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Thread: Fumbled with classy gal: recovery possible?

  1. #11
    Royal-T is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default wingwoman?

    I don't think talking direct will work with this gal right now, maybe at all. She's mad at me for what she perceives as me refusing/rejecting her advances. I didn't understand this until I started reading up on PUA. Although I'd like to tell her I was blind but now see the light, I'm pretty sure that would DLV me.

    Also have status with other women that interact with the Target, so I'm wondering if they would drop hints for me. Would that work? Seems like that would risk DLV me to them too. My only other option is to let the Target cool, reset, and try again in a few weeks.

  2. #12
    Royal-T is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Additional tactic: wingwoman

    I've kept the freeze on for a few weeks. One of the gals at this place at this place is a key member. She's very close to the Target - goes on outings, dancing, etc. I recruited her to be my wingwoman. My WWM thinks very highly of me and is very intrigued with the psychology and situational dynamics. She has my back. She told me the Target is strong willed (already knew that), on her THIRD divorce, and courting a new guy.

    Being new to PUA, I think the Target's track record indicate her past hubbys' don't understand her, don't keep her interest, and she dumps them. If her track record is true, her new interest will probably end the same. What is the WWM's best course of action? Is this also a job for Boyfriend Destroying?

  3. #13
    Royal-T is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default unfrozen

    I didn't expect the Target to show up, but she did. We've been frozen for a month, but she initiated greeting with a smile. GAME ON.

    Energy level was really, really low and I was not in frame at all, but I went for a walk and talked myself up. Returned and had a small moment where she checked to make sure I was looking at her and smiled back pleasingly when I was. Later, I shared some info related to how she has been and Kino'd her arms and back. There was a moment when an impromptu musician played, so I thought "DHV" and "solidify Social Proof" and joined in. I overheard one of the regulars comment on my talent, which I knew the Target would hear. Score.

    I think my obstacle is rekindling attraction, so I'd planned to escalate a big Kino hug, but she was already gone.

    What could I have done better and more importantly, what should I do now? Should I text/call? It seems awkward, but I don't want to seem aloof and uninterested.

  4. #14
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Fumbled with classy gal: recovery possible?

    Stop focusing on fixing things and proceed as everything is good until she points it out to be an issue. To be honest you dont need to wait for these situations to reoccur. Just pick up again from text saying it was nice to see her and that you're interested in hanging out. Something simple. Don't over think it. Treat everything as a fun great time and move past the past that may haunt you.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #15
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: unfrozen

    Quote Originally Posted by Royal-T View Post
    What could I have done better and more importantly, what should I do now? Should I text/call? It seems awkward, but I don't want to seem aloof and uninterested.
    Your overthinking too much and being reactionary. Actions speak louder than words. While its good to understand women, actually all you really need is to understand yourself. In your case when out with her and you connected again I would have just grabbed her and kiss closed or acted like you are already dating. Just grab her and pull her close to you. Make it fun. Who cares if she got mad at something before, who cares if you got a compliment at a club, who cares if you have a wing that knows her, who cares if she doesn't kiss you back, who cares if you didn't act before? None of it matters. Just be yourself and have fun.

    Bring everything to a singularity. She either has to be with you or she has to completely reject you. Both ways are a win for you because you are not wasting time and she will always remember your confidence if you demonstrate it - whether she goes with you or not.

    Edit: Just posted without seeing Artandales response which is similar!

  6. #16
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: unfrozen

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    Bring everything to a singularity. She either has to be with you or she has to completely reject you. Both ways are a win for you because you are not wasting time and she will always remember your confidence if you demonstrate it - whether she goes with you or not.

    Edit: Just posted without seeing Artandales response which is similar!
    That might be true but your post made more sense than mine. I think i'm getting a bit tired of going in depth in advice that i see most guys fall into a mental trap. Not gonna lie--i still fumble into it as well but the only way to get better is to get used to failing. No one is going to fail for you so you know what the experience is like. I think the problem highligjted here is still an unassured approach which leads to anxiety. You gotta get comfortable in failing. Like whitedragon said she's gotta be with you or reject you. Either way it should never be your loss. Be independent of the outcome because in the end having a girl to go home with should always be sugar coating to the night out--not the reason to go out.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #17
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: unfrozen

