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  • 2 Post By meteora

Thread: A complete beginner's many questions

  1. #1
    Baudelaire is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default A complete beginner's many questions

    Hello all,

    I'm 19 and have never been with a girl before. Ever. I've been approached once by someone online (I was CLUELESS: I was told by a friend that we'd been doing a 'flirty-flirty thing' in the chatroom, and genuinely, I was thinking "What, we were?"). We had a sort of an over-the-phone thing for a while before it all petered out.

    It's not that I'm unattractive: I'm unmuscular but slim and tall and I've been told that I have an attractive face. I don't have big confidence issues, either. I can approach people and chat with people about things and all that. And I've been told by basically everybody I know that I'm a really likeable guy. Not hugely smooth or anything, but genuine and (I'm told) interesting. So I make friends quite easily.

    Especially with middle-aged people. I'm quite good at making friends with middle-aged people. Sigh.

    I've been brought up super super conservatively. Girls were taboo. The idea of having a girlfriend... forget it. I essentially had to come out as liking girls (Imagine that! I was more comfortable with homosexuality than heterosexuality... pretty sure my parents didn't have that outcome in mind lol)

    Well, now I've decided that I want to get laid. I don't really care how, or with who (as long as she's reasonably good-looking, obviously. Medium/long-term relationships aren't even on the agenda at this point.

    There's several things standing in the way of getting laid.
    Issue 1. Staying out really late isn't an option. I'm staying with my conservative parents and they don't want me traipsing around in the middle of the night. Moving out or saying 'fuck you, I'm doing what I want' is not an option at this stage.
    Issue 2. Furthermore, I'd (likely) be kicked out if my parents found out that I'm going around getting in bed with girls. This is not an option (see Issue 1).
    Issue 3. So I'm doing day game now. But I'm rubbish at it. The best I've been able to muster up is courage to ask girls for directions to places, and etc. Basically, at this point my game's really, really indirect. I don't even know a single one of my targets' names yet: I can't bring myself to ask. I've been trying to get into conversations with people, but openers are difficult.

    So, for instance, today I sat down at a bench with a really pretty girl. Opposite side of the bench entirely. And then I looked away: "shitshitshit I can't possibly just plonk myself next to her and start chatting that would be creepy and it would be transparent that I'm hitting on her shitshitshit". And then I wasn't able to initialize contact after that, not after spending like two minutes pretending to ignore her her. Eventually I just stood up and walked away.

    On the other hand, I did make a great middle-aged friend after going home from an afternoon of frustrated sarging.

    This is all pretty pathetic and repressed I know. So I'd like concrete advice on how to get to start a conversation with a girl. Should I just man up and go "Hi, I thought you look great and had to say hi?" That sounds terrifying and disasterous. I'm really not bad at chatting, even with complete strangers, but a) opening conversations is hard and b) I'm almost certain I'd seem really really awkward being Direct. So right now I'm gunning for Indirect, somehow. But that's hard to initiate.

    Issue 4: Even supposing I manage to pick up a girl, right? What happens? I can't take them back to my place because my parents (or my sibling) would know. See Issue 2. So I go back to their place, presumably. Right. But then what about condoms? I can't just have them lying around my house, because then my parents would likely find them and then once again see Issue 2. And what about logistics and not-going-traipsing-around-in-the-middle-of-the-night?


    So yes. Concrete advice about all of this (especially #3 and #4) would be very very much appreciated. Thanks!

  2. #2
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A complete beginner's many questions

    I don't have enough time to answer all of your questions right now but I'll do what I can and hopefully someone else will chime in.

    For your bench situation the best thing you could have done was say "Hi" and started talking to her. It doesn't matter if she knows your hitting on her or not. There's no reason to hide that fact. Women are actually REALLY easy to talk to. All you have to do is get them talking about themselves. When they do you look directly in their eyes and nod your head and say "aha, aha" so they know your listening. Then when they say something significant about themselves you comment on it.

    Example: She mentions she lived overseas for two years working for the peace corps. That's huge so you should say something like. "Whoa! That's awesome! Not many people are adventurous enough to do something like that. That takes allot of courage. I like that about you. Your very independent and that's an important trait I look for in a woman. Tell me about your experience over there." Boom! You just complimented her, told her she's what you look for, and told her to tell you abut her experience which will most likely take awhile. Get women to talk about themselves, and be genuinely interested in what they say, and you'll never have problems talking to women again. They will literally talk themselves into your lap.

    For number 4 you would go back to their place or rent a motel for a little bit. You could also just sleep with them in your car somewhere more private. I would recommend getting a better job and moving out of your parents house asap. They sound way to uptight and they will hinder your personal growth as long as you still have to follow their rules.

    Before you even get that far you need to know HOW to get that far. Here you can read a thread I wrote that should help you better understand what to do once you've kissed a girl to get her into bed. https://www.puaforums.com/isolating-...rough-lmr.html

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    Baudelaire (07-17-2015)

  4. #3
    Baudelaire is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: A complete beginner's many questions

    Thanks for the response!

