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  1. #1
    hamdude is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Stood up. Really hard. Need advice.

    Hey dudes

    So I met this chick 4 or so years ago. We worked together in a restaurant for 2 of those years.

    She has been in a relationship with the same dude the whole time I've known her.
    While working with her I wanted to bang her really bad so I gamed her pretty good to see how much she could take and it worked ok. I could tell that I was definately her favorite Co worker and that she was very attracted to me, making jokes about us hooking up was pretty routine but I never tried because of the bf. (We even hung out outside of work alone once, I should've just sent it back then, I know!)

    I quit that job (never saying goodbye to her) to persue my dream career out of state. After a few months I started getting random facebook messages about stuff we used to talk about from her to which she would hardly ever reply. I played back and would hardly reply or send her some random shit months later. This has gone on for 2 years of which she is still with the same dude.

    So about a month ago she starts messaging me and it's like she finally cracked. We started making phone calls and she would tell me how she's been thinking about me this whole time and that she is breaking up with her boyfriend and the first thing she wants is to come and see me.

    I'm stoked. This girl is to this day one of the most attractive chick's I've met.

    We make pretty spontaneous plans for her to come and visit for 2 days.

    Everything is going great. She seems really excited to see me. Then the day before she arrives she tells me that an old friend of hers (dude) lives close to me and that he has some free time the next evening so she may visit him. And that she is now planning on getting a hotel instead of staying at my place. (My mid game is my weakest point, probably the cuase)
    Obviously I'm pissed. But I don't show it and say that's cool I work tomorrow any way we can just play it by ear but let her know I'm still excited to see her.

    The next day she calls me when she lands. I'm at work. I answer. She wants me to come meet her but understands. After work I go to meet her. We meet at a crowded ass beach (I went to her) we start to hit it off like old times. I'm kinoing she's as responsive as ever. No kiss closes or anything tho. I convince her we should leave. She wants to go to certain coffee shop. This is around when it started to turn. Deciding things to do was like a power struggle. Really strange. And she then tells me that her "buddy" is free in about an hour and she wants to meet him. I try to counter with a motorcycle ride. We cruised a bit. She then insists I take her back to her car and we will meet up the next day. Whole thing lasted about an hour and a half.

    I'm pissed. I did pretty good at playing cool and being sarcastic but I'm sure she could tell.

    The next day. No call. It's her only day in town so I call. No answer. I text her about getting some food. Nothing. She texts me hours later and says her phone is not holding a charge longer than 2 min.. I tell her that she should probably get a new charger and that I'm at the beach if she wants to join. Nothing.

    She flew back home the next day. This was about a week ago.

    II know that I should just wait it out and work on other girls like usual but this shit is driving me nuts. Any other opinions out there? Sorry about the long post with no real questions.

  2. #2
    Levi is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Stood up. Really hard. Need advice.

    Hamdude,
    In my most personal opinion, and having been in simelar positions a hundred times, I suggest you freeze her out for a bit. Put up a mental block for now because she is a loose cannon after coming off of a two year chain to her ex boyfriend. She's a big bubbling bath of crazy but the worst thing you can do now is seem too avalible because, while crazy, she isn't thinking of settling down anytime soon. And even if she is, you don't want the headache of the rebound shes going to have to make to reach some sort of approachable point. If shes a serial monogamist then she will immediately get into another spiraling relationship pinning old insecurities on her new BF.
    These windows of oppurtunity are timed very carefully by women. They, like us, like to try to fill empty voids with affection and intimacy but unlike us, they want a reason to be approaching us. It makes them feel more in control of themselves if they are on a mission to get satisfaction from you. Enabling them is a quick way to win the battle and lose the war. Meaning that you're not just catching her when she falls but you're holding onto an unguided missle as she crashes.

    Bottom line: Demonstrate value in other aspects of your life and reduce avalibility

    Hope this helps
    Levi

  3. #3
    hamdude is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Stood up. Really hard. Need advice.

    Thanks Levi for the quick reply and sound advice.

    Any advice on how to handle it when she contacts me in the future?


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