Looking at Looks... from the other perspective
I've wanted to start this thread for awhile, but I was a bit hesitant. Being a cool social guy, I don't want to come off as unappreciative or rude. But at the same time, if you can't talk about this here, then you can't talk about it anywhere, so here it goes.
First, for background info, I'm not a very attractive guy. I'm not saying this because I have low self-esteem. I actually know that I'm completely amazing and awesome and if you don't believe that, then you can just ask me and I'll tell you. However, if you want to have a limited conversation relating to physical appearance only, well, I've detailed my facial reconstruction surgeries before. I don't really feel like going into all that. But the bottom line is most girls would probably rate me at around a 5 in terms of appearance. Naturally, I can take good pictures occasionally, I can choose my best ones if I'm doing something like online dating and I can bump myself up to like a 6.5 or 7 without too much effort, or do the same thing with the right clothes. I'm just saying this so you all kind of know where I'm coming from. Now on to the meat of the topic...
I find in both social circle game, as well as in cold approach, some really ugly girls will approach me and start talking to me. I get it. It's a combination of the fact that I exhibit massively attractive qualities, but also don't look like all that much. So I guess they get it in their head that since they're ugly and I'm ugly, we must be a perfect match! A few of the girls that are around in my social circle actually try to Kino with me to the point that I almost want to freak out and start gagging! It gets to the point that I actually avoid them and try not to talk to them because I am afraid they are going to try to make a move on me! And I'm not talking about an HB6 here, where most guys might consider possibly sleeping with them if they were lucky. I'm talking about girls I'm completely repulsed by.
I mean, I don't want to be like that. I want to be a fun social guy. I'd be fine having a limited friendship with girls like this. But the kino just creeps me the fuck out. Lately, I've been using a playful "Heyyyy! keep your hands to yourself!" thing and that's been fairly effective. I guess I need to keep that stuff up.
So I guess that's question #1 of this thread. How do you deal with girls like this? My next question is something I really haven't found an answer to, and I really haven't seen addressed sufficiently in PUA materials.
I guess I look at appearance for guys and girls as two things. First of all, it's a spectrum. You can slide up or down within a certain range-- am HB6 in a sweatshirt and baseball cap is probably an HB8 in a dress and make up. Similarly, an older, overweight guy is never going to look like a 10. A massive stud could show up in sweat pants and a stained tee-shirt and still look like a 6 or a 7. So from the outset, it's all about putting forth your best effort and trying to trend upwards on the scale to begin with. From there, it's PUA game and trying to push your limits. But there's still that beginning level. It's like the HG10 (hot guy 10) gets to play with a cheat code or something. That doesn't mean you can't surpass him, but it does mean you have to claw your way up a bit. Secondly, I see appearance as your starting point, although not your end point. I really don't think they are a limiting factor, but I do see them as your starting point. If you're a cool dude, confident, fun, mysterious, exciting, etc etc etc, you can be an ugly dude and pull a 9 or a 10, no problem. You just have to really be that dude that you project. And it does seem like you have to push out from beyond your baseline. And it has to simply be in your core to do this. I've been there. I've done that. When you walk into a bar for the first time and people kind of look over to see who the newcomer is, and all they see is your appearance, you get rated. Me, I'd be a 5 or so. So the other folks in the 2 - 6 range kind of let their gaze linger a bit longer, pay more attention, try to figure out what I'm about. I pretty much get ignored by the 7+ folks until the point that I start building attraction and running game. At that point, attraction shifts and I can approach the 10's or whoever and take my shots. But it feels like there's this ladder I have to climb first, there's this threshold I have to cross in a new venue, that I have to build my social proof higher than the next guy before approaching.
I know, I know. That's a limiting belief. I should just walk right up to the 10's and show some balls, right? But the thing is, my odds are far worse if I do this because I have no visible social value yet. The RSD guys would say "assume value". Mystery, on the other hand, might take my side and say Demonstrate High (or Higher) Value first and approach later.
So this is question #2. Am I missing a piece of the PUA puzzle by playing it safe and not assuming value? Or am I working a room to its max potential?
Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged