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Thread: Is attraction somewhat random?

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Is attraction somewhat random?

    Hey guys,

    Following my previous thread on getting a woman addicted, I would like to create a new one on the randomness of female attraction (I am getting very philosophical, lol).

    Yes, yes, PUA doctrine says that attraction is not a choice. It is something that can be provoked by pushing the right switches, and I totally agree with that. Nevertheless, I still believe there are some factors that we cannot do anything about.

    I have observed 2 things about how women feel attraction: 1) it is fleeting and can fade away really fast 2) it is sometime provoked randomly.

    1) A woman may feel attracted to you at some point, and if you do not deliver and reciprocate during that precise time-frame, then she will lose interest and you will never ever get a second chance. Once you blow it, it's over.
    This has been a problem for me on several occasions, because I need more time to get to know the girl and also decide whether I want to date her. Many women nowadays are impatient and get bored if they are not kissed by the 3rd date.

    Many other guys can provide testimonies of the same kind. This temporal element does add randomness in how women feel attracted. There's no way to determine for how long they will be interested in you.

    Take this example of mine. I met this chick at a cocktail almost 1 month ago. She was flirting a lot with me and I n*closed that night (it was a work-related event, so it would have been inappropriate for me to escalate). I wrote to her and she was replying quite promptly during the first days. We tried to meet for drinks but we never managed to meet in the end (she claims she is too busy, which is also true because I know some of her coworkers). I have been trying to arrange something for a while now but she always replies to my texts with a 1 week delay. I think this is a lost cause and have already moved on, but it is a good example as to how a guy can fuck up if he doesn't act fast enough.

    2) I have observed that women might dislike you (or not see you as a potential bf) at some point in time, but they might miraculously start to like you and see you differently at a later point in time (let's say a few months/years later). Now, this has happened to me and I could never tell what was the point that turned the tables around.

    For example, I was friends with my ex for a whole year. After the first 6 months, I confessed to her (how beta of me, lol) and she rejected me but we stayed friends nevertheless. 6 months after my confession, I noticed that something was changing. She was attracted to me and suggested that we started dating. She claimed that "something was different" and that I was more "manly". I swear to God I was my usual self when we last met before we had that discussion. She was just visiting my city, so I was showing her around and deciding where we would go and what would we eat.

    I refuse to believe that she saw me as an alpha just because of how I behaved on that specific day. My personal belief is that it's just an excuse she used to justify hooking up with me. She was at a point where she would either lose me or keep me (I didn't set an ultimatum, it's just happened that she had to make a choice because otherwise we would start losing touch with each other).

    Ok, this is more an anecdotal incident, but I have heard similar stories from other guys. Some woman would dismiss a guy at some point, only to feel attracted to him some years later. I am not talking about the cases where the guy became someone successful with a nice job, car and house. I am talking guys that didn't change too much about themselves, and yet those same women that rejected them, were reconsidering whether they should date this guys.

    It's so ironic that these women refuse to acknowledge their own lack of coherence. It's the same guy FFS!! Which brings me to the fact that women don't seem to know what they want and mostly act on impulse.
    I know guys that were really pissed by this change of behavior ("oh yeah, now I am good enough for you? Well, f*** off!").


    The question is whether there is any way for us, guys, to reduce the randomness factor.

    About the time limit: Is there a way to bounce back or is the opportunity really lost forever?
    About the sudden change of mind: What is the reason behind it? What can we do about it?

    Thanks in advance for any input!
    Cheers

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is attraction somewhat random?

    Reduce the randomness factor?
    Yep.

    It's called "game".


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is attraction somewhat random?

    LOL

    More seriously, even game cannot solve these issues.

    Don't tell me you never had a woman reject you even though she initially showed you IOIs?

    Also, have you never had a woman change her mind about you without any clear indication as to what the reason was?

  4. #4
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is attraction somewhat random?

    Absolutely I have... Even WITH game.
    But much more without game.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is attraction somewhat random?

    Ok... And how did you deal with it? Did you manage to hook up with the HB or did you move on?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Is attraction somewhat random?

    Stop looking at failure as whats holding you back. Fail ao you can learn. Tripple your failure rate so you can understand how you want to manuever from any situation you know is not for you
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Is attraction somewhat random?

    Quote Originally Posted by pepito View Post
    Hey guys,

    Following my previous thread on getting a woman addicted, I would like to create a new one on the randomness of female attraction (I am getting very philosophical, lol).

    Yes, yes, PUA doctrine says that attraction is not a choice. It is something that can be provoked by pushing the right switches, and I totally agree with that. Nevertheless, I still believe there are some factors that we cannot do anything about.

    I have observed 2 things about how women feel attraction: 1) it is fleeting and can fade away really fast 2) it is sometime provoked randomly.

    1) A woman may feel attracted to you at some point, and if you do not deliver and reciprocate during that precise time-frame, then she will lose interest and you will never ever get a second chance. Once you blow it, it's over.
    This has been a problem for me on several occasions, because I need more time to get to know the girl and also decide whether I want to date her. Many women nowadays are impatient and get bored if they are not kissed by the 3rd date.

