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  • 1 Post By T-Mal

Thread: What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

  1. #1
    2Rude is offline PUA in Training
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    Default What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

    So lately, I've been trying to get myself back into the dating game by approaching more, I'm even trying Online dating which already isn't my style. I've gotten a few numbers and some hit backs online via OkCupid/Tinder. But I have this ongoing issue that's really frustrating and I can't seem to bypass. Which is getting on the date or meet up itself. I'll start with some examples.

    1. I got the number from a girl I hooked up with some nights back (she gave it to me), I hit her up a week later and we sent a few texts back and forth. But when it came down to it, I asked if she wanted to do something and got no text back.

    2. A few girls online I was chatting up seemed to be into the conversation or at the very least engaged. We'll talk back and forth, build some common ground. But again, when I try to take things a bit further (a date/meet up), they flake or say nothing at all after a long conversation. Some of them I'll ask out sooner, some a little later but the result is the same.

    3. Met another girl through a mutual friend while we were partying. We hung out most of the night and I "assumed" she was into me whether it was true or not. Anyway, end of the night, I got her number... cool. Again, we'd text back and forth. Talk of personal lives, school, our mutual friends, shared laughs, etc. I'm thinking this chick is cool. One thing lead to another and she said she was free that week since she hadn't started school yet. So again, I'd suggest we go for drinks or something and suddenly she went cold.

    4. Recently, I started trying Tinder. I got a few matches and got a reply the other day. I didn't talk much because I figure this IS a dating app and the objective is to meet up after you match with that person. Everyone tells me this including my own social group who got me into it. We chatted very briefly but that's supposed to be it. No BS, no beating around the bush. But AGAIN, the moment I asked for a meet up, this one went cold too.


    So in conclusion, I dunno what the heck it is that I'm doing wrong or what it is I'm not establishing correctly. I'll talk with them over text/messages for a while to somewhat build a connection, but when I ask or suggest a meet up they either flake or stop just responding (sometimes they stop even without me asking them out). But when I ask them for a meet up much sooner than later, the results are STILL the same. I want to assume I'm choosing farked up women but I know it probably isn't either. I don't know what else to do and it's really frustrating. Is it that I'm talking too little or too much? is it the way I'm asking them out? am I asking them out too soon or too late? am I not building enough trust? I seriously don't understand. I know we can't get every girl but this is happening way too often for me to believe it's them. I hate to sound like an AFC but honestly, my luck with woman CAN'T be any farking worse...

    What do you guys think?

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

    You're trying to build a connection / find common interests, (Rapport).
    That's what MOST guys do... so you're blending in with every other dude who is messaging her, and NOT standing out as the most fun/interesting guy.

    Yes, rapport IS important, but not in the beginning.

    You need to build attraction first.
    Otherwise you end up making a "friend" at best.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    2Rude is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

    I figured it might be attraction. It's always come to that I find. So how do I manage that through text/messages? I know I have a fun/good personality. But how am I able to stand out? sometimes I feel that I don't even get the chance to show who I am.

  4. #4
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

    You have to think about what every other guy is probably gonna do, and then DON'T do that.
    Example: asking questions like: "What do you do? Where ya from? What are your interests?" etc.

    Instead, make comments & assumptions, and avoid the typical "job interview" topics above.
    Try phrasing things like this:
    "You seem like someone who has an adventurous spirit" or "I'd be willing to bet you have a wicked sense of humor, and are the Queen of pranks when it comes to your friends." etc.

    Be bolder & project a fun, magnetic vibe.
    Make her WANT to know more about you.

    Don't ask her if she'd like to go out...
    Assume the sale & present it in a way that's gonna spark more interest.

