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Thread: Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

  1. #1
    soul_spark is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

    I'm stuck and need help badly, I need to get my respect back and or get rid of this girl.
    I know this post is a bit long, thank you in advance for any help\advice that is offered.

    I have been stuck in this weird friendship with this girl for 3 years. (we are both in our mid 30's)

    1)We are friends, but she flirts with me BIG time. (Started out when she was interested in me and got her friend to introduce us at work)

    2)She always tell me that I'm handsome, sexy, she wants me.

    3)Send me sexy pictures via text.
    tells me she wants to fuck me or give me head and or other sexual things.

    4) Tells me that she loves me and that we belong to each other, has talks about us being together.

    5) Strings me a long with all the above but will not date me or mess around with me (the first 2 years she wouldn't mess around, but has been for the last 9 months, I'll explain below), I try but she shuts me down. It's just a big mind fuck.

    6) I've told her a few times over the last 3 years that I'm sick of these games. If she says she's interested and wants to date and fuck etc, why does she brush off my advances.. she give me lame excuses etc.
    I have told her to stop stringing me along and stop flirting if she is not serious, and I'm fine with being just normal friends, I'll go date somebody else, no big deal
    She didn't listen and I have walked away from her about 4 times and once for 6 months. All strictly no contact from me.
    She is the one to ALWAYS come back to me and apologize and says that she loves me and misses me.
    I believe her like a dummy and think that things will be different and that we will date\fuck, but she just starts in with the mind fuck all over again.

    7)We started to mess around on and off now for about 9 months, but it's one sided. She will let me go down on her and finger her, or rarely lets me finish on her chest\ass... but she will not fk me, or give me head or give me any pleasure back. She makes excuses as to why she can't
    This is only when she wants to mess around, if I try to initiate it, she shuts me down.

    8) Over this 3 year period, we have gotten closer if you can all it that, now with her letting me mess with her, and her coming over to my house once in a while to spend time with me, she cooks me meals at my house, sometimes we go hiking or to the movies.
    Yet again, it's more when she wants to...

    9) However over this same 3 years, she also started to respect me less, she's down right rude to me and mean at points... she breaks plans with me to go hang out with other people,
    A common friend invited us to happy hour the other night and she ignored me all night like she didn't even know me...and snapped at me when I tried to chat with her.

    10) I'm sick of this hot and cold behavior. One day she says I'm special to her and she loves me, and the next day she's cold and distant, she plays by her rules, doesn't want to date or fuck, but wants me to pleasure her when she feels like it. WTF!

    11) Shes VERY possessive of me, says that we belong to each other and that we are meant to be. She get jealous when I date\talk to other women (yes I date and fk other women, She hates it! told her if she wasn't going to date me or be a fuck buddy, I wasn't going to wait around for her, and so I didn't)

    12) Like a dummy, I'm hung up on this girl, I think due to all of the emotional investment, that it's hard to tell her no when she comes back. Add in that I see her at work its hard to have space to move on... She take care of me on my Birthdays and Christmas and is there for me, like if my car breaks down or I need a ride to the airport, she will drop what shes doing to help me.
    So from a strictly friend stand point, I don't want to loose her (I've told her that I don't care if she dates somebody else, and that I'll be happy for her, and that she needs to stop these games with me) But she knows I have strong feelings for her manipulates me and plays with my emotions.

    13) When she's rude, mean and or cold to me (which is like 90% of the time), she doesn't take ANY responsibility when I call her out on her shit or stand up for my self. It's always my fault.
    In the beginning of the 3 years she would apologize for bad behavior, now she's slowly gained all of the power and I'm a CHUMP.

    14) How do I get the power back? or have her respect me more? I already told her last week that I was done messing around with her if it's going to be one sided.
    We go to lunch like almost daily...If I try to freeze her out she will see thru my deception. Not to mention I tell her I'm busy for lunch and then I end up going with my other lady friend at work. She will see that I lied.
    Lastly, if I ignore her txt's... she will go to my desk and ask me whats up, and will stop by my house.
    I can't shake her short of telling her to FK off and not let her back.
    I will at this point if I ultimately have to, but I would much rather keep the friendship and have her respect me.

