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  1. #1
    LowDown is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Ex girlfriend sent me a birthday card. Do I respond?


    Long time lurker, but finally signed up as I have a question now. Posted in general as the girlfriend subforum didn't seem right for this.

    I was in a wonderful long distance relationship with my ex for just over 5 years. It was one of those high school sweet heart types, we had been best friends for 3+ years before the relationship. Strong relationship with a lot of balance and effort from both sides. She broke up with me 2 months ago to work abroad. When she told me it seemed her mind had already been made up and there was very little negotiation about us staying together. Hit me pretty hard, been having a hard time getting over her since.

    Recently it was my birthday and I received a birthday card in the mail from my ex. The card was very generic and came across friendly, yet a bit dry, almost as if she didn't know what to say. Just the general "Happy Birthday, have a good day. I'm proud of you etc". Obviously very different from her previous lovey wall of text cards when we were together. Later on the day she sent me a text saying "Hey <name that only she calls me>, Happy Birthday!!! Hope you have a great day. How have you been? Lots of love from <her current city>. Sarah xxxxx" (not her real name).

    How do I respond? We are currently in no contact and have been since we split. I'm still in love with her but there is no logical reason for us to be together as she does not plan on returning to where I live (ever) and I cannot relocate due to a work contract. I want to remain in no contact because at the moment it's best for my healing process, but at the same time I don't want to be rude by not saying thanks. Is it rude for me to not reply? Does it make me look bitter? but at the same time, if I reply, does that make me look afc?

    What do you guys think?

  2. #2
    CesareBorgia is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex girlfriend sent me a birthday card. Do I respond?

    You might serve yourself better by being utterly honest.

    Tell her exactly what you have stated here. You felt awkward about responding, but bad if you didn't. Thank her and let her know you appreciate the happy birthday card and text. Be short and brief, but tell her how you are honestly doing because she did ask. Then tell her the reason why you felt awkward is that you are still dealing with your feelings/emotions and the healing process, but that you know she cannot relocate and will not, and that you cannot yourself and that you also realize there is no future to be had between the two of you.

    In being honest it puts the ball in her court. Understanding you better will help her make whatever decisions about communicating with you that she needs to make.

    I used to be deceptive when I was younger, when it came to women, emotions and saying what is hard to say. But as the years have gone by I have realized that it's not only a great relief to be honest, but that people, specially women, even when the emotions are hard to deal with, appreciate honesty far more. She will respect you for your honesty and it should also resolve any future issues as well.

    And good luck...


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