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  1. #1
    jorgensenmrs is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Trying to get back with ex

    Hey guys,

    So I'm trying to get back with my ex. She moved away and we broke up but it was a good relationship. Recently she moved back and we hooked up, but I had to kick her out due to extenuating circumstances.

    I went NC for a few weeks to get my bearings straight, and we talked and agreed we are best friends and have feelings for each other but she's going through a lot. We have been close friends since, cuddling during movies but that's about it. I posted stuff on fb of me with some girls during NC and she was super possessive over it, commenting and asking me about it when we met up again.

    We went out to dinner last time we hung out and she had to stay at my place due to a visitor at her place (lives with siblings). I tried to use sexual tension to have her to sleep with me, lots of kino really, but it only ended up with us half naked and making out (wouldn't touch the willy). I talked about us doing things sexually, in a story-telling way that usually got her in the mood, but it pissed her off bc it would turn her on but she didn't want to be and was too obvious. I couldn't F-Close and tried the freeze out, but she took the freeze out as a time to relax and it didn't work. Long story short I ended up with some serious blue balls after feeling up a girl who is now my 'best friend.'

    My phone was going off as she was leaving and she kept asking who it was. I told her I forgot that I had plans for later in the day with someone, and she kept reaming me until I admitted it was another girl. She said, "good, you need to get your rocks off somehow while I won't sleep with you." but didn't seem jealous at all.

    What do I do? I want something with this chick again, and the sexual tension worked a little until it was too obvious and it backfired. It's her prerogative right now to not be in an exclusive relationship with me too,
    Jorgensen

  2. #2
    jorgensenmrs is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trying to get back with ex

    Really? You guys got nothing? Went NC again and she's still commenting on my fb photos but being very passive aggressive about it all

  3. #3
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Trying to get back with ex

    My apologies. Some guys here feel that exes should be left alone for good. And I agree to a degree. But anyone who can just walk away from a woman never truly invested and kept one foot out the door the whole relationship. And that's what it takes to have a healthy long lasting relationship. Investment. And yea I can walk away, but that doesn't mean I won't try sneaky ways to get her back lol. But I've been there and understand. You are the only one that knows when you're done for good and no one can tell you otherwise.

    There might be a chance to get her back. But forewarning it's very easy to get trapped in the cycle of trying to get your ex back. Give yourself a time limit. If you don't have her back after a month (month and a half at most) then it's time to walk away no matter how close you BELIEVE you are.

    The first thing to do is go no contact. Which looks like you've already done. And will be less effective each time you do it. You seem to know when and how long so I won't lecture on that.

    Don't put a title on your current relationship. Saying that you're friends that feel for each other and whatever else was said just gives her closure to the whole thing. If you want her back then don't give her closure. Closure translates to "I'm ok now and don't need anything else from you." Which she does. She needs the D.

    Focus on getting her to chase you sexually. Reverse psychology, even though can be obvious, can still be effective even when they know you're doing it. Cause deep down they are ok with it. So try it. "I wouldn't even sleep with you even if you tried." It's cute and they know your full of shit but they still appreciate it. Idk if it'll help in your situation so use your best judgement.

    NEVER EVER talk about your feelings for her. It goes back to giving her closure I just mentioned. It also causes you to lose power. Every time someone expresses feelings they lose power. Plain and simple. Even in a healthy relationship. But in a healthy relationship both people are expressing equally so it's ok cause there is no imbalance of power. So because you're not with her keep your feelings to yourself and let her express hers without your input. It just makes her further invest in you without you reciprocating and she'll eventually become uncomfortable with that and will desire something from you. That's when you give her the D to express your feelings lol.

    This is long winded and I can't think of other things right now but hopefully some of this helps.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    jorgensenmrs is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trying to get back with ex

    Thanks BatMan, I like the reverse psychology idea. That's exactly where I'm going to go.

    She loves attention, to a fault, but she won't be the one to initiate anything. By getting back in touch soon enough I have a feeling I can revive what's been 'closed' so briefly, and by giving attention but pulling it back and not giving her the extent of it that she is used to receiving from me I have a feeling she'll start to chase if I "lower the gates" enough to have her feel comfortable and get pulled in, just a little.

