Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16
Like Tree11Likes

Thread: Dealing with Multiple Flakes

  1. #1
    The_Source is offline Aspiring PUA
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Dealing with Multiple Flakes

    Hey Guys

    You may have seen my other thread about the Stripper I am "seeing" and this relates to that situation but is a little bit more general.

    So, long story short, this girl, HB10, who I have slept with and get on really well with (when I actually see her), keeps flaking on dates. So far, I've seen her half-a-dozen times in total, only twice outside of the club. She flaked on four out of six possible opportunities. Her excuse is typically that she is tired from work that evening or the night before.

    The situation is little more complicated as she is out of town and I can only see her when I am visiting for work purposes, at the moment about once per month, so when she flakes, it is fucking annoying, because the next chance to see her could be a while away.

    I stopped texting her for a couple of weeks due to a perceived lack of interest from her and then I suddenly show up in the club this week, and she is real happy to see me and we have a great night in each others company. We flirt relentlessly and we make plans to meet up the following day (yesterday), she flakes, and then she asks if im around the next day (today), and as usual i act cool about it.

    Tonight, she flaked again and, having acted cool on past occasions, i text her that if she didn't want to see me why doesn't she just say so instead of pretending to want to see me and then cancelling with hardly any notice... EEEEHHHH pretty shortly afterwards i realise that's probably not a great move.

    Anyway, I call her almost immediately, and it goes something like this - initially, she is a little angry and says she has read my text and has nothing to say, and that i dont understand. Calmly, I tell her to look at it from my point of view, explain my position, and ask her what she expects me to think? She cools down a little and then says that being a stripper is hard work and its difficult for her to squeeze in a date with me when she is working a lot this week, and i grudgingly accept that she might have a point... again she insists that she does want to see me and she asks me how i can think that she isn't interested after we spent the whole night together the other day etc etc, and I end up a little perplexed. She says she is sorry, and after a moment, I tell her I am sorry as well.

    I say, "look, I dont know when I am going to be in town next, so i guess ill see you when i see you" and then she says that she might be able to take a break tonight and we can grab a drink for half an hour, but it seems a little forced so I dont respond directly. I say that I dont want to come to club and stop her making money, and she doesnt tell me that she wants me to come down, so i take that as an IOD. She does however, say that she will be in my neck of the woods soon and that she wants to meet up in X place, but she doesnt commit to a time.

    The conversation doesnt end particularly well and its a little awkward - we dont set up anything in concrete (its hard given that we honestly dont know when we'll see each other). And after a few "yeah, so's" and "Okay's" we say bye.

    I dont want to apologise, or beg her to see me, or put pressure on her, but I do want to see her. Is there anything I can do to fix this? More generally, how should you respond when a girl flakes multiple times, but insists that she wants to see you? As it stands, I'm not happy with how we left things - should i re-initiate contact right away, or give it a few days and then call her when I am back in my home town?

    I'll probably be back in the city in a few weeks and I can try and tee something up with her beforehand, if i get out of this little jam.

    Thanks for your time fellas.

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,719, Level: 43
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 53.0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    820
    Points
    4,719
    Level
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
    Rep Power
    238

    Default Re: Dealing with Multiple Flakes

    You shouldnt be apologizing for wanting to see her.

    I think you're fine. Let her chase you some.

    I realize when dealing with hired guns you should be more reserved but still the brightest energy around her. In other words dont go out of your way to see her until you both have agreed to meet. I think she might be legit on working and maybe flaking but that shouldnt stop you from putting yourself out there. I think if she really wants you she'll make the effort. Work on your text game a bit to get her to be positively receptive. Dont get too sexual.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 6,582, Level: 56
    Level completed: 16%, Points required for next Level: 168
    Overall activity: 55.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered5000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Cali
    Posts
    450
    Points
    6,582
    Level
    56
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    293

    Default Re: Dealing with Multiple Flakes

    Source,

    She is flaking because she doesn't put value on you or as much as she once did. You made a lot of AFC mistakes that may have costed you.

    As I mentioned in another thread, if you were Tatum Channing or some celeb who asked her out, I don't care how tired she is. She is going to make time.

    - You shouldn't be apologizing. That is not being a dominant man. You confronted her and stated your boundaries, why did you apologize at the end (which is an admission of wrongdoing). Weak frame. Not attractive.

    - Talking to a girl logically doesn't equate attraction. That stuff don't work. Women don't think logic. They feel and a girl like her probably lives in the moment. Now IF she does go out with you it's because she feels obligated not because she feels attraction. The only time I talk to a girl that I am interested in logically is when I am cutting her lose.

