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Thread: Need advice about my sex life

  1. #1
    Wolf24's Avatar
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    Default Need advice about my sex life

    This time I'm looking for advice my bros and bear with me in this long thread because I'm gonna provide every little detail. So here we go.

    My girlfriend and I are having less and less sex with each passing day and I'm kinda ashamed to tell you but we only have sex once a month or even worse, once every two months.

    Let me explain why I think is the reason why. We're both in college, living with our parents, we don't have our own cars, basically we can't provide for ourselves. So you can guess we can't have sex out of the blue. We have to make plans in advance, arrange our families so they give us some space (family part coming up), arrange how and when we're gonna meet (we live 45 mins apart), etc. So we don't really have this sexy sex talk like "let's do it right here right now babe I missed you", but we kinda have to arrange it like a business meeting and that attitude towards sex kills the mood for both of us, especially for her.

    She's been pulling herself away from sex more and more. She always says she wants to do it but every time I try to get her into the mood she freaks out and gets all nervous because of the arrangement thing I said above. The reason why is that, her family doesn't know we've been farking, because sex before marriage is heavily frowned upon in my country & culture and parents with daughters especially freak out about this and politely say: "What if he isn't the one? You'll just get your heart broken if you let your guard down." but they really mean: "OMG he might be a raper stay away!" (I could expand this family & culture topic but it's a story for another day)

    So we can't do this at her house and she lies to her parents about coming to my house which ups her nervous meter. My parents know about us banging because they kinda figured it out when I asked them to leave the house for a few times, but my gf doesn't know that my parents know and I think I can't tell her because she mentioned that if my parents knew they'd think that she's a whore. Of course they wouldn't but she doesn't listen to logic since she's already in that emotional mindset. So add another point to the nervous meter.

    (Little something to add here: I tried to encourage her to open up to her parents hoping that they would eventually support us but I started to think it's not my place to suggest that. If something bad would happen, I certainly don't need the blame.)

    She genuinely believes that if our parents got together, my parents would just blurt out the fact that she's coming to my house which will "ruin everything". Of course that wouldn't happen either. But meh, you go add 1 more point to the nervous column.

    We were dreaming to have endless bangs when we got our own place but she got so nervous about sex that she already started to frame me about having less sex in the future by saying things like: "Love is more important for me, I don't want our relationship to be focused on sex...blabla" and I'm trying to hold my frame by saying: "Sex adds up to our relationship, if we didn't have sex we would have something missing, we wouldn't know each other this well...blabla" But I'm having a tough time hanging on to my frame.

    I mean man, I'm a dude and I want to fark this girl day and night and I know she loves it once we close that door and it's just the two of us. But I started to think all this effort, arguing, comforting her, arranging things might be too much if we're just gonna do this once a month.

    And I sure as hell don't want to be like the husbands who beg to their wives to have sex like: "Baby can I please put my penis into your vagina?" and get shot down effortlessly yet still have to kiss and cuddle their gals to sleep. Just no, man. I want this to be exciting, mind-blowing and as natural and effortless as it can be.

    Thanks for lending your time guys. I know it's been a huge read but I still have a ton to get off my chest. I hope you have something helpful for me.

    Wolf.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Need advice about my sex life

    Start dieting and working out. Take care of yourself the same way you did when you were single; don't lose your drive. If you aren't against cheating, then get a side chick or if all else fails then give her an ultimatum and be ready to break up with her to get a new girl.

    You have to be willing to lose her to get her and if she isn't pleasing you appropriately and not willing to do so, then dump her for someone that will.

    A relationship is supposed to be equal; meaning when you do something for her, then she better 'damn well' be ready to reciprocate. If she isn't willing to do 'just that', then she is being selfish and you need to make it clear that you have your needs, while not being afraid to lose her if they aren't meant.

    Hope that helps...

    BTW, I've been 8 LTR's where I was with each girl for over a year, and 3 of them, more than 2 years. They all respected me to the fullest and I never had an issue getting sex when I wanted it.

