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Thread: Am I wasting my time with her?

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Am I wasting my time with her?

    Hey guys,

    There's this girl I met at a meetup and I don't know where I currently stand with her. She does chase me and seeks my company, but on the other hand she could just be hanging with me because she has no better options.

    I met her back in April and we went out several times, sometimes just the 2 of us and sometimes as part of a group. Then, there was the summer break and we didn't see each other for 2 months, but I noticed she started writing to me more often. So, we kept in touch through sms and I then asked her out once I came back in September.
    We went out once and hit it off (we must have spent like 7 hours together and I didn't even notice the time pass). Then, I invited her to my place for a movie night and I said I would prepare food from my country. It was a great day, so I wrote to her in the morning to suggest that we go to the park before watching the movie. She agreed but then called me 1 hour before the agreed meeting time to cancel everything under the pretext that she had gastroenteritis. Seemed really fishy to me and it was most probably a last minute flake.

    To be honest, I was really pissed, not so much because of the missed opportunity, but more because I had gone through all the trouble of purchasing specialty products and making some cooking. I decided to go cold on her. She asked me out the week-end that followed and I declined saying that I had other arrangements.

    I thought I would never hear from her again but she sent me a text again yesterday asking me if I had any plans. All my friends had betrayed me and I had run out of options, so I went on with it. I came along with a nice program and we actually had a good time (and managed to DHV by taking her to nice places I knew).


    Now, the question is what do I do from here. Is she interested or is she simply lonely? I just know that she likes my company as she tries to drag out the night as long as possible by moving to new places. On the other hand, she is totally cool hanging out with guys in a platonic way (for example, she went on holidays with a dude she had zero interest in, poor guy...)

    Concerning the flake, I am certain she's the shy type and from our discussions I have the impression she never had a bf before. She is a bit career oriented but not too happy with her personal life.

    I am not super attracted to her but we are very similar in many ways, and we always have a good time when we hang out together. So, we are very compatible in terms of personality, which is a good thing as I am bored to tears on certain dates with other girls. For now I am taking things slow and don't escalate too much. She is now comfortable letting me touch her at least.

    Anyway, I do see other girls in parallel, but I wonder if I should push things further with that particular one. I really cannot tell if I am in the friendzone or not (I am still ok with that since I have genuinely fun with her even as a friend).
    I just don't want to overinvest in her if this leads to a dead-end. It will also make things weird between us. She told me she once stopped seeing a guy because he started liking her.

    My instinct tells me it's just a friendly thing, but I would like the opinion of others.
    Thanks in advance for any advice, guys!

  2. #2
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I wasting my time with her?

    Then, I invited her to my place for a movie night and I said I would prepare food from my country. It was a great day, so I wrote to her in the morning to suggest that we go to the park before watching the movie. She agreed but then called me 1 hour before the agreed meeting time to cancel everything under the pretext that she had gastroenteritis. Seemed really fishy to me and it was most probably a last minute flake.
    stomach trouble is a typical last minute excuse.

    she flaked because of the sexual connotation that comes with "watching a movie" (as every college girl knows that's code for "lets hook up")

    Now, the question is what do I do from here. Is she interested or is she simply lonely?
    probably both. I have found that most people are lonely. she needs friends as much as any other person. as a matter of fact, it would be easy to argue that she needs friends a lot more than she needs sexual partners.

    Anyway, I do see other girls in parallel, but I wonder if I should push things further with that particular one. I really cannot tell if I am in the friendzone or not (I am still ok with that since I have genuinely fun with her even as a friend).
    I just don't want to overinvest in her if this leads to a dead-end. It will also make things weird between us. She told me she once stopped seeing a guy because he started liking her.
    save yourself from falling into the same trap that other guy did. you need to decide right now if you want to be her friend or her lover.

    hanging around her building all this non-sexual report will only make you her friend, and you'll probably end up freezing her out because she isn't attracted to you witch will only lead to you never talking to her again. (I know this from experience)

    if you want to be her lover, take a big chance. make a move on her. in the words of gunwitch, "make the ho say no"

    as in push for sex and if it doesn't happen then you'll know where you stand and you won't have to waste any more time on her.

    if you don't like the sound of that, then I really don't know what to tell you. building all this rapport isn't going to make her want to fark you. being direct and dominant will keep you from making that mistake.