    As I said in your old thread, once a girl broke rapport with you, that is it. Chances are she will keep on flaking and the more you keep on hitting her up to meet, the more you will lose value and even look needy. From her point of view, she will probably keep leading you on because that is what strippers do. I already suspected this was going to happen.

    You are not thinking and coming off as a high value man here with a strong inner-frame and she probably sensed that (being married killed your game). Just because she is an HB10 (via your POV) doesn't mean anything. She is just a book with a pretty cover. You don't know her story. A lot of strippers are damaged goods. You slept with her once and got Pu$$y. That is a big accomplishment. Be ready to move on. You are not looking for anything serious anyways.

    I know you just want her to be a reg fvckbuddy, but unless your bedgame is sick, you are not going to get a girl addicted and coming back for seconds. Work on that. (FYI - a guy with sick bedgame can go 1 to 2 hours w/o spilling).

    In terms of game, too many newbie mistakes you are making. If you are taking the art seriously, this is something you need to invest in yourself rather than coming to the forum to just fixing a single problem only to be undone by several. Like I stated in your old thread, you got your foot in the door, but failed to keep it there. Live and learn. I had to go through the same process.

    What Art suggested is good, but this is something you should've been doing from the moment you said "hello." You needed to be the first to break rapport in the ways he stated. In the past, you gave up so much value that you were not able to break rapport. For example, overstaying at the VIP room and waiting for her.

    I stick to my original response - Freeze her out and use that time to work on your self-development. Come back a year later and try again as a different person (by then you've probably will outgrow her).

  4. #4
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,222, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Southern Michigan USA
    Posts
    2,558
    Points
    31,222
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts
    Rep Power
    1391

    Default Re: Dealing with Multiple Flakes

    Don't focus on one single girl, until one single girl makes you HER sole focus.

    Keep your options open & plentiful. THAT is the key to finding "the right one".

    If you're more interested in a particular girl, then put a little more attention in her direction than the rest, but don't close the door on the others too soon.

    This helps alleviate one-itis AND makes flaking a NON-issue, because you have options.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    The_Source is offline Aspiring PUA
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Dealing with Multiple Flakes

    Hey Guys, thanks for the responses. I don't have time to write a proper post now but it looks like things have sorted themselves out. Cheers for taking the time to respond to my thread and I'll try n post properly later.

  6. #6
    The_Source is offline Aspiring PUA
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Dealing with Multiple Flakes

    Hey guys, so here's what happened... A couple of hours after our phone call, I texted her saying "Hey, about earlier... It sucked. Let's not do it again." She texted back a while later agreeing and she told me her night was going okay.

    Now, I am out on the backup plan arranged in case of a flake (great advice from Artandale and NakedTruth) and by chance we have ended up fairly near to the strip club... Okay, it may not be completely by chance, but it could have been!

    I say "well, your night is about to get better, cuz I'm in the area" to which she says "oh that's great, where?" I tell her and I say that it would be rude if I didn't stop by, but that I have met some cool new ppl so I wont be around for a little bit.

    After about 2 hours I go to the strip club (approximately 2am) - she's on stage and she is pleased to see me. she finishes her dance and walks right over to me without getting dressed to say hello - I tell her to get dressed and I'll still wait, and she comes out looking stunning.

    Anyway, she sits down and we chat for a little bit and she makes a point of telling me how tired she is. She takes me to the booth in the VIP section that she now refers to as "our corner" and she lies down with her head on my lap, and we talk. I tell her that I don't feel like I should apologise for being bummed out after she flaked, and that I guess my reaction shows me that I actually care about her a little more than I thought I did. I figured this would be okay to say considering the IOIs I'm getting.

    It's near the end of her shift and I tell her that she's coming back with me, I don't care if she comes and just falls asleep, and she agrees.

    4am rolls up and her shift finishes, we leave together in front of everyone in the club (this surprised me most), hop into a taxi and go back to my hotel, and we sleep together.

    After about two hours sleep, we have a "lazy shag" where we are both half asleep - this is my only regret really, that we didn't have better sex like the first time. I have to go catch my flight so I get up about a hour later and she stays in the room sleeping.

    She texts me later and we talk (T-Mal, following your texting bible to try n improve my texting game - thanks for that), and I make sure I break rapport this time, but I set up a phone date for a specific time in three days. She texts back happy.

    I think three days is too long and I don't want to lose momentum so I'll probably text her before that, if she doesn't text beforehand. It's been over 24 hours since our last message - how soon do you guys think I should text her?

    In terms of where we are at now... I'm not sure - she seems to respond well when I show her affection but I need to make sure I don't go AFC.

    @i.m.mortal - I think I'm making newbie mistakes because I'm still learning, but so far the feedback I've gotten from my posts on here so far is helping, even if it's only sorting out one mistake and then making several more. I am going to take your advice on investing in myself and I'll be focusing on phone game and bed game right away.