    Anyway, good luck.
    Fear of rejection = Fear of success

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Need advice about my sex life

    Let me explain why I think is the reason why. We're both in college, living with our parents, we don't have our own cars, basically we can't provide for ourselves. So you can guess we can't have sex out of the blue. We have to make plans in advance, arrange our families so they give us some space (family part coming up), arrange how and when we're gonna meet (we live 45 mins apart), etc. So we don't really have this sexy sex talk like "let's do it right here right now babe I missed you", but we kinda have to arrange it like a business meeting and that attitude towards sex kills the mood for both of us, especially for her.
    of course this is your problem. you aren't creating sexual tension, nothing is spontaneous, and sex with a prostitute would seem less cold and planned out for her. you've basically taken all the thrill out of sex. no wonder she doesn't want it and is starting to feel like sex isn't that great.

    now, its easy to play the blame game and say that this is all her parents fault or your parents fault. however, the real person to blame is you. you have failed to use your circumstances to your advantage, you have failed to find ways to make sex fun and exciting for her, and most of all, you have failed to change your situation in any way shape or form.

    We were dreaming to have endless bangs when we got our own place but she got so nervous about sex that she already started to frame me about having less sex in the future by saying things like: "Love is more important for me, I don't want our relationship to be focused on sex...blabla" and I'm trying to hold my frame by saying: "Sex adds up to our relationship, if we didn't have sex we would have something missing, we wouldn't know each other this well...blabla" But I'm having a tough time hanging on to my frame.
    and even worse yet, you are arguing with her about how important sex is to a relationship? that might as well be the same thing as begging her for sex. its not alpha, its not attractive, and its not necessary.


    there are three things you need to do to revive your sex life.

    1. take advantage of your situation and use it to create sexual tension.
    your situation is not the main reason sex isn't happening, its the way you're handling it. instead of avoiding tension by "planning out sex" create tension by making sex a more spontaneous thing. now think, the way to create sexual tension is to acknowledge barriers while coming on to her. basically, women get really hot when there's something blocking them from having sex.

    example:

    me: (in the middle of conversation at a restaurant) " baby, the way your hair curls is just soo sexy" (in a deep sexual voice)
    her: oh really?
    me: if it weren't for all these people here, I would grab that hair and bend you over this table.
    her: you're turning me on way too much, we have to leave
    me: (takes her out to the parking lot for amazing car sex)

    you can use this same strategy to rack up sexual tension using parents as barricades.


    me: oh the things I would do to you if my parents weren't here right now

    her: (blushes)


    (and even if logistics don't work out for you to fark her at the moment you use it, it will still get her turned on, even without releasing the tension, she will be hot and ready for the next time you create tension and have logistics in your favor)


    2. if you're going to plan out sex, don't let her know the exact details beforehand.

    this kills sexual tension more than anything else. women want to feel like sex is spontaneous and unplanned. if she's working out the logistics with you, knowing exactly what's going to happen, you're letting her do too much of the planning.

    here's an idea, have her over to your place while your parents are there, use the parents to create sexual tension, and then have your parents leave the house to go do something "incidentally" (as in planned, but she doesn't know it and she feels like its not planned) and then let her have sex with you during this "spontaneous" window of opportunity.

    3. you need to improved your situation.

    I don't really know much about you. but if your old enough, you should have a job or source of income other than your parents (even if you're a teenager in high school) you should be saving money up for a car or a place to live after you get out of school. if you're not still in school, you should be doing everything in your power to become financially secure enough to live on your own. (even if that means living at a lower quality of life)


    finally, your sex life is your responsibility. so always remember, its your job to plan logistics, and its your job to do whatever it takes to create sexual tension and ultimately improve your sex life.


    btw

    A relationship is supposed to be equal; meaning when you do something for her, then she better damn well be ready to reciprocate. If she isn't willing to do 'just that', then she is being selfish and you need to make it clear that you have your needs, while not being afraid to lose her if they aren't meant.
    never use an ultimatum like that unless you have no feelings for the girl whatsoever and just want sex. pressuring a girl into sex like that isn't going to make her feel good about doing it.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to meteora For This Useful Post:

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  5. #4
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    Default Re: Need advice about my sex life

    ^This is what I needed meteora. Even after all these years pushing myself about creating tension, I still keep getting comfortable in the relationship and I let things slide. I need to engage more about this because if I leave this girl denying that it was my problem, the next one will just be the same... So thank you a lot.

