Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 10 of 10
Like Tree5Likes
  • 1 Post By drgnsfire12
  • 2 Post By drgnsfire12
  • 2 Post By Mr. Assertive

Thread: Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

  1. #1
    WOM
    WOM is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 83, Level: 1
    Level completed: 66%, Points required for next Level: 17
    Overall activity: 19.0%
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    18
    Points
    83
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    8
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    6

    Default Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

    The story goes like this, I work with the girl. I've been in a comited relationship for over a year (she started working here like a month ago). Now me and my GF broke up, leaving me free to do as I please, and this girl at my job is fantastic, we have great chemistry, I get IOI all the time, the sexctual communication is clearly there. Only downside now that I'm single is that she is not, she's with a boy. Now this guy and I aren't friends, and I have no ethical problems with snagging his girl.
    I know for a fact that I've had solid game for the last couple of weeks, so yesterday we had this party for the employes, and we fooled around, nothing too serious, some light first and second base teenage stuff with some light dryhumping at the end before her ride arrived.

    She of course has issues with the whole thing, I do not. I know she likes me, I like her. I've been being non reactive all this time, but now, the day after, I AFC'd a little(over FB IM). We were talking about her guilt and what not and the other night, she stated how much she loved her BF, and how she didn't want to hurt him - I stated and understanding of her feelings, but stated that it was only natural selection working in her subconscious, that her body knew we were a better match(we're both fairly educated, this could be a normal conversation), but reading through the conversation, I come off as a little needy, trying to convince her that I'm the better choice, almost selling myself. This was stupidity at a highpoint after good solid game so far.
    When I realised, I tried to recover by stating that "now that I've gained some perspective through my good friend Jack D. I have desided to rather adopt you as kid sister, might occacialy pimp you out to birthday parties and the likes, you know, like the other dwarfs in Jeffries weeding" (She's Asian short, we're both great GoT fans). She replying: "haha holy fuck" "So you decided to stop liking me?"
    Then I said "I decided to stop giving you a reason to like me " "consider yourself friendzoned"
    She replied "thank you"

    I should maybe state that I don't need her to break up with him or anything right away, nor do I want her to be unfaithful with him any more, Ideally, IMO, the relationship won't last. I would like for her to not think of me as a AFC once the relationship goes under (won't be long).

    And then it was normal conversation from that point. But she was clearly trying to make me jealous of her going to her BF to have some "hard core make-up sex", my reaction being that "yeah, I noticed the horny yesterday, it's good that you're finally getting that itch taken care of"

    I want to know how others would recover from such a thing, one conversation showing neediness, is it fixable or is it not?

    How would you handle it?
    Last edited by WOM; 06-09-2015 at 04:38 PM. Reason: fixing my horrible english

  2. #2
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 3,671, Level: 38
    Level completed: 14%, Points required for next Level: 129
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    New York, New York
    Posts
    588
    Points
    3,671
    Level
    38
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 37 Times in 36 Posts
    Rep Power
    181

    Default Re: Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

    There is nothing for you to recover from ...... we all drop the ball from time to time, we all send texts we wish we could take back, but trust me, we notice the screw ups more then the girls do and you recovered well ...... keep moving forward you are doing great and you have a good mind set
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to drgnsfire12 For This Useful Post:

    DSAN1 (06-09-2015),WOM (06-09-2015)

  4. #3
    WOM
    WOM is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 83, Level: 1
    Level completed: 66%, Points required for next Level: 17
    Overall activity: 19.0%
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    18
    Points
    83
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    8
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    6

    Default Re: Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

    Aperently I can't delete posts when making a mistake? I'm sorry

  5. #4
    WOM
    WOM is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 83, Level: 1
    Level completed: 66%, Points required for next Level: 17
    Overall activity: 19.0%
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    18
    Points
    83
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    8
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    6

    Default Re: Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by drgnsfire12 View Post
    There is nothing for you to recover from ...... we all drop the ball from time to time, we all send texts we wish we could take back, but trust me, we notice the screw ups more then the girls do and you recovered well ...... keep moving forward you are doing great and you have a good mind set
    Thank you for your speedy reply! I do hope you are correct and that I am overestimating the damage done (But if anyone else has a different opinion, I welcome all).

    What I'd like to ask you specifically since you are of the opinion that you are, how would you play the situation in itself, she is feeling a lot of guilt because we fooled around at the party, she still loves (or at least she believes) her BF.
    If I could take today back, I wouldn't have made contact at all, I would have left her sitt with it until she made contact to state her feelings on the matter, it would have been simpler to work with.

