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Thread: Need help with a Seductress.

  1. #1
    skatoylas is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help with a Seductress.

    Sorry for the really huge post, just want to give any detail that may help.
    Im a member of a kind of group (cant describe it exactly) that has meetings once a week. Almost half of my best friends are members too. One of them brought his very good friend (absolutely platonic relationship) that is a Seductress (Pandora's box term). She gave me signs and I took her out a Saturday night. We had great fun and we kissed. She pretty much initiated most of the physical touch, not the kiss too, and I let her chase me. So far so good. She told me that she prefers not to announce our thing to the group which had a meeting the next day. Of course I wasnt suppose no to tell anybody, lol, just to not announce to the group coz she thought it would seem she has no real interesting in it and it would seem sluty. At the meeting when she left I walked to the train station and got back coz I had smth else to do. We kissed and everything was fine. We didnt talk about some kind of commitment or relationship at all but talked a bit about future dates so I know she wanted me for the longer-than-so-far term. Next week she didnt continue initiating text conversations like she used to do the weeks before. She also didnt want to date with me in the weekend (she lives 1-1.5 hours away so theres no chance of dating in weekdays). I told her she could come to an event I would anyway go on Friday night and also that we could date at Saturday night but she had a class in Friday and some birthday of an aunt or smth similar on saturday night. On the group meeting she kinoed a bit and flirted with a friend of mine who tried to ignore her since he knew the situation and I thought that it was ok because she always used very much physical touch with her good friend so at the end I tried to kiss her pretty much to have the assurance everything is ok ( i had ignored her in the meeting ) but another guy was there that didnt know the situation so she resisted and our mouths barely touched. She left with that guy for the train station. (I didnt offer to go with her) I ignored her for the next week, didnt offer date and didnt text her at all. On the next meeting at first I wasnt cold or smth but wasnt like there was smth between us too. Then she started acting like a total slut, kinoed too much with the guy that flirted on the last meeting, shat on him etc. and kinoed and flirted a bit with the others too. After that, I totaly ignored her, was very cold with her. 4-5 persons including her and I left for the train station and at some point she tried to play with my hands or smth. She looked at me she saw I was compeletely unemotional. She asked me if she was being annoying for fun, not really believeing she was but I answered "yes" very seriously. She tried to laugh it through but she kinda stared down. (thats when she understood my coldness i think) Minutes later when her train came and we were going to seperate I just said an unemotional "bye" and turned my back just after that (not in a way that showed i could not maintain eye contact but that i didnt feel the need to connect more) and tried to say a warmer "bye" and touch my shoulder while I was already walking away. I ignored. 3-4 days have passed and ofcourse I havent texted her.

    I think that i should wait for her to initiate meeting or conversation in person and not talk about the situation via texts. When she asks me what's going on etc I m going to tell her that i dont have neither the energy or the will to deal with people that disrespect me and if the subject goes there, that actually acting like a slut makes her look like a slut and not announcing our thing, or is it too bad? Also I am probably going to game another girl that i see almost every day and has showed me signs. She is a hopeful romantic. Should I somehow mention it in some conversation?
    What do you think about he whole situation? I would really appreciate some advice.

  2. #2
    skatoylas is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a Seductress.

    So here's an update: She didnt show up at the group meeting but some days before she had quarreled with her very good friend. I dont know if it has to do with it or with me or with anything at all. Hadn't contacted her until yesterday I sent her a fun text and she responded with two texts.

    Guys I really need some advice here coz thats pretty much the first girl I ever game, so i need some assuranse.

  3. #3
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with a Seductress.

    I'm confused on what you want out of the situation? You say at the end of your first post that you want to talk to her and tell her you don't have time for her... are you hoping this will manipulate her into committing to going out with you? It won't. She'll see you as emotionally needy, and that's not a turn on for anyone.

    I struggle with this from time to time as well, it's really hard not to wear your emotions on your sleeve. From the sound of it you actually like this girl, which makes it that much more tough to watch her flirt with everybody else. But this is a great learning point for you. It's your inner game that needs work in this situation. If she truly cares about you, then yes, seeing you upset may draw her towards. But she hasn't made that sort of commitment yet. Seeing you so upset so early on your relationship will only make her believe that she will upset you later in the relationship and have to deal with the same situation. Luckily, it doesn't sound like you've blown yourself out. You'll see her at this group. Disconnect your feelings in your mind, reset, and start from the beginning. Make her earn your attention again. Go to the group and act as if nothing is wrong. Don't act like your acting like nothing is wrong to get a rise out her, she'll see right through it. You must genuinely believe that nothing is wrong. Forget her as a possible date in your mind. Chances are you won't or won't be able to do this, but it may be your only path at this point, and it may take a little time. You have to emotionally square yourself with the situation before you can begin to change it.