    PS: Our educational system is not anything like the US. We aren't really allowed to work while studying. It's not illegal but companies just wouldn't hire people from college. Most of them need complete dedication, part-time working isn't really a thing in my country. The only case would be if one of your friends or family members have small shop or something similar but I don't have that opportunity sadly. So I can't wait to graduate in order to cut financial ties with my family.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  6. #5
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my sex life

    Meteora nailed it. I always hate when guys tell me they "try" to pressure their girlfriends into having sex. This will just ensure you never get any. I had a guy tell me the other day that he tells his girlfriend that he "won't do chores around the house if he's not getting some". No matter what I told the guy he wouldn't listen. That's the worst way to go about it.

    I never have this problem. All of my girlfriends want more sex then I do. This happens for two reasons.

    1. I give them the best sex they've ever had. This comes from experience and always trying to improve. You can do this by researching on the internet on how to give good head (I learned from my mothers cosmo when I was 14), or how to give girls really good orgasms. Allot of them cant have an orgasm if they don't have clitoral stimulation. Most guys don't understand this. Bring a vibrator into the bed with you, it helps allot! Here's a thread I wrote about giving a girl great sex Give her the best sex of her life: Communication. This isn't your main problem however.

    2. Like Meteora stated, you've destroyed all sexual tension. You know what gets your girlfriend horny so do it all the time. When I have a girlfriend I'll whisper dirty things into her ear when we are in public. This = sexual tension. When people are around, and not looking, I'll grab her nipples and give them a light squeeze or rub her clit through her pants. This = sexual tension. You don't need to actually communicate the barriers (although you can) she will know. Basically you do whatever makes her horny at every opportunity. This teases the crap out of her and gets her SO worked up she's down to bang your brains out at any chance she gets. This also conditions her to always be horny around you. My last girlfriend told me she would immediately get horny when she would get in her car to drive to my house.

    You also don't want to pressure her. I like to get them in the frame that I don't care as much if we hook up because they get more out of it then I do. I can always use my right hand and it will take 5 minutes instead of 45, plus I only have one orgasm when they have multiple. The thing is I actually believe this and they KNOW it. If you can get into this frame your girlfriend will give you head whenever you want (even if she says she doesn't give her boyfriends head) and she will be trying to pressure YOU into sex.

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  8. #6
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    Default Re: Need advice about my sex life

    Thank you as well bro.

    I tried a little something today and I think it worked pretty well. We were having lunch and it was just the two of us, nobody around. I started to get her into mood by whispering something like: "I just can't help myself, I think I'm gonna do it right here." And then I put my hand inside her pants and grabbed her ass. She was like: "Noooo people might come and see us."

    But I didn't let it phase me and kept working my hand towards her clit and she was shaking but also she was getting into that nervous state. She said "No, not here" with a slight serious tone. I normally would cut it here and get frustrated, but this time I suddenly pulled back and said with a sly grin: "Hmm I guess you don't want it... well, okay..." And she clearly hit the barrier there. There was the risk of people seeing us but she wanted it so bad once I took it away. So she gave in pretty quickly and my fingers were back to where they belong.

    It was impossible to have sex right there because it was a public area and we had nowhere to go in campus but I encouraged her to push beyond the "coming to my place" barrier by saying: "I can't wait to get rid of your pants and do more crazy stuff when we're at my place babe..." and I'm positive she was feeling that one. I believe she's now dreaming to bang my brains out, lol.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  9. #7
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my sex life

    Thank you as well bro.

    I tried a little something today and I think it worked pretty well. We were having lunch and it was just the two of us, nobody around. I started to get her into mood by whispering something like: "I just can't help myself, I think I'm gonna do it right here." And then I put my hand inside her pants and grabbed her ass. She was like: "Noooo people might come and see us."

