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Thread: To which man do I give my time?

  1. #1
    mystique's Avatar
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    Default To which man do I give my time?

    Hey guys,

    I could really do with some advice about which man to give my time to... I respect this forum as there are many awesome guys here. I also realise I am somewhat of an anomaly so will not be offended should no one have any advice.

    Ok, so, I'm on a dating website (I work, study and have an active social life and interests) so not much time to find a man to date and this country is damn small lol

    However... I am feeling quite overwhelmed. There are a lot of messages (mostly sexual)

    I've managed to weed most of them out and concentrate on a core group but I don't want to waste my time (I'm in my dirty 30's lol)

    Who do I give my time to? How do I know whether he just wants sex or wants to date? Was concentrating on my career for the past few years so haven't really been bothered till now.

    Appreciate and open to any suggestions. Peace
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle

  2. #2
    Sam981 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: To which man do I give my time?

    May be mention in your "About Me" or "Interests" section what kind of a man you are looking for. It's difficult to say without testing imo, just exchange a few texts with the ones who "Appear" to be alpha and the way they respond will probably tell you whether they are looking only for sex or dating.

    PS: It would be even better if you focus on guys who hit you in person. It would be more easy to judge them that way, instead of a dating app.

  3. #3
    mystique's Avatar
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    Default Re: To which man do I give my time?

    Thanks Sam. Have stated my preference for a friendship and dating and no hookups but it doesn't stop men from trying. Hoping you're right with regards to responses showing he is genuine. Guess time will tell. Thanks
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle

  4. #4
    Pimpin'Scout is offline PUA in Training Achievements:
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    Default Re: To which man do I give my time?

    Why is this rated 5 stars? This is a funny forum.

    Pimpin'Scout

  5. #5
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    Default Re: To which man do I give my time?

    Ok.

    First of all, online dating sucks. You have to realize that the cards are stacked against guys in online dating. They very rarely get messaged by women while any woman that is remotely attractive gets 50 messages a day. Now there ARE some really high quality guys available online, but allot of them struggle to figure out HOW to get a woman online to respond to their message since it's so hard.

    I did online dating in the past and I got fed up with it. I would get about 2-3 out of ten women to respond (which apparently is really good) and out of all of those I would only get phone numbers from 25%. In all I got maybe 12 phone numbers during that time and I was able to get only TWO out on a date. Then on top of that, the two girls I DID get out didn't look anything like their photos and I didn't talk to them again. It's frustrating, and half the women I messaged that wouldn't respond would LOVE to talk to me if I met them at a bar.

    I said to myself "Is it worth it to spend this much time with these results? I can just go out, expend way less energy, and get WAY more women." This is what happens, and pushes allot of quality guys out of online dating. I'm giving you this back round info so you know what it's like for guys. If you think a guy is decent, give him a little leeway.

    There's a few things you should avoid putting in your profile. These things would prevent me from messaging a woman (and I assume other high quality guys) even if I thought she was a good match beforehand.

    -Listing physical traits you prefer in a guy. "You have to be over 6 ft tall, I don't date smokers blah blah blah" I didn't care if I was the perfect match described, she was nexted. That's just not how attraction works and it's negative. There's traits you prefer, but I bet you've dated guys in the past who didn't have them (I'm a smoker, and two of my previous girlfriends swore they would never date a smoker before they met me).

    -Bitching about all the sexual messages you get. You can state you don't want hook ups but leave it at that. More then that and you come across as a bitch.

    -Talk about how "selective you are" or how "high your standards are". Again comes across very negatively (bitchy).

    -Your self summary says "I'll fill this out later" or you say very little about yourself.

    I wouldn't worry about guys just "trying" to hook up (besides...what's wrong with that if you think he's cute anyways? The hitachi magic wand needs a vacation too). Most guys around your age group who seem to have their shit together aren't usually on there for that purpose (unless their married). Let them wait a little while and you weed those guys out.

