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  1. #1
    Karuz is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Mixed signals or just disinterest?

    Hello everyone,

    I am a shy guy, with low self-confidence essentialy due to his physical appearance.
    I met a girl in June of this year, and I was immediately attracted to her, not just because of her cute appearance, but also because of her unique character. I find her very special and more respectable than many girls; she is Christian and, although I can't be sure about that, she does not want to have sex before marriage. I must tell now that it does not matter for me.

    My best friend, who introduced her to me, was also attracted to her and one year ago, tried to seduce her. They had several dates, but when he admitted her interest for her, she claimed not to have understood clearly his intentions and she pretended to seek only friendship.
    She seems very innocent: she did not understand that when they went out together, it was a date!

    The first times I saw her, she seemed quite interested by me, at least curious. She asked me for example: "If I invited you to dance, would you accept it?"; she quoted my name many times during discussions with others; etc.

    After the holidays break, I saw her again at weekly dancing parties, in September. She came to me and engaged the conversation. She asked me several personal questions.
    We met many times since then during the same parties. She invited me to dance and, as I was, at the time, very intimidated, I refused. But in the context, dancing is a very neutral thing. Everyone is dancing with everyone; she dances with other guys too. She is also able to engage conversation with other men.

    Once, she proposed to my friend (the one who has been rejected by her, but who is now a friend of her) to do something during the week-end. She asked him if I would come. I was very enthusiastic about that, perhaps too.

    During our parties, she showed some IOI:
    - she is curling her hair, but she is doing that everytime, even when talking with other persons;
    - she asked me some personal questions, especially on my family and religion, but never spoke about girls and seduction. For example, I was forced to admit once that I had personal problems (I was in a bad mood at the time). She tried to know which problems it was: family? money? health? work? But she never evoked relationships and girls!
    - she has sometimes a mirroring behaviour: she repeats my gestures, for example when I touch my best friend, she does it in the same way;
    - good kino between us, even when we are not dancing: she wants me to shake hands when we have played to some games; she touches my shoulder/arm after a neg from me;
    - when I said: "I do not want to be your confident", she answered: "It was not at all my intention" (it does not mean she wants me as more than a friend, though);
    - she asked if I would come to her party once;
    - she asked me: "Do you find me interesting?";
    - she complimented me about my intelligence;
    - she invited me to dance many times and engaged conversations;
    - she initiated conversation through textings twice (I never did);
    - when we were in a crowded, hot place, I asked her -- just to joke -- if she felt cold, and surprisingly she said: "Yes" as I was about to offer her my scarf;
    - she generally offers me a good compliance: she follows me, accepts my little presents (food);
    - she seemed quite jealous because, after I refused to dance with her, she saw me dancing with other girls; she seemed also a little bit jealous (but I am not sure at all!) when I asked her to find a present for another girl. She did not answer at first and asked questions about that girl.


    On the other hand, she displayed some IOD too, or there are some negative elements that must be added:
    - she is curious with everyone. She seems interested by other guys too and asks questions about them;
    - she always answers to my texts, but she takes her time (so do I!);
    - at the end of the parties, or during group conversations, she seems completely not interested: she does not ask questions and reply briefly to mine, she almost does not care about me;
    - when I did not have her phone number yet, a friend tried to help me to get it; he asked her why she did not have my number, and she replied that it was not necessary because we were seeing each other almost every week. Thereafter, I came into the conversation, and she tested me: "We are seeing each other every week, it is enough for you, isn't it?" I did not answer clearly. I should have said "no". Eventually I did get her number thanks to my wingman.

    And recently, her behaviour was more unfriendly:
    - I proposed her to go with her to the mall in order for us to find a present for a common friend, but she came at the last minute with a member of her family (great IOD?). It was not a date, but I was totally discouraged by that. Moreover, during this moment, she did not care about me: she did not ask many questions and barely replied to mine! At the end, I had the feeling she was trying to avoid me! Perhaps because she discovered my intentions?
    - She does not seek after me all the time. Sometimes, she encourages me to dance with other girls (but again, it is a neutral thing in the context). She does not wait for me everytime. She does not try to see me outside our parties.
    - My best friend (the one who has been rejected by her) does not see any particulary interest from her to me. He is very demoralizing with that girl.

    With that girl, my behaviour was strange, as I am a beginner (although I am 24) in the Game. I negged her everytime, I have been cocky, but also -- she told me so -- quite unfriendly at the beginning. She revealed she found me shy at first, but realized later I wasn't.
    I never displayed any kind of interest, which is a bad thing, but something done because I fear failure. I do not condone failure for me.
    I acted as an uninterested man. I know it is a mistake, but so it is; I am stupid.
    The only time I showed interest for her, it is when she asked me to find a present for our friend because she was about to go to the mall, and I took the opportunity to ask her out. She accepted.

