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Thread: Reinitiating after 2 months NC and competing with a PUA? Advice please

  1. #1
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Reinitiating after 2 months NC and competing with a PUA? Advice please

    Hopefully this is in the right forum, just wanted a bit of advice. I was seeing someone for a few months and I thought we had built a lot of attraction and comfort and she was giving me signs that she wanted something serious but then we suddenly stopped talking. Apparently it was because she was being stalked by her ex and she didn’t feel like she could see anyone while she was dealing with that. Anyway I told her we should keep seeing each other and she shouldn’t let that ruin things for her and there's been no contact since that message. This was a couple of months ago, so I’ve tried moving on and going NC but always expected she would eventually get back in contact with me. Obviously NC backfired which was unexpected because apart from how suddenly we stopped talking I didn't see any obvious IOD's. Anyway I haven't heard from her and last week I was told she's added a guy on facebook and has been flirting with him lots. Apparently he’s a lot better looking than me and follows a few local PUAs and I get the impression they've already had a ONS. However I saw one example where he was trying to escalate with a bit of sexual innuendo and she teased him with a uninterested response and then he negged her. So he obviously knows a bit and might be good.

    So now I’m wondering how I should reinitiate contact and attempt to rebuild attraction before anything develops between them? Is there anything like a PUA destroyer technique I could use? How do you reinitiate after NC has backfired and someone new is on the scene?
    Was thinking of using a message like "Hey, (this) reminded me of you...How are you?" but I think that one is a bit worn out and most women would see through a it now. Any ideas?

  2. #2
    Mr. Assertive is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Reinitiating after 2 months NC and competing with a PUA? Advice please

    you can't stop attraction. It doesn't wait for you to get your shit together. You can certainly reinitiate since it's been that long, just don't expect to be in her good graces. Women are fickle, they change like the weather, one day they can be a breeze and another a tornado. Expect the latter. If it doesn't go your way, wait it out. I am for certain this dude isn't looking for LTR. He seems pretty content with the whole PUA thing. Why not learn a thing or two from this guy rather than compete ? I find more value in that. But that is just me and my quest to get better...

    Use that text. Make sure whatever reminded her of you is something you talked about or at least can make her laugh.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Mr. Assertive For This Useful Post:

    Viking12345 (06-04-2015)

  4. #3
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Reinitiating after 2 months NC and competing with a PUA? Advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Assertive View Post
    you can't stop attraction. It doesn't wait for you to get your shit together.
    Not sure what this means? If she was attracted she wouldnít have ignored me for the past two months? She did say she was attracted to me and wanted to spend more time with me a couple of weeks before we stopped talking.

    If it doesn't go your way, wait it out. I am for certain this dude isn't looking for LTR. He seems pretty content with the whole PUA thing.
    Yeah apparently he adds a different woman on facebook every few days so I doubt heíd want a LTR if heís got so many options. Maybe I can use this to my advantage somehow? I was told it might be a good idea to make him look like a creep and make fun of his innuendo and neg. Is that a bad idea?

    Why not learn a thing or two from this guy rather than compete?
    I donít know the guy and Iíd rather rebuild attraction with her ASAP because I donít like the idea of her becoming too attracted to him and him using her and I feel like the closer they get and the more attractive she finds him the harder it will be for me to rebuild attraction.

    Use that text. Make sure whatever reminded her of you is something you talked about or at least can make her laugh.
    Iím worried that line might be seen as rapport-seeking behaviour and could come off a little try hard and will show that Iím still attracted to her. Also it will make her think we can just communicate on her terms.
    I had another message in mind too. I thought maybe a better way is to be polite and ask how she is but basically show no interest in her and ask her something that wonít make it look like Iíve been thinking about and missing her but will remind her of some of the things we did and make her wonder why I didn't bother messaging her again and if Iím seeing someone else now. It will also at least open communication again

  5. #4
    Mr. Assertive is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Reinitiating after 2 months NC and competing with a PUA? Advice please

    By you not being able to stop attraction I meant that you can't stop the ball rolling between this girl and that guy if the guy is doing all the right things. You don't want to compete with this guy. Personally, I would get to know this guy or at least look at what he is doing, it sounds he is doing his homework and executing well if he has so many options. OP, you sound like you are on the other side of the coin, do you have many options ?


    Don't try to make him look like a creep, this won't help you in the long run, you will be giving this dude more attention rather than attracting more attention to yourself. Rule of thumb is if a girl is dating another guy you don't act jealous and ask about it. She ain't yours. Actually, playing a dude up will have the opposite effect and blow him out. If anything just be cool about it.

    My posts came from abundance mentality, I have a handful of chicks to where if one doesn't want me, I can be okay and call up 2 more chicks to take her place. This is what inherently makes you attractive, not giving a shit.