    But I didn't let it phase me and kept working my hand towards her clit and she was shaking but also she was getting into that nervous state. She said "No, not here" with a slight serious tone. I normally would cut it here and get frustrated, but this time I suddenly pulled back and said with a sly grin: "Hmm I guess you don't want it... well, okay..." And she clearly hit the barrier there. There was the risk of people seeing us but she wanted it so bad once I took it away. So she gave in pretty quickly and my fingers were back to where they belong.

    It was impossible to have sex right there because it was a public area and we had nowhere to go in campus but I encouraged her to push beyond the "coming to my place" barrier by saying: "I can't wait to get rid of your pants and do more crazy stuff when we're at my place babe..." and I'm positive she was feeling that one. I believe she's now dreaming to bang my brains out, lol.
    good job man, just always be careful when pushing the limits of a girls comfort. you don't want to run the risk of potential legal issues.

    keep creating sexual tension whenever possible, just don't do it every time you see her, as that would make you predictable and thus it would be less exciting for her.

    [QUOTE][Meteora nailed it. I always hate when guys tell me they "try" to pressure their girlfriends into having sex. This will just ensure you never get any. I had a guy tell me the other day that he tells his girlfriend that he "won't do chores around the house if he's not getting some". No matter what I told the guy he wouldn't listen. That's the worst way to go about it.

    I never have this problem. All of my girlfriends want more sex then I do. This happens for two reasons.

    1. I give them the best sex they've ever had. This comes from experience and always trying to improve. You can do this by researching on the internet on how to give good head (I learned from my mothers cosmo when I was 14), or how to give girls really good orgasms. Allot of them cant have an orgasm if they don't have clitoral stimulation. Most guys don't understand this. Bring a vibrator into the bed with you, it helps allot! Here's a thread I wrote about giving a girl great sex http://www.puaforums.com/isolating-p...unication.html This isn't your main problem however.

    2. Like Meteora stated, you've destroyed all sexual tension. You know what gets your girlfriend horny so do it all the time. When I have a girlfriend I'll whisper dirty things into her ear when we are in public. This = sexual tension. When people are around, and not looking, I'll grab her nipples and give them a light squeeze or rub her clit through her pants. This = sexual tension. You don't need to actually communicate the barriers (although you can) she will know. Basically you do whatever makes her horny at every opportunity. This teases the crap out of her and gets her SO worked up she's down to bang your brains out at any chance she gets. This also conditions her to always be horny around you. My last girlfriend told me she would immediately get horny when she would get in her car to drive to my house.

    You also don't want to pressure her. I like to get them in the frame that I don't care as much if we hook up because they get more out of it then I do. I can always use my right hand and it will take 5 minutes instead of 45, plus I only have one orgasm when they have multiple. The thing is I actually believe this and they KNOW it. If you can get into this frame your girlfriend will give you head whenever you want (even if she says she doesn't give her boyfriends head) and she will be trying to pressure YOU into sex./QUOTE]

    directs advice is just as golden as mine. he definitely has the right frame of mind about sex, mine is similar, but I actually like directs frame better.

    if direct had Facebook, he would be one of the all-stars.


    [QUOTE][PS: Our educational system is not anything like the US. We aren't really allowed to work while studying. It's not illegal but companies just wouldn't hire people from college. Most of them need complete dedication, part-time working isn't really a thing in my country. The only case would be if one of your friends or family members have small shop or something similar but I don't have that opportunity sadly. So I can't wait to graduate in order to cut financial ties with my family./QUOTE]

    wow... that sucks. I don't suppose there are any jobs in fast food there? not even summer job opportunities when classes are out? if I was you, I'd be looking for any possible opportunity to make money. even if that just means saving back a small portion of the money your parents are giving you. (that's how I managed to save up over a thousand dollars from the time I was 15 till I was 16 and could work part time)

    keep an eye out for any possible opportunity, even if its just getting paid to cut your neighbors grass, or selling your latest artwork, or knitting little hats for babies to wear and selling them. the possibilities are as limitless as your imagination. you can literally make money from making or doing almost anything.

    recently a friend of mine made his own porn site. literally he videos couples having sex, and then sells the videos online and splits the profits with the stars. he just started a few months back, and he's already making steady profits.

