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Thread: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

  1. #11
    daflk is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Wow thanks. That is great.

    I'm thinking since she won't even give me that moment to discuss things, I'm just going to play it cool, act unphased, keep contact at work but don't pressure her with date requests, until she either warms up to me (Christmas is around the corner, that's bound to help) OR she tells me NO, in which case I can then agree with her.

    Thoughts on this approach?!

  2. #12
    redstar1324 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    The fact that you're asking other people for advice on this says that your "relationship" with this girl is not all that important... otherwise it would be between the two of you only.....

    And from what I hear, you have not even come close to fucking her, so I don't know what to tell you on that.....

  3. #13
    mystique's Avatar
    mystique is offline A woman's perspective
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Quote Originally Posted by redstar1324 View Post
    The fact that you're asking other people for advice on this says that your "relationship" with this girl is not all that important... otherwise it would be between the two of you only.....

    And from what I hear, you have not even come close to fucking her, so I don't know what to tell you on that.....
    Perhaps lets keep the 'constructive' in front of criticism shall we?
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle

  4. #14
    redstar1324 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    If you're in a relationship, how can you even have an identity if you're asking other people how to act?

    She is probably over there talking to some other guy right now.

  5. #15
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    JackSarge is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Quote Originally Posted by Alergy View Post
    the more you tell her how you like her, the more pressure she gets while making up her mind. Explain that you like her, that you'd like to get to know her more but YOU'RE COOL IF SHE'S NOT INTERESTED. Now this may seem like a weird thing to do because you want her, but if you take away all the pressure she'll more likely want to give this a chance, take things slowly. You'll just seem like a laid back guy, she'll know that you're not obsessed with her (unlike that other guy who quit because of her) which I think will make her think that the risk of you doing the same in-case things don't work out between you two is close to 0
    Good post I like everything you said here. I am working on this chick on facebook who I don't know. Things progressed and added her on Snapchat. Starting to like her. I like how you put things. We feel a great big urge to tell them every 5 min we like them but what you are saying here is to hold back and for big reason since it is a huge turn off for most women.

    While guys were blowing her up on her facebook wall and tagging her wall I was laying back and doing nothing to not be too needy and she was snapping me on her on while she was drunk. This is a great thing because I got an email if they don't text you while drunk you're screwed and then it happened later that night.

    Now currently she is getting blown up from every angle (a new guy posting on her wall everyday) but it comes with the territory since she is a 10.

    In other words OP you are making a bigger deal out of this than it really is. She senses the pressure and pulled back taking back the power. It is a power struggle and right now I am trying to master always having the power.

    In a word you got Oneitis bro and it scares chicks off the fastest. With this other chick yeah I was mad at first but dayum she is a 10 of course she is going to have a million guys after her. She has more guys hitting on her than my EX so obvisouly I got an upgrade.

    I haven't hooked up with her yet but I did make an attempt. Either way I am more of waiting for the right time, watching from a distance, and allowing her to pursue ME. A 10 pursue me I know a wild thought but so far it has kinda worked since she initiated me on Snap. either way I have no investment in this chick "after all we don't know each other" like me and like most guys OP you are making this into a bigger deal than it actually is.

    Just go out meet chicks and have fun. That is the best strategy. Getting serious too soon always leads to displeasure in the arms of women. I am learning still sure but I am playing the 10 this way and granted she is probably playing me more but I won't lose my power.

    That's all that matters as long as you don't lose your emotions it doesn't matter how hot she is. Don't lower your value for her.
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack

  6. #16
    daflk is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Update on situation:

    I waited out to the week before Christmas - just maintained flirting at work but never followed up to meet up privately outside work. She messaged me out of the blue and suggested we have dinner the week before Christmas.

    During dinner she basically said she wants to get to know me better but wasn't ready for a relationship and that we could start "hanging out" outside work - we both like hiking, golf, etc. She said I had to take it slow as it takes her a long time to trust a guy after her ex cheated on her.

    5 dates go by and the most we got to was kiss-closing - she kept saying "i thought we agreed to take it slow" but to be honest I never thought she was really into it.

    NYE weekend, she spent it with her family overseas and I didn't message her on NYE and messaged her NY's DAY at 11. She never replied my txt (she never does this), and when I followed up she said she got into (minor) bumper car accident and I just made a joke out of it. I later tried calling and she didn't pickup saying she was at the movies - told her to call me back and she didn't. Text her later asking if she's back in town and I could hang out and she didn't reply - all signs I had thought, pointed me to her being mad at me for not texting on NYE and not asking if she was okay after the traffic accident.

