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Thread: How to avoid oneitis in the first place

  1. #1
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    Default How to avoid oneitis in the first place

    Hey everyone,

    Oneitis becomes a parasite and really, blinds a lot of guys I think and can pussy-whip them into a spiral of emotional attachment.

    But in all seriousness there is no such thing as the perfect woman. No matter how hard you look, the woman that ends up being best for you will still have some flaws. You need to sit down with yourself and figure out what traits you want to see in a woman and don't be afraid to push for them.

    Even for beginners that may end up with oneitis you need to control your emotions and think clearly, are you being honest with yourself, is she the one? Or are you just trying to make it work because you think she is the one? Some people don't find the right person till their 50. Even if she is the only girl you are talking to, for whatever reason, your real dream girl could be waiting for you somewhere in the Bahamas, YOU DO NOT KNOW.(So stop treating her like she's the only girl around)(Their are more than 3.5 billion women on the planet!)Always keep in mind that their will be others, just the way your friends fill any holes in your heart, their will be others, maybe even more beautiful with a personality that really compliments yours that will come to bond and heal your broken heart.

    Please feel free to add to this topic of discussion

    With that being said, shout-outs to meteora, T-mal, CDHARDERS, Lockdown, whitedragon, artandale and the many others that help to keep this forum alive, with their deep insights and experiences.

    That's all folks. Thanks!

  2. #2
    havefun is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to avoid oneitis in the first place

    It is normal, somethines to meet women that you find more attractive, because of the combination of looks and personality they got.
    It is pre-programmed in us, to feel more emotions towards people, which fit better our inner needs.

    In this case I do not find anything bad in "oneitis". I myself have had some light form of it for all my serious girlfriends.

    The whole problem with oneitis is not that you like a girl a lot, but setting her up on a pedestal and not having the balls to go through it later.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: How to avoid oneitis in the first place

    There's no "one". There's simply a moment in your life when you stop looking for a girl and settle with the one you're with. It's how life works. When you're 30 you think about babies and whatever and you have them with the woman you're with. And, as time marches on, you stay with her, because you already have children and there's so much going on with your life that you don't want to change.

    Anyway, oneitis can be easily avoided if you're talking with several women. If you plant seeds everywhere, then it will be easy not to be obsessed with only one. But if you put all of your eggs into the same basket, then you'll be attached to it.

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    wildstorms (04-20-2016)

  5. #4
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    Default Re: How to avoid oneitis in the first place

    Quote Originally Posted by havefun View Post
    The whole problem with oneitis is not that you like a girl a lot, but setting her up on a pedestal and not having the balls to go through it later.
    What your saying here is that you should still treat her like a regular girl, don't inflate her and give her all the power.

    Being the man in the relationship, you are supposed to be trusted with all the power and have it with the start, you are alpha and dominant

  6. #5
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    Default Re: How to avoid oneitis in the first place

    But in all seriousness there is no such thing as the perfect woman.
    I have to agree with this statement 100%


    What your saying here is that you should still treat her like a regular girl, don't inflate her and give her all the power.
    this is exactly how you keep from having one-it is.


    Please feel free to add to this topic of discussion
    I would like to add, that one-itis isn't caused by only dating one woman, its caused by obsessing over a girl when you have no real reason to.

    examples:

    one-it is:

    you talk to this girl every day, she is absolutely perfect, almost too good to be true, you rationalize that she's the perfect girl for you, but in the meantime, this is making you scared of making mistakes around her, she becomes an obsession. you start thinking "what do I say to her" and how can I have this woman as my wife" and "she's the only girl I ever want" this causes clinginess witch causes rejection.

    vs

    only having one girl

    you've been seeing her for a while and decided to drop your other girls, she makes you feel good, and she knows that if she messes up you'll go back to those side girls you had when you first started seeing her. you feel confident that you have options, but you choose to enjoy the girl your with. there is nothing needy about this.

    Anyway, oneitis can be easily avoided if you're talking with several women. If you plant seeds everywhere, then it will be easy not to be obsessed with only one. But if you put all of your eggs into the same basket, then you'll be attached to it.
    I agree, the top causes of one-itis are as follows:

    1. not getting out often enough (its hard to have options when you make 2 approaches a month)

    2. a lack of experience ( people who are inexperienced with women get attached way too easily )

    3. a lack of self value (often the reason guys make these women out to be goddesses is because they do not value themselves as equals to said women)


    the best way to cure this is to get out as often as you can, talk to as many women as you can, and spend time with extremely attractive women (so you can become comfortable around them)

    bottom line, an active social life is the cure for one-itis.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to meteora For This Useful Post:

    wildstorms (04-20-2016)

  8. #6
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    Default Re: How to avoid oneitis in the first place

    Fantastic responses all, the points discussed so far are all a great starting point for anyone having difficulty handling oneitis.

  9. #7
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    Default Re: How to avoid oneitis in the first place

    I'm a firm believer that being in "love" is 50% emotions and 50% a decision. Making someone "the one" falls into that to, and is really empowering. If you think about it, searching for "The One who is pre-destined to be with me" is really coming from a position of weakness. You're settling yourself in the mindset that you're only good enough to be with one person, even though there might be better women out there or that you're not allowed to strive for better quality people in your life. Once you remove that and stand in a position of power, saying "It will be a decision of mine, if you're worthy of me and I enjoy the relationship, that I will decide that you will be my 'one'", it removes the pressure and gives you all the power to date around, be around high quality women, and not worried that you're not good enough to get anyone else but the one you're with.

    And not to mention, lets your settle down when you're ready to, and not feel rushed into a different life when you're not ready for it.

  10. #8
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    Default Re: How to avoid oneitis in the first place

    It is easy to fall into oneitis when you're just starting out or in the process of building abundance for yourself. I've fallen into it a number of times but I just have to remind myself to keep talking to girls and build a 'harem'.

    After you have many different women you are talking to then if there's one you really like you can commit to her. But even after committing to one girl you don't want to lose the persona that got her attracted to you in the first place. Don't get needy or clingy.


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