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Thread: Need some guidance, I feel like I screwed up...

  1. #1
    afcsupreme2 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need some guidance, I feel like I screwed up...

    I separated from my ex about 2 months back, but a couple weeks ago, I may have done something pretty stupid, haha...it's been some time since then, but I'm still struggling to get over it...

    So a while back (after the breakup), I gave into temptation and viewed her linkedin profile (I know, I know, pretty dumb...). I did this a few more times since then (terrible idea, all it did was bring back memories of old conversations we used to have). A couple weeks ago I tried to see her profile, but I couldn't view it, nor even see her name come up in the search bar. I think she may have blocked me on linkedin >_>

    So one thing I only found out afterwards was that LinkedIn tells you when someone has viewed your profile. Even though I had my profile browsing settings as semi-anonymous, the default setting (it would've showed up as "Someone on Linkedin viewed your profile", as I hadn't filled out much on my profile), I think she may have guessed that it was me and blocked me >_> (at least, that's the only conclusion I can think of. I am able to see her profile on an unrelated friend's account, so I can't think of another explanation at the moment). She blocked me on LinkedIn, Linkedin! ;___;

    I honestly don't think I viewed her profile too many times, but I can't be certain, as it was a over a period of several weeks; it may have been several times, maybe consecutive days at some point...I'm really not sure. And that's one part of the doubt that's in my mind.

    The problem that I'm dealing with is that I feel like such a creep/stalker...I'm worried that I negatively affected her (by viewing her profile) to the extent that she felt she had to block me; I'm afraid that I'm seen as one of those creepy dudes who follow women around and do weird stuff, etc. I never wanted to be that, but that may be what it's come across as...I do think it was a bit of a overreaction to block me like that (as she doesn't even know for sure it's me), but wow I fked up...If my guess is correct that she blocked me, she probably really thinks I'm a helluva creep now ;__;.

    I feel like I've lost my moral high ground by exiting the relationship with some dignity, and not begging and pleading for her back, and making things hard for her (and keeping up 1.5 months of NC)...but now the notion that I've possibly bothered or upset her makes me feel like I didn't preserve my dignity at all...and furthermore probably dismantled any chance of us reconciling as well, whatever she thinks now (as she's probably blocked me).

    I don't want to try to get her back or anything like that, but this particular incident has been preventing me from moving on and pursuing the other things in my life (college, job, other girls, etc.) with the passion I used to have. I'm finding it difficult to approach other women, because I may have done something that may have been perceived as stalker-ish and harassing to my ex (though it was not my intention whatsoever)...

    Crap, I feel terrible guys...I haven't contacted her, nor do I plan to, but it sucks to imagine what she thinks of me now...how do I get over this...any advice?

  2. #2
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need some guidance, I feel like I screwed up...

    A guy making a mistake after a breakup with his ex? Sounds normal to me. You got to forgive yourself and realize everyone messes up.

    I went to my exes place about 2 hours away surprising her and thinking I was being romantic if I just poured my heart out to her so she'd take me back. But instead she just didn't want to see me. And I'm sure it appeared stalkerish. But I moved on from it just fine. And you will to. Shit happens.

    In general I tell aspiring pickup artists that it's not about trying to be so perfect that you don't make a mistake. Cause you will. Alot. It's about what you do AFTER the mistake. Do you go AFC and apologize/grovel to her or do you just shrug your shoulders and say "Guess I'm human." and move on. So I ask you, what will you do after this mistake?....
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    afcsupreme2 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some guidance, I feel like I screwed up...

    @Batman, thanks for the support man, it means a lot...

    I suppose my next question is, should I not have been looking at my ex's profile at all? I feel it wouldn't have been so bad, if I had known beforehand about LinkedIn and how it gives you information on who's seen your profile (and i could've made myself totally anonymous).

    But maybe the solution was to have the willpower to not do it at all? I definitely messed up, but I'm trying to pinpoint what my mistake was - preventing getting caught is one thing, but should I not have been checking her social media period? I feel like it's somewhat normal to do so though...

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need some guidance, I feel like I screwed up...

