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Thread: Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

  1. #1
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    Default Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

    Hey guys. So I've found myself in a rather untenable position recently. I'm 37 years old. I'm polyamorous, have a few interesting girls that I'm seeing, one of which happens to be an 18 year old cheerleader. We're really hitting it off, having great sex, great fun, great conversations. Everything's great, except that we both know that this isn't likely to last forever. We're simply enjoying our time together and taking it one day at a time. I really dig this girl though.

    So one of the things I've been doing with her is teaching her the things I know, letting her experience new things, learn about the things I've spent my life developing and exploring. Hypnosis, cooking, and yes, even Pick Up. She's curious about the pickup thing. So I'm starting this thread as a way to explain the basic concepts of pickup to her. Hopefully other members will get a lot of value from this, but really it's my opportunity to sort of "blog" about different PUA topics that I think will interest her. For now, she's lurking, I guess.

    Along the way, if you have any questions, I'll be happy to give my own answers to them and of course, the rest of this community is free to chime in, give me alternate viewpoints, or enlighten me on anything that I may be off-base with.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

    The first topic I want to discuss, because I think it's really the most important of all, is Frames. Frames are the things around the picture. They focus your attention on what's inside. In pick up, Frames are the way we see others, and the way we allow others to see ourselves.

    Let's say you believe in your heart that you are the world's biggest stud. You declare it loudly and proudly every chance you get. Well, one of two things will happen. Either a girl will accept that frame, in which case she's going to almost certainly hook up with you, because she can't possibly resist. Because you are the world's biggest stud. I was watching Don Juan DeMarco about a week ago and was thinking, "Man, this movie is all about frames!" It's the absolute best demonstration of what a frame battle is all about.

    Frame Battle? A frame battle sounds hostile, but it usually isn't. A frame battle is when two people come into contact for the first time, each with different beliefs-- they have different realities. And the battle, or the struggle, is to determine whose reality is going to win out. You see, reality isn't absolute. Even if it is, even if there's really a "true reality" then it doesn't matter anyway because we aren't omniscient gods, we're simply human beings. So I have certain beliefs as a human being, and so do you. We have mutual beliefs, things we both believe. We have opposing beliefs, things we don't agree on... but then there's a third kind of beliefs, the ones that the other person has never been aware of.

    For instance, before you meet me (or see me on a screen), you're unaware of my existence. You don't know what I look like. You especially don't know how I view myself. Am I the world's greatest golfer? Am I a great Pick Up Artist? Am I the kind of guy that all girls view as sexworthy? You don't know... but once I announce that belief, either you accept my statement, or else the frame battle begins. You start testing me, teasing me, seeing how I react. You start trying to poke holes in my frame, you try to break it down, you try to be better than me.

    It's one upmanship, really. But it's not always rude or impolite. Oftentimes, it's very subtle. You try to figure someone out, you try to figure out what their reality is. You want to see if they really are the person they claim to be, or if they are full of crap.

    You also have a frame though. Your frame is how you view yourself. And as you're exploring my frame, seeing if it's valuable, seeing if it's interesting, seeing if it's worthwhile, seeing if it's solid and tangible and real, I'm doing the same thing to you. I'm testing your frame.

    Now, if you submit, that is to say, if you accept my frame, then I probably won't poke too deeply into yours. At least not if I'm a good person. I'll accept the fact that you've accepted my more favorable view of reality and leave you to yours. But this is where ego battles come in with guys. This is where all that macho posturing crap comes in... it's two guys disagreeing over who has the stronger frame, the stronger view on who they are as a person.

    So how does this work with girls? The same way. You set the frame. I could go out one night and tell a girl I'm polyamorous and have 20 girlfriends. It might turn her on to know that the opposite sex finds me irresistible. I could go out the next night and say that I'm just a lonely guy looking for one girl for a steady relationship. Two different frames, right? And it'll attract two different kinds of girls. Now, I could do this, but of course I don't. I'd be lacking congruency if I did that. But the point is, I have a frame that I present to people. It's a bit of an idealized view of myself. It's aspirational to a degree, but mostly it's exactly who I am and how I live my life. It's tough to poke holes in my frame because it's solid, it's tangible, it's real. I can back it up. I walk the walk, I talk the talk, she can look into my eyes and feel confident that I am who I say I am.