    So okay, we fooled around, guilt, loves BF. Clearly has feelings for me, which makes it worse in her eyes I would assume, so yeah, guilt. I took contact the very next day, was a little AFC, but did try to recover at the end. Haven't spoken since she went to her BF today. She said she won't tell him the truth, she's gonna say "something nearly happend".

    I've never been part of a community, never really had anyone to ask opinions of on the matter, so I wonder. How would you play this? Should I give it a little cool down /slight freezout period?


    Also, in future communication between us. Should I use what happens? Like mentioning it in my teasing? Or should I avoid the topic?

    Sorry for spamming with questions!

  6. #5
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 3,671, Level: 38
    Level completed: 14%, Points required for next Level: 129
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    New York, New York
    Posts
    588
    Points
    3,671
    Level
    38
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 37 Times in 36 Posts
    Rep Power
    181

    Default Re: Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

    I think there are two ways you can play this and of course it all depends on you. First way is to go no contact and when she contacts you tell her you don't think you two should talk anymore since she has a boyfriend and you don't want to just be friends with her. Play up the fact that you are ready to move on .... I think that will light a fire under her ass ......
    OR you can pretend like the BF doesn't exist and game her like you would any girl. And yes .... I would avoid the topic of the BF as much as possible ..... if you do have to talk about it I would mention that she has nothing to feel guilty about since she is human and we can't control what our hearts feel, of course the idea here is to be fun, flirty, and confident and blow he BF out of the water
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to drgnsfire12 For This Useful Post:

    WOM (06-12-2015)

  8. #6
    Mr. Assertive is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 6,365, Level: 52
    Level completed: 8%, Points required for next Level: 185
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    5000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    252
    Points
    6,365
    Level
    52
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 13 Times in 12 Posts
    Rep Power
    269

    Default Re: Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

    In addition to what drgnsfire said, since he put it well...the responsibility will lie on you in the long run. Don't mention the boyfriend, acknowledge the boyfriend but that is it. Game on as usual. You are interested in her and only her, not the boyfriend . If she decides that her boyfriend is more important she will let you know, but let her decide that on her own.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Mr. Assertive For This Useful Post:

    WOM (06-15-2015)

  10. #7
    WOM
    WOM is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 83, Level: 1
    Level completed: 66%, Points required for next Level: 17
    Overall activity: 19.0%
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    18
    Points
    83
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    8
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    6

    Default Re: Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

    thank you both for guidance! I will go with option two from what drgnsfire mentioned, it seems much more consistant with what I've been doing so far, I will avoid speaking of the boyfriend with her whenever possible, but should I also avoid mentioning that night we fooled around?

  11. #8
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 3,671, Level: 38
    Level completed: 14%, Points required for next Level: 129
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    New York, New York
    Posts
    588
    Points
    3,671
    Level
    38
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 37 Times in 36 Posts
    Rep Power
    181

    Default Re: Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

    I would avoid talking about that night unless she brings it up and then I would keep it light and funny so as not to bring up the "I feel guilty because I care about my boyfriend" line of thought .... the idea is that when she is with you, she doesnt think about the BF
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to drgnsfire12 For This Useful Post:

    WOM (06-11-2015)

  13. #9
    WOM
    WOM is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 83, Level: 1
    Level completed: 66%, Points required for next Level: 17
    Overall activity: 19.0%
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    18
    Points
    83
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    8
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    6

    Default Re: Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

    I agree! I'll keep it like it always has been to the best of my ability.

    I wonder, since furtuer communications have taken place, would anyone voice an opnion on how this effects the situation?

    She has spoken to her BF. and she went silent after that, I sendt her a snapchat stating "Eventhough I dumped you, I assumed friendship". and used the snapchat chat function to ask "what lies do I have to live by?" (referring to "what did you tell your boyfriend, so I don't mess anything up for you"). she replies to the conversation that she told him "something "nearly" happened. I asked "what do you define as 'nearly'"
    She: "that something nearly happened, you pushed for it, but nothing did happen"

    at this point, I accept that she wants to tell this to her BF. although she was clearly pushing as hard as I, I don't mind her BF having beef with me and thinking she did nothing wrong. I don't want to torpedo the relationship, it'll break naturally within reasonable time. So I continued on "sure, ME, I was the one.... (sarcasm), but what about the others at the party that saw something different from that story? most notably Lisa. Isn't that a problem..?"