    "OK, you're about the most fun person I've talked to in a while, I would totally be OK being seen in public with you. Margaritas this Friday... 7:04 PM. If you have a sombrero, feel free to bring it! "


    You want to spark an emotional reaction & make her smile. Women make decisions based on their emotions. So if she's feeling good & having fun, and YOU'RE the reason for that, then she's a LOT more likely to say "yes" when it comes to a meet up.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    2Rude is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

    Okay, that sounds fair. I mean, I'm naturally a humorous guy and I have no problem making women smile. I smile with my mouth and eyes. That I got on lock. The downside is, I've always been a slow starter so it's hard for me to REALLY attract them and I can't get the chance. The most I can do is turn a question into a statement (which does seem to bring out a good response 90% of the time) but at the end of the day it's difficult for me to proceed with it. I know what you're saying works.

    So I'll focus more on building attraction. I really need help in this area so if you have more insight, please lay it on me. I'll need something to help me out from the jump or at least keep me in long enough to get comfortable myself. Building attraction and proceeding is not only frustrating for me but it's really sucking the fun out of me too Lol.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

    It's all about flirting; Teasing/bantering/razzing... being confident & FUN. (Not necessarily "funny", but DO express a sense of humor.)

    I have a couple threads here about what flirting is / how to flirt. And asking a girl out.

    "All about flirting"

    "Asking a girl out"


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  7. #7
    2Rude is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

    Thanks T-Mal. This is very helpful in pointing me in the right direction. I've been telling myself that I need to flirt more and be straight forward for a while now. It's just tougher now more than ever because I've lost quite a bit of confidence over the past year (personal reasons, not just women). However, I'm looking to gain it back and I think this is a great way to start. If only I had more chances to practice tho.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

    Practice everywhere you go.
    Restaurants, stores, events, gas stations... wherever.

    Keep it light & silly.... and flirt with everyone...
    (I always flirt with checkout girls / ladies....even the old ones, just to stay sharp & keep myself in the groove.)

    Basically, I like to razz them about the way they're scanning my items or bagging them up.... Maybe even about the price of the item I’m buying.

    **Important** make sure you're smiling / laughing /winking etc... The key is to just make the interaction fun.

    Examples:

    "Hey, I see what you're doing... you scanned that twice. you're pretty sneaky!!"

    "Did you just give me the Senior discount? Are you trying to make me feel old or something?"

    "Nice! you scanned that with such laser precision... your hands are probably steady enough to do surgery on an emergency patient..."

    "You know, the reason I came through your checkout line is because, you smell better than the guy down there on register #3"

    "Look, don't judge me just because I still buy kids' cereal, I can't help it... Cap'n Crunch is still the boss!!

    Just little ridiculous things like that work wonders on getting them to smile.

    I mean, think about it...
    How many bitchy, cranky, asshole customers do you think she had to deal with already today? Sooooo, when you come along in a good mood, and you’re getting her to laugh & have fun for those few minutes, it's totally gonna make her day!

    Also- Flirting with girls at clubs or at coffee shops (or wherever) is the same thing.

    It’s all about light, playful teasing & bantering. Just adapt the context of your “friendly jabs” to the current surroundings & situation & you’ll be golden!

    My point is, don't always flirt with the intention & trying to get that girl... spend some time "flirting" just for the sake of flirting & gaining experience. Enjoy the fun interaction.

    That builds experience and confidence.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

    I have no problems dating. I have problems deciding who I am dating. I have tried getting validation many ways but dating seems to be the one that works the best. I throw out the "Hookup/Hangout" comment in my opener text template usually as the first thing I send. Sometimes I wait but normally it is the first thing I talk about and generally always gets them interested and investing. But in the end I end up on dates! By not asking you are obviously not going to get anywhere. Dating creates a "hook" for them. Also I like to "bait and switch" them by asking for the date and getting a time/place then text ditching them day of so they are required to invest and hit me up! So far it is working wonders.
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack

  10. #10
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    Default Re: What am I doing wrong or not doing at all?

    [QUOTE=T-Mal;126161]"OK, you're about the most fun person I've talked to in a while, I would totally be OK being seen in public with you. Margaritas this Friday... 7:04 PM. If you have a sombrero, feel free to bring it! "
    QUOTE]


    I like this line, but if it were me I would say "Ok, You're about the SECOND most fun person I've talked to in the last week".

    Good stuff T-Mal, as usual.


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