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Thread: Not Needing Women

  1. #1
    Somebody is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Not Needing Women

    I'm 23-years-old and never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girlfriend. Although I know it's not good to get down on myself about my past, it's hard to ignore sometimes. In the past, throughout school growing up, I should've practiced getting good with women, but I was too afraid, shy, and lacked confidence. If I had the mindset then that I have now, I would've, and I wouldn't have been afraid of getting rejected. But now I'm 23 and I admittedly suck with women right now because I didn't get the practice I needed. As a result, I couldn't even recently get a girl to want to kiss me who first asked for my number and was chasing me, only to reject me after the second date. I beat myself up over that for a while but at least I've almost let it go from my mind, only to be retrieved from my memory for learning purposes. And, I suppose I beat myself over it so much and found it hard to let go losing her because of not having an abundance of women in my life. In fact, she was the only one in my life.

    I have no women in my life, not even as friends, but only like acquaintances for either work or school. This gets me depressed. I want a girlfriend and to experience that kind of love from a woman. At the same time, I want to feel free and happy without one. I know I can't attract women if I'm depressed because I don't have one, and never have. So, I think the best thing for me to do is to truly believe and feel that I don't need any woman to be happy and live with purpose and fulfillment. Would you agree, and how do you feel when you don't have a woman in your life? Are you desperate to get one, or do you feel perfectly fine, happy, and patient for when the next woman comes around?

  2. #2
    ThePhilosopher is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Not Needing Women

    A partner in a relationship will never complete you. All they do is complement you. Big difference. Being self-content comes with being happy with yourself regardless of what others may think. If you judge yourself based on a measure of how others see you, you will always be a failure if their measure is very high and at times immoral.

    " We buy things we don't need. With money we don't have. To impress people we don't like". Start living for yourself and start being happy. Sex is overrated, but your happiness is not.

  3. #3
    redstar1324 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Not Needing Women

    So what is there to do to "live for yourself?"

    If it's not sex, not making money, then what?

    Skydiving?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Not Needing Women

    Quote Originally Posted by redstar1324 View Post
    So what is there to do to "live for yourself?"

    If it's not sex, not making money, then what?

    Skydiving?
    Well I know life isn't about sex and money. It's especially not about money. I don't want to become some greedy bastard, though money buys a certain level of happiness as it allows you to fulfill your most basic needs.

    What I'm saying is even though, as a straight man, it's normal for me to strongly desire to have a woman in my life, I don't believe it's healthy to feel that I need one in order to be happy. It's not healthy for me to think everyday about how I want a girlfriend. It's not healthy for me to get depressed because I don't have one. I believe I need to be fully happy apart from any woman. Without a woman, I can live for myself and be happy with what I do everyday to impact other people.

    As social creatures, obviously a big part of our happiness comes from our relationships with other people. This doesn't have to include a romantic relationship, but can be close friendships and relationships with family members. I know that, as a man, I'll always have sexual desires for the opposite sex. I'll always desire women, but I need to take control of these desires so that, if they're not being met, I feel just as happy. Besides, if I don't, I become less attractive to women because I'm more depressed and more dependent on them for my own happiness. I need to come into a relationship with a women in a state of bliss. That way, I'll have more to give into the relationship; I will be able to share my happiness, unlike recently where I was just a depressed miserable wreck who, quite honestly, deserved to be rejected. If I was in the girl's position, I would've done the same. She was happy and confident. I was the opposite so of course it wasn't going to work out, but I am working on myself now a lot.

  5. #5
    mystique's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Needing Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Somebody View Post
    Well I know life isn't about sex and money. It's especially not about money. I don't want to become some greedy bastard, though money buys a certain level of happiness as it allows you to fulfill your most basic needs.

    What I'm saying is even though, as a straight man, it's normal for me to strongly desire to have a woman in my life, I don't believe it's healthy to feel that I need one in order to be happy. It's not healthy for me to think everyday about how I want a girlfriend. It's not healthy for me to get depressed because I don't have one. I believe I need to be fully happy apart from any woman. Without a woman, I can live for myself and be happy with what I do everyday to impact other people.