    But frames are also more than that. It's not just framing you as a person, it's also framing your relationships. You can tell a girl "I want to date you, possibly marry you." And from that point forward, your relationship will be defined by that frame. (FWIW, if you do that, she'll probably find one tiny flaw in you and then run away screaming!) You can also say, "I'm just looking for a good time..." and that too will define your relationship. You have to be careful though when you are setting frames because they can be pretty hard to break. In general, you want to set a frame with the least pressure possible. You want it to be comfortable. You want her to be able to relate to it, understand it, and... again... you want her to accept it.

    This will probably bring me to my next thought, on DHV. DHV stands for Demonstrating High Value. It is the proof you use to avoid confrontations. For example, if I say I'm the biggest stud in the world, that doesn't mean much, coming from a guy standing alone. But if I'm surrounded by 30 playboy playmates, you might view me differently. DHV is the most blatant and obvious way of avoiding a frame battle. It gives you unspoken proof, before even a word is said. If I'm surrounded by 30 playmates, then I don't really even need to say that I'm the world's biggest stud, do I? I mean, other guys are basically going to say it for me.

    That's a ridiculous example, of course, but next, I'll talk about the more subtle concepts of DHV.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

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  4. #3
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    Default Re: Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

    I like this mindset and strategy.

  5. #4
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    Default Re: Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

    DHV. Demonstrating High Value.

    DHV is the backbone support to your frame. It's having a couple of strippers come in and start pawing on you after you've just told a table of incredulous girls that you're the world's biggest stud. At least, that's what happens when you're doing it right. The rest of the time, it's a lot more subtle.

    Before I talk about DHV though, I want to mention that there is such a thing as too much DHV. Yes, it's possible to be so cool, so fun, so awesome, so talented, that you actually scare girls away. So if you're just looking to get laid, you need to calibrate your DHV a bit, being careful not to let her get too overwhelmed by your awesomeness (Yes, I have actually had this happen a few times. It's weird as hell, but it happens). On the other hand, if you're looking for someone who can keep up with you and handle you in all your awesome glory, then hey, let it fly!!!!

    DHV can take many forms. It's the likes you get on a Facebook status. It's your friends blowing up your phone during a date. It's also the way that you're able to relate to another person's random experiences with a similar story of your own... because you know that really awesome thing that she once did? Yeah, you did something kind of like it yourself. And she's sitting there wondering... what else has he done? It's the subtle cues you drop during a conversation. It could be stuff like, "Yeah, so my friend is a big-shot at XYZ and he was telling me that such-and-such blah blah blah". You're connected, you're in-the-know. For me, sometimes it's the quarter of a million hits on my youtube channel. No, I don't mention that I have all those hits. I just talk about what the channel is about, talk about the stuff I'm interested in, and figure that if/when she goes to check me out, she'll notice that I happen to be sort of a big deal.

    DHV isn't about putting your resume on the table. It's not about telling a girl the specifics... that never works. It's about being effortless and smooth in your interactions, where she gets pleasantly surprised every time the subject turns in a new direction and she realizes that you not only know what you're talking about, but that you're actually a little bit deeper into that scene than she could have imagined. It's also the art of steering the conversation towards those topics. Being able to lead someone into becoming curious about the things you do best.

    And that's the great thing about great girls. They want to get to know you. They want to know what you're about. So DHV can take whatever form you can imagine with them.

    Tying this back into the concept of frames, she isn't interested in you because you have the same interests as her. She's interested in you because you're different, you're mysterious, she's curious. She wants to follow along and learn and grow from all you've done and all the experiences you've had. This is what allows you some freedom in setting your frame, it also allows you to take the DHV's you have and put them out there in a subtle way. You don't have to be all things to all people. You just have to be yourself. But you have to be able to show her that your life isn't being wasted, that you are on a path, that you are respected and appreciated by others.

