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  1. #1
    umbongo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default 1st date - girl really in to me, but no kiss - then drunk mess up?

    There's a girl I have liked for a while but used to have a bf. She moved back in to town for a couple of months and ditched her old bf just before this move. She is only here for a couple of months again before having to move away.

    We move in the same circles, and she made it pretty clear over a week or two that she was interested. I asked her out, and she easily complied to the date.

    Now, the date was Friday night - dinner, then a bar/club where a friend of mine was DJing (social proof). In the bar, there was a lot lot lot of kino, and I could tell that she was really in to me; but she avoided when I went for a kiss, then quickly said she was meeting a friend early tomorrow and should leave. Unfortunately, I prob could have done more to ask her to stay, but instead she left.

    Thing is, on the date she was dropping lots of hints about wanting a relationship, saying she was thinking about returning permanently to the city in future, being really interested in my social circle etc., and I'm pretty sure my SMV is a bit higher than hers, but I also knew straight away that I'd missed an opportunity by letting her go.

    Later that night (when drunk and high ) I thought the only way to recover was to place myself as a challenge, put her in the chase frame and do a bit of push myself, so I texted her saying "I had a really great time with you last night! Though maybe us meeting up is a bit silly considering you're leaving town again soon". When I woke up, I wondered if I'd painted myself into a corner and also wondered if she just had a very high ASD and just doesn't like things pushed so much on a first date.

    I really like her, and see her as gf material, but also I don't want a long-distance relationship and know I could do without her. Do I:
    1) Wait a while without any reinstigating or pulling; trusting that she will eventually respond/come back to me trying to rationalise herself why it still would be okay for us to meet up
    2) Re instigate in a few days suggesting that maybe it would still be cool to hang out, but suggesting again that a relationship is unlikely due to the soon-distance
    3) Because she's Asian suggest something about how maybe because of cultural differences we might have different opinions about how dates should progress
    4) Something else
    ?
    Thanks

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: 1st date - girl really in to me, but no kiss

    Not enough attraction. Period.
    A girl will absolutely kiss a guy she's curious about / attracted to. (SEX takes a little more comfort mixed in, but the kiss is ALL about initial attraction.)

    If you can't kiss a girl on the "first date" you DEFINITELY need to look at everything you're doing & then do some serious studying/re-vamping of your game.

    The "KISS" is NOT that hard to get. Or at least it shouldn't be.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    lenric's Avatar
    lenric is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 1st date - girl really in to me, but no kiss

    1) That will happen probably when cows start to fly.
    2) Utterly shit. "Oh no meet, sorry. Ok, let's meet." Really? Not good.
    3) Shit.

    The message you sent was completely avoidable. But we can change the past, rather, we learn from it. And since you do not want a long-distance relationship, be cool and treat her as a normal girl.

    It's when guys start to put a girl on a pedestal, worshiping her, thinking "oh, she's such a goddess, her poop smells like teen spirit, I don't care about anything really, come as you are!!" that things start to fall apart. They fell apart in this situation. So treat her as anybody else. Flirt her but purely for fun. Nothing else. No expectations. A couple of days from now send her something like "ohhhh look at my second favorite asian dorky!!".

    IF she engages you positively, then keep with it, otherwise just let it go.

  4. #4
    umbongo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: 1st date - girl really in to me, but no kiss

    Quote Originally Posted by lenric View Post
    The message you sent was completely avoidable. But we can change the past, rather, we learn from it. And since you do not want a long-distance relationship, be cool and treat her as a normal girl.

    It's when guys start to put a girl on a pedestal, worshiping her, thinking "oh, she's such a goddess, her poop smells like teen spirit, I don't care about anything really, come as you are!!" that things start to fall apart. They fell apart in this situation. So treat her as anybody else.
    She has been insinuating that she would come back later, so it wouldn't be long distance for long.

    Can I maybe reply trying to take the message back by (truthfully) saying I sent it while high and drunk? After all, I did send it at 7 in the morning.

  5. #5
    umbongo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: 1st date - girl really in to me, but no kiss

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    Not enough attraction. Period.
    Are there some girls that just won't kiss a guy on the first date? Particularly if they see him as LTR potential and don't want to come across as easy. We've known each other for a while before this.

    The other thing is she knows from my circle that I'm seeing at least one other girl at the moment, and I was talking and acting very sexually on the date - and maybe she's worried that I'm acting a bit of a player, or just wanted her for a one-night stand.

  6. #6
    lenric's Avatar
    lenric is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 1st date - girl really in to me, but no kiss

    Quote Originally Posted by umbongo View Post
    She has been insinuating that she would come back later, so it wouldn't be long distance for long.

    Can I maybe reply trying to take the message back by (truthfully) saying I sent it while high and drunk? After all, I did send it at 7 in the morning.
    In a word, no. It would be stupid. Basically, you were excusing yourself. Nothing useful comes from it.

    About her insinuation, it can be seen exactly like this:

    [IMG]http://api.ning.com/files/pIpRB1flYlybrxoJn9D3 kK1ePoVU-Kpb7F4nPEIvQOwmN0eS* PB4bhCKpnC6QtA5CNHwU Mls1SYTI2lMWBvvt45Ez *VgA2wF/donkeymotivation.gif[/IMG]



    Just leave it.

  7. #7
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: 1st date - girl really in to me, but no kiss

    Fact: Saying she is "really" into you is an overstatement. If she was really into you, 1) She would've been receptive to your kiss and 2) She would've stayed longer because she finds herself drawn to you.

    so I texted her saying "I had a really great time with you last night! Though maybe us meeting up is a bit silly considering you're leaving town again soon".
    This is not how you put yourself in a "chooser" frame. You do that via qualification and high value talk. How does this make you look like a high value individual? Especially when you look passive and indecisive with words like "maybe." And really great time? You are giving away too much value here when she cut out early. Actions like that shouldn't be rewarded.

    She has been insinuating that she would come back later, so it wouldn't be long distance for long.

    Can I maybe reply trying to take the message back by (truthfully) saying I sent it while high and drunk? After all, I did send it at 7 in the morning.
    Don't bring attention to it. Just press forward. And definitely don't jump the gun about mentioning a relationship. You just went out on D1 with this girl. Just ask her out again. Be dominant in how you do it. Don't create reasons/excuses for her not to go. That's chump talk. If she agrees, you got a second life, if not, you blew it with this one and learn from this lesson. In the future, don't drunk text women. There's nothing worst than getting blown out for not being yourself.

    Your tact and active game needs a lot of work. This girl is interested in you, but it is up to you to intensify those feelings into something more.


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