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  1. #1
    Violinist1997 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Asked her out too early. How to recover?

    So basically I met this girl briefly, didn't really talk to her at all, just got her number. She's very quiet, shy, and definitely inexperienced. I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't had her first kiss yet. Anyways, we had this text conversation

    Me- Guess who?
    Her- Um... It's either Correy, or Kory. I'm sorry. I don't know how to spell your name.
    Me- Hahaha it's Corey. You seem nervous. I don't bite, I promise!
    Her- I'm not nervous
    Me- wanna play a game?
    Her- What do you mean?
    Me- Have you played the question game
    Her- I know what it is, but I haven't played it before
    Me- Haha let's give it a shot then. Favorite color?
    Her- Purple. You?
    Me- Green, but repeats don't count. Still your turn =p
    Her- Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know. What's your favorite animal?
    Me- Haha you don't need to apologize
    Me- PUPPIES <3
    Me- How long have you been doing [name of orchestra]
    Her- Since I was in 4th grade... Soooo 8ish years... I think? Are you new to orchestra?
    Me- I was in [different orchestr] last year. Do you play any other instruments besides violin?
    Her- No. I'm in swing choir tho. Do you like [orchestra]
    Me- Yeah I'm enjoying it so far. Being with kids my age is a nice change of pace from concert as well. What's the craziest/most adventurous thing you've done?
    Her- I'm actually not sure. What grade are you in?
    Me- Senior. What's a random thing you find hilarious?

    At this point she doesn't respond for 4-5 hours. I send another text

    Me- Are you a coffee drinker, what town do you live in, and are you free?
    Her- Probably my older brother... When he's not being a pain in the ass. If the coffee has lots and lots of sugar, I'll drink it. [town]. And what do you mean by "are you free?" Wait, I didn't know you could ask multiple questions. What school do you go too?
    Me- I'm not. I cheated
    Me- "Are you free" = "wanna hang out"
    Me- I go to [school]. Where the hell is [town]? I've never heard of it before
    Her- I'm actually already in school. So, it's kinda busy, but we'll see. [her town] is maybe 45 minutes from [my town]? It's about an hour north of [big city]. And that's ok, most people have no idea where or what [her town] is. Do you know where [random town] is?
    Me- Wait how did you play the concert if you're already in school? And yeah, it's kind of by [nearby town], right?
    Her- I didn't go. And yeah, kinda
    Me- The concert yesterday? I'm pretty sure you were there hahaha
    Her- I was talking about school
    Me- Oh right. Duh. Still recovering from having to wake up early yesterday. Do you have any idea who's turn it is?
    Her- Hahaha it wasn't that early. And nope, no idea. Go ahead
    Me- Hey I've been waking up at noon every day. 8 is quite early for me. What time do you normally go to bed?

    I wait 24 hours

    Me- Is the pony express delivering your messages? You don't need to think about it this hard haha
    Her- I'm sorry? I didn't mean too.
    Me- Oh good you're alive. Had me worried there for a second. Anyways come hang out with me Saturday after [orchestra]. Assuming we survive the seating auditions

    She hasn't responded and I figure she's not going to. I figure I asked her out way too early, but I guess she could have just gotten bored. I was trying pretty hard to get her more engaged in the conversation, but she didn't really bite. What would be the best way to proceed? I was thinking about freezing her out until I see her on Saturday. Does that sound reasonable?

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Asked her out too early. How to recover?

    You were being light & fun, but you still hovered in fluff talk. Anything to do with work, where she lives, or school, is something you want to avoid in the very beginning.
    Reason being, those topics aren't fun.

    MOST guys will ask her those same questions in order to find similarities & build a connection through rapport.
    That's a mistake.

    Instead, build attraction by just being fun & flirting with her.
    Keep topics light & content free.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Violinist1997 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Asked her out too early. How to recover?

    I'll definitely make sure to keep my future conversations lighter. I had no idea she would get bored that easily. How and when should I reinitiate contact? Should I text her later in the week or should I start gaming her when I see her on saturday?

  4. #4
    JackSarge's Avatar
    JackSarge is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Asked her out too early. How to recover?

    I imagine it is largely due to your youth and inexperience but let me drop some wisdom. You are making it too obvious you like her. Men need to use Pick Up to become good with women. In my natural state from 20-30yrs old a decade I had 2 dates. After I started almost 2 years ago I have had 6 dates this year lost count I had so many.

    Some girl I met at a night out added me on FB and I reviewed her posts. Before she met me? Nothing personal and music stuff? After? Posting all this lonely stuff and after I texted her yesterday? Today she is calling herself Cinderella. OMG. Maybe it's just me but I don't have any desires to be fully on board until I finish my self-improvement projects. Women are the best game players out there this is why a guy usually needs himself+pick up while a broad just needs herself+nothing.

    Granted I am becoming better at mastering it I think you should try making things more covert in your expectations. Remember it's all about hanging out. I asked a chick out on my first text and she went stark raving mad in a good way. The point is rejection means little to me since I am just gaming and having fun. I have just hit a stride of getting tons of validation. You need to try making things more unpredictable. Girls love when a guy can be emotionally Independant.
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack

  5. #5
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Asked her out too early. How to recover?

    To give you reassurance you had a lot of opportunities for flirtation. By her language she is into you but you are erratic in your intellectual delivery. She wants to hear something provocative or profound. Focus your thoughts. My guess is you are too nervous to say or ask certain things because you are young. Remind yourself you are a man and she is a women. Behave accordingly. I.e. stop thinking orchestra and start thinking about an erotic duet.

    When she started opening up about violin you have to pounce on that. 1) use it to DHV. ('I've learnt all Paganini's concertos note for note, have you? let's jam Paganini saturday? Ok I haven't haha but you gotta hear me play motorhead ace of spades (substitute band/song)'. 2) use it to tease 'why do you like violin? I figured you to be more of a percussionist? Did you start out on triangle? ' (She will have to rise to the challenge and keep talking to you to prove her worth - presently she is controlling the frame) 3) use it to link yourself together 'do you think musical harmony is like love?'. (Emotional response). 4) make it sexual ' Actually I get horny watching you play diminished scales '. (Whatever she says ignore it unless she sexually escalates. All you need to do is plant the seed and water it). If she goes 'what??' to any form of sexual escalation just either change subjects like it's no big deal or neg her 'it's 2014, not the Victorian era!!!'.

    I'm not neccessarily saying you should say what I'm making up, just take some pressure off yourself and be more direct to what you want. I can see clearly that she may be shy but she is probably more mature than you. So be a man and not a Tuba.

    When she says things like 'I was talking about school' don't go all 'oh right, duh'...instead completely bypass her by ignore it, going on to different topics/directions or flipping it back on her 'you were talking about school? Oh, I was talking about the plight of humankind in relation to the environment...and how I look pretty amazing in a tuxedo'.

    Also you asked her out at the end of a message, hidden away, during a spell of texting when the girl is unresponsive. It's better if you are engaged in awesome conversation and then strike with 'let's go out'.


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