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Thread: Help me please !

  1. #1
    okazaki is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Help me please !

    Dear community, please help me
    I will try to explain the problem as detailed as possible to give a clear view on the issue, so it will probably take me a lot of text.
    Iím a college student, Iím in my second year right now. Thereís a girl who is sitting in the same classes with me two times a week. First time I really noticed her was in February. One time during the class I noticed a girl staring at me. I didnít really gave much meaning to it , I just turned away and acted like I didnít see her. Some weeks went by and before I knew it, we started to look at each other constantly. We even started to take fixed spots in the auditorium so that we could always see each other.
    At a certain point I started to develop feelings for her. All I could think about was Monday and Thursday, because thatís when I could see her in class. All I could think about was her. I have looked up student lists for all classes and have been checking out more than 500 female student names one by one on facebook trying to find out who she was. To make a long story short, I fell in love with her like a 15 years old kid. I didnít have such feelings for many years and after reading PUA theories I never thought I could ever get such feelings again for a woman. At least not at age 23 anymore. I know 100% sure that she has some kind of feeling for me too or at least that she is attracted to meÖ Just by the way she looks at me.
    I started to make plans on how to approach her. Approaching her was the hardest part. Reason for that is because she is surrounded by her 3 female friends almost all the time when I see her at college. Or when I see her alone, my friends are aroundÖ Iíve spent many weeks trying to ďsnipeĒ that perfect moment to approach her. I tried to find out what classes she takes , what bus she takes , when she arrives at college etc.. Just so I could find a moment to approach her 1 on 1.
    One time I was on my way to college. I was walking on the street from the metro station and I suddenly saw her walking, she was walking in my direction. I thought to myself that this could be a perfect moment and I didnít have much time to react, so when she was right near me I waved to her and said ďhello, how are you doing?Ē. She said ďwhat?Ē. There was a lot of noise from traffic so she probably didnít understand me very well. Suddenly I got some kind of adrenaline attack and I just got paralyzed and I couldnít speak out a word for like few seconds. She said that she had to hurry and take the train and that she will see me after the weekend. When I saw her in class after the weekend. The same old stuff repeated, same old looking-at-each-other game. And it was so weird I just donít know what to anymore. Some of my friends say that itís weird because I havenít ďbroken the iceĒ yet.
    Now the classes are almost over and the examinations will be starting soon. So I donít have that much time anymore to approach her again. At this point I am so exhausted emotionally that I start to wish it would all be over.
    I was thinking about adding her on facebook and just ask her if she wants to meet me some time after the class. Adding her on facebook is probably one of the shittiest things I could do, but I think I donít even care anymore. Even if I get rejected by her that way, at least it would be a big redemption to me and would be able to finally forget her and start focussing on my exams. Another possibility for me is to approach her in real life. Please anyone, what should I do ?

  2. #2
    RenaissanceManinNJ is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help me please !

    Okay dude. Just step back and look at what you've written, because in my mind it is far afield of pick-up and deep into creepy/stalker territory.

    >At a certain point I started to develop feelings for her. All I could think about was Monday and Thursday, because thatís when I could see her in class. All I could think about was her.
    >I know 100% sure that she has some kind of feeling for me too or at least that she is attracted to meÖ Just by the way she looks at me. So you fall in love with her/decide that she is your soulmate simply because she stares at you, and you stare at her? Have you even had a conversation with this girl?

    >I have looked up student lists for all classes and have been checking out more than 500 female student names one by one on facebook trying to find out who she was. This is textbook, obsessive stalker behavior.

    >Iíve spent many weeks trying to ďsnipeĒ that perfect moment to approach her. I tried to find out what classes she takes , what bus she takes , when she arrives at college etc.. Just so I could find a moment to approach her 1 on 1. Again, stalker behavior, learning her schedule, mannerisms, etc, just to talk to her 1 on 1? Why do you need to talk to her 1 on 1? Introduce yourself/your friends to her group.

    > I was thinking about adding her on facebook and just ask her if she wants to meet me some time after the class. Adding her on facebook is probably one of the shittiest things I could do, but I think I donít even care anymore. Even if I get rejected by her that way, at least it would be a big redemption to me and would be able to finally forget her and start focussing on my exams. Another possibility for me is to approach her in real life. Please anyone, what should I do ? Don't add her on facebook. Did she even give you her name? Or did you just find it out from some place else, i.e. your investigation?

