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  • 2 Post By JustMe
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Thread: If a girl sees that you're insecure and shy, is it over?

  1. #1
    Somebody is offline PUA in Training
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    Default If a girl sees that you're insecure and shy, is it over?

    I've showed a girl through my behavior that I'm insecure and shy and, perhaps, socially awkward. She also hasn't tried contacting me in over three weeks whereas, before, she was initiating contact with me. This girl is also very beautiful and probably has many guys in her life vying for her attention. I'm thinking she probably put me at near the bottom of the list now, even though she was interested in dating me at first, and we did go out on a couple dates. We didn't really establish a strong emotional connection and it became worse because I was shy at work and didn't talk to her. Now, I left work a few days ago to transfer to a new job without even saying goodbye or 'nice working with you' to her. That wouldn't have felt right because we didn't talk at work really and she blew me off and didn't contact me for over three weeks now.

    I am obsessing a little over this girl because she's so hot. That's the only reason, plus she has a great personality, but she's just so hot it's not even funny. I feel like I'm looking at an angel when I look at her. It's hard because I think I will never see a girl again my life who I'm that attracted to physically. I feel like I blew a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. She saw me behaving shy, insecure, and socially awkward and now I'm afraid it's over. For example, on my last day at work another coworker said something about me along the lines of 'you left me alone in the room with him' to which she responded 'it's not that bad' and I just smiled, ignored it, and walked away. It's awkward behavior.

    There's an irrational hope within me that she still has some interest and will contact me now that I've left work and we're not in that awkward situation anymore. I also apologized to her for the awkward situation, telling her I'm shy and like to keep things professional at work. So, irrationally, I'm hoping she might call me, but I won't call her because that would be bad probably and look needy. She already blew me off and I don't want her to think I left my job for her which I didn't. I know women act off of emotion and as long as I didn't create emotional attraction, there's no way she's going to try contacting me even though I'm out of her life now completely.

  2. #2
    JustMe is offline Aspiring PUA Achievements:
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    Default Re: If a girl sees that you're insecure and shy, is it over?

    Hey man
    It doesn't seem like you earned respect from this girl. Even people who act confident are doing just that ACTING. It sounds like you may have to lighten up. My advice to you read read read. Work on the basics and grow. Body language eye contact and all that other goofy shit. You have to believe in yourself. If you don't see any value in yourself I can assure no one else will either. Babies learn to walk by taking steps. They fall they get up and give it another shot. And once they get it they don't stop or forget how to do it. Take time reinvent yourself and see how things change for you

  3. #3
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    Default Re: If a girl sees that you're insecure and shy, is it over?

    JustMe gave you some solid advice. Take this as a learning experience and move forward. It seems like you're too emotionally attached to the situation. Start developing an abundance mentality when it comes to women. Believe me, there are a lot more single beautiful women waiting to be approached around the corner! It's not worth obsessing over one girl. You have come to this forum which is a great first step to aid you in your self improvement. Start approaching women outside of work! We live and learn. Best of luck!!!

  4. #4
    HolyShi is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: If a girl sees that you're insecure and shy, is it over?

    I bet my finger, she noticed that you have a crush on her. This is awkward and annoying for her, unless it is mutual. But it's not, so... The best thing you can do is to stop being around her and staring at her and, as said above, start approaching women, start improving your life in all aspects. It's a long road, but you have not choice.

  5. #5
    damoneyman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: If a girl sees that you're insecure and shy, is it over?

    Quote Originally Posted by HolyShi View Post
    I bet my finger, she noticed that you have a crush on her. This is awkward and annoying for her, unless it is mutual. But it's not, so... The best thing you can do is to stop being around her and staring at her and, as said above, start approaching women, start improving your life in all aspects. It's a long road, but you have not choice.
    This is honestly the scariest part of PUA especially for me. Going out there into the unknown and asserting yourself daily. The emotions will roller coaster and day old questions will linger "Am I good enough?" "What if people think I'm useless?" but humiliation is the first step to acceptance and acceptance is the next step into change. So remember life is a roller coaster all types of different curves, up's and down's, and routes will be shown to you. It really up to you to enjoy the ride.

  6. #6
    Somebody is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: If a girl sees that you're insecure and shy, is it over?

    Quote Originally Posted by HolyShi View Post
    I bet my finger, she noticed that you have a crush on her. This is awkward and annoying for her, unless it is mutual. But it's not, so... The best thing you can do is to stop being around her and staring at her and, as said above, start approaching women, start improving your life in all aspects. It's a long road, but you have not choice.
    Yeah, the problem was I just wasn't ready. Had I known the most beautiful girl I've ever seen would ask me for my number a year ahead of time, I would've prepared. This came out of the blue at a time when, really, my life isn't going the way I want it. My social and attraction skills just weren't up to par. Damn, it sucks. I'm trying to have an abundance mentality, but damn, she's just my type physically. It's hard to let go. I'm just tired of failing with women. This really was the last straw for me.

    A great positive that came from this is, not only did I learn more about women from the mistakes I made, but it has motivated me to do whatever it takes to change. This was just too painful after years and years of no success to yet another screw-up with an opportunity handed to me. No more for me. I'm going to do something about this. I'm going to improve my social and attraction skills. I've already decided that, and have done things like smile at strangers to get out of my comfort zone, but progress seems so slow, and my vision for my life so far off. I find myself doubting whether I'll get to where I want because I think the shyness and my social skills are so bad right now. It's harder when I have no friends. Making a friend would be a good start for improving my life, but even that's incredibly difficult for me right now.

  7. #7
    Mystik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: If a girl sees that you're insecure and shy, is it over?

    Women don't want a guy they can push around or take advantage of. They also don't want a guy who will agree with everything they say or do whatever they want. In other words they don't want a guy who is wrapped around her finger. Being insecure(although not necessarily shy)often puts you in this category. So just be independent and don't let her think you are her puppy dog and you should be ok. You can't care much what she thinks either. Never act like you are offended or hurt by anything she says.


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