    As social creatures, obviously a big part of our happiness comes from our relationships with other people. This doesn't have to include a romantic relationship, but can be close friendships and relationships with family members. I know that, as a man, I'll always have sexual desires for the opposite sex. I'll always desire women, but I need to take control of these desires so that, if they're not being met, I feel just as happy. Besides, if I don't, I become less attractive to women because I'm more depressed and more dependent on them for my own happiness. I need to come into a relationship with a women in a state of bliss. That way, I'll have more to give into the relationship; I will be able to share my happiness, unlike recently where I was just a depressed miserable wreck who, quite honestly, deserved to be rejected. If I was in the girl's position, I would've done the same. She was happy and confident. I was the opposite so of course it wasn't going to work out, but I am working on myself now a lot.
    You have written some good stuff here. Your youth is on your side. Get to know yourself (I know that's a terrible bullshit cliche a lot of people use, but it's true)

    Develop your interests and consider utilising tools and methods to help you get out of depression. I highly recommend exercise, 8+ hours of sleep each night, balanced meals, remove all sugar/carbs, have fun/relax, be content in your own company. Join clubs/groups (meetup.com is awesome!) if you cannot naturally alter your moods, utilise anti depressants whilst going through therapy. You won't be sorry and it takes guts. Believe me.

    Other things to consider: Take on some scary arse physical challenges, prove to yourself you are amazing and you have what it takes. Your self esteem and confidence will sky rocket once you know what you are capable of! Or in other words... YOLO... What the hell are you waiting for? Get your arse out there already!
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Not Needing Women

    Quote Originally Posted by mystique View Post
    You have written some good stuff here. Your youth is on your side. Get to know yourself (I know that's a terrible bullshit cliche a lot of people use, but it's true)

    Develop your interests and consider utilising tools and methods to help you get out of depression. I highly recommend exercise, 8+ hours of sleep each night, balanced meals, remove all sugar/carbs, have fun/relax, be content in your own company. Join clubs/groups (meetup.com is awesome!) if you cannot naturally alter your moods, utilise anti depressants whilst going through therapy. You won't be sorry and it takes guts. Believe me.

    Other things to consider: Take on some scary arse physical challenges, prove to yourself you are amazing and you have what it takes. Your self esteem and confidence will sky rocket once you know what you are capable of! Or in other words... YOLO... What the hell are you waiting for? Get your arse out there already!
    I really appreciate the encouragement. I feel that I am at a turning point in my life because I've decided I'm going to start actually living and not be content with being miserable. I'm going to do whatever it takes even though, at times, the challenges ahead seem insurmountable, but I must try. I feel so internally screwed up right now (not in psychotic way, but just constant depression and bad social skills) that it's hard to imagine me actually becoming the person I want to be. It's hard to believe I can change that much, but maybe all it takes is a lot of effort over quite a bit of time.

    Things I have already started doing include the comfortzonecrusher program, joined a few college clubs, been saying hi to random strangers, been reading a lot of self help material that I'm applying in my life, and just trying to stay positive and keep my head up high despite the negative aspects of my life. A major problem for me right now is chronic insomnia which I've been dealing with for a few years and its holding me back. I need to get this handled before anything else. I have a really hard time relaxing around people sometimes and feel very anxious. The lack of sleep is probably making it worse.

    One thing I would like your advice on is whether I should stay at a job I dislike. I had the choice between working at a small retail store for minimum wage or a restaurant for $10/hr and chose the restaurant because of pay. Now I'm thinking I made the wrong choice because working as the cashier and store clerk would've probably helped my social skills more than working at the fryer in the back of a restaurant. I could talk to coworkers at the restaurant but, once again, I feel I have nothing to say ever than like hi. At the store, I would've seen a lot of new faces as customers come in.....I think I made the wrong choice and the pay difference isn't really an issue for me right now.

  7. #7
    Wolf24's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Needing Women

    I didn't have the time to read other responses but I'm sure they did a good job getting you on the track. I want you to ask yourself this:

    Do you need to believe that you don't need women to be happy because you think you can't get one?

    Yes you don't need women to be happy and women don't need men to be happy. Happiness should come from within. I'd like to consider partners as fun upgrades to life. If having a woman in your life makes you happier, great! Then make it your ambition to be happier.

    But if you're not already happy with yourself, it's not the women's responsibility to make you so. That's why chicks dig confident and fun dudes, because the dudes seem to be happy with their life already and the gals just want to be a part of that happy vibe.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  8. #8
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Not Needing Women