    Look, I'm going to be brutally honest. You have been brainwashed into thinking that the actions above are acceptable, when in fact, they are not. This isn't your fault; it's society's fault for perpetuating this kind of nonsense when in reality, it just creeps girls out. I think that unconsciously you are aware that what you've been doing is inappropriate, or at least your body is aware - hence your "freeze up" episode when talking with her, and being in the same uncomfortable routine afterward.

    The bottom line is, you should not be getting worked up over any one girl, particularly one you haven't even spoken with at any meaningful length. There are plenty of girls out there. Based on what you've said and done, I don't think there is any chance of salvaging things with this girl without things being extremely awkward.

    If you want to bite the bullet and see if there is any real attraction here, despite everything that's gone on, I'd suggest a direct approach. Walk up to her and her friends after class and introduce yourself. Then say something C/F that trivializes the staring contest that you've been having with this girl time after time.

    "Telepathy is total bullshit, isn't it. I've been trying to telepathically get this girl to talk to me for weeks now, and nada, not a word."

    "Is there something on my face? The way this girl's been staring at me, I figured I'd grown a second nose or something. Or did my roommate draw a dick on my face again?" (Props if you have the balls to go to class with a dick drawn on your face for real).

    "Is she shy? She's been looking at me this whole time. Oh, I know - she's just speechless because of my dashing good looks. It's a common effect I have on people."

    My advice is just to learn from your mistakes here, and not repeat them in the future. Sometimes you need some calibrating to figure out if what you're doing is creepy. A good rule of thumb is, "if she knew that I was doing this, what would she think?" Chances are, she WON'T think it's romantic.

    A couple of things that are a definite no-no include adding her on FB before she introduces herself to you. Broadly speaking, you should not be getting any information about her world until she includes you in that world. I.e. phone numbers, facebook/instagram/whatever, her addresses, her routines/schedules, etc. Obtaining this information beforehand is outright creepy stalker behavior. This should go without saying, but doing anything where you come off as a "secret admirer", or outright signing yourself as such, is also a huge red flag. Again, you should know next to nothing about this girl, so investing so much into your "relationship" prior to having any reciprocation whatosever, is the definition of stalker behavior.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Help me please !

    Sub Bro,
    Gotcha here,


    I am going to tell you some hard truths and give you personal advice based on your story you wrote. Am going to completely honest without any hold backs, So sit tight.
    If you want to take the advice cool, if you don't that's cool to.


    Something else i am not responsible nether is the pua community for your actions in any sort of way just to make it clear i say this because i notice stalker behavior in your post.


    Oke, here we go, I'll break down parts of your story and give advice.
    To be honest, i got the big creeps about this part.



    I have looked up student lists for all classes and have been checking out more than 500 female student names one by one on Facebook trying to find out who she was.

    Its almost if you are stalking her, its needy, clingy and highly creepy especially when it freaks me out as a guy imagine how a girl would react. I know your trying to get her name in this stage. But lets take it from the girl's eye's/mind.


    How would you feel if a random stranger on the streets came up to you and starts telling you what your name is, where you live, what your hobby's are who your family is and how late it all happened?

    Then how are you going to explain it to her how you find out about everything in her life?

    To be short, when you are needy/clingy chances are extremely low for you bro,
    mix that with stalker behavior and its close to zero.

    You must lose that behavior at all costs! for yourself, for her, and all other girls in this world.
    Most important for yourself because it slowly eats you away in to nothing but darkness, cold and depression.

    All I could think about was her,
    I think most of us know this feeling or have know this feeling.
    But its needy = no girls let alone a GF


    I didn't have such feelings for many years and after reading PUA theories I never thought I could ever get such feelings again for a woman. At least not at age 23 anymore

    Wow your age 23? am 20 years old. You have a whole life in front of you, There thousands of girls in the world so that idea that you would never feel like it in the future is complete bullshit, my father has gone trough 1 divorce in what he was fully in love with my mother. 16 year relation ship. Now 5 years later he has finally come over it and found a new true love he is 50 years old now.

    In my side job as a social mentor i deal a lot with guys like you.
    So i have a question for you. Do you truly love yourself? Have you truly accepted yourself? Who you are, the ins and outs? Every inch of yourself from the very top of your biggest hair on your head to the lowest part in your feet?
    because true love starts with yourself. Only if you can truly love yourself you can truly love someone els.