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    That might be true but your post made more sense than mine. I think i'm getting a bit tired of going in depth in advice that i see most guys fall into a mental trap. Not gonna lie--i still fumble into it as well but the only way to get better is to get used to failing. No one is going to fail for you so you know what the experience is like. I think the problem highligjted here is still an unassured approach which leads to anxiety. You gotta get comfortable in failing. Like whitedragon said she's gotta be with you or reject you. Either way it should never be your loss. Be independent of the outcome because in the end having a girl to go home with should always be sugar coating to the night out--not the reason to go out.
    Absolutely. You have to almost relish failure simply for the experience. Actually that anxiety is a rush. Most times after nervously approaching a good looking girl I feel elated afterwards irrelevent of whether its successful or not. It's like a drug - that feeling of being utterly brave and utterly exposed at the same time. After making a move you get the adrenaline or endorphin high because you did it and it's over with.

    'I don't get every girl I want but I get every girl that wants me'.

  8. #18
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    Default Re: Fumbled with classy gal: recovery possible?

    Lol where is that quote from whitedragon?
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  9. #19
    Royal-T is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default

    Am I overthinking? Or am I learning trial by fire? Before I arrived at these forums, I had no idea I was targeted, let alone decoding her. I had to seek and find this info to figure her out so I could figure out what I was doing wrong so I could figure out what to do right. That's a lot of unraveling.

    If I didn't post about this, I'd not know about freezing or mirroring her move during that phase. I did shoot her a text after this last event saying I was glad to see her again and that I'd almost forgotten what she looked like. I figured a little push/pull was in order to fire her emotions.

    I was very tired when she arrived and I was not thinking clearly. I went for a walk to boost my energy and get in frame. Fortunately, I recalled attraction was my missing link and kino and flirting to build attraction. It did work, but thinking back, I could have upped the intensity had I been fully energized. Next time, she'll get a full body workout. haha

    I should isolate, go for it, and let the chips fall where they may?

  10. #20
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    Default Re: Fumbled with classy gal: recovery possible?

    The thing about approaching in any situation is its really about escalating from an already positive note. By this i mean you gotta embrace yourself believing that you are worth every penny, you are worth every second of someone's attention and you are worth isnt based upon success or failure. Believe along the idea that every experience no matter how much investment emotionally, financially or just based on time alone that the more you invest the greater the lesson to be learned is worth. Go all in when you're in it--when you're broken take a few days but always get back on your feet so you can continue to grow. Continue moving forward.

    I think with where you are with this chick is pretty close to any chick who isnt considered a best friend yet. Dont treat her any more special than the girl down the street. Sure you know her name but dont get lost in building her up more than she is. Be fun, inviting and full of personality and when she's been hooked let her prove to you why you should be with her. Try to focus on making everything better.

    I'm gonna try to relate this to a few things so you can understand how to see escalation in not just a sexual way but in a way that helps you see how to connect with a woman. I'm an artist, i draw a lot. I feel great just knowing i get to experiment on a piece of paper to see whatever comes out. Most of the time i let the scribbles speak to me because its always more fun when its not planned. Why do i know its more fun? Because i failed hundreds upon thousands of times before drawing things and throwing them away to get to something worth framing or giving to someone who will appreciate it. In the same way i make art i follow through with interacting people. I make gestures in conversation and events with friends just to see how we can all enjoy our time. When we are all drinking if i feel like music will help i will not only insist but select music that i believe will change the mood positively or make people talk about the music because its awesome. Using this same idea you can easily relate it to changing someone's depressin mood whose been sitting in the corner and spend the time to change their mood instead of letting them to feel depressed the entire time or seeig them walk out. When i'm having a good time i change everyone's mood to escalate to become louder and more physical where shame, fear and loathing is nearly impossible to exist because everyone not only likes each other but tends to trust each other more. In a positive atmosphere people genuinely want to build things up or maintain them. So with all this said you can see that the girl in the party whose been there will have seen many things about me and if she hasnt made the move to show her interest in me--i will make bold gestures verbally or phsyically because i'm having fun. I tend to not shy away infront of other people when i feel things are at a high. What i'm saying here is once you've generated such positive energy around you wont feel like these gestures will feel good or bad--they're just feelers. She'll tell you if she wants it.

    So after all that you should realize that you dont need to meet her to communicate. You can call or text. Alway push towards meeting in person. Make it more about spending time rather than hooking up. Spending time with people is much more precious than being goal oriented for kissing or f-ing. When you see her emotionally register positively when you're with her reward her by telling her how you feel with verbal and physical connection.

    In the end what i'm really trying to say is if you want her there is no problem in intiating.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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