  3. #3
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Am I wasting my time with her?

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    probably both. I have found that most people are lonely. she needs friends as much as any other person. as a matter of fact, it would be easy to argue that she needs friends a lot more than she needs sexual partners.

    save yourself from falling into the same trap that other guy did. you need to decide right now if you want to be her friend or her lover.

    hanging around her building all this non-sexual report will only make you her friend, and you'll probably end up freezing her out because she isn't attracted to you witch will only lead to you never talking to her again. (I know this from experience)

    if you want to be her lover, take a big chance. make a move on her. in the words of gunwitch, "make the ho say no"

    as in push for sex and if it doesn't happen then you'll know where you stand and you won't have to waste any more time on her.

    if you don't like the sound of that, then I really don't know what to tell you. building all this rapport isn't going to make her want to fark you. being direct and dominant will keep you from making that mistake.

    Thanks, man!

    You are absolutely right, it is about time I make my move. No matter whether I make it or break it, at least I will know what she thinks of me. I was thinking about inviting her again for a movie night (no dinner this time, just a pizza) but she might flake again. What do you think?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Am I wasting my time with her?

    "Helloooo, wazzuuuuup??? Tomorrow's night I have to go to the shopping, because I need some jeans!! Well, I need a feminine opinion! I'll get you at____". From then on go somewhere else and make your move. But, but, but, prepare it through kino escalation. "Hip's game", thumb's game, that kind of shit.

  5. #5
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I wasting my time with her?

    You are absolutely right, it is about time I make my move. No matter whether I make it or break it, at least I will know what she thinks of me. I was thinking about inviting her again for a movie night (no dinner this time, just a pizza) but she might flake again. What do you think?
    honestly, i believe the thing to do is invite her over for drinks at your place. (almost no college girls resist opportunities to drink especially if they're under age)
    tell her other people will be there, and then when she gets there tell her that she's the only one who showed up.

    keep a good vibe going and act like you know that she's trying to hit on you and that you know what her "bad" intentions are.

    keep the teasing up and then slowly calm down into a more sexual state (and transfer that state to her by lowering the energy of your convo and using plenty of kino)

    use sensual touch, strong eye contact and a slow soft tone of voice while in the sexual state. this along with close proximity will get her ready for what's next.

    use her amount of eye contact as a gauge of her sexual interest.

    if she holds eye contact, simply drop this line and kiss her.

    " I want to know what its like to ravish your body and make you scream in pleasure"

    (say it softly but seriously like you mean business and put a special emphasis on the "scream in pleasure" part)

    if this doesn't make her want to violently rip your pants off and fark you, then you didn't have enough sexual tension built beforehand.

    note: its not a line, its a technique, the key is building up the sexual tension beforehand and then using the line to set off the explosion of sexual attraction.

    good luck bro, that girl doesn't stand a chance against you

  6. #6
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Am I wasting my time with her?

    Ok, this is getting weird. She just sent me a text to brag about the fact she is going to Paris this week-end.
    I have noticed this becomes a habit. She texts more and more often to tell me how her day has been or about a project she is up to.
    Why does she feel the need to tell me all these things?

    For all I know, only my ex was doing that before we hooked up. All the other girls I have dated were pretty much silent until I contacted them again.

    Anyway, I really like your tip. Pretend I have invited other people and they don't show up in the end, haha I will certainly do that! Let's see how it works out.

    About the second part however, woah! I would never escalate things so fast! First, knowing her, she would faint the moment I try to pull her shirt, lol (she is too prude to flirt expressly). Secondly, I don't feel comfortable doing all that, we are not that close yet and there's no sexual vibe. I am just aiming for a kiss here and I think this is feasible.

    Will keep you posted. I am curious to see if it will work out this time.

  7. #7
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I wasting my time with her?