    The text is fine, maybe you can cut out the how are you until she responds to which you can gage her reaction and move on from there. Today, I texted a girl "I just saw dead flowers and it made me think of you" . Why ? because she is into dead flowers and she tells me all the time.


    After that, she opened up like moses parting the sea.

  6. #5
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Reinitiating after 2 months NC and competing with a PUA? Advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Assertive View Post
    By you not being able to stop attraction I meant that you can't stop the ball rolling between this girl and that guy if the guy is doing all the right things. You don't want to compete with this guy. Personally, I would get to know this guy or at least look at what he is doing, it sounds he is doing his homework and executing well if he has so many options. OP, you sound like you are on the other side of the coin, do you have many options ?
    I thought so. It might be even harder too because "apparently" she prefers to date one guy at a time. So would it be best to reinitiate now and slowly build comfort and attraction while patiently waiting for him to make mistakes? Or should I think about continuing NC for another month or two until things have possibly stalled between them and heís moved on to another option? Then I won't have to risk lowering my value and competing with him. But I will have to accept sheís sleeping with another guy and has forgotten me which I think will be difficult. It would also mean possibly another couple of months NC and I feel like it might be hard to reinitiate after so long and I would feel desperate and needy for keeping her number that long.

    I have lots of options but the downside to this is that my this girl was such an attractive person she is now the point of comparison for every other potential option and thatís ruining things for me.

    Don't try to make him look like a creep, this won't help you in the long run, you will be giving this dude more attention rather than attracting more attention to yourself. Rule of thumb is if a girl is dating another guy you don't act jealous and ask about it. She ain't yours. Actually, playing a dude up will have the opposite effect and blow him out. If anything just be cool about it.
    Well she doesnít know I know about him anyway, my friend who neither of them know thought they could make fun of the flirting. I didn't like the idea anyway.
    Speaking of jealousy, should I somehow drop subtle hints that I'm seeing other people now. Jealousy plotlines?

    My posts came from abundance mentality, I have a handful of chicks to where if one doesn't want me, I can be okay and call up 2 more chicks to take her place. This is what inherently makes you attractive, not giving a shit.
    I feel like this is where I went wrong. I ruined things when I never tried talking to her again when she ignored me because I didnít want to look desperate and needy so I guess I cared too much? If I didnít give a shit I would have persisted and I wouldnít now be wondering ďwhat if I didnít let her go so easily?Ē I'm still unsure why she didn't contact me again anyway. Any ideas? She actually told me she liked me and we were planning a weekend away before she suddenly ignored me. I thought she would contact me once she sorted everything out.


    The text is fine, maybe you can cut out the how are you until she responds to which you can gage her reaction and move on from there. Today, I texted a girl "I just saw dead flowers and it made me think of you" . Why ? because she is into dead flowers and she tells me all the time.
    Which text, the first or second one? I think the second one might be better. Basically I was just going to ask her if she knew anyone selling a few things I needed. Shows no interest but opens communication. Would that be better?

  7. #6
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Reinitiating after 2 months NC and competing with a PUA? Advice please

    I hate to tell you this but you didn't let her go, she let you go, now it's time to move on ..... she already has
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  8. #7
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Reinitiating after 2 months NC and competing with a PUA? Advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by drgnsfire12 View Post
    I hate to tell you this but you didn't let her go, she let you go, now it's time to move on ..... she already has

    Just an update. I took this advice, and didn't bother contacting her and about three months after we first stopped talking she called me and left a voice mail at 3am in the middle of the week telling me she wants to talk to someone decent. She sounded upset so I messaged her the next day and she told me was just drunk and asked how life is going. I answered and didn't bother asking how she was, just told her I hoped she was doing well and she never replied. I messaged her again a day later to ask a favour and she ignored me again so I told her to delete my number then she replied and started making excuses but we had a fight and both of us said some mean things so now we're not talking.

    Anyway, now I'm a bit confused again. She deleted the other guy from Facebook not long after my last post (about two weeks after she added him) and she finally contacted me about a month after that. I thought NC backfired and I was never going to hear from her again but she contacted me so now I'm not sure if she called me because she actually liked me and didn't move on and if I should apologise or if she just called me because she was desperate and out of options?
    Any idea? Advice?

  9. #8
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Reinitiating after 2 months NC and competing with a PUA? Advice please

    DO NOT apologize just wait for her next move, because afterall, you are a man with options, you dont need to talk to her, and she is lucky when you do give her some of your valuable time .... I would also not ask for favors at this point and I certainely wouldnt waste time fighting with her because you have better things to do .... stay strong, stay the course
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet


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