    In terms of texting, just stop for a while. Calibrate it with the situation in the group. Have fun at the group, make conversation with her and everyone else. If you feel a spark again with her, resist the urge to text her, wait until the next meeting. If things still go well, then you can send her something fun and funny that you talked about in your last two conversations. It doesn't sound like you are going to be able to reignite this through text, so save your finger strength.
    You don't need her

  4. #4
    skatoylas is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a Seductress.

    Thank you very much for the reply, man.
    First of all, ideally what I want out of the situation is simple: An open relationship where I date other girls but she is too devoted to date other men, hehehe. By telling her that "i dont have neither the energy or the will to deal with people who disrespect me" and by staying to my guns until the end i hope that I will make her understand that I have the upper hand and that we will either have a relationship how I like it or not at all. Also I hope she will understand that she has to change-work to have me which is actually quite a turn on for realists. Well, not saying all these will happen, actually all this may be totaly wrong, just explaining my thoughts.

    I think I can understand your points. If I get this right the plan is to maintain total emotional indepedence and make her "earn my attention again" and chase me generally. At the group I always have lots of fun, throw jokes etc and also I m working on my inner game and emotional indepedence, these ofcourse are must-do's. But what I cant understand is how she s going to feel the need to stop flirting with other guys.

  5. #5
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with a Seductress.

    The would be joys of having your cake and eating it too. She's not going to, and if she is, it's because she believes she has a commitment from you. There's no real way of saying for sure but chances are she's not one of the 10 girls in the world who think it's okay for you to fark whoever you want and then hit her up to see what she's making you for dinner that night.

    Something goes astray when you read the pick up books, learn from the blog posts, and try to suck up every bit of knowledge you can. An image of monumental success is formed. Your an alpha male, the life of the party, confident, successful, and everybody knows it. Girls scratch and clawl to have a piece of you. It's far from the truth. Even the best pickup artists in the world "juggle" five or so girls at a time. If a girl is crawling into bed with them, they best believe that girl is going to do it with someone else. If she isn't, she probably wants a relationship, and you best give her your greatest attempt at it, or lose her.

    She may fark your brains out willingly without a full commitment, but you can't expect her to wait solely on your beckoning call. She has needs to, and if your not going to give her all of them, she is going to find someone else that will. Take a step back and see what she means to you. If you want what you say you want, you best envision her farking someone else too... after all, isn't that what your going to do?
    You don't need her

  6. #6
    skatoylas is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a Seductress.

    Yesterday we met in some kind of event and we had some time together. I want to point out/ask three things.
    1) She keeps asking me if I like her new hairstyle. She even sent texted me and sent me a picture about it some before 3-4 days. Yesterday she may asked me like 10-15 times. The questions are asked kinda jokingly but still.. And I probably wouldnt even notice if she hadnt told me lol! Anyway, I refused to give a straight answer or some other times said things like "the hair is awful! I cant even see you now you changed it! Oh gosh!" in a non serious tone. But I am really confused guys coz she is practically begging me and asking me this thing, I dont know how I should react.
    2) She keeps touching me veery much. We had some time alone yesterday and if I wanted I would kiss her for sure, we would make out etc. But there are two questions here: a) four weeks ago same story happened between us. two weeks ago she was like that to my friend. Two weeks from now she will be like that to someone else. How should I lock her on me and not be one more guy she hugs, touches, kisses and dumps whenever she wants? b) How should I become in charge of when we touch and when not. Right now I almost never go touch her and whenever she wants she hugs me, "fights" with me and generaly touches me.
    3) Today is the group meeting. I can just grab her hand, take her away from the others and make out with her. But should I do it? How should I handle this so that the same thing doesnt happen again?

    My post is probably full of grammar mistakes. Sorry bout that, dont have time to correct it.

