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  1. #1
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Dont take it personally, but I might be distant for a while...

    There's a girl I've been talking to for over a month. We have a great connection with tons fun and flirting. However, we havent met yet. Anyway she told me a couple weeks ago that her grandmother was sick in mexico. She was very upset because she wouldnt get to see her again. We talked about it and I mentioned how my grandfather passed away earlier this year. I told her I'm here if she needs anything. Eventually we went on about our usual business of being playful and fun.

    Well last night she text me and said her grandmother passed away. She was obviously upset. She said to not take it personally, but she might be distant from me for a while, that she needs time to grieve. She is leaving this week for mexico and said I wont be able to reach her for awhile because she wont have phone service there.

    I comforted her some and then said we'll catch up when she gets back. Just to let me know before she leaves for mexico.

    I'm not really sure how to take this. I mean I udnerstand not having service in mexico, but to say she's going to be distant from me while she grieves?? I've lost all my grandparents including my grandad this year, and it never drove me away from a close friend. How do I handle this from here?

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dont take it personally, but I might be distant for a while...

    You are wired differently than her as i am much more different than you. The game still applies in regards to contacting and comforting her. If shes gone for a week then send her a 'i thought of you today hecause xxx reminded me of you. ' text on like day 5 or a few days after when she gets back. Keep you texts light and sentimental and not pushy. The way to keep her interested in you is to he different. You're not her brother, father, cousin or exactly a friend--so the way to comfort her shouldnt be in just hugs and conversation. You should look at trying to be a bright personality to her that can get her out of any rut. This way she will want to be with you because you can help everything go away because you arent just another guy in her life. You're the person who makes her day brighter. So adjust a bit of your personality to fit her situation by being the best positive version of yourself.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dont take it personally, but I might be distant for a while...

    I follow you on texts being light, positive and not pushy. This is a hard time for her and she is hurting.

    Couple Questions...
    1) She is waiting on her passport to arrive. If she texts me to say it came in and she is leaving, how do I say good bye and be safe in a positive and sentimental manner? What do I say to show that I care about her?

    2) How will I know when to text her again after she comes back if I dont know when that will be?

  4. #4
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dont take it personally, but I might be distant for a while...

    My first post may have come across wrong/cold or selfish. After thinking about it I see how she might need to be alone with her family during this time. Everybody has their own way of grieving. I've been through my share of losses and have witnessed those close to me express their emotions in different ways.

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    You should look at trying to be a bright personality to her that can get her out of any rut. This way she will want to be with you because you can help everything go away because you arent just another guy in her life. You're the person who makes her day brighter. So adjust a bit of your personality to fit her situation by being the best positive version of yourself.
    This is kinda what I already was doing since first being told about her grandmother in the hospital. She even asked for the distraction. I've been trying to brighten her day and she was happy these past couple weeks despite what was going on. It was last night that really caught me off guard.

    Gahh this is fawking with my mind. I'm starting to second guess everything I did since last night. My intentions were not to be pushy, but when I told her to take all the time she needs and that we'll catch up when she gets back, did that sound pushy? I was just trying to show that I'm ok with her being gone and will talk when she is ready.

    Also, when I asked her to text me before she leaves... was that a no no? I asked her to do that because I care about her.

    So moving forward, is it best to comply with her wishes to be distant and not text her again until after she comes back like you said?

    At this point I dont know what to say if she texts me that her flight is leaving...

  5. #5
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dont take it personally, but I might be distant for a while...

    The only no no is freezing her out.

    Everything else you can recover from. Its not that big of a deal because shes probably super focused on the trama in her life. Just being there is enough to recover from any small mistake. Dont worry about being needy or whatever. Be yourself. Say what you want to say because you decided to say it because thats how you feel.

    Lets be real she knows who you are and what you're about right? She knows you're into her so just play it cool. Keep yourself occupied and let her do her thing and catch up later.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  6. #6
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dont take it personally, but I might be distant for a while...

    I agree with all that, but what did you mean by no freezing her out? I havent talked to her since last night. I was just going to wait for her to text again before she leaves, because it seemed like she needed alone time... unless she really didnt mean it. I hope this isn't considered freezing her out. I told her I am here for her if she needs anything and she was very thankful for that.

    So, I know she isnt leaving for a couple days while waiting on the passport. Should I chill and giver her space waiting for her text or would you be dropping her a thoughtful message in the mean time?

    I have no problem keeping myself occupied if I can get past these next few days. I can handle it from there. I just dont want to fawk this up by accidentally ignoring her before she leaves or by being too pushy.

  7. #7
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dont take it personally, but I might be distant for a while...

    Shit. I just saw on her fb... In a relationship.

    FML.

  8. #8
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dont take it personally, but I might be distant for a while...

    jesus fawking christ what do I do now? I had a gut feeling she was giving me bullshit.

  9. #9
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dont take it personally, but I might be distant for a while...

    WOW! I feel so hurt if this is true. I want her to ultimately admit it. And to think she's the one who said she's been cheated on and lied to in the past.

    We aren't friends on FB, so I was thinking about telling her to add me on FB to stay in touch. Then I can "see" her relationship status and confront her on it.

    Thats just my idea, but how would you guys handle it. To be honest if this is true I want no fawking part of her. I have to find out the truth.

  10. #10
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dont take it personally, but I might be distant for a while...

    I started a brief conversation with her tonight and got her to add me. She didnt resist at all, but guess what she took off first.

    I really dont know what to think. Its possible she's telling the truth and just had that on there for no reason. I certainly didnt confront her about it at this point. I'm just gonna wait it out and keep a careful distance.

    I'll be honest, the approach I used to have her add me now with the least suspicion/resistance was a bit manipulative, but as long as nobody gets hurt I'm fine with it. I can easily retract later. I didnt show much emotion and was able to keep my composure. Short and simple.

    Me: There's something I have to tell you.
    Her: Tell me, what is it?
    Me: I'm moving. Why dont you add me on fb and we can stay in touch.
    Her: Where are you moving to? Here add me. :link: It sucks youre moving. Means me and you proabably werent meant to be.
    Me: IDK where yet. Well I've gotta go. Later
    Her: Well ok then. Add me if you want. Later.
    Her: That kinda hurt btw
    Me: What did :insert her name: ?
    Her Youre just kinda Im moving. Well I gotta go. Later
    Her: But why are you moving?
    Me: I had to tell you. And I'll add you.
    Her: Ok.
    Me: Dont worry it might not be too far, but I'll tell ya about it later.
    Her: Gotcha. ttyl


    I really hope to get some expert advice on what to do now. Probably just tell her tomorrow things came up and I'm not moving. Then go on as before as if I didnt see the "In a relationship"? Or what? You gurus tell me.


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