    "Because love comes in, then falls out then you learn what it's about" - Danko Jones

    Then i want you to fully understand these lyrics by danko jones.

    ListenOnRepeat | YouTube Repeat



    Mama said "watch out son, skinny top, heavy bottom"
    I know that's easy to tell that girl's just putting you through hell
    Papa said "my turn, step outside, you gotta learn
    women and girls will make your head turn"
    But Daddy I'm doing fine without her

    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind

    Couple comes up to me
    They're in love - plain to see
    I take a step back and start to laugh
    You know love can never last
    'Cause love comes in then falls out
    That's when you learn what it's about
    I love you always and...
    But I think we should just be friends

    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind

    Now I wanna talk about love I wanna talk about love
    Because all my life I've been told that love will keep you together,
    Love is all you need, and all you need is love
    Love is the answer
    But I remember the time ha ha heh, when my mama sat me down
    And she looked me in the eye the little pea-bone with a smile
    And her smile turned into a laugh and her laugh turned into a cackle
    And you know what she said, you know what she said ?

    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind
    That's what she said
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind

    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind, it don't like nobody
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind, it don't got no friends
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind, it don't like nobody
    Love is unkind, love is unkind, love is unkind, it don't got no friends

    Ladies and gentlemen I'm gonna prove my point tonight
    I'm gonna tilt my head up to the sky
    I'm gonna look at the good lord in the eye
    And if the good lord wants to strike me down tonight
    And I haven't found my true love I haven't found her
    If I haven't found my true love, baby....
    If the good Lord wants to strike me down tonight
    And I haven't found my true love, I haven't found my true love.
    I'M GONNA DIE A HAPPY MAN !!!
    "The act of taking the first step is what set apart the winners from the losers"
    - Bryan Tracy
    "Natural routines are the PUA's paint brushes"
    - Gotcha

  4. #4
    okazaki is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help me please !

    Hey guys , thanks for your replies to both of you.

    I know my behaviour is wrong...It's wrong on many many levels, most of those things I have done because some of my friends suggested me to do so. I also know that this has not much to do with pick up, but you see I don't control it. Certain emotions feelings, it really makes me feel bad about myself. You see, I know many other girls from college and I have many female friends and I know some of them even like me... I can act very spontaneously with them, be funny, talk about stupid shit endlessely... The thing is , I could not give a single fuck about them, I don't feel anything for them. There's just this one girl that has taken all my attention. And I repeat, this is not something I can control. I wish I could cut out those feelings and throw them away, but that is impossible.


    I know some of that stuff I told about is wrong and I don't really need you to rebuke me on that. I have been "stalking" her maybe, yes, but at least she doesn't know about it. I just wanted some advice on how to "approach" her in a good manner... Or at least how to end this.

  5. #5
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    Lightbulb Re: Help me please !

    First, i am not going to help you get this girl because you will need to fix yourself first.
    Stalking behavior can come forth from a social trauma, PTSD and a few more things so i generally advice that you go see a psychiatrist. But don't let them feed you any pills there very bad for you. But hey am just a social coach why should you take advice from me :P

    Second
    some of my friends suggested me to do so
    Really bro? You let your friends control who you are?
    In my country we have some wise words for you, If your friends spring in nasty waters, Do you need to jump to?

    Certain emotions feelings, it really makes me feel bad about myself
    You are feeling bad about it what is a good thing, you can change bro if you really want it you can do it.
    Take control of them like a men and your the boss.

    You see, I know many other girls from college and I have many female friends and I know some of them even like me... can act very spontaneously with them, be funny, talk about stupid shit endlessely
    Am very happy to see you writing this, it means your not a hardcore stalker and it shows that you do
    have social skills. They just need to get a buff and get rid of that stalker behavior, then we can talk further.

    I want you to work on yourself, I want you to go seek professional help for yourself.
    Yes, Times will be hard but if you want to change your behavior you can do it

    Again about your friends,
    If you do want to change your behavior radical then i suggest you need to think about your friends aswell.
    You can change as much as you like, but friends will try to keep you the same as they see you because that's the way they love you. People hate to see other people move forward.