    Frankly, I noted a decrease of her interest. At first, she seemed quite curious about me, but then, she did not ask many questions, and she showed some signs of disinterest.
    Our complicity can be the sign she considers me as a simple friend, as the other guys. She has numerous male friends!
    I don't know if she is seeking relationships and love. She always seems innocent and pure; but it is perhaps just an appearance.

    Although it is a demoralizing situation, there are these little signs that made me feel she was curious about me. Am I wrong? Why are there these mixed signals? Are there mixed signals, by the way, or just pure IOD?

    What do you think about it? Thank you!

    (And sorry for my English.)

  2. #2
    Duca's Avatar
    Duca is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Mixed signals or just disinterest?

    Man you are worrying wayyyyy to much!...you will find out what she feels only by keep playing your game

    She (at least) feels something for you...could be friendship or could be "sexual attraction" (I put the quotation marks since you wrote she does not want to have sex before marriage)

    From my experience with this kind of girls, the Game is not always the best choice...they are very unexperienced so some incomprehensions may occur

    Sometimes is better to forget all this neg/IOI/IOD shit and just follow your feelings

    I would try to ask her out on a real date (not dinner or cinema) in a crowded place like a bar (does she drink?...it doesn't matter)...specify (indirectly) that she should come alone and see how she reacts (accept/deny)...there is no perfect place, just focus on finding a spot where your shyness is hidden

    It's hard to tell if her IODs were:
    -to make you feel jealous
    -sign of disinterest
    -accidental
    -to tell you "oh come on, stop being shy or I will get tired of you!"

    Remember that IOIs and IODs can be interpreted in different ways depending on the situation and on the girl, so it's hard to analyze them on a forum

    Sometimes girls give IOIs and then don't care about you
    Sometimes girls give IODs and then sleep with you

    IOIs and a IODs and really important but is not all about them

    The only thing you can do is keep playing your game and set a date with her

    P.S. Your english is fine
    DUCA: Titolo nobiliare che nella gerarchia araldica segue quello di principe
    translation
    DUKE: A duke can either be a monarch ruling over a duchy or a member of the nobility, historically of highest rank below the monarch

  3. #3
    Karuz is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default

    Thank you very much!

    I am indeed constantly very worried because I am not self-confident: I do not believe I am able to physically attract a girl. I could not pick up any girl since many years (I have never tried, though), except two ONS.

    I know the Game is not the best solution, but don't think she is unexperienced: many guys approach her, and she analyses their characters very well. She sees through their intentions.

    If she was interested, I don't think she would act like that. She would care a lot more about me during the parties (she did it once, when we spent almost all the time together), she would ask more questions about me and would have wanted to see me outside our weekly parties.

    It is quite ridiculous to observe her behaviour and to collect IOIs or IODs, I know that. But it is my nature, I don't want to take too many risks.

    I really like that girl. It is not a one-itis, but I don't want to lose her because she has a unique personality and lifestyle.

    I don't think I can propose her a date now (I will, but not now), because there is a little FO between us since the last time we met: as she seemed not interested, I decided to take advantage of the holidays to restart -- if possible -- our relationship thereafter.
    I just sent her a message to wish her good holidays and Christmas; she answered and asked if I was fine.

    However, I want action after the festive season! But how to show my interest without being too bold?

  4. #4
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Mixed signals or just disinterest?

    Karuz, in the opening of Neil Strauss's book The Game .... he says I'm short, skinny, and bald but I am considered one of the top pick up artists in the world. What you will learn when you get more comfortable with women is that looks do not really matter. We can't all be Brad Pitt, I'm certainly not, if you are, good for you, that helps .... but I've had so many women tell me that I'm the most interesting and intriguing guy they have ever met, and having an insane sense of humor helps too. The point is work on yourself and be the best man you can be. And don't just work on women, talk with everybody it makes you a more well rounded person. I was so shy in my twenties, but now when I walk into a room I take control and people want to talk to me.

    This whole "game" is a journey, a journey of becoming the best version of ourselves that we can be and that will help you in all aspects of your life ...... Good Luck

    By the way .... YES ... build more attraction before you ask that girl out

  5. #5
    Karuz is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Mixed signals or just disinterest?

    Thanks! Yes, I agree with what you say. I talk with everybody now and I am more comfortable during the parties because I am trying to forget about my looks.
    But sometimes, it is very difficult, because there are some jokes, some indirect critics, from guys or girls... Just like the last time; a girl said (I was there, but I didn't talk to her much): "Tonight, men are just ugly, stupid, engaged or shy". As I am single, as I was not very shy with her, she probably found me ugly!

    With my target, yes, I will try to build comfort and attraction with her. But I have read that when girls send mixed signals, it means that they don't really care about you.
    Indeed, I wouldn't understand why she would feign disinterest.
    Nevertheless, I will probably see her next week. I hope she missed me!


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