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  • 2 Post By DirectIsBest
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Thread: Need Major Damage Control Advice

  1. #1
    rawknee is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Cool Need Major Damage Control Advice

    So I met this girl a little over a week ago while out with my buddy at a bar late at night. She and her friend ended up spending the night at my buddy's apartment (nothing sexual occurred consequently). The next night took the girl who showed interest in me out to a bar/restaurant, we both drank, talked a lot, she seemed to enjoy herself. After that, got pretty drunk, but she agreed to come over my place, but eventually had to go home because of work the next morning. Walked her to the subway station where we briefly made out, and I said good bye.

    Despite my over-drunkenness, she agreed to go out with me again on Friday night. We met up and went ice skating which I thought would be a nice, kinda quirky idea for a date. Afterward met up with my buddy and his girlfriend for dinner and drinks. Following that, we all went to my apartment and played beer pong, and then my friend and his girlfriend left. Very shortly after, my date said her friend texted her roommate texted her saying she was locked out of the apartment. I made some desperate attempts to remedy this situation, saying I could come with her and then go back to my place, or get drinks with her near her place, taxi her back to my place, but she politely declined adding that she had work the next morning, which I believe to have been true (I realized afterward how desperate and pathetic I must've come off, granted I was pretty drunk and extremely horny at this point). However, I took this very personally, and visibly upset, walked her to the subway, and at some point, we discussed hanging out again which she confirmed she'd like to do, and here made my biggest mistake, and asked awkwardly and unconfidently asked her if she actually would like to see me again, to which she gave me the expected reply that she wouldn't say she wanted to if she didn't mean it. We got to the train where we gave each other a stiff good bye. To make matters worse (I'm pretty sure), I texted her saying that I acted like a douche because I genuinely liked her. Sent a couple more texts, one saying i had a good time, another saying i sound like a weed, and then after if she would like to hand out soon, to which she replied "yeah! At this point, things seemed to still be alright, but then I replied with "preferably a night where you don't have stuff the next day", followed by another text saying "well not at 8 in the morning", followed by, "let me know when you want to hang out next".

    Here's where things become clear. Today I texted her asking if she wanted to go with me to a friend's art show thursday night to which she replied that she is working that night. Following that, I asked if she wanted to go to a movie with me another night, to which her exact response was, "Honestly I don't want to lead you on. I just got an insane job offer which I really need to focus on and I feel like I shouldn't be dating anyone right now."

    So obviously, this generally sounds like b.s., and she's really just saying she's not interested in me (anymore at least), and if she were, ten jobs wouldn't matter. Still, I wonder if I should make a last ditch effort, and if so, what should I say? I was thinking of saying something like, "well then let's just keep it casual, doesn't need to be more than a movie".. potentially including something jokingly like, "I'm not asking you to marry me.. unless that's what you want", but perhaps that's a bit too much and will come off as awkward. Anyway, I'm sure you guys will have much better ideas of what I should say or do than i have/let me know if this is completely unsalvageable (which'll hurt, but perhaps be something I need to hear). Anyway, thanks for reading this hugely long post, and your feedback is extremely appreciated.

    Rawknee

  2. #2
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Major Damage Control Advice

    Forget it. You came off as super needy and destroyed the attraction she had for you. Think about it this way. If you met a guy as a friend and thought he was pretty cool then he sent you the same texts you sent her would you be freaked out? Would you think to yourself "Whoa! This guy is not confident and needy. I'm not sure I want to be friends with him". I'm sure you would think that.

    The first mistake you made was not escalating and not trying to escalate when you two were alone at your place the first time. You ended up making out with her at the subway station which was a good move on your part. That salvaged it. The Second mistake was acting desperate to make her stay when she had to leave the second time. The third and BIGGEST mistake you made was when you asked her if she "really wanted to see you again". This was the nail in the coffin for you. Everything you sent her after this didn't really matter but it was needy and solidified that thought in her head. Next time you talk to a girl about hanging out and she says yes take her on her word and believe it.

    There's absolutely no salvaging this one. The only way you have a chance, EVER, is to stop talking to her completely and maybe you'll run into her years down the road.

  3. #3
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Major Damage Control Advice

    And once again we see why nothing good ever comes out of being drunk when you are with a girl. Be a man and always be in control of what you say and do and you'll never have to apologize for acting like a douche

  4. #4
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    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Major Damage Control Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by drgnsfire12 View Post
    And once again we see why nothing good ever comes out of being drunk when you are with a girl. Be a man and always be in control of what you say and do and you'll never have to apologize for acting like a douche
    He should have never apologized period. Being drunk doesn't matter. If you're not needy you can be drunk and do everything right. If you're needy you will apologize when you don't need to apologize and you will act like a douche when drunk. If you have abundance you will be fine when drunk. So the morel of the story is nothing good comes out of being drunk with a girl when you're inexperienced.

  5. #5
    Bill Preston's Avatar
    Bill Preston is offline Owner - PUA Forum
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    Default Re: Need Major Damage Control Advice

    Nothing kills attraction like approval seeking and neediness. Nothing.

    Very shortly after, my date said her friend texted her roommate texted her saying she was locked out of the apartment.
    The only reply to this is:
    You better get going, but we should continue this another time.

    Give her a hot but short kiss and send her on her way.


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