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Thread: Paying for the meal on a date

  1. #1
    novice.pua is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Paying for the meal on a date

    I have read a few times that paying for the bill is the wrong move when on a date. Is this so?

    I am really struggling with that whole concept. I always pay the bill. Even if she invited me out I will snatch the bill from the waitress and pay. Not paying makes me feel like someone took my manhood away from me. But maybe I need to learn.

    I would greatly appreciate if someone could explain the concept in a way that I understand what goes on in the girl's mind.



    Thanks for any input

  2. #2
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Paying for the meal on a date

    It's never the wrong move to pick up the bill .... unless your goal is to be a cheap bastard

    This is from an article in Cosmo magazine

    I went out to dinner the other night and the guy wanted me to pick up the whole bill saying he thought since I picked the place that it was my responsibility to pay the tab.I just looked at him like “what?!?” and then paid the bill because I figured it was easier than making a spectacle of myself in a public place, but I was really steamed. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think if a guy wants to take me to dinner, it shouldn’t matter if I picked the place or not- he should pay the bill.

  3. #3
    Fire Eater is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Paying for the meal on a date

    Paying the bill is expected on the first date.

    I found an article that could possibly explain the reasoning behind not paying the bill.

    If you are serious about a relationship, then it isn't wrong to pay the bill. Of course, if she wants to pay it wouldn't be wrong to let her.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Paying for the meal on a date

    I do not ever pay the bill. Only when I have a girlfriend for some time. Why? Because she simply did not make anything to justify it.

    You two are hanging out, why would you pay her bill? Divide it, it's the best way, if you two were to spend roughly the same money. Otherwise you pay what you ordered.

    This is also a situation where you can also flirt with her. Something like "ok now that you enjoyed the company of a fantastic, good looking man, it's time for you to pay it!". With a smile. If everything went well so far, she'll laugh.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Paying for the meal on a date

    This is a perennial debate in the PUA community. The answer is: "it depends."

    My general guidance is that if a girl expects you to pay the bill, don't. If you're dating a lot, it can get expensive, don't pay. If it's cheap and you can afford it, pay.

    It also depends where you are. Culture plays a big role, and this will be different even within different cities in the US.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Paying for the meal on a date

    I don't pay. I go dutch and I let the girl know beforehand.

    I've done both and both are fine. It all depends on how much the girl has invested in you.

    It's my belief that you shouldn't pay until your sleeping with her or have gotten very close. I've NEVER had a problem not paying for her. If she makes a fuss I just playfully razz her and it's fine. Sometimes I'll tell her why I don't pay. Here's the reasoning behind it.

    The whole fact that guys have to pay is due to society's belief that guys are not as valuable as girls. Because of this belief it's assumed that guys should pay for a woman's time by paying for her. I believe that men and women are of equal value, and because of that, I shouldn't have to pay for your time. On top of that fact it creates expectations. Allot of guys expect something when they pay for a girl on a date. I hate expectations and I don't have any, nor do I want anyone to feel like there are ANY expectations.

    I have never had a woman fuss after this and they never thought of it in this way. Once they realize this they are happy to pay for their half. I've actually told this to women and from then on out they will not let a guy pay for them on the first date.

  7. #7
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paying for the meal on a date

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDuke View Post
    This is a perennial debate in the PUA community. The answer is: "it depends."

    My general guidance is that if a girl expects you to pay the bill, don't. If you're dating a lot, it can get expensive, don't pay. If it's cheap and you can afford it, pay.

    It also depends where you are. Culture plays a big role, and this will be different even within different cities in the US.

    I agree 100%. If it's something cheap like ice cream I pay. What's 5 bucks? It makes you look like a cheapskate if you don't. Otherwise I go dutch like I explained previously.

    The easiest way to avoid this is to go on dates where you don't have to pay for anything, like a walk in the park.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Paying for the meal on a date

    It's TOTALLY OK to pay on the date.
    Just don't make it extravagant.

    Never offer to buy a drink or pay for anything BEFORE you at least know her a bit... but once you've spent a little time chatting & flirting & stuff, then YES, you can buy her a drink, or pay for lunch or whatever.

    Because THEN, she's earned it buy investing some time in you.

    Use common sense. Don't over-think it.

    But definitely keep the cost at a reasonable level, & save more expensive things for when you're actually in a relationship.

    If a girl invites YOU out, then let her buy... or split the bill.
    But if she asks you, then make a comment like "Really? You're treating ME to lunch? How sweet. I graciously accept." & give her a smile & maybe a kiss on the cheek.

    Then there's ZERO question about the expectations later on.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  9. #9
    LockDown's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paying for the meal on a date

    I never bring it up. If we are cool, it's not an issue as there is no commitment to anything yet. But still I may pop in a store to grab a water and (after asking her if she would like one) get her one and pay for it. Basically, if you would do it for a friend, you can do it for her.

    Now if there is some level of commitment, like two or three dates in, then you can pay BUT tell her beforehand that you want to treat her. Usually, I offer to take her to a new place and because I don't know how good the place is I will say my treat just to get her to live a little (frame it as your trying to help her be cooler by trying new things).
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  10. #10
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paying for the meal on a date

    You should just KNOW when which one of you is paying.

    It all comes down to experience. & it's best learned through trial and error.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.


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