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  • 2 Post By DirectIsBest

Thread: Did I give her buyer's remorse?

  1. #1
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Did I give her buyer's remorse?

    I've been working at a new building for about a month and a half now. The receptionist there is cute but I never cared a ton to go after her. However, I joined Tinder and was matched up with her. Desperate to find a date for Saturday night, I tried every avenue, including her. She was responsive and although we didn't go out Saturday night, we went out Wednesday night. My intentions for the night were not to sleep with her. However, after a few drinks she invited me back to her place and I agreed. We had a few more drinks and it went down a.k.a we fornicated (lol). I found myself liking this girl after leaving in the morning (probably my first problem).

    Anywho, she text me later that day saying how crappy she felt, and we had a little back and forth. She also said this:

    Her: I had the best intentions and they flew out your car window going home
    Me: I know, I did too, I should have just dropped you off :/
    Her: Oops, thank you for dinner

    No big deal I'm thinking. My idea was that if I felt guilty about it too, maybe she wouldn't think I'm a player. I think this may have back fired though. If I'm not able to pull her away from her guilt, how will she ever feel comfortable with me? (Sh1t!). This is where I need your opinion.

    Also, invited her out to a park for a walk, said she might be able to, she has a dinner and she is gone all weekend. We text, and even face timed over the weekend. She text me today, and eventually the convo got to this point:

    Her: Haha no detox I already crossed the line too much :/
    Me: You know what's most upsetting about that night, I don't remember any of it (that's true)
    Her: I didn't realize you were that drunk
    Me: Completely wasted, I was hesitant to come back to your house
    Her: It probably shouldn't have happened. I can't remember how it went down.
    Me: It's not all bad. I just wish I remembered what you looked like naked
    Her: Too bad so sad haha

    I was really trying to make it like a mutual thing, believing this would create a connection, but I'm thinking it backfired. She flaked on our plans for tonight, and is cold with the texts, and now unresponsive. Should I have joked about it more? Making it seem like it was great for me, and she shouldn't have to feel bad? Maybe something like:

    Her: I didn't realize you were that drunk
    Me: Completely wasted. You got me hammered and then took advantage of me! I can't say I completely mind though hehe
    You don't need her

  2. #2
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Did I give her buyer's remorse?

    Honestly, I think she was just trying to avoid responsibility for sex which is what all women do. She made up excuses so she wouldn't look like a slut and you painted the picture that you regretted sleeping with her. This isn't a good thing.

    You basically told her "I didn't want to sleep with you but I was drunk" aka "You're not good enough for me". Don't ever do that again! Women will say stupid things like she did to look good in your eyes. When she said " I had the best intentions and they flew out your car window going home" she was trying to paint herself as a good girl so you wouldn't think she was a slut. That's actually a good sign. The way you responded told her that you didn't actually want to sleep with her. This tells her that you don't find her sexy. That's bad.

    A better response would have been "I have that effect sometimes ;o)" or anything that takes responsibility away from her and puts it on you. Why should she feel regret after indulging herself in something she wants to do? It's a mutually beneficial exercise. What she's worried about is you thinking she's a slut, and that's why she said some of the things she did.

  3. #3
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Did I give her buyer's remorse?

    It's ironic. Before her, I've had a half a dozen girls in the same situation with me. Every time I just said something like you mentioned above, taking the responsibility for the situation. Ultimately, we are the aggressors, they just want to know they made a good decision. However, I actually liked this broad, and was trying a more relationship route. I didn't want her to think all I wanted to do was fark and bounce. Catch 22, it happened that way anyhow.

    I saw her at work yesterday, and walked up to talk to her. She still seemed interested but told me she'd message me when I asked if she wanted to go out tonight. I talked to her again later that day and she was quite cold. She messaged me later and told me it wasn't a good idea if we hung out, she could lose her job for it. I graciously bowed out. Sh1t sucks.
    You don't need her

  4. #4
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Did I give her buyer's remorse?

    DirectIsBest has it by the head !

    By reinforcing her negative thought of you and her sleeping together and encouraging that it was a bad idea not only ruined your chances of a possible relationship. It also made her think of you but when she does think of you she has negative thoughts about you.

    But when you say she was cold to you later on that was probably what most guys here would see it as a anti-slut defence which in her mind she thinks she needs it on....

    Just my two cents
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Did I give her buyer's remorse?

    It happens to everyone man. When you start treating some of them different because you think they are relationship material you screw up. I've done it many times. That's why its best to treat them all the same whether they are a ONS, FWB, or relationship material.

    Ultimately we are the aggressors BUT it's only that way because of our society. Women actually do ALLOT of things to try and get in our pants, they are just really indirect about it most of the time. The only reason why men need to take responsibility is so a woman "feels" like she didn't have control over the situation. If she feels like she didn't have control she feels better about herself because she won't be perceived as a slut (which is the lowest value a girl can be in our society). It's really silly but it's so ingrained in a woman's psyche that you'll never get past it (unless she's a really open individual who flaunts society's norms).

    Sh1t sucks but you learned from it. That's the biggest thing. There's always many more to come.

  6. #6
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Did I give her buyer's remorse?

    So this turned into one of the most farked up situations I've ever dealt with... I wasn't done, not just yet. I get to see her at work so I could turn things around. I respected her boundaries all week. Briefly going up to her, talking, slight flirting, talking to her co-workers and then getting back to work. All week I was very detached. On Friday she text me and said she was quitting, and that meant we could hang out again. I invited her and her roommate out for some drinks with my buddy and I. We went over to their house Friday night and started drinking, a little too hard. I made out with her a few times before we took a cab down town. We got to the club and sh1t just didn't feel right. No one was clicking, and I was way out of state. One of my other 'girl friends' showed up (completely platonic at this point) and I started chatting with her, making sure everyone was introduced. I went to the bathroom and came back out to find the girl I work with (and who I went to the club with) making out with a guy on the dance floor. I couldn't farking believe it. I went up to say something to her and she shrugged me off. It's petty, but two can play that game.

    I went back and found her roommate. Bought her a drink and turned up the game. I found my buddy, grabbed him and the roommate, and took a taxi back to her place. My buddy passed out on the couch. I grabbed his consent, as I brought him there to talk to her and they didn't click, went to her bedroom, and farked her brains out. In the morning her roommate showed me some pictures of the girl I work with next to bed with the guy she met at the club. I took a picture, text the girl I work with later and told her she disrespected me. She apologized, and explained she just messed up getting too drunk. I told her I couldn't hang out with her after she banged that guy, let her know I hooked up with her roommate, and that was it. Sh1t really does suck, I actually liked this chick. She may be a hottie, but I guess this is part of pick up. You learn to respect yourself as much as you seek respect, there is always something to take away from a crap situation.
    You don't need her


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