    Also if you're going the free dating website route, okcupid has higher quality, more educated people then POF (at least for women, I would assume it's the same for men). Holy crap this is long! Best advice...talk to the ones you like talking to, exchange numbers, then meet up with them. You won't know unless you meet them in person!

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    mystique (11-06-2015)

  7. #6
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    Default Re: To which man do I give my time?

    Hey thanks you're awesome!

    Very interesting indeed... Gives me good food for thought and so valuable to have a male's point of view.

    I'm quite 'efficient' with my time so thought online might be the best way... I see the margin for error now.

    My profile is fairly on par with what you've said DirectIsBest and nothing negative. Being more mature now, I have realised looks aren't everything as I have previously fallen hard for an 'average looking' guy with a similar faith as mine, a strong character and chemistry. However, I did mention I value humour, intelligence and muscles haha I might edit that in hindsight

    Thanks again!
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle

  8. #7
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    Default Re: To which man do I give my time?

    Quote Originally Posted by mystique View Post
    My profile is fairly on par with what you've said DirectIsBest and nothing negative. Being more mature now, I have realised looks aren't everything as I have previously fallen hard for an 'average looking' guy with a similar faith as mine, a strong character and chemistry. However, I did mention I value humour, intelligence and muscles haha I might edit that in hindsight

    Thanks again!
    I don't think that needs editing. It's great to describe personality traits, just not physical ones. Plus your comment is a little humorous. I think it's fine.

    My sister who is very attractive found her husband on okcupid. He's a great, attractive guy yet he spent 14 months on the site before he met her. She spent three weeks. I don't think he even went on many dates in that time either (maybe 2?). So yea, sometimes women are a little too selective in online dating, and reject allot of good guys without giving them a chance first.

    If you want you can send me a pm and I'll proofread your profile and tell you what I think is good/not good. You're going to get a shit ton of messages regardless of what's on your profile, but some things can prevent the guys you WANT from messaging you.

  9. #8
    mystique's Avatar
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    Default Re: To which man do I give my time?

    That is so good to hear (about your sister)

    Thanks, have PM'd you
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle

  10. #9
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    Default Re: To which man do I give my time?

    Who do I give my time to? How do I know whether he just wants sex or wants to date? Was concentrating on my career for the past few years so haven't really been bothered till now.
    1. online dating is very superficial. far too many girls act like they are a 10 when they're hiding behind a computer screen, despite the fact that most of them are significantly less physically desirable. nothing's worse than an average girl with an above average ego. I understand that online dating has a way of inflating women's ego's probably because of the sheer number of hopeless and desperate men on those sites. if a man is truly good with women, he won't waste his time on online dating.

    2. its kind of hard to pick guys out of the crowd when they all literally message you with a simple "hey" or "how's it going?" or some derogatory message. one day my friend Hannah showed me some of the messages she got, and all of them sucked. she only responded to a handful of guys out of over a hundred (mainly because those guys appeared rich or had some serious muscles, or were soldiers in uniform)


    3. saying that you don't want to hook up puts a serious downer on your profile. while not all men are looking for one night stands, we're practically all looking for some P to V action.


    4. honestly I think you should give your time to guys you see on a regular basis, whether it be at work or school or at church. those are the guys who you can befriend first and then sucker them into a relationship with you.

    with a similar faith as mine,
    5. if you are serious about finding someone of the same faith, the best place to look would be religious institutions and events sponsored by said institutions. now, you may have to start going to more than one church to find the right guys to game or go to plenty of national events like retreats, concerts and religious rallies held by your religious group.

    6. bottom line, meeting people in person to begin with is a lot better way to do it. it's difficult to judge a persons true character from a profile and a picture. in person, you'll be able to tell right away how they make you feel. on online dating, some great guys might not be good at starting fun intelligent conversations with someone they know little or nothing about.

  11. #10
    wikiwally is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: To which man do I give my time?

    Very good responses meteora and direct is best


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