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Thread: Im sure I lost her...

  1. #1
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Im sure I lost her...

    Hey Guys,

    I'm sure I have lost this girl during the week we k-closed, alot of kino/flirting from both sides. Then one day she goes stale like no more effort put into the conversation and started to flake. I copied what she did but it didn't have effect. So last night I said to her "you're boring" as a IOD cause she was taking to long to respond she replied with "wow thanks woo woo" I haven't spoken to her since she hasn't tried to re-initiate contact like she has done before hand. But I get the impression I didn't build enough comfort and I am getting "Buyers Remorse"

    Any suggestions on continuing it with her or moving on?
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X

  2. #2
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im sure I lost her...

    This isn't buyer's remorse, this was the cycle of attraction coming to a close. You didn't keep up whatever initial traits made her like you, and likely went into boring comfort. Either that or you didn't go into comfort when you should have, to much either way is a bad thing.

    She isn't talking to you now because you insulted her, and I'm sure it pissed her off. Move on and learn your lesson bro.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  3. #3
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im sure I lost her...

    There are other reasons to consider:
    1) she has other men in her life
    2) she had her period

    Saying she's boring probably did quite a bit of damage and reveals to her you're frustrated about the lack of response. It's better not to say anything or say something positive. Its not a competition. Sometimes it's not all about following PUA strategy either - you can tap into her empathetic side or say things that are truly touching and meaningful. In other words building comfort is not just about getting a kiss close but getting a great kiss close along with saying the right things that makes her heart melt for you. To get a great girl and great interest you have to say great things.

    You could try give her a few days and perhaps start writing to her as if nothing happened and make sure you don't write anything that puts pressure on her. But realise that it either happens or it doesn't and if you didn't build that comfort and attraction at the time it's very difficult to rebuild it later.

    Saying something touching could be anything....the other day after being with a girl I was saying things like 'I can still remember your walk...I can't get it out of my head'. Her: 'My walk? It's kind of silly'. Me: 'No, it's cute...you have this little shuffle as you walk...it's actually very sexy'. Her: 'I still remember your voice and I'm laughing at all the pictures we took together'. I then sent her a few pics of us together I hadn't sent her before... it kinda re-inforced us 'being together'. She was special and made me feel special so I basically told her exactly that.

  4. #4
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Im sure I lost her...

    Thanks guys for the advice,

    I now know that I may of turned AFC (to her) by saying "you're boring" due to frustration and thats more to do with me..

    Another thing would of it been needy to ask her to come out twice in a row like I asked her to come out Thrusday and Friday during the week but she decline although I was already out I feel like that could of had a possible cause to this,

    @Blistex: Before I even said it the way she was texting was showing she was putting little or no effort into it...

    @Whitedragon: Is the damage I done even possible to recover from? thinking about it now it was AFC to even say that
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Im sure I lost her...

    Kyle,
    You have to learn to realize that the progress of the "relationship" is all on YOU.

    That sucks for us guys, but it's true. WE are in control of the outcome. (Or we SHOULD be... so if you're not, than again, it falls back on you.)

    That's a lot of pressure for a guy, but with experience you'll start to "see the matrix" (for lack of a better example).

    WOMEN are allowed to act/react emotionally... that's THEIR natural instinct.
    Us guys are NOT.
    WE have to keep our wits about ourselves & use logic & reasoning in order to do what's best for the situation, so that it continues to grow, rather than die off.

    Calling her "boring" in the middle of your own hissy-fit, pulled the plug on everything with her.

    You can absolutely be sarcastic at times, and tell a girl she sucks, or she's lame, or she's stupid, etc... but ONLY (and I do mean ONLY) when you're both in high spirits & she actually has a sense of humor!

    My girlfriend & I razz the crap out of each other. Especially now that NFL Football season has started.
    We have different favorite teams, who happen to be in the same division.. so it's gonna be a FUN year!)


    The thing is, if a girl isn't responding the way you want her to, then it's because of one of two things.

    #1- you quit being fun & got all lame on her.. not giving her anything to invoke a response.

    #2- She just doesn't mesh with you, and you should let things dwindle off & keep looking for "the one" who actually fits with your personality.

    Believe me, I have been with some insanely good looking girls... but they just didn't match up. So I had to cut ties & keep "fishing" until I found someone whose personality is well-suited to my own.

