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  1. #1
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Pumped the brakes...cant figure this one out, and vacation looms

    Greetings gents, been a while but glad to see the community alive and well here at my favorite forum.

    I've recently found myself in what is by far the most peculiar situation I've seen during my time.

    Just over two months ago I met a girl through mutual friends and we hit it off fierce. Tons of flirting and sex talk through text, making time for one another regularly, and she pulled out all the stops for my birthday after only a couple of weeks of dating. We just had tons of fun together.

    During the first month I was regularly seeing another girl as well, but let things fizzle out with her as I was so into this one.

    Once the other one was out of the picture we were pretty much inseperable. She told her family and friends all about me on a regular basis and we even spoke briefly about the future. Things were going so well that we even booked a vacation together. (More on that in a moment)

    The sex has been frequent and great, very violent and ending up in a lot of nice clothing being rendered unusable. When we are both drinking there is nothing that stops us.

    And then all of a sudden it stopped.
    We went out for a night with friends, had a great time and I know I made a great impression on them all. The next day she was near death with a hangover and I was very accommodating. Just wanted to help her while sick. The next day she was still sick and didn't want to talk or be touched, and the third day was the same. I will formally admit that I was a little overbearing the last two days but sincerely just wanted to help.

    The last day once she was feeling a little better she decided to leave to be in her own space, which I was fine with. That was about a week and a half ago. Since then everything has been different. She has been increasingly distant and cold and in response I've been fairly similar but at the same time still putting in some effort. I just can't for the life of me figure out what changed. I don't think a couple of days of being overly sensitive/borderline needy would have done it given all the preceeding.

    I have two scenarios that I think it might have been.

    One, she called me out once for talking about my ex when with mutual friends. Nothing over the top but she found it odd. She also sees me disappear for nights at a time with no responses. Twice at the last big dinner her close friends called her my girlfriend and I corrected them. Which I suspect got back to her.

    The other is that maybe those two days really did push her away. I've given her space but she starts conversation nearly every day although all her responses are nothing near where they used to be. I've been careful to not be needy or bring anything up about the situation nonetheless. Her coldness and distance is driving me insane however. I will also mention that she has lots going on at work and home right now.

    I will include two conversations of note.

    The first was almost a week after she left when I noticed things weren't nearly the same
    Me: Anyways I don't know what caused you to pull away, but I'm not the type of guy who's gonna chase. That being said I'm a guy who knows what he wants. I can imagine that I was more than a bit annoying while you were sick, and reacted terrrrribly and that's on me. I just was trying to help and was frustrated that I couldn't. But I thought we've had a good thing going the last couple months, don't want a couple bad days to ruin that. That's all I got

    Her:Oh I Would never intend to be chased. Honestly, just wanted/needed some me time. Haven't been well, so just did my own thing work & gym. We've been spending a lot of time together. Don't get me wrong, it's been fun but also means I've been completely flaking on my friends - it's been mentioned a few times and I don't like being that person.


    The second was a little briefer, we were chatting a bit and she was being annoying so I called her a nickname that she had previously told me she doesn't like guys she's seeing calling her. She replied with that's it we are just friends. I said haha that's cute. And she said not cute, for reals. It's never been mentioned again after.

    The last two days have been the worst. Two word texts maximum and much longer than average response times. Absolutely no interest in anything I've got going on and zero enthusiasm.

    Here's the kicker. Tomorrow we are going on a four day vacation tomorrow. She's coming over tonight to spend the night and then we leave tomorrow. I don't want to have the trip be awkward because we have a lot of fun stuff planned and we have traditionally had a blast together. Part of me wants to get things out in the open tonight but I'm also worried about pushing her further away if it's been a loss of attraction.

    As I can't figure out which one of the two its been or maybe even both, any suggestions on how to proceed with this? Ideally I'd want things to work out but I'm more than happy back in the game if it doesn't. I guess my biggest sticking point is that things moved so far so fast and then seemingly hit a brick wall. I just don't understand how someone can change so much seemingly overnight.

    Cheers in advance

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Pumped the brakes...cant figure this one out, and vacation looms

    Dont over complicate things just take it easy. It sounds to me like you're expecting a lot instead of just having a good time with her. Dont ramp things up all the time and enjoy the dance. Let her be her own person but let her see that you can be fun and inviting without her and that if she actually wanted to she could have more fun with you. Dont dwell on the problems until she brings it up
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Pumped the brakes...cant figure this one out, and vacation looms

    That's some grade A advice, I think with it becoming winter and me being less active with sports I spend much more time in my own mind and over thinking.

    I took your advice last night. She came over and we went to the mall to get some last minute things for our trip and some food. I spent the evening joking and being a bit of an ass, she remarked that I hadn't been like that lately and it kind of reminded her of how I was with always a shit eating grin and a smartass comment. We had a lot of laughs.

    When it came time for bed we had some pillowtalk, we were both exhausted from work/gym. I said goodnight and went to sleep, didn't try for a goodnight kiss or even a spoon, which again is nontypical when compared to my normal actions.

    This morning I dropped her off at work and didn't go in for a kiss either.

    I'm thinking I do similar all day today/tonight and wait until tomorrow night when we are in bed to make a move

    Any input is appreciated and will keep you posted
    Cheers

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Pumped the brakes...cant figure this one out, and vacation looms

    You should try to progress in your relationship based on moods and let it span a fee days so you know which way you want to move it. If your last experiences with her was super chill then consider ramping things up within the next few days to weeks. When this are overly dramatic then chill things out without the expectations and let people be themselves for a few days. If things are intense and intimate consider pulling back a few days to let the tension grow and let your time apart to be missed so you can bask in the connection when you guys meet again to continue. I'm a big believer in that people are always shifting moods and it lasts for at least a few days after any changes. Given a few days to a week people are more likely to change things up.