    Lisa is a friend of her that was working very hard as an obstacle throughout the night, her cockblock is probably only reason we didn't get past second base. BUT not only is she her friend, but Lisa's boyfriend is my goal's bf's best friend.. Lisa didn't see us breaking any laws, we were in a different room for that part, but she did see my goal all over me, and worked avidly to keep her away from me the whole night. So I was wondering whether or not that lie (that something 'nearly' happened) would work out in the long run if her friend told her bf what she saw.

    At this time I received a SMS staying "he's typing, don't reply". I then asked "is he around?" no reply. I released that I shouldn't continue talking.

    So half a day later while I was at a party, I got new messages stating that she was sorry about earlier, that he was forcing her to type while he was watching. and that she was now banned from speaking to me. after a prolonged conversation over both phone and facebook IM. Where I was continuing to recover from displaying too much IOI the day after by displaying IOD's and repeatedly mentioning that I had friendzoned her for her own good. she stated "as if you can suddenly just stop your feelings for me" and I stated that I have the same underlying feelings that she has, the connection between us is obvious, but I also feel guilt for putting us into the situation we're inn now. continuing on I stated that "I would much rather keep my friend who I can kick the shit with, talk GoT theories, get movie suggestions and talk about great music with. I can get a good-looking girl for the 'other' stuff at any time, I don't want to ruin my midget friend(her)'s relationship. he's a nice little lad, so yes, you can consider yourself friendzoned. Don't feel too bad about it, WE made a mistake, yes. but the connection we have, so fast, so easy, so natural. It's not normal, and I think you know that. We didn't stand a chance"

    she replied "yes it's unusual.." "but I have to prioritize my BF first" "I would probably react the same was as he (he has forbidden her to have any contact with me, unless on her terms, meaning if she needs me to cover a shift or something I would assume). I understand that he doesn't want me to have any contact with you.." "I would be destroyed if I was in his situation, I can't even imagen" "like I said, we can only speak on my terms"

    then she blocked me of facebook and snapchat (the two platforms we usually communicate on).

    But she did block me while I was in the middle of my reply. so I SMS'd her the reply "I understand he doesn't like me with the story you gave him, and you say you understand why he doesn't want you to speak to me, that you would be broken if in his shoes. but you're forgetting that you ACTUALLY know what happened. he does NOT. forbidding you from being friends with me is a little harsh, from his POV; you went to a work party, a guy from work hit on you, your rejected him.
    You've told me of friends of you hitting on your BF one time in the past, but you haven't forbidden him from being friends with them. so no. you wouldn't do the same, he doesn't know what went on, if he did, I could think it's understandable, but he does not.

    since all of this we haven't spoken for about a day now. She is working on Saturday, and I would normally come by and have a chat. but I recon I'm not going to. I think maybe it'll be best to have a slight freezout, let her feel like I'm not going out of my way to stay in contact with her. based on our relationship, she is clearly expecting me to come on Saturday(she did mention early in the conversation the other day that: " I can speak to you, but on my terms, I'm not even remotely allowed by my BF - so it can't be alot, and preferably face 2 face, very little otherwise. but I deiced when and about what")

    So thoughts? ideas? I would love a different perspective on this drama-bs! Whow would you read the conversations? how would you move the next piece (chess reference)?

  14. #10
    WOM
    WOM is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 83, Level: 1
    Level completed: 66%, Points required for next Level: 17
    Overall activity: 19.0%
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    18
    Points
    83
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    8
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    6

    Default Re: Recovery from neediness, when she is in a relationship

    I can see how the earlier post can be intimidatingly long, but I would really appreciate an outside perspective


Similar Threads

  1. An example of how neediness can destroy you
    By tech4609 in forum Field Reports
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 07-11-2014, 09:42 AM
  2. How Can We Get Rid of Our Neediness?
    By puppet in forum General Questions
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 02-03-2013, 06:19 PM
  3. Trying to get rid of neediness
    By ozo in forum New Member Introductions
    Replies: 4
    Last Thread: 05-03-2012, 03:11 PM
  4. Neediness
    By situation1992 in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 02-28-2012, 05:44 PM
  5. Ziegler-DK on neediness
    By Ziegler-DK in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 07-13-2010, 05:20 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com