    It's like she's a stalker loo.... she's super jealous, doesn't want me to be with other girls or go out to bars\clubs, gets mad... but she loves to treat me no respect and string me along.
    I want out!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

    Dude! This is bad. This woman is most likely a sociopath. She enjoys manipulating you and having power over you. She gets super jealous when you date other women because she know she'll lose her power. She does JUST ENOUGH with you to keep you around. She has no respect for you. There's no way for you to gain power in this relationship. You've already demonstrated that you're a chump by walking away 4 times and coming back. You need to show this woman the door and slam it shut for good.

    Even if you fuck her and you two become exclusive do you think it will get better? The answer is HELL NO! You will be miserable like you already are. You need to tell her "Listen. The way you treat me is unacceptable. I'm done with you." Then walk away. Don't listen to her bullshit or anything, just leave. Don't answer her calls, texts, and when she comes to your desk "asking what's wrong" tell her if it's not work related you two have nothing to discuss. Do you REALLY want to be friends with this woman who has no respect for you and treats you like garbage? I hope that would be a resounding NO!

    I can guarantee she's been sleeping with other guys during this period too. If you haven't been banging her someone else has. I highly recommend you do research on sociopaths and their controlling traits. It sounds like you're being gaslighted.

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    soul_spark (11-14-2015)

  4. #3
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

    Not going to lie, you're a chump. You're to blame, not her. She doesn't take you seriously because YOU DON'T TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY! You say you're done playing mind games, yet you're not true to your words and you end up in the same shit hole. She's disrespectful towards you, you call her out, she's unaffected and you end up apologizing. What the actual f...? You've been on these forums for 3 years, your game should be very good, yet she's the one who's playing you and not the other way around. She's a drug that's killing you from the inside. You need to change your mindset, all the mind games are not worth it, just because she SOMETIMES lets you play with her and cooks you meals. You need to cut this woman out of your life ASAP, no friendships, don't even think about starting a relationship with this woman! If you're too weak and too emotionally attached to her to free yourself from her. EARN your respect, respect is never given, it's taken and it's deserved. You let her walk all around you, treat you like shit and you're surprised why she's acting worse and worse. Don't make plans with her, don't initiate conversations, if she asks you to hangout and you don't want to, just fkin don't, say NO, be direct, if she asks why? Tell her that if she acts like a bitch she's going to be treated as one, you're not "done playing mind games" you're done from being destroyed emotionally by someone who doesn't deserve you. You finger her and stuff, she doesn't do anything physical to please you. She cries begging to get back together and makes all these promises, call her out on the spot and say "ok, give me a blowjob here and now and I'll believe you". She treats you like shit because she KNOWS that whatever she does, you're going to take it, she's going to keep walking on you even more. I'm not a fan of disrespecting women, I love them, but when it comes to them, I have an unspoken mindset "I don't care who you are - you are going to treat me with respect". She misbehaves, you punish her with drawing back attention, not you trying to suck up to her when she gets mad at you that you're mad at her. This girl has 0 value in your life, she's cancer and it's up to YOU are you going to be a man and cure it or you're going to be her little bitch and keep playing mind games. My advice to you - treat her the way SHE DESERVES or cut her out of your life completely. period. Don't believe in promises, she knows how to manipulate people, she knows you for a long time so she knows exactly what buttons to push to get what she want. I apologize for my foul language, but your situation is definitely farked up.

    -Alergy

  5. #4
    soul_spark is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

    Thanks guys for the reality check, I know these things on a logical level, but emotion clouds my judgement.
    I know I have been on the board for 3 years and yes I need to practice my game and become better for these types of situations.
    I think what stops me from practicing and doing more to learn is that women generaly think that I'm attractive and I don't usually have to do much work to hook up. I banged a chick a few weeks ago from work and am seeing another one at work, she treats me like a king.
    Then on that happy hour where I was explaining that this girl was ignoring me,....after she left, I drove one of the other girls home that I had just met at the HH and got some head in my car.
    I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just my self and it generally works for me to get laid, but yes because I lacked the skillz, this shark ate me up.
    And yes she is a total sociopath, she is screwy in the head for sure.

  6. #5
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

    so what are you going to do? and are you willing to put the given advice into action?

