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Thread: gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

  1. #1
    machoman is offline PUA in Training
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    Default gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

    Now before the foreveralones come saying ''shes cheating bro'', I can safely say this isn't the case. Why? For the past 3 months we've spent the majority of our time together. I stay at her place 5-6 days a week. That being said, a few things have happened since the beginning of the relationship a year ago. Admittedly the number one thing which happened is I got lenient, letting things slide, which turned into a shitstorm now, and she has zero respect for me in the relationship. I can't be the man. In arguments, she'll tell me to shut up, calls me an asshole, etc. and even has the audacity to say that she doesn't want me to call her a 'cunt' when we argue because its "worse than what she calls me'' (wtf?). In fights she'll throw a fit, and then just be dismissive of what i have to say. Later on she apologizes and we make up for the next little while, and then again like boxers we'll be at it again. I used to be so confident, but now im just tired and defeated. I need help regaining my masculinity, and i dont know where to even start. This relationship has been getting worse and it culminated in two nights ago her saying she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore. Yesterday, on her birthday i got her the gift that she wanted, made everything really special and busted my ass to show her that i do care about her. Fastforward two hours she started a menial fight after the party and 'didnt feel like having sex anymore'. Ive been at my wits end for a while, but since I love this girl, i cant just walk away. I know youre probably wondering why, but I want to give it another shot, because dont get me wrong there were great moments in this relationship, ones which keep me hoping that we can go back to being that way. What can I do to fix this relationship, I love this girl, but shes openly told me she doesnt respect me (and in turn doesnt feel respected). How do i get this relationship back on track, my manhood back, and myself back to where i need to be?

  2. #2
    lenric's Avatar
    lenric is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

    What a mess. She kept rejecting you, but you were still her puppy. In summary, she had bad behavior loads of time and you, instead of standing up for yourself, accepted. Does it seem cool?

    Break up. Plain simple. She owns your ass. She knows that you are in the palm of her hand. There's no way around it. Just leave it and go somewhere else.

    Why would you want to continue in a relationship where there's no respect for each other? As human beings, we deserve better. We deserve happiness, and fun fact is, she doesn't make you happy and neither do you.

  3. #3
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

    If you cant believe in yourself to be happy in a relationship and tell her what makes you happy then its just about time to make yourself happy and walk away. If its a temporary reason why she isnt willing to have sex with you then there is no reason to be in the relationship if a good portion of the reason of the relationship was to connect with her intimately. Sex is important just like laughter and tears.

    My main suggestion is to confront her in a way that you both are listening and hearing each other out without jumping straight into emotional reactions.

    I'd also see about freezing her out so she can notice something is wrong and that you both need to talk.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  4. #4
    machoman is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

    Ya bro i know, its shitty. It was great, this girl would bend over backwards for me. I love the girl and she loves me, which is what keeps me trying to work things out. I read that taking a break for a week in her name i.e. 'You obviously need some time off to work things out in your mind so lets take a week break and see how we feel' is a good way of not being passive and regaining power. What are thoughts? Again i want to save a relationship, i dont want to end things just yet... How do i do this?

  5. #5
    bi11ydakid13 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

    Well as my fellow men have mentioned end it or break it. Regardless if you really really really really really want this to work there is one solution that worked for me. Start cheating. Don't brag about it don't mention it it's your secret but it's how you start getting your manhood back and guess what when she's be in a Bitch you don't have to put up with it cause you have your side chicks and she'll start respecting you she won't know what it is but subconsciously you'll be a man to her again.

  6. #6
    Grey2fox is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

    I wouldn't suggest cheating but you can start making new female friends. You are guilty of one thing and that's complacency. You were too complacent and lost your Alpha trait. Study the wolf packs. The Alpha male will always show its dominance every now and then just so everyone knows who the boss is. You need to show that in your relationship every now and then. For every 1 decision she makes, you make 10.


    She's acting like a child throwing tantrums and now is using sex as a currency. The thing is she knows that she means everything to you and that you don't have the balls to leave her. Your choices are limited. You can choose to leave and start fresh; Stay and remain complacent till she dumps you for an Alpha; Stay and show her that you are not afraid to leave as you have 'abundance'.

    Personally I'm leaning towards the last choice as you want this relationship. Start gaming other chicks and surround yourself with female friends. People you can hang out with to the movies, bars etc. You don't have to sleep with any of them. When she sees you surrounded by women then her instincts will kick in. Women are fierce when it comes to competing for a man. The next time she throws a tantrum, you phone your "friends" and walk away to chill out. Kick her off the pedestal.

  7. #7
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

    You should realize she should put in the effort too in saving the relationship. It shouldnt be all on you. If shes saying no sex and its unreasonable then thats a red flag for manipulation in my book. If shes commiting to no sex then find alternatives to keeping yourself happy--like a few above mentioned preselection is a nice tool to not only give yourself the confidence and makes her realize how she should also be giving the relationship some effort into fixing but it also helps centers you into realizing that at the end of the day you are also a catch. There are billions of women out there. Its her right to choose as much as it is yours. To be in a loving relationship both people need to commit to earnin the effection of another. Nothing is free--and that applies to both worlds. If you really want it to work then think about it by maybe seeing other women who might be able to open your eyes as to how much you really love this chick. You might consider it cheating but if you're giving it a week thats not on your terms then consider what cheating is and isnt. You both should realize that in a commited relationship you both are responsible for each other's feelings. Consider the amount of effort you've put in objectively and look at hers in the same light. When weighting pros and cons it should be obvious whose being fair.