    Dude, don't brainwash yourself about that you don't want someone in your life.. The last thing you should do is be untrue to yourself. Personally - Yes, I'd like to have someone who'd comfort me, give me the love and warmth, support me and take care of me in exchange that I do the same for her and be her rock. But the thing is, I'm not lonely, I was at one point but after some experience I've realized that I rather perfect my game and not stick with someone just because I'm feeling an emptiness inside sometimes. I'm working on my game at the moment, that is a very important thing to me, but I'm only going to take a break from it if I genuinely like someone. Yes, looks often catch my eye, I love women, but since I started PU there has not yet been a girl who could have gotten my heart. The more with women I interact with, the higher my standards go, unlike my AFC days I probably would have settled for anyone with a pretty face. Anyways, focus on your pick-up, go on dates with several girls and believe me, you'll soon stop putting them on the pedestal. I've noticed that you're too wrapped up in your head and lost in your emotions, the first step you should take is working towards developing a mindset "fuck it", I made a post https://www.puaforums.com/general-qu...must-read.html that should help you to not look as rejection as such a bad thing

  9. #9
    Somebody is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Not Needing Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf24 View Post
    I didn't have the time to read other responses but I'm sure they did a good job getting you on the track. I want you to ask yourself this:

    Do you need to believe that you don't need women to be happy because you think you can't get one?

    Yes you don't need women to be happy and women don't need men to be happy. Happiness should come from within. I'd like to consider partners as fun upgrades to life. If having a woman in your life makes you happier, great! Then make it your ambition to be happier.

    But if you're not already happy with yourself, it's not the women's responsibility to make you so. That's why chicks dig confident and fun dudes, because the dudes seem to be happy with their life already and the gals just want to be a part of that happy vibe.
    No, I don't need to believe it because I think I can't get one. That's like accepting that I won't ever be able to get one, which I don't accept. I just don't think I'm ready yet to get one because I've been depressed almost every day and am facing social anxiety and poor social skills. I haven't figured out how to conquer these problems yet and I don't believe hardly any women is going to want to have a relationship with me when I'm in this state, even though I'm tall and good looking.

    I'm saying I need to understand that my happiness shouldn't be dependent on another person, including a woman. So I agree with you 100%. I think having a woman in my life would boost my happiness and confidence, but I should be happy and confident without one as well. I understand that this is what women and people in general are attracted to. In fact, I understand a lot of why I have been so unattractive to women. I can picture the man I need to be to attract women. I need to be happy, confident, fun, indifferent, blah blah blah. It's not different from who I am because being depressed and unconfident all the time is not really who I am. They're feelings....deep rooted negative thoughts and beliefs that must be uprooted and burned. Doing so though has been the biggest challenge I've ever faced.

    I'm not trying to be someone different here. I'm trying to bring out the real person I am inside....the real jewel inside me that I know is there. As a man, I was born to be confident and good with the ladies, but I've only been one 2 dates my entire life. I would date more, and I did learn a lot from my last rejection, but I don't know if I'm ready. Why I got rejected last time was because of depression, a lack of confidence, and poor social skills. Should I really just say "fuck it" and start approaching women or try online dating if I'm in this state?

  10. #10
    mystique's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Needing Women

    Quote Originally Posted by Somebody View Post
    No, I don't need to believe it because I think I can't get one. That's like accepting that I won't ever be able to get one, which I don't accept. I just don't think I'm ready yet to get one because I've been depressed almost every day and am facing social anxiety and poor social skills. I haven't figured out how to conquer these problems yet and I don't believe hardly any women is going to want to have a relationship with me when I'm in this state, even though I'm tall and good looking.

    I'm saying I need to understand that my happiness shouldn't be dependent on another person, including a woman. So I agree with you 100%. I think having a woman in my life would boost my happiness and confidence, but I should be happy and confident without one as well. I understand that this is what women and people in general are attracted to. In fact, I understand a lot of why I have been so unattractive to women. I can picture the man I need to be to attract women. I need to be happy, confident, fun, indifferent, blah blah blah. It's not different from who I am because being depressed and unconfident all the time is not really who I am. They're feelings....deep rooted negative thoughts and beliefs that must be uprooted and burned. Doing so though has been the biggest challenge I've ever faced.

    I'm not trying to be someone different here. I'm trying to bring out the real person I am inside....the real jewel inside me that I know is there. As a man, I was born to be confident and good with the ladies, but I've only been one 2 dates my entire life. I would date more, and I did learn a lot from my last rejection, but I don't know if I'm ready. Why I got rejected last time was because of depression, a lack of confidence, and poor social skills. Should I really just say "fuck it" and start approaching women or try online dating if I'm in this state?
    Damn sensible you are and I don't believe you are all over the place with your feelings etc. You are logically starting to work through things and are actually starting to take steps. Nice.

    Join an anxiety group too and yes, try to get a role where you deal directly with people. I spent 15 years communicating with all sorts of people (mostly angry people) in IT and it really does help one understand people and will definitely start you off and get you used to being around people. You can do it. Don't let social anxiety stop you from becoming the man you know you can be bud.
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle


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