  7. #7
    fancy16 is offline PUA in Training Achievements:
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    Default Re: Need help with a Seductress.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bballking View Post
    The would be joys of having your cake and eating it too. She's not going to, and if she is, it's because she believes she has a commitment from you. There's no real way of saying for sure but chances are she's not one of the 10 girls in the world who think it's okay for you to fark whoever you want and then hit her up to see what she's making you for dinner that night.

    Something goes astray when you read the pick up books, learn from the blog posts, and try to suck up every bit of knowledge you can. An image of monumental success is formed. Your an alpha male, the life of the party, confident, successful, and everybody knows it. Girls scratch and clawl to have a piece of you. It's far from the truth. Even the best pickup artists in the world "juggle" five or so girls at a time. If a girl is crawling into bed with them, they best believe that girl is going to do it with someone else. If she isn't, she probably wants a relationship, and you best give her your greatest attempt at it, or lose her.

    She may fark your brains out willingly without a full commitment, but you can't expect her to wait solely on your beckoning call. She has needs to, and if your not going to give her all of them, she is going to find someone else that will. Take a step back and see what she means to you. If you want what you say you want, you best envision her farking someone else too... after all, isn't that what your going to do?
    I just want to agree on that

  8. #8
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with a Seductress.

    Sounds like you are in charge of when you touch or not. The idea your formulating in my head makes her sound like a flirt. Again, you are going to have to be willing to accept that. You can by all means go for a relationship, but it doesn't sound like you, or her for that matter, are interested in one. Do what you want here. You can flirt with her, make out with her, bed her if you and she so please, but don't expect her to drop everything for you. She won't. If you want to have some closure on the situation, accept that she will flirt with most everyone. Do what you want with her, and start looking for some other girls. It's almost a win win for you here. You know that you are not tied down by her, and apparently she feels the same for you. So you can make out with her, and go talk to other girls when she's not around. You have a foundation, almost a support of sorts, you don't need to be flying in the wind when you are out sarging, she's back at the group waiting for you to shove your tongue down her throat.
    You don't need her

  9. #9
    skatoylas is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a Seductress.

    BEGGING FOR HELP!!!:
    Ok, so I pretty much failed to do anything right. Let me point out some important interactions I ve had with her since my last update so you can understand the situation. On the group meeting I had a kinda extereme new haircut and she said its really nice, was all over me all the time and generally everything was ok. We had no private time so nothing happened. Actually NO. That's not why nothing happened. I am the reason nothing happened. I just failed to go more sexual while there was the sexual tension..... Anyway... Next week, I called her and we desiceded we would see each other on Saturday night. On that call my voice and tonality was ok. Later it turned out we hadnt scheduled it right (not a flake at all) and we were not going to see each other. my tonality and voice was veeery AFC at that time. On Sunday the group meeting was canseled but there was still another one that I was going to go and she knew it. So she told me she wanted to come too. When she came there was some serious conversation going on on the group so I ignored her. NO! That wasnt the reason. I was the reason again.... FFS! I just failed to make myself take advantage of the sexual tension still going on. After the meeting we were supposed to go for a few drinks, but another guy started flirting her (she didnt like him at all he was an AFC kinda chasing her) so when I found some friends I stayed for some drinks with them and said it was ok that they go for some drinks.. At that time I wasnt so bad since I was totally unaffected etc. After that she tried to kinda apologise on a phone call for letting me alone.. I told her it was totally ok (no afc voice at all) I had a nice time with my friends etc. Moreover, the next day, ( I understood things were not going so well so) I sent that:
    "Yesterday you were trying to apologise so listen: I dont have the right to demand that you are loyal just because this way you are attracting me and making me horny. And it would be totally unfair coz I am not either."
    Her instant answer was: "Ok, anyway nothing happened with the guy". Next day she tried to schedule a date but I wasnt able to. Generally after my message we talked a lot and she initiated most of it. Next day I saw her for a bit but ther was not much sexual tension and I failed to take advantage of it if there was any. And lastly today we had a lot of private time, no sexual tension at all and a lot of boredom. At the end she told me we should talk. She asked me what I thought of "us" and she told me she thought we should just stay how we are right now since there have been plenty of chances for both of us to do something but we havent. Actually the reasons were not very clear but I didnt want to seem that I needy so I didnt disagree or anything and just said that we dont have to follow any rule about "us" and that whatever happens is ok.

    I reaaallly neeed help guyys. Gimme advice.


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