    So I'm a good listener. I like to hear people talk about themselves. I'm rubbish, though, at actually getting them to talk about themselves. That's why I develop friendships with middle-aged (or older) people so quickly: they're super comfortable chatting about the vast stockpile of stuff they know.

    ... Oh sh!t. In writing that sentence I just realized what's wrong with my conversation-making game. I hang out with musicians, mathematicians, artists, philosphers. And so we chat about Kant and cults and meaning and media and beauty and Baudelaire (hence the username). I don't chat about the other person. If I do, it's incidental. Hm.

    So let me illustrate my conversation skills with an anecdote from this afternoon. I sat down on a mall bench beside this girl (with a fairly heavy chinese accent) eating like a frosty or something. I waited for eye contact, and then we exchanged 'Hi, how are you, I'm good, and you? I'm good, thank you.' She seemed surprised at me talking to her, but in a shy sort of way. I asked her if she was waiting for someone. She said no. I asked her what she was in the mall for, if she was buying anything. And she just said no, she was just here eating her frosty-thingy. She seemed genuinely interested in talking to me, just shy. And I completely blanked: how to take the conversation anywhere? In retrospect maybe ask for her name, where she goes to university? I dunno. It's getting past 'hello' that challenges me.


    Regarding #4: Yeah. Well, I'm nearly broke (got like $300 to my name), jobless, and going into university in the fall. I need their help, for one thing, and... there's other factors (which I won't divulge here) that make remaining with them my only option for this year at least. Next year maybe.

    I don't have a car and renting a motel for a night is probably too expensive for me. What if she has parents at her place? Do it in a back alley somewhere? That could be seen as creepy, though, like I'm going to take advantage of her.

  5. #4
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Re: A complete beginner's many questions

    The problem with your conversation that you illustrated is you asked boring questions. It was more like an interview. Next time introduce yourself and shake her hand while making heavy eye contact. When you shake her hand hold it until she lets go. Touching is a good thing and this will be the first time you make physical contact with her.

    You just explained something about her that you could have used to start a good conversation. She had a heavy accent. You should have said something like "You have a very interesting accent. What country are you from?" When she responds say "That's awesome! I've always wanted to go there! Tell me about your country." This is a more open ended question that must be answered with more then a one word answer. You can then comment on something else she gives you in her answer. If she doesn't give you much you can relate some of your personal experiences with what she said or say "Tell me how you feel about living in this country verse your old country." That will certainly get a better response from her.

    You need to make observations about her and try to find out what she's interested in and talk about that. If she has a really unique style tell her you like her style and it's unique. Then you say something like "I've never really seen a women with a style quite like yours. What people wear is an extension of their personality. When you put your clothes on in the morning what are you trying to say about yourself through your style?" That will get a lengthy response. She will also appreciate that you took notice of the hard work she put into looking good so you will be seen as charming.

    The reason why you can get into good conversations with middle aged people, like you explained, is because you are talking about things those people are interested in. Women are no different. Talk about things that interest them and they will talk endlessly once they become comfortable.

    You're thinking too hard about number 4. You just need to find a place where you two can have some privacy. It shouldn't matter if her parents are home. I've had sex with women who's parents were home many times.

    I highly recommend reading the book "How to win friends and Influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It's not a PUA book but it has very good recommendations on how to treat/talk to people that easily translate to women. Also, I'm not a big believer in allot of the PUA techniques. Allot of guys say it works and I believe it works for them. I however was already pretty successful with women before I got into PUA and using PUA techniques actually made it harder for me to pick up women. I eventually said "screw this stuff" and did my own thing. Now getting women is the least of my concerns. Being comfortable with yourself and being a sincere individual is the key to success.

  6. #5
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    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: A complete beginner's many questions

    Baudelaire, why do you care so much about what your parents think of you?

    why is breaking the rules such an issue?

    parental control is merely an illusion in most cases. what real power do your parents have over you?

    how long do you plan on living like a slave to the will of your parents?

    how will you know if they're really strict enough to kick you out if you never test the boundaries?

    how bad would getting kicked out actually be? (it might be the best thing that could happen to you)

    you need to ask yourself all of these questions and see who's really holding you back.


    [QUOTE][Being comfortable with yourself and being a sincere individual is the key to success./QUOTE]

    that there, is the most golden advice anyone could give you. it may not make sense when you're starting out, but that doesn't make it bad advice. "just be yourself" is golden advice, if you add one word to it. "just be your best self"


  7. #6
    akadreday is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: A complete beginner's many questions

    brah your parents aint gonna say nottin.. they gonna like that you bringing girls over.. just dont bring any girl over also.. if you scared to do day game.. you can do online and social media game.. thats easy

  8. #7
    odsilos is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: A complete beginner's many questions

    Go for online game, look for girls on facebook and then ask them out. You'll find a bunch of free guides of facebook/online game just by making some google searches

    First go out and interact with girls, then concentrate on getting laid. Right now it may be too much for you, and you will only end up frustrated, go step by step, you'll get some sooner or later, just plat it cool and enjoy meeting girls in the process.

    Also, get some female friends or use the ones you already have, they will always gave you great advice on how to pick up girls. Good luck.


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