    HOWEVER at lunch, she said that WASN'T the case at all, she didn't care I didn't text her for NYE and her plane got delayed. I got a bit emo and said you know you got me all worried and she said she felt really bad.

    I asked her once more if she wanted to hang out this Friday and she said she couldn't but unlike all other dates she DID NOT suggest an alternative.

    I ask - is there a way to save this? I'm going to give up asking her for future dates and being so available and needy. Not sure I can repair the damage though - thoughts?

  7. #17
    Slickwilly is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Why would you stop doing something that was working and go back to what wasn't working? And why do you think it's a good idea to call/text again if she doesn't respond to your first call/text? Put yourself in her shoes, if you had someone calling you every couple of hours and bugging you all the time, even when you didn't respond the first time, what's that say about that person?

    you've got ONEITIS for this chick and she knows it! All you can do with this situation now is learn from it!

  8. #18
    redstar1324 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Quote Originally Posted by Slickwilly View Post
    Why would you stop doing something that was working and go back to what wasn't working? And why do you think it's a good idea to call/text again if she doesn't respond to your first call/text? Put yourself in her shoes, if you had someone calling you every couple of hours and bugging you all the time, even when you didn't respond the first time, what's that say about that person?

    you've got ONEITIS for this chick and she knows it! All you can do with this situation now is learn from it!
    Why would you even want to kiss someone in the first place? Seems boring. That is my least favorite part of hookups, and basically entirely unenjoyable... I don't see the big deal about kissing...

  9. #19
    mystique's Avatar
    mystique is offline A woman's perspective
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Quote Originally Posted by daflk View Post
    Update on situation:

    I waited out to the week before Christmas - just maintained flirting at work but never followed up to meet up privately outside work. She messaged me out of the blue and suggested we have dinner the week before Christmas.

    During dinner she basically said she wants to get to know me better but wasn't ready for a relationship and that we could start "hanging out" outside work - we both like hiking, golf, etc. She said I had to take it slow as it takes her a long time to trust a guy after her ex cheated on her.

    5 dates go by and the most we got to was kiss-closing - she kept saying "i thought we agreed to take it slow" but to be honest I never thought she was really into it.

    NYE weekend, she spent it with her family overseas and I didn't message her on NYE and messaged her NY's DAY at 11. She never replied my txt (she never does this), and when I followed up she said she got into (minor) bumper car accident and I just made a joke out of it. I later tried calling and she didn't pickup saying she was at the movies - told her to call me back and she didn't. Text her later asking if she's back in town and I could hang out and she didn't reply - all signs I had thought, pointed me to her being mad at me for not texting on NYE and not asking if she was okay after the traffic accident.

    HOWEVER at lunch, she said that WASN'T the case at all, she didn't care I didn't text her for NYE and her plane got delayed. I got a bit emo and said you know you got me all worried and she said she felt really bad.

    I asked her once more if she wanted to hang out this Friday and she said she couldn't but unlike all other dates she DID NOT suggest an alternative.

    I ask - is there a way to save this? I'm going to give up asking her for future dates and being so available and needy. Not sure I can repair the damage though - thoughts?
    Hey I'm thinking she doesn't sound that interested or even ready. I suggest you cool right off. Pull back (no txts, no calls, no contact) she should be investing and making an effort. If she's not, she's not interested or not ready (sounds like a bit of both to be honest)

    I also think she sounds a bit neurotic and even a bit rude.

    @Redstar... kissing (when its good) is very important to women and also the very act transfers your testerone to the woman, which gets her fired up. So there are two very good reasons why a man should invest in kissing and try to kiss a woman as often as possible.
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle

  10. #20
    redstar1324 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Quote Originally Posted by mystique View Post
    Hey I'm thinking she doesn't sound that interested or even ready. I suggest you cool right off. Pull back (no txts, no calls, no contact) she should be investing and making an effort. If she's not, she's not interested or not ready (sounds like a bit of both to be honest)

    I also think she sounds a bit neurotic and even a bit rude.

    @Redstar... kissing (when its good) is very important to women and also the very act transfers your testerone to the woman, which gets her fired up. So there are two very good reasons why a man should invest in kissing and try to kiss a woman as often as possible.
    Last time I had someone over... they liked everything but the kissing... said there was too much tongue... and I didn't enjoy the kissing, either... it was just a formality.... but she liked the rest of it....


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