    In your case i believe you should work more on reading the signs for pushing and pulling to build the right kind of tension for your relationship so it doesnt lose balance and see everything collapse before your eyes. Take your time in making any choices and take even longer on how you want to proceed.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #5
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    wildstorms is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Pumped the brakes...cant figure this one out, and vacation looms

    "Twice at the last big dinner her close friends called her my girlfriend and I corrected them. Which I suspect got back to her."

    Seriously you are over complicating things. Did you ask her out? Did you talk to her about exclusivity? Because if it is, she needs to know, especially if you have this much skill and can go pick up any other girl. (She knows that you can) That's all it is, you need to talk to her about taking your relationship to the next level (You are going to vacation with her for 4 days for peat's sake, what else is she then? Thats like Wife, GF shit) You have to, let her know she is special, being a pua you master the skill set to becoming a partner in bed, not a life partner, that comes from the inside, you build that. Keep her chasing and keep doing what you do, but solidify the relationship to let her know that you guys are going out and that you two are an exclusive pair, so that there is no tension between you two just drifting apart without a hitch ( because it clearly seems like she can if she felt like it) Talk to her about it if you feel so connected and that it is worth it to you.

    I personally think, SHE WANTS TO BE MORE THAN A FARK BUDDY TO YOU!

    That's all I got for you bro, good luck!

  6. #6
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    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Pumped the brakes...cant figure this one out, and vacation looms

    Quote Originally Posted by Prodigy84 View Post
    I took your advice last night. She came over and we went to the mall to get some last minute things for our trip and some food. I spent the evening joking and being a bit of an ass, she remarked that I hadn't been like that lately and it kind of reminded her of how I was with always a shit eating grin and a smartass comment. We had a lot of laughs.
    This is good. ALWAYS do this. Being a smart ass with a shit eating grin is ALWAYS golden.

    [QOUTE]
    When it came time for bed we had some pillowtalk, we were both exhausted from work/gym. I said goodnight and went to sleep, didn't try for a goodnight kiss or even a spoon, which again is nontypical when compared to my normal actions.
    [/QUOTE]

    Being unpredictable is good. In this instance I think it was fine. However; I always keep the sexual tension ramped. When I've been f'ing a girl I f-her when I want. Don't stop being sexual with her. If I don't feel like having sex I'll rub the girl I'm with and make her super horny then tell her I'm tired. This gets her all worked up and you're in control. I find it hilarious because girls do this to guys all the time. Be a HUGE tease BUT still bang her brains out on the regular.

  7. #7
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Pumped the brakes...cant figure this one out, and vacation looms

    Well so much for seeing what happens. We embarked on our trip yesterday and all was well, despite I could tell she was still a little distant. After the plane ride and some exploring and dinner we came back to the house and had a couple of drinks.

    Once in bed we started making out and she said "I'm really hesitant right now" and the conversation happened.

    She admitted to purposely holding herself back with me lately, and that she wasn't 100 percent sure what was in store for us so she wanted to cut things off from that perspective.

    She starts a new job next week that has her out of town a lot, then she is going away for a month at Christmas. She states that she is avoiding getting closer because of all the unknown that comes with the new job and time away, and that she'd rather stop things now to avoid the potential of it ending later down the road and hurting her more / wasting both our time. Women logic right?

    She did mention that another factor in her choice is that while she's been distant she's been seeing me get friendly with other girls on snapchat and other mediums, while she hasn't spoken to another guy in that manner since we met. I assured her it was all platonic but I don't think she's buying it.

    I told her I respected her decision, and while I don't necessarily agree with them, I understand where she is coming from. She said she has so much to figure out right now that if She's not 100% into this than she's nit willing to continue.

    I remained calm and solid, never changing my view. I told her we came here to have fun together, and I'm not mad, and that's what we will do. I feel like I was close to LTRing this one but won't recover without giving her time and space to realize what she's missing.

    Now I just need to bang her all weekend

  8. #8
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Pumped the brakes...cant figure this one out, and vacation looms

    She went into a spiel about having walls up because of her ex and not wanting to be hurt again yadayadayada as well...I remember when we first met I called her out on her walls within a week and told her I would eventually break them down...apparently not yet haha

  9. #9
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Pumped the brakes...cant figure this one out, and vacation looms

    Well the weekend has ended and it was awkward to say the least. She claimed that although she was stepping back, she still wanted to have a good time. Apparently her idea of that is sitting in near silence for four days.

    After the events of the first night, we had aapretty fun night on Friday. We both got hammered and were having good fun. When we got home that night we had a more heated convo regarding things. I kind of egged it on purposely just to inject some emotion into the discussion.

    She woke up Saturday pretty angry and had a cold sore that she claims was brought on by the stress of arguing with me.

    Saturday was a reaaaally quiet day lounging by the pool and then we went out for dinner and saw a show which we both enjoyed. We got home that night and immediately went to sleep.

    Yesterday started off well and we had another quite fun day until last night when we got drunk again. I brought things around to the topic again like an idiot and she says she was left with a really bad taste in her mouth from it. I made lots of little comments to things she would say like "why do you care we are done in two days anyway" and really let the alcohol get the better of me. She ended up in an argument with my friend and decided to sleep on the couch. She came in this morning and we cuddled a little bit.

    Today was verrrry silent. She started off by telling me about the aforementioned bad taste and that I almost ruined her vacation by getting drunk and being a jerk toward her. We fly back home soon and I know this will be the end.

    So what I'm going to do is move on, freeze her out until sometime early next year. Her whole point was that with everything going on she wasn't sure where we were going and for all she knew she could come running back in a few weeks. I think this weekend ruined that potential. But no matter what happens I think I'm better off cutting losses and moving on...


    To the next one!


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