Im hoping to get clarity on this situation, because i am at my wits end. Ive been going with my gf for the past year and a half. In the beginning it was great, but slowly as I started getting feelings for her, Id start to let things slide, slowly empowering her. Its now gotten to the point where she feels comfortable and in fights she disrespects me, and I am powerless to stop it. Shitty considering how confident i was around her, now im stuck in between loving her and trying to keep myself happy. That said, I AM NOT looking to end this relationship just yet. I do love this girl and am willing to work it out, but i dont even know if thats doable. In the beginning i was everything for her, even though i am 7 years younger than her she fell for me. After about four months of casual dating we got really serious, and thats when issues started coming up. I was insecure, and hated that she had a past, so i did things which slowly broke her trust (go through phones, emails etc) shitty of me, i know, beta whatever you want to call it, i know. I did keep bringing up her past which only made her resent me as she put it, and its been an uphill battle ever since. She wasnt innocent either though, and once she realized that i loved her and was too weak to stop her from disrespecting me, shit fucking hit the fan. Our fights turned vicious, and she wouldnt hold back with anything, where i would go silent and be the bigger person. Fastforward to today, many fights and many arguments later, and i just got back from her place and from another fight, this time i didnt concede, i just left her house and havent talked to her since. I dont this cycle to keep going so i need help in regaining my manhood and my own self-respect. What she says lately is that i need to prove my love for her (she thinks im going to cheat on her, something ive alluded to in fights but apologized for after), that she doesnt respect me, and that she doesnt feel safe/trust me. Fucked situation i know. What do i need to do, how do i set my boundaries and change this situation? I still love this girl, but i cant be in a relationship where i feel the other person constantly has one foot out the door.
A little bit of background information, Im at university and i live at home, in between student loans and living expenses im not rich. Most of my time i spend usually at her place (i dont pay rent), to which i have the key, so we do spend alot (id say too much) time around each other. Thank You looking forward to your responses!