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  • 1 Post By pepito

Thread: How much persistent should I be?

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default How much persistent should I be?

    Hey guys,

    I have a thing going on with this HB I met a few days after the new Year. We were basically set up by a couple of friends and it turned out we clicked really well between us. The only problem is that we live in different countries and all the contact we have had so far was virtual (Viber, skype and such) except for the very first time we met. What happens is that we have been chatting almost every single day since January and we have really started getting to know each other pretty well. We have discussed about several topics (exes, relationships, life goals, etc.) and we are very similar in how we think and view life.

    Of course I am careful to DHV enough and to show that I have a life of my own (which I do). I always tell her about this party, event, exhibition or concert I went to and she seems quite impressed by my active social life. In general, I have a strong feeling that she is attracted to me as she keeps asking for my opinion/advice (validation), spontaneously sending me pictures of herself (without being prompted to) and has been very (a bit too much) curious about my previous love life and whether I have ever dated a girl of her nationality.

    Now, I am going back home in a few days and we will finally meet in person again. I have to say that I am quite pumped up and I intend to make a move. Some of my buddies say it's too soon for a first date and I will intimidate her. I, on the other hand, believe that we know each other well enough by now and it's now or never to make a move.

    I am almost certain she is attracted, so there shouldn't be any problem. But ok, let's suppose things don't work out as I want and she doesn't respond to my move on the first date. Should I persist and try again during a second date or should I cut her off altogether?

    Honestly, I am a pretty good catch for her and she would be losing out. I also don't care as I have other options. However, this girl has caught my attention as she matches quite perfectly with my personality and temper (and that's quite difficult to achieve, believe me). She comes on top of my other options and I would like to make it work. She doesn't have a steady job, so I could even bring her to the country I live in if things go further.

    Anyway, so my question is how much persistence should I show? If she suggests a LJBF arrangement, I will probably cut her off entirely from my life and not spend a further minute for her. However (jugding from my experience on how I hooked up with my ex), persistence pays off and she eventually gave in (we kinda hooked up the same way and stayed together 3 years). So, if she turns me down, should I persist or should I move on? I will be staying for one full week, so I will probably see her more than once.

    Thanks for any advice!
    Cheers

  2. #2
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How much persistent should I be?

    Just ask her ......... she won't say No, ....... my only concern is, having been in relationships with girls in other countries, what is your long term goal with this girl ????
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  3. #3
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How much persistent should I be?

    I don't intend to ask her, I will simply take her hand and/or kiss her depending on the circumstances. I was thinking of a trial period until the end of the summer to see how things work out (I will be traveling back and forth quite often because of work) and the plan is to bring her where I am (there are more jobs here too).

    I have been in a LDR too, and I know they suck. The good thing is that she is not too keen to stay in our home country, so she's open to leaving abroad.

  4. #4
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How much persistent should I be?

    Well it sounds like you have it figured out ..... Good for you
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  5. #5
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How much persistent should I be?

    Hmmm, something awkward happened. A few days ago, we were trying to figure out which day we would meet and she suggested I join her and her friends at some restaurant they were going. I didn't like the idea, so I declined and said I had other plans. She suddenly got pissed and said "it's ok if you don't wanna meet me, I understand you have friends to see". I simply responded that I am staying for a whole week, so there was plenty of time. I even offered to meet the next day, to which she agreed. She then asked if we will meet only once and I said that there will be more opportunities (with a smiley).

    Then yesterday, she informed me that some family will be visiting her on the day we agreed to meet and she might not be able to make it. She admitted being annoyed as she would rather spend time with me rather than with them. She then offered to stay in touch with me that evening, if the whole family doesn't go to a restaurant after, we could possibly meet.

    Well, I am sorry, but I have a list of people that are waiting to see me and I cannot sacrifice my afternoon staying at home with the hope that I might see her. I asked her whether she could check out at what time the family visit would be over, because if she can't make it, I would at least be able to see other people (a bit blunt but I wanted to make a point).

    She got again pissed and said "it's ok if you don't wanna meet me, I understand you have friends to see". I answered that it's not a big deal and we will meet the next day. I even added that I am pretty tired and that I might not do anything in the end (obvious lie, lol) and she responded "it's ok if you don't wanna meet me, I understand you are tired and want to relax during your vacation".
    This was taking a wrong turn so I simply said "please call my agent to take an appointment, because this isn't working otherwise". She laughed and left it at that.


    I never expected her to throw shit tests at me... I had a better opinion of her! Oh man, all women are the same in end, even if they do it unconsciously... How should I deal with this? Any advice?


    There's also the issue of the venue. I initially planned to take her to a nice romantic venue but I have the impression she is kinda lazy and wants to meet in some shitty square not too far from her place. This is certainly not my idea for a fun date... I also like to walk around, not sit in just one place. How do I convince her? Shall I call her lazy? She will probably want to qualify after being called that...

  6. #6
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    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How much persistent should I be?

    Anyway, so my question is how much persistence should I show? If she suggests a LJBF arrangement, I will probably cut her off entirely from my life and not spend a further minute for her. However (jugding from my experience on how I hooked up with my ex), persistence pays off and she eventually gave in (we kinda hooked up the same way and stayed together 3 years). So, if she turns me down, should I persist or should I move on? I will be staying for one full week, so I will probably see her more than once.
    if she's attracted, she'll do whatever you want as long as you lead her.

    in the strange event that she just wants to be friends, I would advise you to just be friends with her and be cool about it. don't be one of those lame guys who gets all pissed because a woman wants friendship over sex. don't think that being her friend will get you sex, but being her friend could get you other opportunities to meet more cool people, further your career, practice honing your comedy skills, or to just have some good times together.

    contrary to many peoples beliefs, sex isn't the only good thing to enjoy in life.

    Hmmm, something awkward happened. A few days ago, we were trying to figure out which day we would meet and she suggested I join her and her friends at some restaurant they were going. I didn't like the idea, so I declined and said I had other plans. She suddenly got pissed and said "it's ok if you don't wanna meet me, I understand you have friends to see". I simply responded that I am staying for a whole week, so there was plenty of time. I even offered to meet the next day, to which she agreed. She then asked if we will meet only once and I said that there will be more opportunities (with a smiley).
    clearly she wanted her friends to meet you/ wanted her friends approval of you. of course she got all pissy when you wouldn't show up.

    She got again pissed and said "it's ok if you don't wanna meet me, I understand you have friends to see".
    it seems to me that she's mad that you aren't making her a priority.


    this isn't a "shit test" this is genuine emotion.


    I never expected her to throw shit tests at me... I had a better opinion of her! Oh man, all women are the same in end, even if they do it unconsciously... How should I deal with this? Any advice?
    oh my god... we need rid of the term "shit test" . women are not walking talking sex bots, they are real people who have real emotions.

    here's your solution, make her feel like a priority (even if you don't actually make her a priority) it would have been very easy to say you were available if she got away from her relatives, and then gone and hung out with other people without her knowing (because odds are she wouldn't invite you over that night after her relatives left anyways)

    lastly, what you say and do isn't nearly as important as how you make people feel. make people feel good, and they will usually return the favor.

  7. #7
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How much persistent should I be?

    Thanks meteora, great advice as always

    After some more talking, we decided to meet before the relatives arrive. I would have preferred a night date but that will do for now (it also made her happy).

    She was also texting me while being with her friends tonight ("hey! how are you? having fun with your cousins?"). Seems like she's hooked pretty good

  8. #8
    Mr. Assertive is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How much persistent should I be?

    Oh yeah. You definitely got that hook in there


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