    She texts more and more often to tell me how her day has been or about a project she is up to.
    Why does she feel the need to tell me all these things?
    she's bragging to fill her ego.

    Anyway, I really like your tip. Pretend I have invited other people and they don't show up in the end, haha I will certainly do that! Let's see how it works out.
    btw the trick to making it work without raising her defenses is to act like you only invited like 4 or 5 people and they bailed on you last minute.

    About the second part however, woah! I would never escalate things so fast!
    why not??? do you prefer to bask in the friend zone? or be cheated on because you don't have the sexual confidence to go through with a full seduction???

    as a rule of thumb, the longer you wait to sleep with her, the harder it will be to seduce her. (I know it goes against the logic you've been taught as a kid, but trust me on this one)

    First, knowing her, she would faint the moment I try to pull her shirt, lol (she is too prude to flirt expressly).
    ah, what you don't realize, is that those "prudy" girls are almost always demon sloot under all that fašade of bs they put up to keep weak men from sleeping with them.

    Secondly, I don't feel comfortable doing all that, we are not that close yet and there's no sexual vibe. I am just aiming for a kiss here and I think this is feasible.
    seriously? what's uncomfortable about it? are you a virgin or something?

    and there should be a sexual vibe, otherwise you are doomed to an eternity in the friend zone.


    I am curious to see if it will work out this time.
    it will work out as long as you aren't a total b!tch about it.


    I'm guessing your probably the kind of guy who is overly nice to women hoping that one day they'll appreciate it and want to marry you or something???

    i'll tell you something, I once knew a guy like that, and you know what? he was unhappily married to a girl who was barely attracted to him. he was a spineless coward who catered to his woman and never told her no. and you know what else? he had been married to her for 4 years and as far as I know she is still a virgin to this day. one day she'll lose her virginity, just probably not to him lol

    ask yourself this,do you want to be like that guy someday????

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Am I wasting my time with her?

    Love the play by play advice breakdown meteora
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  9. #9
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Am I wasting my time with her?

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    she's bragging to fill her ego.
    Yeah, you are most probably right. At first, I took it as a sign of interest. But I guess she wants a beta orbiter to admire her. I give her very little attention and she keeps coming back asking for more, lol

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    why not??? do you prefer to bask in the friend zone? or be cheated on because you don't have the sexual confidence to go through with a full seduction???
    It's more complicated than that. The truth is that I am not really attracted to this girl. Yes, she could be an easy lay, but I am not interested in that. I want a gf and I can't imagine her as my gf, no matter how much I try to like her. It's also easier to escalate when you are actually attracted to the other person and you desire them.
    Also, with some other girls, it's easy to be sexual when they flirt back. When there is 0 response or I feel some coldness, I kinda lose my interest quickly and move on to the next target.

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    ah, what you don't realize, is that those "prudy" girls are almost always demon sloot under all that fašade of bs they put up to keep weak men from sleeping with them.
    I can somewhat agree with you (my ex was a virgin at age 27 and then she always wanted to get it). There are however some girls that are cold as ice (not because of their upbringing but because of their own personality) and there's nothing you can do about that. The only remedy is for them to be madly in love with you, otherwise they don't let themselves go easily.

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    as a rule of thumb, the longer you wait to sleep with her, the harder it will be to seduce her. (I know it goes against the logic you've been taught as a kid, but trust me on this one)
    Again, I am a complicated case. Getting laid is not my primary objective as I am looking for an emotional connection, and these things do take time. I don't do ONS and prefer spending some time getting to know the girl first. I know all this sounds completely idiotic to you. I have tried "burning steps" and doing it the PUA way in the past and I came to realize it does not work for me. It is simply not congruent with my personality, I really like to do things at my pace in general.

    So, when I go out with a girl, I never have to think of k*closing or f*closing. What happens is that I go on one or more dates and decide whether we get along and whether she is worth pursuing. I concentrate on having fun and if she is no fun I next her.


    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    seriously? what's uncomfortable about it? are you a virgin or something?

    and there should be a sexual vibe, otherwise you are doomed to an eternity in the friend zone.