    You can't get over someone & move on if you're unable to let go.
    Its a normal reaction to want to look/snoop/stalk... But you have to make a conscious effort NOT to do that.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    AlexandreUU is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need some guidance, I feel like I screwed up...

    It is normal to be checking up on it. I do it constantly and I sometimes get that feeling you're having. It's good for doing recon for new girls you've met. As for an doing it on an ex, it's normal to. Especially really early on when the break up is still fresh. Some feelings probably haven't been fully resolved and it probably still feels unreal. But time is all that you need. And it will get better. I truly believe it will. You just have to put forth the effort to forget and just continue on living your life. My advice, you looked once already and that's enough. And don't worry if she knows or doesn't know if it was you. If you guys broke up then I'm sure the last thing she wants is any kind of confrontation. So stop worrying. You needed to look and you did. And now that you got that out of your system, that one final look, move forward.

    But since you saw some pictures and some memory's came back. Then try now thinking of some of the bad memories with her. And really think through if that's what you really want in life. It's a long life. Think it through.

  6. #6
    afcsupreme2 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some guidance, I feel like I screwed up...

    I kinda have to revive this thread guys, I'm still struggling to deal with this issue. These are the problems I'm having.

    I know that I really shouldn't have been looking at her profile, period. Even if the profile system didn't tell you who's has seen yours, it was a bad idea to stare wistfully at pictures of her, reliving old memories like that - it was only delaying the recovery process, and giving only a temporary relief from the pain of separating (and I've even viewed some of her other social media sites - though those don't track if you've visited. So in reality, I've done even more than just this <_<). And of course, that I was probably bothering her, and making her feel uncomfortable by snooping on her profile...

    What I'm having trouble dealing with now, is that I feel that I don't deserve to go after other women because of the mistake I made here. Everyone hears about those men (or women) who get kinda stalker-ish after a breakup; what really struck me, is that I remembered that she once had told me about dealing with guys that were coming on to her, were acting creepy, couldn't pick up signals to go away, etc (she's an attractive girl, she's had to deal with those kinds of men in the past). And now, I have made the same mistake, and did something similar to her...holy crap I feel terrible >_>. I didn't learn any lessons from the stories she had told me...

    I'm also worrying all about all the how's what's and why's...how many times did I actually view her profile? (I don't think it was absurdly often, but I honestly don't know...); was it really enough that she felt the need to block me? Does she actually know it was me in the first place? I know that, in theory, all this should be irrelevant, but it's kind of weighing on my mind anyway...

    Finally, if I ever were to run into her again (unlikely, as she's left the country for a while, but it's possible), what should I say? How should I react? Maybe I'm kind of overreacting and/or blowing things out of proportion, but I would find it difficult to face her...

    I dunno...any advice or guidance guys? Still working to move on from these doubts, somehow...

  7. #7
    AlexandreUU is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need some guidance, I feel like I screwed up...

    You shouldn't be wondering what you would do if you both were to run into each other again. Stop thinking about that scenario, even if it is possible. You ever thought that she maybe blocked you because she's trying to just start anew and not have anything that reminds her of you? Not because you think she thinks you're looking up her profile? Even so, her blocking you is a BIG hint that she doesn't care about you anymore. And you should do the same.
    You need a distraction. Find a hobby. Get a pet. Talk to other woment. Enlist in a yoga class. Commit to something that makes you feel good about yourself. And never, ever think that you don't deserve to go after other women. Especially after something so juvenile like this.

  8. #8
    afcsupreme2 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some guidance, I feel like I screwed up...

    Alexandre, what you've said makes a lot of sense...I'll move forward as best I can.

    Though, I can't shake the feeling that I might've dismantled any potential chance of reconciliation by doing this, heh. But perhaps I shouldn't be hoping for that anyway?

  9. #9
    AlexandreUU is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need some guidance, I feel like I screwed up...

    You haven't dismantled any potential chance of reconciliation nor have you taken the right steps yet for a potential reconciliation. And to do that, you have to make a drastic change in your life because clearly the man you are now both she doesnt like and you don't feel comfortable with. You have to make her feel that she made a mistake in leaving. And by doing that, you have to move on and lead by example. Go get some experience in your life. Talk to women. Be the best that you want to be! And you just might get her back...that's if you still do after the hopeful change.


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