  10. #8
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    Default Re: Need advice about my sex life

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    directs advice is just as golden as mine. he definitely has the right frame of mind about sex, mine is similar, but I actually like directs frame better.

    if direct had Facebook, he would be one of the all-stars.


    keep an eye out for any possible opportunity, even if its just getting paid to cut your neighbors grass, or selling your latest artwork, or knitting little hats for babies to wear and selling them. the possibilities are as limitless as your imagination. you can literally make money from making or doing almost anything.

    recently a friend of mine made his own porn site. literally he videos couples having sex, and then sells the videos online and splits the profits with the stars. he just started a few months back, and he's already making steady profits.

    Thanks Meteora. How did you now I don't have a facebook? I really don't like facebook but I plan on moving to the west coast this summer and I may reactivate it so I can stay in touch with people.

    I had no clue what being an all star meant until I read the post about it and it sounds like a legitimate group that I would like to be a part of. It definitely gives me more incentive to get facebook back.

    It's good to hear your frame is similar to mine. It's really good to have that frame because it's true. If you're good in bed the woman gets way more out of the interaction then you do. The key is to keep improving until this statement is true. I know when I was your age I thought I was awesome in bed, but really I was just above average. I kept trying to improve and I did. No matter how good you are you can always get better.


    Back to the OP. I think you did a good job creating sexual tension. It's always best to agree with a woman and that's what you did. If she says "I don't know, people might see" you say "you're right. this is a bad idea (big smile, very strong eye contact)". This will turn her on even more. When you argue/get defensive you lose, when you agree you take away her power.

    Also, I make my girlfriends horny as much as possible. I do it all the time. I'm not sure if I unconsciously do it unexpectedly or if she does expect it. Either way it doesn't seem to matter. I think the key is that when I do it I give her a big shit eaten grin. I'm basically telling her "I know you're super horny but I'm not ready to have sex with you yet". If she says "lets go to your room" I say "no not now, I'm interested in this movie". Stuff like that. The way to not be predictable is how LONG you mess with her. Sometimes I'll give them a hand job until they orgasm. Sometimes I'll rub them everywhere CLOSE to their vagina but only touch it for a second. The key is for them to KNOW you are purposely getting them horny but they DON'T KNOW when you will ACTUALLY have sex with them.

    Basically you become the biggest tease known to man. Usually this is what women do, but you take all that power away and do it yourself. Bingo!

    p.s. Knitting babies hats...Really!

  11. #9
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    Default Re: Need advice about my sex life

    Hi guys,

    Great advice as always! Just a quick add on question as this kind of relates to me at the moment.

    When trying to build sexual tension in a public place, or where ever really, how would you handle a response like "is that all you ever think about?" or "you're so horny all the time".

    I won't hijack the thread with details but I've got a girl atm who I can just picture that as her exact type of response. And similar has thrown me right off my game before :/

  12. #10
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    Default Re: Need advice about my sex life

    When trying to build sexual tension in a public place, or where ever really, how would you handle a response like "is that all you ever think about?" or "you're so horny all the time".
    easy, just agree with them.

    her: is that all you ever think about?
    me: aside from food, yes. now make me a sandwich

    or
    her: you're so horny all the time.

    me: you like it.

    or

    her: you're so horny all the time.

    me: that's right, if you want to stay with me you're going to need a set of knee pads

    like direct said, its always best to just agree with statements like these. (it shows confidence, and its damn funny)


    [QUOTE][Thanks Meteora. How did you now I don't have a facebook? I really don't like facebook but I plan on moving to the west coast this summer and I may reactivate it so I can stay in touch with people.
    /QUOTE]

    I have esp, I "know" things.... lol

    I had no clue what being an all star meant until I read the post about it and it sounds like a legitimate group that I would like to be a part of. It definitely gives me more incentive to get facebook back.
    yeah, when you get facebook back, pm me your url. i'll add you on facebook, and then I'll have the all-stars vote to see if you get in the group. (I think you make the grade, and I'm sure the others will too)

    p.s. Knitting babies hats...Really!
    yeah, my cousin beth used to do it to make killer money before she had a job. literally she was making 40 dollars off of 5 dollars worth of yarn. imo that's a hell of an investment.


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