    I'm guessing your probably the kind of guy who is overly nice to women hoping that one day they'll appreciate it and want to marry you or something???
    That was my No1 problem (being a nice guy) before discovering PUA. My problem now that I am dating more regularly is that I cannot/do not escalate efficiently and display a sexual vibe. I seldom do things correctly but most of the time I don't.

    The big question is whether I am holding back. Like many of us, I grew up thinking that it was a bad thing to be sexual. Don't get me wrong, I am over that now. I can become very kinky with the right girl. I can kino without a sweat when I know the girl a bit better and I feel attracted to her. It just happens naturally and I am not even thinking about what I am doing.

    On the other hand, when I know very little the girl (I am sorry, but 3 dates are not enough for me) or when I am not too much into her, I kinda feel like I am forcing myself to escalate. Every move must be calculated and calibrated and all that shit. It becomes a pain in the ass and I have to make a conscious effort to make that move (while it happens naturally when I am into a girl).

    So, if I understand myself correctly (because this is what it is about, finding a style that matches my personality), it could be that I am dating the wrong women. I don't feel like escalating when I am not attracted to someone, or even when I am not sure about the person. Heck, I could have had some easy lays but I passed on them because I didn't feel like it (and no, I am not gay).

    Yes, there have also been times when I somewhat liked a girl but I couldn't find the right way to show my interest. We would just be sitting there at a bar and chit chat without anything happening. By the end of date 1, it would be clear they were not interested anymore (maybe they were not even interested in the first place).

    Finally, just to explain the demographics in the city I live in. The girls I am dating are between 28-35, highly educated, make good money and have a fulfilling career (many are pretentious and reject most men, and you end up meeting all sorts of 35+ bitter single women). They are not fooling around as much as college girls and are mainly looking for a life partner. So, heavy flirting from the get-go is a no-no unless you clearly see she is open to casual sex.


    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    i'll tell you something, I once knew a guy like that, and you know what? he was unhappily married to a girl who was barely attracted to him. he was a spineless coward who catered to his woman and never told her no. and you know what else? he had been married to her for 4 years and as far as I know she is still a virgin to this day. one day she'll lose her virginity, just probably not to him lol

    ask yourself this,do you want to be like that guy someday????
    Thanks God, I am way beyond that stage
    But I know you are right in everything you said, man. There's no shame in being sexual. Hardcore PUA is not for everyone however. I don't feel the need to screw around.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Am I wasting my time with her?

    Quote Originally Posted by pepito View Post
    So, if I understand myself correctly (because this is what it is about, finding a style that matches my personality), it could be that I am dating the wrong women. I don't feel like escalating when I am not attracted to someone, or even when I am not sure about the person. Heck, I could have had some easy lays but I passed on them because I didn't feel like it (and no, I am not gay).

    Yes, there have also been times when I somewhat liked a girl but I couldn't find the right way to show my interest. We would just be sitting there at a bar and chit chat without anything happening. By the end of date 1, it would be clear they were not interested anymore (maybe they were not even interested in the first place).
    This is good, and entirely normal.

    I grew up as a starving beta AFC nerd. My only criteria for a gf was "she has a vagina and she's alive". Seriously. We grew up thinking getting a girl was this super tough and rare thing, and if you managed to get one you were so lucky. So you end up going on dates with girls you're not really into because they showed some interest, and you think that if a girl is interested you should go for it, right?

    Except, no. You grew over that. Now, you should actually pick. Find the criteria that works for you, and search for it. For example, I need a girl who's funny and sassy, I just can't otherwise. SO I meet girls, and they're cute, and I go on dates with them. And if they're not funny/sassy enough, I stop dating them. And if they are, I keep seeing them, and we have le sexy time.

    Once you know what to look for, everything becomes so easy, the Game makes so much sense. Dates happen by themselves. Conversations keep going forever. Escalation comes by itself.

    It's dumb and often overlooked, but it's an important part of the process: be selective.
    'The Game is what gives a PUA his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the world together.'


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