    Cheers guys
    Last edited by The_Source; 10-25-2014 at 02:28 AM. Reason: Missed something

  7. #7
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,719, Level: 43
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 53.0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    820
    Points
    4,719
    Level
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
    Rep Power
    238

    Default Re: Dealing with Multiple Flakes

    Well space out the time you talk to her. Pace yourself. I would try to balance the days i would try to talk to her based upon when the scheduled date would be. Dont do everyday. Change it up.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #8
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 6,582, Level: 56
    Level completed: 16%, Points required for next Level: 168
    Overall activity: 55.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered5000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Cali
    Posts
    450
    Points
    6,582
    Level
    56
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    293

    Default Re: Dealing with Multiple Flakes

    3 days is fine.

    Here is what I use as a gauge. If a girl initiates text with you, it doesn't matter how long as you don't over-text. Just worry about the DON'Ts in text game. This is a sign that she likes you and is thinking about you. That is the ultimate text game compliance benchmark passed!

    My buddy who is a good looking natural has 5 girls initiating texts with him all the time and he doesn't initiate at all.

    IF she never initiates and you find yourself in a trend being the one to initiate all the time, then she isn't as crazy for you as you think.

    You have to be a bit more reserved. Text her only when you have a reason to like you are going to be in town or once in a while send her a holding pattern text. If she always replies, it is a good sign that the interest is still there. It sounds like she always replies so that is good at least.

    Here is the thing about momentum. You can't keep it up forever. Long ago, I put so much emphasis and concern on momentum, I shot myself in the foot.

    The thing about women is if the girl likes you and thinks you are cool, it doesn't matter how much you text. If she doesn't like you, you can text her once every 3 days and she still will feel that it is too much. They go by how they feel and not by any quantifiable logic.

    I felt you already struck when the iron was hot. You slept with her not once but twice. That is really the endgame in the seduction community. The trick is you getting her not to flake on a date. But if you have to go to the club to drag her over to your hotel to get some pussy, who cares? You got pussy and didn't pay for it. You won. That is farther than most guys can get with any stripper. They go to the club, blow loads of cash and leave alone and must jerk off that nite to let off steam. Getting a stripper to leave the place with you? That is freaking awesome. Who cares about taking her out for dinner. You saved $$.

    Bear in mind, that the iron will not stay hot forever. Eventually this is going to run it's course. She knows she is a stripper who almost no guy will take seriously and she doesn't know you have a family.

    You also need to ask yourself what are your goals with this girl. What do you want? I get the impression you want her to be your mistress so every time you come to town you got a fvckbuddy.

    For a girl to be your fvckbuddy, you seem to care too much on something that will have no longevity and definitely someone you won't take seriously.

    For example, there are times I won't text a girl that I like for a week or two. I recently went out with 2 gorgeous girls. One a playboy model and the other is a bikini model. In the 1.5 month, I only texted the bikini model once with a holding pattern text because she never initiates and currently I don't have the time to go out with them. These are high value girls. That is a "Chooser" frame...meaning I choose whenever the fvck I want to text them. If I have no reason to text, then my mind is off doing other things. Then once in a while I would just throw out a line to see what they are up to keeping dates low expectation. That in itself demonstrates that I don't put as much value in them as other guys like their fanbois do.

    As a PUA, you need to keep a certain degree of detachment. You only give as much interest as the other person is giving you. That is the golden rule.

  9. #9
    The_Source is offline Aspiring PUA
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Dealing with Multiple Flakes

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    3 days is fine.

    Here is what I use as a gauge. If a girl initiates text with you, it doesn't matter how long as you don't over-text. Just worry about the DON'Ts in text game. This is a sign that she likes you and is thinking about you. That is the ultimate text game compliance benchmark passed!

    My buddy who is a good looking natural has 5 girls initiating texts with him all the time and he doesn't initiate at all.

    IF she never initiates and you find yourself in a trend being the one to initiate all the time, then she isn't as crazy for you as you think.

    You have to be a bit more reserved. Text her only when you have a reason to like you are going to be in town or once in a while send her a holding pattern text. If she always replies, it is a good sign that the interest is still there. It sounds like she always replies so that is good at least.

    Here is the thing about momentum. You can't keep it up forever. Long ago, I put so much emphasis and concern on momentum, I shot myself in the foot.

    The thing about women is if the girl likes you and thinks you are cool, it doesn't matter how much you text. If she doesn't like you, you can text her once every 3 days and she still will feel that it is too much. They go by how they feel and not by any quantifiable logic.