    It always sucks though... I've said goodbye to some girls who had me totally hooked. It hurts & it it sucks bad. (Did I mention that it sucks??)

    But when you DO find that gem of a girl who totally gets you & genuinely wants you for who you are?....
    It's soooo worth it.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  6. #6
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Im sure I lost her...

    @T-Mal I feel like I have taken a backwards step with this girl compared to girls i've been with, I get that since I said she was "boring" may have blown me out all I can do is learn from that lol
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X

  7. #7
    SiliconMagician's Avatar
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    Default Re: Im sure I lost her...

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    Kyle,
    You have to learn to realize that the progress of the "relationship" is all on YOU.

    That sucks for us guys, but it's true. WE are in control of the outcome. (Or we SHOULD be... so if you're not, than again, it falls back on you.)

    That's a lot of pressure for a guy, but with experience you'll start to "see the matrix" (for lack of a better example).

    WOMEN are allowed to act/react emotionally... that's THEIR natural instinct.
    Us guys are NOT.
    WE have to keep our wits about ourselves & use logic & reasoning in order to do what's best for the situation, so that it continues to grow, rather than die off.

    Calling her "boring" in the middle of your own hissy-fit, pulled the plug on everything with her.

    You can absolutely be sarcastic at times, and tell a girl she sucks, or she's lame, or she's stupid, etc... but ONLY (and I do mean ONLY) when you're both in high spirits & she actually has a sense of humor!

    My girlfriend & I razz the crap out of each other. Especially now that NFL Football season has started.
    We have different favorite teams, who happen to be in the same division.. so it's gonna be a FUN year!)


    The thing is, if a girl isn't responding the way you want her to, then it's because of one of two things.

    #1- you quit being fun & got all lame on her.. not giving her anything to invoke a response.

    #2- She just doesn't mesh with you, and you should let things dwindle off & keep looking for "the one" who actually fits with your personality.

    Believe me, I have been with some insanely good looking girls... but they just didn't match up. So I had to cut ties & keep "fishing" until I found someone whose personality is well-suited to my own.

    It always sucks though... I've said goodbye to some girls who had me totally hooked. It hurts & it it sucks bad. (Did I mention that it sucks??)

    But when you DO find that gem of a girl who totally gets you & genuinely wants you for who you are?....
    It's soooo worth it.
    Reading this brings certain truths out. I tend to think that game really just kind of pushes the normal odds of attraction happening a little better at the margins, but doesn't really change anything. IOW it makes women who would already find you attractive, even moreso.. but probably doesn't do much in terms who is actually attracted to you. For most men I believe this to be the case.

  8. #8
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im sure I lost her...

    Quote Originally Posted by SiliconMagician View Post
    Reading this brings certain truths out. I tend to think that game really just kind of pushes the normal odds of attraction happening a little better at the margins, but doesn't really change anything. IOW it makes women who would already find you attractive, even moreso.. but probably doesn't do much in terms who is actually attracted to you. For most men I believe this to be the case.
    There are certain girls who would NEVER have dated me without my game for sure, they would see me as like "eh". The thing is...game helps us become better people and intuitively more attractive, as long as we stay away from "the path of asura". Truth be told, one of the first lessons any newbie learns is how to spot when a girl is checking him out of thinks he is cute. If you have not noticed, all these guys that go pick up nearly any random girl they want possess physical traits that most women will find attractive, those that don't learn to tell which women find them attractive and to only go for those women.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  9. #9
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Im sure I lost her...

    Quote Originally Posted by kylemc View Post
    @Whitedragon: Is the damage I done even possible to recover from? thinking about it now it was AFC to even say that
    Anything is possible and actually saying a girl is boring is not necessarily so bad, it just needs to be in the right context. It's also not necessarily AFC either as you at least spoke your mind and said the truth.

    I usually simply don't worry about what a girl is doing or saying unless it's positive and moving forward. It's like sailing a ship. You just tack and jive and try your best picking up what bounty you can. In the fullness of time if you put in effort you will be rewarded so I don't focus on every detail, I enjoy the ride and sail the seas. Quite often the best girls are the easiest.

  10. #10
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Im sure I lost her...

    I was looking over my posts but anyway...

    Since I started this thread I just left it as is and moved on to the next girl lesson learnt unfortunately I didn't keep it together which resulted in her losing interest but thats more to do with me keeping their interest and getting them to invest more
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X


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