    I know some of that stuff I told about is wrong and I don't really need you to rebuke me on that. I have been "stalking" her maybe, yes, but at least she doesn't know about it. I just wanted some advice on how to "approach" her in a good manner... Or at least how to end this.
    I repeat, go see a psychiatrist he can help you further.
    We have given you the basics to ends this, the rest is up to you.
    Just like pua stuff, you can read what you want but if you don't do anything with your just another AFC

    Good luck bro!

    Stay natural as always,

    Gotcha
    "The act of taking the first step is what set apart the winners from the losers"
    - Bryan Tracy
    "Natural routines are the PUA's paint brushes"
    - Gotcha

  6. #6
    CesareBorgia is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help me please !

    Quote Originally Posted by okazaki View Post
    Dear community, please help me
    I will try to explain the problem as detailed as possible to give a clear view on the issue, so it will probably take me a lot of text.
    You never stated what you believe the problem is, I would be curious to know what exactly you believe the problem is. Because so far as I can tell, she is not the problem at all, but you seem to be your own problem, you seem to be working directly against yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by okazaki View Post
    I’m a college student, I’m in my second year right now. There’s a girl who is sitting in the same classes with me two times a week. First time I really noticed her was in February. One time during the class I noticed a girl staring at me. I didn’t really gave much meaning to it , I just turned away and acted like I didn’t see her. Some weeks went by and before I knew it, we started to look at each other constantly. We even started to take fixed spots in the auditorium so that we could always see each other.
    If a girl is staring at you, all the time, anytime you see each other in class, that is kind of creepy. She is probably socially awkward herself. Most girls are savvy enough, and have enough experience flirting to realize they only have to capture a man's eye for a few seconds, to establish a connection. A girl who stares is expressing something else all together different, perhaps obsession, or maybe she is just enjoying messing with your head. Regardless, it's almost never a good sign if anyone is staring at you, nor if you are staring at anyone yourself. You might try this, when you realize she is staring at you, only look for 2-3 seconds and then turn your head. Turn back 2-3 seconds later to see if she is still staring, if she is, look away, shake your head, then look again 5-6 seconds later. If she is still staring, stop looking at her and drop it, totally, get out, leave. Check and make sure she isn't following you home, make sure there are not rabbits boiling on your stove, there is something very, very wrong.



    Quote Originally Posted by okazaki View Post
    At a certain point I started to develop feelings for her. All I could think about was Monday and Thursday, because that’s when I could see her in class. All I could think about was her. I have looked up student lists for all classes and have been checking out more than 500 female student names one by one on facebook trying to find out who she was. To make a long story short, I fell in love with her like a 15 years old kid. I didn’t have such feelings for many years and after reading PUA theories I never thought I could ever get such feelings again for a woman. At least not at age 23 anymore. I know 100% sure that she has some kind of feeling for me too or at least that she is attracted to me… Just by the way she looks at me.
    This isn't healthy, you cannot truly develop feelings unless you are expressing feelings, and she is expressing her own feelings, and you make that emotional connection. But you have not exchanged any emotions with this girl, at all! Nothing. This means you are not actually developing feelings, but rather an emotional response to the small string amino acids released when you feel whatever emotion you are feeling. You mentioned you haven't felt this way since you were 15, well duh, that is because when you were 15 you never took action on your crushes. Instead you stared at them, and that emotion of infatuation caused your hypothalamus to release small string amino acids that are encoded to do things like make your face flush, or make you stomach feel like there are butterflies in it. You become addicted to these small string amino acids in the same way that your body physically becomes addicted to cocaine. They have a similar structure and can be very addictive to certain people. This causes you to turn into a stalker, wanting to know more about her, to catch her outside of class, to think about engaging her in different ways. All these thoughts illicit similar emotions that cause a release of these same small string amino acids. The more you think about her, the more emotions you have, the more small string amino acids your hypothalamus releases, the more addictive you become, the more you need these emotions, the more you become a stalker. STOP, you need to stop, right now, not take this any further. You have invested emotions in this person for no good reason, no legitimate reason and you need to stop.

