The question you asked was completely legitimate dude, I wasn't trying to be a dick. That was just the vibe coming from your OP.
The reason I mentioned it was that people will judge you on what you present to them. You can be the coolest, nicest, most sane & confident bloke in the world but if you meet people and start talking about your cat like a crazy person straight away, you're going to come off as the crazy cat dude. Same goes if somebody says they want to go to the pub for a drink and you go on about how overpriced you think drinks are; you're going to be the whiney guy nobody wants to be around.
Not too over the top but still enough to make you sound like a semi-crazy cat dude.It helps that I really love animals, in fact, as I was writing this, my cat was lying in front of me and my arms were on top of her, ha!
So you just need to learn how to have better conversations, what statements and questions will get her better invested and how to get her to open up. Don't worry about 'most guys', most guys have no clue what they're doing.The thing is I'm not actually that shy. In fact I'm a well-known motormouth. My problem isn't that I can't listen though, it's that when I talk to girls, I don't know how to get them to start talking. Most guys complain about being unable to get girls to shut up, my problem is the opposite, when I try to talk to a girl I have the opposite effect... she won't get started.
First of all. I want to say that every person has his or her own uniqueness about himself whether it's cats, enjoying Selena Gomez tunes, etc. It seems to me that you are coming from a victim mentality saying that your biggest problem is being an introvert and you don't enjoy what most other people like to go. (clubs/bars) You're trying too hard to be someone else. Be congruent in every moment to who you are. Personally, I find that most of the girls I truly connected with were from places that I genuinely enjoyed going to. (bowling alley, concerts, fitness classes)
You seem to assume everyone who has a cat to be crazy. I’mnot going to go with this further though.
I see a lot of nice statements from your post, but littleactual advice. Learn to have better conversation? That’s capital stuff, but any links or guides or examples? I need more than simple guidelines.
You also mention the initial presentation. I’ve walked up to girls who basically commented on what massive balls I had to do an approach on their group and admired my confidence… but said I had nothing else or that I was a beginner at this whole thing. I was 26 during this time (yes, I am veryinsecure about my age. I was even insecure about it even back then. I admit tothat without issue.). I know confidence is the biggest thing needed to score,but it is neither the only thing nor is it the deal maker. I have to admit, atthat time I was looking for a job and had other issues, but there is no way youcan find shit like that out specifically from the 1/5 of a second you’ve hadeye contact with someone. If you can do that. Why are you trying to just pickup girls? You can make a killing being a psychiatrist.
I did go out on Friday day just to chat up a few people.I was working the late shift at work and I work in downtown Montreal, so Ifigured I had nothing to lose. I did chat with two groups. One group of girlswere already in a rush to leave, and they were my first approach, so they werea warm up. The second group was a couple of people who just finished a game oflaser tag (an activity I’ve been wanting to do since I was a child), I didmanage to talk a girl and her BF over there. I did catch their names, but when Itried to shake hands, the girl seemed a little distracted. I don’t think it wasintentional, but her BF basically said, “Be polite,” before she caught notice.Like I said, she seemed legitimately distracted and not pretending. It was acasual chat up, but nothing else. Nothing of note, but this is the crux of my problem, allmy outings end up like this. I’m thinking of going to yoga class because A: I actually do do yoga at home, B: It’s something I can do well and I won’t comeoff as someone who’s just doing it for the babes, and C: Well, gotta do SOMETHING.
Thanks for supporting me on that. I actually really likebowling, in fact, I never lost a game. Yes I am aware that bowling isconsidered a very unsexy sport… but the kicker is, I actually took a date outto a bowling alley and she liked it. I also used my strikes and other goodbowls to make and attempt at a hug, then drop down to my knees and put my facein her chest. This is a woman I eventually got laid with, so at least I did SOMETHING right there. I never tried concerts, but I guess it’s worth a shot,especially if it’s a metal concert, I’m a big metal fan.
I have to admit, my biggest problem isn’t introversion, I’ve been really insecure about my body and my age for years, even if people say I’m an extremely fit guy, I still feel like I’m inadequate there, even if I’ve dropped down below 10% body fat a long time ago. I also think a lot of girls will judge me for my age when I try to go to talk to them.
yoga and cats ......... REALLY ?!?!?!?!?!? And why don't you stop whining about all your issues ....get over them
Not at all!! But again, people are going to make assumptions about you based on what you present to them. If somebody came up to me for the first time and the only thing they spoke about was their cat, then I'm going to assume that that's all they do with their life. All I'm trying to suggest is that it's something you don't bring up too early in an interaction because it's not something people are going to be interested in.
I can't talk from an experience view point so for all I know, the girls you talk to will love it.. I highly doubt it though.
You say you can't get girls to talk.. basic things like avoiding interview style questions, and using open ended statements to avoid the simple yes or no answers. You haven't provided any dialogues yet so that makes it difficult too.
Look, I'm struggling to adapt that mindset wholeheartedly at the moment too (Surely it can't be that easy?!) But the most confident I ever felt was when I was really fit. So I've gone back to the gym to get myself back to that stage where I feel good about myself. When I'm fit I'm more active, I'm energetic, I've got a real spring in my step and I'm just generally happier, and I think that's the key to my confidence.
Based on what else you said, I would say inner game should be your bigger priority, not just for game but for life in general. Find a way to be happy with who you are, the things you like doing, your age and the body you have. You don't have to turn into some cocky, arrogant jock, but have the confidence to be you. You should be able to join a yoga class and not give a flying fuck what anyone else says! I used to wear pink shorts quite frequently when I went out, so many people would give me shit about it but I honestly didn't care. I was the one still talking to girls and getting phone numbers, they weren't.
How you're going to work on your inner game, I have no idea. That's something you will need to find that works for you. Read some material, join a bowling team, hit the gym whatever you gotta do (somebody on here might have some good suggestions for inner game material).
You're doing good if you're out there approaching. Try and take note of people's reactions and how they respond to certain things.
Other than that keep doing the things you want to do and you'll find a girl that you don't have to pretend to be someone else for. I say; if you want to volunteer at an animal shelter, join a yoga class, go bowling or laser shooting then do it!!
I suggest you to go out, in some shopping mall or even in super markets, a lot of girls are there and opening a game is very simple, being in their passions (girls loves shopping and most of them loves cooking).
You have just to open your game like:
-What do you think about this yellow t-shirt? isn't very "hippie"?
-are these carrots ok to make a pasta?
Do tell me now that you live too far from shopping centers or that you don't like supermarkets!!!
Can you answer? I am in the sh*t
I posted a question on the forum
and I am looking for answers .