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Alergy For This Useful Post:

    soul_spark (11-14-2015)

  8. #6
    soul_spark is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

    Yes, this is BS, and why I made a post, because I know something has to change. It can't be like this because you are right, it's emotionally draining and unacceptable.
    I do cut other girls for bad behavior and have, this one here just got the best of me...
    She'll ask me to break and lunch on Monday and every day of the week as usual.... and I will say no.
    She will ask me why and I'll tell her I'm done being treated poorly and disrespected, ... she'll bitch and get mad at me, and I'll just ignore her.
    I've done this before, I know her pattern...
    After me ignoring her for a few weeks, she WILL show up at my house unannounced trying to be all sweet and nice to me with the same BS story
    ....and like you said, I'll put her on the spot.... if she's for real she can suck on me, if she's not, she can GTFO and be gone out of my life forever.

    I'll post a follow after a few weeks letting you guys know that I got my shit back on track.
    The one thing that sucks is she is crazy, a wild card.
    She could get mad and do something unpredictable, like key up my new car, or go and tell the other girl that I have recently started dating some made up stories or spread lies.
    I guess that is the casualties of war.... but I can't back down now..

  9. #7
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

    put your war face on! and yeah, definitely keep this thread updated, your story intrigued me

  10. #8
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    Default Re: Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

    Quote Originally Posted by soul_spark View Post
    Thanks guys for the reality check, I know these things on a logical level, but emotion clouds my judgement.
    I know I have been on the board for 3 years and yes I need to practice my game and become better for these types of situations.
    I think what stops me from practicing and doing more to learn is that women generaly think that I'm attractive and I don't usually have to do much work to hook up. I banged a chick a few weeks ago from work and am seeing another one at work, she treats me like a king.
    Then on that happy hour where I was explaining that this girl was ignoring me,....after she left, I drove one of the other girls home that I had just met at the HH and got some head in my car.
    I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just my self and it generally works for me to get laid, but yes because I lacked the skillz, this shark ate me up.
    And yes she is a total sociopath, she is screwy in the head for sure.
    To be honest, it doesn't sound like you need any help from this forum (besides this scenario). If you can "just be yourself" and get women without "trying" there's really no need for advice. That's what most guys looking for advice on this forum strive for.


    Normal women would have thrown you to the curb long ago. That's why I found this situation odd and stated she sounded like a sociopath. That's why it's been so hard for you to kick her to the curb yet other women were easy. She knows exactly how to control you and what buttons to push. Sociopaths are expert manipulators and everything is a game to them. She gets great joy from making you miserable. That's why sociopaths are so evil, they don't give two shits about other people.

  11. #9
    soul_spark is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

    Yes exactly! I agree 100%, as to why she drags out this game vs moving on like a normal girl. Yes I let her, I get that, but at the same time she has her own responsibility in this and nobody controls her actions and behavior but her.
    Its up to me to not put up with it.
    I have NEVER come across a women like this, and been manipulated like this. I'm used to normal girls and their normal responses behaviors.
    you really nailed it with the sociopath behavior. She is a master manipulator and has no empathy for others, she's very selfish... it's all a game.
    I don't have experience with this type of girl and got caught like a chump, she knows how to work me and push my buttons
    I'm gonna work my way out of this crap and be better for the learning experience.

  12. #10
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    Default Re: Lost the power in the "relationship" .. I need to get my balls back...

    Quote Originally Posted by soul_spark View Post
    Yes exactly! I agree 100%, as to why she drags out this game vs moving on like a normal girl. Yes I let her, I get that, but at the same time she has her own responsibility in this and nobody controls her actions and behavior but her.
    Its up to me to not put up with it.
    I have NEVER come across a women like this, and been manipulated like this. I'm used to normal girls and their normal responses behaviors.
    you really nailed it with the sociopath behavior. She is a master manipulator and has no empathy for others, she's very selfish... it's all a game.
    I don't have experience with this type of girl and got caught like a chump, she knows how to work me and push my buttons
    I'm gonna work my way out of this crap and be better for the learning experience.
    Now that you're aware just cut the cord. Don't let her control you anymore. Who were we talking about again?

    The beauty of this situation is that you know how these women are now, so it will be much easier to spot them in the future. This is a good thing because sociopaths target the same type of people. Usually these are people who "feel" allot. They are jealous of them because they can't feel. If you've attracted a sociopath once you will attract another in the future.


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