    If you don't give her the opportunity to see that, then she'll never be deeply attracted to you.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  6. #5
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    Default Re: Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

    Ok. A break from the big picture. This is a little tiny technique that I used when picking up my cheerleader friend (Hi babe! ). Actually, I shared it with another friend of mine and he went from having a bitchy, difficult, and unresponsive Tinder girl on his hands, to having her phone number and nonstop texting in a matter of minutes. And that has been my experience as well when using this technique.

    When a girl isn't messaging you enough, when you're left hanging for a response, when you know she's on her phone, but just has better things to do than talk to you... say something like this...

    "Hey, I know you're probably busy texting other guys and that's cool. I'll leave you to it. But you should probably text me sometime when you actually have time to talk..."

    Be a man. Stand your ground. Don't sit by your phone desperately waiting for a girl to get back to you. Live your life. Do something better or different. If she doesn't rate you that highly, if she doesn't feel that you deserve a prompt response from her, then be the type of guy who will move on to better things. The truth is, she'll suddenly be afraid of losing you and will scramble to make things right. Remember, you're a great guy. You deserve the same amount of attention that you put in. Don't settle for less.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  7. #6
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    Default Re: Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

    Mad Respect Blackbird, I'm really feeling you and these posts.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  8. #7
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    Default Re: Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

    Body language.

    Imagine a big burly guy standing directly in front of you, shoulders square to yours, just a little bit inside of your bubble. He can be the coolest, nicest guy in the world, but the fact that he's standing there in a way that sort of makes it hard to escape can feel pretty intimidating, right? Well this is what a girl feels every time you stand in front of her. You're probably larger than she is. She can't escape. Instant intimidating creep factor.

    When talking to a girl, always be careful to leave her with a clear way out. This means that you are turned away from her enough that she doesn't immediately feel threatened by your presence. At a bar, turning and talking over your shoulder works well. On the dance floor, dancing next to her or in front of her with your back turned away works well. In fact, I feel that this is one of the reasons that breakfast/lunch/dinner dates are so terrible. You're basically forced to sit across from each other, it's really hard to demonstrate great body language. Of course, you could sit next to her instead of across from her... if she's comfortable with you already, but a lot of times that would be awkward. The best thing to do in that scenario is to sit at a table, rather than a booth. That way you two can sit at adjacent sides of the table and be sort of next to each other without being in each others bubble.

    Speaking of which, let's talk about positioning in a room. What's comfortable and uncomfortable. Being in a corner is comfortable - nobody can approach you from behind and you can see everything that's happening. That's where all the shy nervous guys hang out. It's also where you will find the girls who are most willing to talk... so long as you are super non-threatening in your approach. Wave to her from across the room, let her wave back. You definitely want to wait for permission from those girls. If you happen to see a guy standing in the corner, just go right up and talk to h im. It's almost guaranteed that he's lonely, uncomfortable and will appreciate the social validation. As a guy, if you have no social proof in a venue, those guys are almost guaranteed to be happy to come and join the fun. They are waiting for an invitation to join in somewhere.

    For you though, you don't want to be in the corner. You want to be in the middle of the action. If you're alone at a bar, you want to take that extra seat that always separates two groups of people. This gives you two chances to introduce yourself and join in the fun. If you can sit between two groups of girls, of course that's ideal. Another great place to sit is right by the walk-up area where people go to order drinks and bring them back to the table. You'll get lots of opportunities for quick 1-2 minute conversations while people are waiting for drinks. It's like being at a revolving door. This is great for practicing your cold approach because you don't even have to approach. It's super easy to be cool and fun and have someone invite you over to their table this way.

    Remember, with body language, you are communicating your desires. Want to know how a girl feels about you? Look at her feet. If they're pointing away from you, it's her subconscious indicating that she's thinking about running away. When they're aimed directly at you, she wants to come closer. Want to know who a girl secretly likes? Look at the direction her feet are pointing and follow that line to that person.

