If not, I run the risk of ruining a friendship. What do you guys think? She could just be acting friendly and I am completely misinterpreting her behavior. The weirdest thing for me is the nervousness she has whenever we speak and the giggling. It definitely seems like an IOI to me.

    That's a really tough call. I have been on dates with many girls this year and I have not felt the same level of passion as I have with that specific one. These kind of feelings are kind of rare.

    Thanks in advance, mates!

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Are these IOIs or have I completely misread her?

    Go for it. Don't worry about the future or distance. That will resolve itself later. Life is short. Follow your instincts. If you think she likes you she probably does.

    If she goes on a romantic date with you she will probably kiss you if you keep your composure. Be aggressive in pushing through LMR if it arises.

    You can also test her or seed the idea of a kiss during the date 'Are you a good kisser?', 'When did you have your first kiss?', 'How often have you thought about kissing me? '.

  3. #3
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Are these IOIs or have I completely misread her?

    As much as its important what you say whats most important is how you say it. Say it with confidence that you know what you want. If you value the friendship more then dont say anything. If you're interested then put yoursf out there.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  4. #4
    Stealthy_hubert is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Are these IOIs or have I completely misread her?

    a few tips i got from posting on here that i will pass along.
    have a gameplan..what do you want from her? sex , girlfriend, friend ..then base your decision on that. clearly you have strong feelings for her so move accordingly to that then what happens ,happens .she clearly really likes you

  5. #5
    jayk238 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Are these IOIs or have I completely misread her?

    For what its worth- kissing is not some special emotional bond that women savor and cherish and should only be used on occasion like fine wine.

    Do you know the number of times I've been kissed by a girl (her initiating) and yet she was the one who decided to end it and said we were only friends because of my AFC neediness and desperation?

    Girls will turn on you in a flat second. Dont let this nonsense impede your goal- total dissociation from perceived beliefs and attitudes that women possess in an idealized afc world.

    Your romanticism is a mistaken assumption that it is shared by others. If you didnt see it this way, kissing would not be special....unless she was already special

  6. #6
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Are these IOIs or have I completely misread her?

    Thanks for the replies, mates!

    I don't really have any plans or expectations concerning this date. I just feel like acting on my instincts for once and kiss the girl. Things will most likely not go any further but I feel this need to release my tension/emotions.

    In principle, a kiss is not such a big deal. We can still move on as if nothing happened. The problem however is that she's not the type of girl that flirts around. She might want more if we kiss. It could make things weird between us and end the friendship. Then again, we are not that close either, but I still like her personality a lot.

    Just a note, this is not a romantic date. We just meet as friends in principle. It might be my mind playing tricks but I am almost convinced she is chasing me somehow. She goes too much out of her way to meet a simple friend. Why is she so eager since we are not that close in the first place? I don't know what her intentions are but she clearly likes being with me. A female friend warned me that she could be nice like that with everyone, so I should be careful.

    The neighborhood I will be taking her is very nice and well suited for flirting purposes (very nice view + quiet walking path). I will test the waters first and see if the timing is right for a kiss-close.

    Oh man, I will probably puss'out at the last moment again... It's really embarrassing when you display affection to a girl (in any way or another) and then she rejects you because you got the wrong idea.

  7. #7
    jayk238 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Are these IOIs or have I completely misread her?

    stop thinking so much. One thing I've learned is that IOIs are a complete waste of time. Women are afraid of showing signs of interest. They want you to put all the effort in and make it seem its because of who they are. They want you to show them a good time and have fun. Stop thinking. If its advice you need on what to do that makes sense. But when it comes to whats in your mind- the less there is the more it means you are in control.

    The psychology of all this is that less in mind should not equate aloofness- which is bad. It should mean- control. Someone who is not thinking too much is in control. Someone who thinks too much is not in control. Thats the state of mind and thought process you should get into.

  8. #8
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Are these IOIs or have I completely misread her?

    You're right, man. I guess I should just meet her, act as usual and kiss her depending on the mood. There's no point in torturing my mind...

    I will still inquire a bit with indirect questions. She could have a new bf or something and I don't know about it... I haven't seen her since April after all.


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