    Many other guys can provide testimonies of the same kind. This temporal element does add randomness in how women feel attracted. There's no way to determine for how long they will be interested in you.

    Take this example of mine. I met this chick at a cocktail almost 1 month ago. She was flirting a lot with me and I n*closed that night (it was a work-related event, so it would have been inappropriate for me to escalate). I wrote to her and she was replying quite promptly during the first days. We tried to meet for drinks but we never managed to meet in the end (she claims she is too busy, which is also true because I know some of her coworkers). I have been trying to arrange something for a while now but she always replies to my texts with a 1 week delay. I think this is a lost cause and have already moved on, but it is a good example as to how a guy can fark up if he doesn't act fast enough.

    2) I have observed that women might dislike you (or not see you as a potential bf) at some point in time, but they might miraculously start to like you and see you differently at a later point in time (let's say a few months/years later). Now, this has happened to me and I could never tell what was the point that turned the tables around.

    For example, I was friends with my ex for a whole year. After the first 6 months, I confessed to her (how beta of me, lol) and she rejected me but we stayed friends nevertheless. 6 months after my confession, I noticed that something was changing. She was attracted to me and suggested that we started dating. She claimed that "something was different" and that I was more "manly". I swear to God I was my usual self when we last met before we had that discussion. She was just visiting my city, so I was showing her around and deciding where we would go and what would we eat.

    I refuse to believe that she saw me as an alpha just because of how I behaved on that specific day. My personal belief is that it's just an excuse she used to justify hooking up with me. She was at a point where she would either lose me or keep me (I didn't set an ultimatum, it's just happened that she had to make a choice because otherwise we would start losing touch with each other).

    Ok, this is more an anecdotal incident, but I have heard similar stories from other guys. Some woman would dismiss a guy at some point, only to feel attracted to him some years later. I am not talking about the cases where the guy became someone successful with a nice job, car and house. I am talking guys that didn't change too much about themselves, and yet those same women that rejected them, were reconsidering whether they should date this guys.

    It's so ironic that these women refuse to acknowledge their own lack of coherence. It's the same guy FFS!! Which brings me to the fact that women don't seem to know what they want and mostly act on impulse.
    I know guys that were really pissed by this change of behavior ("oh yeah, now I am good enough for you? Well, f*** off!").


    The question is whether there is any way for us, guys, to reduce the randomness factor.

    About the time limit: Is there a way to bounce back or is the opportunity really lost forever?
    About the sudden change of mind: What is the reason behind it? What can we do about it?

    Thanks in advance for any input!
    Cheers
    Hey brother, I know how you feel, but uhm seriously, just do one thing for me, you will love this.

    Read "Be Relentless" by David X (free through search).

    Just do it! Trust me on this one

  8. #8
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Is attraction somewhat random?

    1) it is fleeting and can fade away really fast
    only when you don't have solid dhv's or when you fail to give her reciprocity.

    2) it is sometime provoked randomly.
    its rarely random. you probably just don't understand what is making them attracted to you.

    btw most of what people consider "random attraction" boils down to physical attraction (as in she's attracted to you for your looks/body language)

    1) A woman may feel attracted to you at some point, and if you do not deliver and reciprocate during that precise time-frame, then she will lose interest and you will never ever get a second chance. Once you blow it, it's over.
    often if you don't act, the woman will just assume your not interested in her.

    I met this chick at a cocktail almost 1 month ago. She was flirting a lot with me and I n*closed that night (it was a work-related event, so it would have been inappropriate for me to escalate).
    she was looking for a hookup, and you left her hanging by just getting her number. had you taken her on an insta-date to another location instead, you probably wouldn't be posting this rant.

    all to often guys get numbers when they should be getting f-closes. when you just get the number, you often miss out on great opportunities.


    I swear to God I was my usual self when we last met before we had that discussion. She was just visiting my city, so I was showing her around and deciding where we would go and what would we eat.
    by making all the decisions when she was visiting the city, you displayed leadership (witch is a huge dhv) that is why she changed her mind about you. end of story.


    I have observed that women might dislike you (or not see you as a potential bf) at some point in time, but they might miraculously start to like you and see you differently at a later point in time
    About the sudden change of mind: What is the reason behind it? What can we do about it?
    this almost always boils down to you displaying more value than you did previously (wether you realize it or not.)

    the thing to do about it is to always be improving yourself so that it happens more often.


    About the time limit: Is there a way to bounce back or is the opportunity really lost forever?
    it really depends on the girl and how attracted she was to you. my assumption is that either she wasn't as attracted as you thought she was, or she didn't feel like you were genuinely attracted to her. either way, this prevented reciprocity and thus caused flakes.

    Read "Be Relentless" by David X (free through search).
    I highly recommend this book.

    Reduce the randomness factor?
    Yep.

    It's called "game".
    that there is the core of pua, making dating less random.

    once you understand why women do the things they do, they don't seem random at all.

    bottom line, women are attracted to anything that gives value to you. attraction is only random when you don't understand what makes you valuable and what doesn't.

  9. #9
    lenric's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is attraction somewhat random?

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    bottom line, women are attracted to anything that gives value to you. attraction is only random when you don't understand what makes you valuable and what doesn't.
    This summarizes everything this community tries to teach.


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