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Thread: Tips on building deep emotional rapport with a girl

  1. #1
    GoBucks90 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Tips on building deep emotional rapport with a girl

    From my previous experiences with dating girls, I seem to spark attraction pretty easily with my playful attitude consisting of banter, silliness, and sense of charm. However, I seem to always struggle with building a genuine connection with the girl on our dates even after we've kissed and sometimes even after having sex. I've had girls that say they love me and miss me but then give me the cold shoulder and never text back after a date. Any tips or advice on this would be greatly appreciated!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Tips on building deep emotional rapport with a girl

    Tell stories from the "I" perspective.

    Most people say stuff like: "you know when you go to xxxxx, and you blahblahblah...? Then you blah blah?.." Etc.

    Instead, say "I don't know how it is for you, but for me, whenever I go xxxxx I always blah blah blah" etc.

    It will make her feel more connected because YOU are talking about YOU (In the "I" perspective).

    There's more to explain, but I gotta go to work.
    I'll check back later to give more input.


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    Default Re: Tips on building deep emotional rapport with a girl

    like where this is going ... but watch out about only talking about youself...or not?

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    Default Re: Tips on building deep emotional rapport with a girl

    OK, back home from work.

    Telling stories from the "I" perspective keeps the girl from feeling forced into a vulnerable spot.

    If a guy always describes things in the you perspective (like- "You know whenever you do something & then such & such happens, and then you have to blah blah blah" etc.) it can make the other person feel uncomfortable &/or keep them from really taking in what you're saying.

    It kinda forces THEM to open up & be vulnerable first. They might also start thinking, "no I don't know what that's like..." which also prevents them connecting with you on a deeper level.

    However; if I were talking to you about something I would say it like this:
    "I don't know about you, but whenever I hear "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke on the radio, I can't help but crank it up because it reminds me of summertime... and I had LOTS of fun the summer that song came out. So, nowadays when I hear it, it brings back lots of cool memories & makes me feel good."

    I'm telling you something personal about myself & how something affects me, and we'll connect better.

    But if I said it like this, it wouldn't be as effective:
    "Hey, you know how when that song Blurred lines comes on the radio & you have to crank it up because it reminds you of summer & all the fun you had?"

    THAT is the difference between the I perspective & the YOU perspective. And that little change in your "story telling" can make a HUGE difference in how deeply you connect with someone.

    I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable by volunteering that info, which puts the other person more at ease, and makes them more likely to open up & be more personal with me too.



    Don't JUST talk about yourself, but when you do, do it THAT way... you'll be amazed at how much more willing other people are to share insights about themselves with YOU after that.


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  5. #5
    GoBucks90 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Tips on building deep emotional rapport with a girl

    Wow, thank you so much T-Mal! That totally make sense since it's in the first person view which makes it seem more genuine. I was actually over at this girl's place and I was basically letting her do 80% of the talking while I listened and asked questions to direct the conversation. But I definitely noticed that she was feeling put on the spot too much while I didn't share enough about myself. Things just didn't flow like it should have.

    Also, I noticed that sometimes the moment is not right for having deep conversations. Do you usually have any cues you look for to go into deep comfort building?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Tips on building deep emotional rapport with a girl

    Don't force rapport/comfort...
    Rapport without attraction = Friend Zone.

    Build more attraction & the rapport will come more naturally.

    Attraction is curiosity. And when someone is curious about another person, they want to learn more about them... (Thus the rapport stage)

    Just enjoy being in the moment & having fun. Don't worry about "connecting deeply" in the beginning.
    However; you CAN create a deeper connection (naturally) with the correct story telling technique I explained.

    I do that all the time. But I flirt like a mo-fo & just sprinkle the stories in here & there.

    It IS possible to create attraction AND a deeper connection simultaneously... but make sure you don't skip attraction altogether.


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