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  1. #1
    umbongo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default I always fail on facing resistance - too easily influenced and "nice"

    Hi all,

    The big problem I keep having in my interactions with girls, is that even when things are going really well/progressing nicely, as soon as the girl says something to make a bit of token resistance a sub-conscious switch goes off in my head and before I realise the implications of what I'm doing I find myself automatically accepting what they say at face value and back-off the pursuit.

    For example, I was recently on a 2nd date with a girl and we ended up going to a club, where we were french kissing a lot, biting lips, dirty dancing etc., and when the club started getting a bit slow I said we should leave. As we were heading to the subway she said "I'm feeling a bit tired, maybe I should go home" and I logically accepted it and let her. I now appreciate (also from my later interactions with her) that despite what she said she did want to go home with me, and just wanted me to say a bit to encourage her. I had another experience with a girl last night where we were flirting, bumping and grinding for a good while, then I led her by the hand outside to "smoke" but when we were just about to kiss she said "wasn't there something you wanted to ask me?", and it snapped me out of the moment and I ended up in a boring, logical conversation with her - one thing led to another and I lost her and later saw her making out with someone else (who I don't think she had been talking to before me).

    It is getting really frustrating, particularly because in most aspects of my life I am determined and independent-minded (used to be on a debating team, am a strong soccer player etc.), and I never have any problem disagreeing with girls I am going out with about restaurant choices, politics, or culture etc., but when I should assert myself in sexual situations I am too easy to influence and be thrown off. Please help - can my sub-conscious instincts and years of habit be changed?

  2. #2
    hometownextra's Avatar
    hometownextra is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I always fail on facing resistance - too easily influenced and "nice"

    Looks like classic overthinking. It isn't resistance you just are a bit hyper reactive. If you want her figure out how to get her. Simple as that almost all situations above could have been guided a different direction

    How long have you been affectively gaming? Just remember practice will make things easier. You cannot read all this stuff and expect results right away,
    Last edited by hometownextra; 08-24-2014 at 09:12 PM. Reason: Missed point
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.

  3. #3
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I always fail on facing resistance - too easily influenced and "nice"

    Yeah you just have to be persistent. When she says 'Im feeling tired' just use your charm and convince her to stay the night at your place. 'I don't want to leave you', 'It would be safer to be with me than travel home by yourself'', 'Don't be silly (grab her hand) you're coming with me'. Or when she says 'wasn't there something you wanted to tell me?' say 'Yes indeed...but it doesn't involve words (kiss)'.

  4. #4
    jayk238 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I always fail on facing resistance - too easily influenced and "nice"

    I actually think if you are confident you can grab her hand. But you need to give a mischievous smile. So she doesnt think you are forceful. But u need to be confident. And u need to want her. Follow your dick on this one.

  5. #5
    umbongo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I always fail on facing resistance - too easily influenced and "nice"

    Quote Originally Posted by hometownextra View Post
    Looks like classic overthinking. It isn't resistance you just are a bit hyper reactive. If you want her figure out how to get her. Simple as that almost all situations above could have been guided a different direction

    How long have you been affectively gaming? Just remember practice will make things easier. You cannot read all this stuff and expect results right away,
    Yeah, not long tbh. And I am naturally a classic ectomorph with a slightly hyperactive mind...

    With hindsight I obviously know what I could and should do differently in these types of situations; my problem is that when I'm caught-up in the moment with a girl, having fun etc., I get this "logical"/subconscious/instinctual part of my brain which takes over.

    As jayk238 refers to, I guess I should try and think with my d1ck more somehow (it sounds a bit bizarre to type that hehe).

  6. #6
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: I always fail on facing resistance - too easily influenced and "nice"

    Maybe this will help. I'm really not sure, but have an urge to say it.

    Do not apologize for being a sexual man and letting people know that. It's completely natural and healthy to have, and express, sexual desire.

    Women want sex as much, or more, than men. You just have to bash through the social barriers that have been placed. And once you get a woman sexually comfortable with you then you'll truly see the animals they can be. Did NOT intend to rhyme that.

    In a nutshell you gotta have the intention to have sex and go for it. If you don't see the windows of opportunity (which is similar to me) then that means you're not horny enough. Don't beat off for a week and you'll be horny enough guaranteed. Or watch porn (without touching it) just before you go out to get you thinking about sex. Hope this helps and good luck.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
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    JackSarge is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I always fail on facing resistance - too easily influenced and "nice"

    I am entering a similar struggle of my own lately. My conclusion is this, if you want to win you gotta keep playing. If you cash in all your chips then you lose everytime.

    For instance I have a date this this chick on Friday. I have reminded her over and over so she knows when and where. Granted I could text her the day before but I won't. I could tag her on FB at said event but I won't. I could even text her before but nah don't even know if I am gonna do that. Cuz a rejection will kill my day and going in for a tattoo that's not a good way to start out. So I am afraid she will have to initiate for me to get her interest level up. Her being 50/50 I don't have much of a shot anyway. Better to invite her to something where there is an opportunity for sex to happen like a concert.

    Afraid I will just not call or text or write. I am just putting too much effort into it. Granted every girl is different so your situation I would say you are putting too much stock into it. The one thing I have learned about women is they flake and bail out at the last minute constantly. I have always wanted to text ditch my date the day of to see what they do. Now is my chance to try that out. The ball is in her court so as I push her away maybe she will respond to that.,

    In the end women are women are world class players at making excuses to why they can't come. So here is me not giving a fark. She can get at me, screw it. Taking the lead is good but what we all need to learn is to back off a little to test her interest level and she if she swings back into your court. If she doesn't then no harm no foul. But usually when a serious date is involved they come up with the wildest and harshest rejections. I don't have time for that now. Maybe on a concert date I'll confirm the date two hours before but not this thing, this is my thing. She can wait.
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack


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