    I re read what you posted and you didnt state the specific context for your fights--which is fine. But considering the off chance of misunderstandings of words and tonalities see who is being unreasonable ...you or her? If she's just making a fuss about nothing then she's trying to get a rise out of you to probably get you to take charge because you arent seeing something. The off chances of you doing something wrong is possible too so consider the situation objectively processed as well as emotionally processed. We men do tend to look at things logically so maybe consider her point of view.

    In the end i'd still consider the option of doing whats going to make you happy with or without the relationship. Avoid catering to every need she has. She isnt living your life--you need to be happy too. How do you become more confident inlife or a relationship? Own up to your responsibilities and actively try to improve your odds by taking risks. Always put your cards on the table to fail and learn from them. To be confident you must be outcune independent. You must do things for yourself in the sake of experimcing new experiences. The choices hardly matter as it is more important how you handle it.

    If she was saying no sex to control me and to spite me--i would make it clear that i still desire a happy sex life. One way to do this is to clearly show that you are going to masterbate. I'd even go as far as obviously playing porn loudly in the room next door or masterbating beside her in bed. To me it would not bother me if she was disgusted by these notions as you are trying to be a happy person who enjoys sexual pleasures--if she wont do it and she isnt going to allow you to sleep with other women i believe this is fair. I also believe that this action will force her to confront you--and with my reasoning above i believe it is not wrong--its not cheating.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #8
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

    You've lost the powerswitch plain and simple because you are keeping a relationship because of the need of completion and not as a complement.

    You need to sit back with a clear mind and define your boundaries. Adopting traits of being a dominant man is something you need. A dominant man knows what he wants and goes after it. A dominant man has expectation for how things should be. A dominant man is willing to risk rejection to get what he wants and for what he thinks is right. A dominant man is a man on a mission and the woman is second. Although she wants to be number 1 and will fight for it, she doesn't actually want to win. Women like a man on a mission.

    You need to know what you expect out of a woman in a relationship. One of the things every man expects out of a woman is a woman who can keep him sexually satisfied. If this girl is no longer giving you what you want and is using this as a method of control, you need to tell her what you approve of and what you don't. If she can't make you happy, you need to have the strength to walk away.

    Secondly, you need to be happy with yourself. For a moment, take her out of the picture. Can you be happy by yourself? Meaning is your cup full? I don't think so. You are emotionally attached, invested, and put too much attachments on sentimental values. Your cup needs to be full on it's own. The moment it is, then you will have your answer.

    I live by this belief.

    "A woman cannot make me happy because I am already happy. A woman can only make me happier. The moment she no longer makes me happier or cuts into my happiness, I am strong enough to walk."

    As long as you are with her, you will not be able to focus on yourself. You need to take a break from this and work on your own self development. You need to be happy with yourself first, create a world for yourself and then bring her back into the fold. If neither of you no longer feel the same by then, then it is not meant to be. Once you are happy with yourself, then decide and you might be surprised with how you feel by then.

    Right now you need to find the strength to walk away. If you don't have the strength to even do this, then you don't have what it takes to get the powerswitch back in your favor and you will continue to live in a dysfuctional relationship where the girl don't respect you. You will never look attractive in her eyes.

    I hate to break it to you, but the only way to save your relationship is to break it.

  9. #9
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

    Baby steps would be key here if you guys are choosing to stay together, notice I said both of you, as she can just as easily leave you. The reasons for this are too numerous, but she can be a total bitch and still get what she wants.

    How to actually handle this is situation specific, either get advice on these forums for every situation, or put more thought into what is causing the role reversals. I would suggest something small to start.

    "Get ready, I want to go out tonight."
    She will probably either disagree or go out with you and pick a fight. If she disagrees, just accept that answer, don't argue and leave, don't let her suck you into a fight. Go out have fun. If she goes, its likely she will pull some bullshit. Take her ass home, then go have fun.

    This is just an example, basically you need to stop worrying so much about her unhappiness and make you happy, and prepare to let her go. I think you guys need a break.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  10. #10
    OG_PlMP is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: gf says she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore... help!

    Sounds like this relationship is headed downhill real quick if you keep doing what you're doing. If it were me, I'd first ask myself if I actually like this girl or if she's someone I'm using to get my dick wet. If you don't like her break it off. If you do then I think you guys need more space.

    Be there less often, don't always jump at the opportunity to hang out with her. And when you are with her don't always try to initiate sex or even turn her down when she wants sex. Start hanging out with your friends without her. This will make her miss you a bit. If she cares about you the way you care about her (if you do), she'll start to get more submissive (for lack of a better word).

    Sound's like she's the one in charge right now and you always being there is feeding her power. If you act less into her and more independent she'll start to see that you don't need her to be happy and that the relationship isn't 100% secure.

    She'll start tor realize that she could lose you. This will make her try harder as if it were the very beginning stages of when you guys started dating all over again. Tell her stories about when you hung out with your friends/female friends and how much fun you're having when she's not around. Give it a little time and she'll come around. And for God's sake, stop calling her a c*nt.


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