    Another way to tell if a girl is into you is when she starts touching herself. Touching her throat/chest area is a massive sign of attraction. She might also touch her arm, her hip, or her cheeks. Essentially what's happening is that she has subconsciously noticed an emotional shift within her body and it's caused her to touch it as a way of soothing/comforting herself. The funny thing is, all primates do this. Grooming behavior is a way of relaxing and reducing stress in primates. As humans, we do that too. We're touching ourselves as a way of gaining comfort or control over our spiked emotions, because we don't have anyone else to do it for us. Playing with her hair is another sign of this. But as with a lot of things with the human body, there's always a question of what comes first. For instance, playing with someone's hair can actually cause stress (or arousal). Why? Because it's what we do to soothe ourselves. So in our brains, we figure if we're being soothed, there must be something causing stress, and so we generate stress or arousal in response to the soothing behavior. This is why kino (touch) is so important. I think I'll discuss that next.

    Anyway, in general, any time you see a girl trying to make herself physically smaller in your presence, it's a sign of submission, that she wants to appear to be smaller, more feminine, more dainty for you. She might pull her shoulders inward if she is nervous. She might shrink her torso downwards, which causes her to have to raise her chin more to see you - she is basically making herself shorter, indicating permission to be more dominant towards her.

    Also, watch the eyes. The biggest G-rated indicator of sexual arousal is in the eyes. Your pupils become dilated whenever you see something that you are attracted to. It's unmistakable and unfakable. In fact, models are often photoshopped to have larger pupils. It's super subtle, but it increases attraction because pupil dilation goes both ways. It both indicates attraction, as well as making the viewer feel more attracted. If you're going in for a kiss, the dilated pupils, along with her looking at your lips, and her slightly opening her mouth, are the three dead giveaways that she wants that kiss. Also, note that our pupils dilate when we tell a lie. And if you've ever told a lie, you might have noticed that brief second when your eyes go out of focus as you tell a lie. That's what's happening. Your pupils are dilating. It's briefly uncomfortable. That's why we all want to look away when we tell a lie.

    For guys, we want to demonstrate dominant body language. Essentially, this means being larger, taking up more space, being open. Some ways of doing this includes: Hands on the hips, hands behind your head, leaning on a table with your arms farther away from your body. Sticking your hand out, well away from your body, when you wave at someone - again, taking up more space.

    Finally, stand as much as possible. Sitting at a bar tends to cause you to slouch. Also, having a chair beside you or behind you causes you to take up more space, so you stand out more. Whatever amount of height you have, you want to display it. Sitting is the worst for this. Even if you're surrounded by taller guys, you can make up for the vertical deficiency by maintaining horizontal space. This will help you to be seen and noticed. Gesturing with your hands also does this, and allows you to claim some space. So put the drink down on the bar or table and be sure to have your hands free for gesturing.

    These are just some basics, but it gives you an idea of how to read, and demonstrate, some of the most important body language cues.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  9. #8
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    Default Re: Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

    Ok. So for the topics I've discussed so far, here's the recommended reading list...

    What? You didn't realize there was going to be homework involved? LOL

    Watch Johnny Depp's movie: Don Juan Demarco. The entire movie is about frames. Once you watch this movie and think about the frames involved, something strange will happen to you. Suddenly, every movie you watch is going to become about frames. You will start to notice how every character, in every movie, is in a frame battle with another character. And the entire movie, every movie ever made, is about the development and ultimate resolution of each character's opposing frames. In short, you will "see the matrix" (not that you have to watch The Matrix). You will then realize that every relationship you have has been a frame battle. You will start to see the ones you're winning, and also the ones you are losing. And once you recognize that, you can start to fix it.

    2. The Definitive Book of Body Language, Allan and Barbara Pease. Lots of pictures. It's a super easy read that really takes you to the next level of reading body language.

    3. For extra credit, What Every Body is Saying, by Joe Navarro is even better than #2, although the reading is quite a bit drier. Don't worry though, it still has quite a few pictures in it. This book really gives you a lot more of the "how and why" as to body language. It's not just about reading body language, it's about understanding it.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  10. #9
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    Default Re: Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

    Now that I've touched on Body Language, I'm going to talk about Negative vs Positive Body Language.