    Jorg

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Trying to get back with ex

    What you just described, my friend, is push/pull .

    Push/pull can be verbal, physical, or both. Giving and removing attention still works within the realm of push/pull. You're on the right track.

    You definitely should not just sit back and wait. Those guys are the ones in the bar leaning against the wall looking all cool and are so cool that they wait for women to approach them instead.

    Except they don't. Women approaching men happens once in a blue. You're better off approaching yourself. But you can't show alot of interest. So how do you approach a woman without showing interest? This is where disinterest and disqualifying come in and what you have to do.

    Give her reasons why you two wouldn't make a good match now. Throw in a little of that reverse psychology.

    Understand this whole thing is a process. You're not gonna throw a couple of lines and she's on top of you. (Although it would be awesome if she did.) You just have to give it a little time for you to set this new dynamic between you two. If you are consistent with this behavior then she will be forced to accept the new dynamic and will usually be ok with it if done right.

    She WILL test you. Bank on that. Try to be aware of them and pass them by being as unaffected as you can. Just let it roll off and move onto something else. Don't engage in any arguing. You "want to be happy and have fun. That's all" so you don't feed into anything that will put you in a bad mood. Simple.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    jorgensenmrs is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trying to get back with ex

    Hey so an update!!

    With it being labor day weekend I decided to spend time with one of my friends and go out. Met a pretty girl and had been hanging with her, and fortunately the pretty girl is obsessed with facebook and posted every picture of us a million times (this girl is an easy 9 btw, absolutely stunning woman). I've been feeling pretty good and getting back into my own 'frame,' taking care of my own life and not desperate for anyone else's attention. To be honest I'm pretty attracted to this girl I just met and am going to see where it goes.

    Last night my ex called ME out of the blue. The first thing she said was, "so that girl, wow. So gorgeous...gotta hand it to ya. The first facebook news story I saw at all." I basically responded, "Thanks...so is that why you called?" She then asked if she left things at my house and if she could come pick them up. I was ACTUALLY busy and told her I may be back later that night (push?).

    I then called her back, asked how she was doing, and offered to let her come get her things (pull?). She mentioned she was packing and now too busy to get her things (lives 5 min away from my house) because she was going on a trip to see someone who I know she was hooking up with. I thought at first it was malicious but she was very cautious and timid when telling me this, so idk if it was to try and shit test me or just genuinely telling me what she was up to? So I just said, "that's great, why don't you get some pants on and when you come over we can go get a drink and catch up on how your weekend has been." She said no, then yes, then quickly no and that she has to pack, but will pick up her 'stuff' soon.

    I played what I think was a test by being unaffected well, but Any advice on how to do this stuff any better? Perhaps by asking her to grab a drink, in a very relaxed/casual manner btw and not defining it as a date, it showed too much interest.

  7. #7
    JackSarge's Avatar
    JackSarge is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Trying to get back with ex

    NM this was meant for a different thread with the same title. Please disregard.
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Trying to get back with ex

    I think you did well. In fact she seemed the one to be affected by you instead of the other way around. Stumbling over her words and having poor excuses to not get her stuff out. Good signs in my book.

    There's nothing really for you to do except keep doing what you're doing until she breaks into emotion for you. Keep being unaffected and showing her that you're happy while following my previous advice. If she doesn't break after another week or two then throw out another casual invite for drinks. But I wouldn't push it too much. She has to go through the internal process she's going through so she can miss you enough and want you enough to make an effort once she can't stand it anymore.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  9. #9
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    SiliconMagician is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Trying to get back with ex

    Really? You love this chick that much that you are letting a 9 slip by? Have you considered simply trading up?

    She's trying to orbit you, she may fuck you a few times in order to keep you in her orbit. That is what she really wants IMO. But then she could be just another confused, conflicted woman.

    Good on you. Me? Once another man touches pussy after I had it, it's tainted to me so I move on.

  10. #10
    jorgensenmrs is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trying to get back with ex

    So update.

    I just woke up to 5 missed calls early in the morning from the town where this girl is staying (she doesn't have her own phone right now). I don't know anyone in the area so I'm pretty confident it's her. Do I facebook her and ask if she's alright and be cool about it, or just ignore it?


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