    Quote Originally Posted by okazaki View Post
    I started to make plans on how to approach her. Approaching her was the hardest part. Reason for that is because she is surrounded by her 3 female friends almost all the time when I see her at college. Or when I see her alone, my friends are around… I’ve spent many weeks trying to “snipe” that perfect moment to approach her. I tried to find out what classes she takes , what bus she takes , when she arrives at college etc.. Just so I could find a moment to approach her 1 on 1.
    If she honestly wanted you to engage her in conversation, or to know you further, she wouldn't care about missing a train, she would put herself in a position that would have made it easy for you to come into contact with her. Was she at any time waiting at the door when you came into class, or leaving class? Was there ever a time she ever made herself available for you to engage in conversation with, ever? You have attributed her staring at you, as being specific emotions that you cannot know for sure she has for you. You have said you are 100% sure, but you cannot be unless you specifically ask her, and then only if she is being totally honest with you. To state this as if empirical fact is a fallacy in and of itself. You do not know 100% because you cannot know. Stop attributed things to her staring that lead you to believe other things that intellectually you know already, that you cannot be sure of.

    Quote Originally Posted by okazaki View Post
    One time I was on my way to college. I was walking on the street from the metro station and I suddenly saw her walking, she was walking in my direction. I thought to myself that this could be a perfect moment and I didn’t have much time to react, so when she was right near me I waved to her and said “hello, how are you doing?”. She said “what?”. There was a lot of noise from traffic so she probably didn’t understand me very well. Suddenly I got some kind of adrenaline attack and I just got paralyzed and I couldn’t speak out a word for like few seconds. She said that she had to hurry and take the train and that she will see me after the weekend. When I saw her in class after the weekend. The same old stuff repeated, same old looking-at-each-other game. And it was so weird I just don’t know what to anymore. Some of my friends say that it’s weird because I haven’t “broken the ice” yet.
    Have you ever asked "what" and then left without finding out what the what was? She used enough time to explain she needed to catch the train, and that you could talk next week that she could have waited for you to say what you were trying to say. Fact is, if she didn't stick around for you to answer what it was you were trying to say, that probably means she knows exactly what you said, but didn't want to engage you. She doesn't want you inquiring about how she is doing, she doesn't want to have a conversation with you. Maybe she is shy, maybe she is screwing with you, maybe she just likes the fact you stare at her, or maybe she is stalking you for some other reason. But she obviously does not feel comfortable engaging you in conversation, she doesn't take any opportunity to talk with you, even when afforded. She doesn't create these opportunities either. She only stares.

    Quote Originally Posted by okazaki View Post
    Now the classes are almost over and the examinations will be starting soon. So I don’t have that much time anymore to approach her again. At this point I am so exhausted emotionally that I start to wish it would all be over.
    I was thinking about adding her on facebook and just ask her if she wants to meet me some time after the class. Adding her on facebook is probably one of the shittiest things I could do, but I think I don’t even care anymore. Even if I get rejected by her that way, at least it would be a big redemption to me and would be able to finally forget her and start focussing on my exams. Another possibility for me is to approach her in real life. Please anyone, what should I do ?
    You are stalking her. She does not want to engage in conversation with you. She has not added you to Facebook, so you certainly should not add her. She has actually avoided you. Let it go, whatever is going on between the two of you is not healthy nor good. There is something that is not right with this entire scenario, and it would be best for you to disengage. I would also suggest that you resolve your own issues prior to attempting to engage anyone on any level that might be considered romantic in any way. But the first step honestly, is to put this girl out of your mind and finish your semester right....

    c....

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Help me please !

    It's normal for two people to share eye contact. It is also normal to assume that she's always looking at you when you're always looking at her. So, whenever she looks at you, you're sharing eye contact. It's meaningless, knowing your behavior.
    Did you try, for example, smile at her while having eye contact? I guess not. If you had smile and she smiled back, it was an invitation for you to go talk to her.

    You spent weeks trying to figure out how you'd approach her. It's called approach anxiety and, whenever the two of you started talking, you'd fuck up.

    10 years ago I was like you with girls. What I understood was that if I felt attracted to a girl and never had the guts to start a conversation, that attraction would increase to something platonic but, in itself, nothing more than an illusion, because I didn't know them. You don't know her. For instance, she may very well be a lesbian? (didn't read your whole post, so I'm just guessing)

    My point is, you can't have feelings for someone you don't know. You don't fuck looks, but you fuck because of looks (not always though). Equally, you develop feelings by a person when she makes you feel good, not by her looks. Nobody loves a picture, no one fucks a picture.


    My advice for you is to start approaching people. Not only girls who you're interested to, but every single one. That will kill you approach anxiety and social awkwardness.

    Good luck dude.


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