    I felt you already struck when the iron was hot. You slept with her not once but twice. That is really the endgame in the seduction community. The trick is you getting her not to flake on a date. But if you have to go to the club to drag her over to your hotel to get some pussy, who cares? You got pussy and didn't pay for it. You won. That is farther than most guys can get with any stripper. They go to the club, blow loads of cash and leave alone and must jerk off that nite to let off steam. Getting a stripper to leave the place with you? That is freaking awesome. Who cares about taking her out for dinner. You saved $$.

    Bear in mind, that the iron will not stay hot forever. Eventually this is going to run it's course. She knows she is a stripper who almost no guy will take seriously and she doesn't know you have a family.

    You also need to ask yourself what are your goals with this girl. What do you want? I get the impression you want her to be your mistress so every time you come to town you got a fvckbuddy.

    For a girl to be your fvckbuddy, you seem to care too much on something that will have no longevity and definitely someone you won't take seriously.

    For example, there are times I won't text a girl that I like for a week or two. I recently went out with 2 gorgeous girls. One a playboy model and the other is a bikini model. In the 1.5 month, I only texted the bikini model once with a holding pattern text because she never initiates and currently I don't have the time to go out with them. These are high value girls. That is a "Chooser" frame...meaning I choose whenever the fvck I want to text them. If I have no reason to text, then my mind is off doing other things. Then once in a while I would just throw out a line to see what they are up to keeping dates low expectation. That in itself demonstrates that I don't put as much value in them as other guys like their fanbois do.

    As a PUA, you need to keep a certain degree of detachment. You only give as much interest as the other person is giving you. That is the golden rule.
    Thanks again for your insight man - I'll wait it out. Should I just call her at the time I said I would, or should I text beforehand? I'm leaning towards just calling... If she doesnt pick up, then ill have to leave a voicemail (ugh).

    In terms of her replying to texts... sometimes she replies right away, sometimes she takes ages, other times she doesnt reply... my text game needs work, i know it, so that's my main focus in the short term.

    Your question about what I want out of this is an interesting one... im not sure - I want her to be my mistress for sure, but I've actually grown to quite like her. She does know about my family, I made sure that I told her right away...

    She is going travelling for 3 months in just over a months time, im hoping to see her twice before she goes, and it'll be interesting to see if she stays in touch whilst she is away, and if she hits me up when she comes back...

    Another conundrum is that its her birthday soon - Any ideas on what sort of present i can get her would be most welcome. I guess I have to get her something, but I dont want to go overboard.

  10. #10
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 6,582, Level: 56
    Level completed: 16%, Points required for next Level: 168
    Overall activity: 55.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered5000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Cali
    Posts
    450
    Points
    6,582
    Level
    56
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    293

    Default Re: Dealing with Multiple Flakes

    To improve your text game start reading some stuff such as Bobby Rio's Magnetic Messaging and Christian Hudson's How2TxtHer

    You said you arranged some kind of phone date, then stick with it. Call her. If she doesn't pick up, then don't leave a message. Just leave a holding pattern text that will spark her emotions.

    Don't contact her again until you are planning to be back in her neck of woods.

    You already given up more value than you should. She probably doesn't initiate text with you because she knows you will be the one to do it. You need to re-establish yourself back in the "Chooser" frame. To get good at this, I recommend reading up on Jason Capital's "Powerswitch"

    As for her BDay...

    Try to create a new experience for her without having to spend money. For example, there was this one girl I drew her portrait. Didn't cost me money except for the framing.

    My rule of thumb - if a girl doesn't do anything for my Bday, I don't do anything for hers except wish her a Happy Bday. Just think, if it was your BDay, what would she do for you? If you know she wouldn't go out of her way to take you out on some extravagant dinner, then don't do that for her.

    As for that long ass trip she is going to take. Holding pattern texts or arrange a time to chat on the phone.

    Just use her as batting practice to improve your game until this whole thing run its course.

    Just keep in mind - when you are interacting with a girl, it's 2 pronged - you want to always be generating positive emotions (fun, challenging, playful, flirty) and conveying high value.


Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Dealing with HB flakes (long)
    By jn85 in forum General Questions
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 08-19-2013, 04:01 PM
  2. Multiple flakes, would you be worried in this situation?
    By JPLST in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 03-20-2013, 09:39 PM
  3. FR: First & Multiple K-Closes
    By MatthewFreeman in forum Field Reports
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 01-07-2013, 09:36 PM
  4. Dealing With Flakes - Be the One That Got Away
    By Autismus in forum Members Lounge
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 11-15-2012, 10:23 PM
  5. How To Get Multiple GFs that Know About One Another
    By 0Rooster0 in forum Help Getting A Girlfriend
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 11-09-2012, 02:12 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com