    Negative body language is the natural response to things you don't like. There's this really dirty joke that I love to tell and halfway through, before the awesome punchline, the girl starts to think that I'm the most disgusting pig on the planet. Every time, halfway through the joke, the girl starts to turn away from me, as though she's about to walk away. THAT is negative body language. It's sending the message that "I really don't want to be around this situation". Of course, in the end, the joke is hilarious and it gets a big laugh. But right in the middle there, I always get this little emotional spike that I have to resist. It's like it's telling me to shout out, "No! Wait! Don't Leave! Really! This joke is funny! Just hear me out!" Of course, I don't actually say those things, but I suddenly feel a little bit of loss in the interaction. I freak out a little over the negative body language that she displays.

    You can do this too. In fact, you can use it to your advantage. A girl says something you don't like? Turn away a little bit. Indicate to her that you do not approve of what she has said. And what will she do? The same thing everybody else does... freak out a little bit and start to try and win you over. When she says something you do like, you lean a little closer, you turn more towards her. You let her know that she is slowly winning you over. This is how you transition from the casual first introduction, where you you're displaying negative body language, and maybe just talking over your shoulder, to actually turning towards the girl and facing her directly. It happens gradually, as you allow her to win you over. Up until that point, you want a lot of negative body language. You want her to know that you're willing to walk away. This helps her feel more secure in talking to you.

    Taken to the next level, you use this to do Push-Pulls. Push pulls are an emotional roller-coaster. You get the girl addicted to it. She wants the positive response. And so when she's really into you, you might take offense at something she said. You might ask her a question and then respond negatively to the answer, as though you're about to walk away. She'll then scramble to make it right, for fear of losing you. Then you go back and start giving her more positive body language, get to know her more. Then rinse and repeat. This creates a little roller-coaster of emotions. It also demonstrates high value by showing her that you are perfectly willing to walk away, that you're not easy to win over. It sets you up as the prize. That is, it implies the frame-- that you are the one to be won over, not her. You're setting yourself up as the one who is worth chasing after.

    Think about how backwards that is from most normal male-female interactions. Normally, it's the girl who is the prize, it's the girl who is being chased. And what does it feel like to a girl when she is being chased? It feels like she's in control of the interaction, that she can set the terms and dictate the outcome. The problem though, is that being in control is kind of boring, especially for girls. Most girls can get guys to buy them drinks, take them out to dinner, or whatever. Those guys are not fun and interesting. Those are guys who are so desperate for her attention that they'll bend to her will. And do you know why that's not interesting? Because those guys are beneath her. They are supplicating towards her. They are basically kissing her ass. And how fun is it, really, to be around a bunch of ass-kissers all day?

    So by setting the frame that you are the prize, and you're the one to be won over, you get her chasing you. You get her to be desperate for your attention and approval. A girl asks you to buy her a drink? Your attitude is: "Oh, I'm sorry. You must have mistaken me for an ass-kisser." No, I never actually said that to a girl, but that's the attitude you want to portray. You need to set the relationship up as at least 50/50, if not even more in your favor than that. Remember, you want her to be pursuing you and seeking your validation. You do that by alternating your body language, not giving her too much non-verbal approval, especially when it's not deserved.

    There can be a hot girl, and a guy trying desperately to get her approval. She could say that her hobbies include hurting children and killing puppies. And a lot of guys will actually give her approval for that... because all they want is to sleep with her. They don't care. They will fake like she's cool and interesting, even when she's not. As a man, you need to hold yourself to a higher standard. There is absolutely no need to ever fake like a girl is interesting when she really isn't. Doing that only turns her off and causes her to be less interested. Don't be afraid to walk away from a bad interaction. Sometimes, I'm talking to a girl and I suddenly realize that the conversation is sucking and I'm going down in flames. Know what I do? I bail. I don't wait for her to leave or blow me out. I don't try to salvage a sinking ship. I'll just come right out and say, "Well, this conversation kind of sucks, doesn't it? Maybe you can try again later..." And see what happens there? Next time I approach her, she'll be more invested in having a good conversation. And all the lameness that I must have accidentally brought into the conversation, well I get points for recognizing it, and I also place some of the blame for it back on her. It sets me up as the kind of guy who doesn't have lame conversations and doesn't tolerate them.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

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    Aaronz3 is offline Aaron
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    Default Re: Blackbird's Ultimate Pick Up Thread

    This is awesome stuff Blackbird, great read.


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