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  1. #1
    Lucifer is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default A discrepancy between pickup theory and classic communication theory

    One part of pickup theory that I found bizarre is that all the books that I've read recommend doing up to 90% of the talking. However, conventional wisdom is that good communicators let the other person talk more, since everyone likes talking about themselves.

    How do these two opposing ideas coincide? Does it simply not matter for pickup if the other party does not enjoy the conversation?

  2. #2
    jayk238 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A discrepancy between pickup theory and classic communication theory

    What do u mean. The advice is about you. So its on what you say and react to them. Not what they will say since we dont know

  3. #3
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    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A discrepancy between pickup theory and classic communication theory

    First, you just state random ass numbers and don't point to anything. I've seen pickup material suggest anything from do all the talking to do as little talking as possible. So, if you're making a blanket statement, please elaborate.

    Second, most communication studies focus on likability and enjoyment of a conversation. Pickup focuses on attraction and seduction. While they may seem like the same thing to the beta boy who thinks that being liked is the same thing as being attractive, in reality, these two things do not correlate well together. Women are attracted to guys who take the lead and show confidence, enjoying a conversation is really a secondary concern.

    Third, the amount you speak is going to vary through out a pickup and between different pickups. If you cold approach a woman, you'll be doing most of the talking in the beginning. This is the case because you've initiated the conversation and now you have to lead it somewhere. If a woman shows interest in you and then you approach, then you can expect her to speak more. Additionally, during the comfort building stage, you want the woman to be talking more than you are, because this is how you build comfort.

    The problem with sociological experiments is that social situations are very dynamic and it is very difficult to control for all the variables. Thus, you end up with some silly conclusions, like "you should talk X% to make people like you." But social situations are dynamic and constantly changing. Focus on learning to calibrate to the environment around you, and don't focus so much on the exact words that any one PUA says.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  4. #4
    jayk238 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A discrepancy between pickup theory and classic communication theory

    yeah seriously who cares about these details.

    Seriously read Mark Manson. He's awesome. of all the material out htere Mark Manson and Neil Strauss have given me hte most success.

  5. #5
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: A discrepancy between pickup theory and classic communication theory

    I always understood it as that we must EXPECT to do 90% of the talking. If a woman is more than willing to invest in the conversation after you open then by all means let her talk without interruption and respond accordingly. However, letting her go on and on is also not a good idea. Eventually she'll touch on depressive topics like her ex or "will I ever find love" or whatever and if you let her go down that path she'll put herself in a bad mood and attribute it to you.

    I think both theories still go hand and hand and yes people do like to talk about themselves. But you still have to learn to steer things where you want rather than just be her crying pillow for her to unload on.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


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