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Thread: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

  1. #1
    daflk is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    This is my first forum post! I've been reading up on this material since forever. I really like this girl at work - we have the BEST rapport (like no other girl I've met) - so I don't want to screw this up. I effectively left my ex (who's GREAT - only compliant was I didn't love her enough) of 4 years for a CHANCE at her. That's how strongly I feel, and how badly I don't want to cock this up.

    I've texted and flirted with her (I've built attraction, she's given tons of IOIs, etc) for 3 months but we've met up just once before alone (socially) because we both had to travel, etc. Last Friday, she asked me out 1on1 to my birthday dinner after I surprised her with a birthday cake the week before over drinks. We had a bottle of red and dinner went well - I held her hands over the table and we discussed about us. She gave me tons of IOIs. I also took opportunity at dinner to qualify her - gave her plenty of reasons why I liked her and why I choose her.

    After dinner we went karaoke - luckily it was full so I got to kiss close her on the streets instead. I then ushered her back to my flat where I tried to escalate more physically but she kept saying she's quite drunk (she's very light weight), we're colleagues (she has a stigma about this - she used to date a colleague and made him quit his job), I don't know you, etc. I was a BIT too physically aggressive in terms of trying to turn her on, neck and all, but I did not try to put my hands under her panties or try to take off her bra - she kept her dress on whole night. We did cuddle and talk a lot - and I kept telling her I would not be doing this with a colleague unless I knew she was the girl I wanted to be with (the truth).

    I walked her home (she lives 5 mins away) and talked more about myself. She kept saying we need to have a serious talk, because we're colleagues.

    First day at work - we say hi, chitchat as normal. Flirting is less. I tried to ask her to coffee but she says she needs time to think.

    QUESTION: Do I keep up flirting /chitchat at work and be assertive that SHE is who I want, OR do I give her time she requested and shut off contact either entirely or more?

    I'm afraid the fire will die if I give her time. At the same time, since I'm confident she finds me attractive already, I don't risk being too needy if I continue flirting / contact. Work wise, we just work in a small firm but almost NEVER work together. We're both single with no strings attached. There is NO reason objectively we can't be together.

    I already know my next date with her needs to be one with no alcohol - day time date so we can really get to know each other. But the problem is, she may not give me the chance for this...

    ANY THOUGHTS APPRECIATED!!!

  2. #2
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    the more you tell her how you like her, the more pressure she gets while making up her mind. Explain that you like her, that you'd like to get to know her more but YOU'RE COOL IF SHE'S NOT INTERESTED. Now this may seem like a weird thing to do because you want her, but if you take away all the pressure she'll more likely want to give this a chance, take things slowly. You'll just seem like a laid back guy, she'll know that you're not obsessed with her (unlike that other guy who quit because of her) which I think will make her think that the risk of you doing the same in-case things don't work out between you two is close to 0

  3. #3
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Quote Originally Posted by Alergy View Post
    the more you tell her how you like her, the more pressure she gets while making up her mind. Explain that you like her, that you'd like to get to know her more but YOU'RE COOL IF SHE'S NOT INTERESTED. Now this may seem like a weird thing to do because you want her, but if you take away all the pressure she'll more likely want to give this a chance, take things slowly. You'll just seem like a laid back guy, she'll know that you're not obsessed with her (unlike that other guy who quit because of her) which I think will make her think that the risk of you doing the same in-case things don't work out between you two is close to 0
    ^^ I like this. When you're direct like you've been, you'll get more resistance, but it's mostly token resistance. Basically it's a test to see if you really like her, and how you act when she throws obstacles up. Telling her you like her is fine and qualifying her on the qualities you like about her is a very good thing to do.

    I've been in your situation multiple times because my approach is exactly what you've been doing. When she throws up these complaints just give her a devilish grin, tell her you understand and if that's a problem with her you're okay with it, then continue doing what you're doing.

    You know she's into you. When she says these things it just rolls off your back because you already know she likes you. Agree with her to take away her power, smile because her comments are actually quite funny, and continue to flirt with her. This is very confident behavior that no woman will resist, regardless of her "complaints".

    I've been with my best friends little sister who is 7 years my junior. My other best friends cousin who's basically his adopted sister and one of my sisters best friends. None of these "obstacles" ever mattered because I didn't care about them and I pursued what I wanted. These women would bring it up but it was just an excuse. I did what I described above and it worked out just fine. I also didn't lose a single friendship over any of them. You're fine man! Act like it!

  4. #4
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    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Mate, I've seen so many men here before.

    They get attached and the girl becomes less attached. The more intrested you show her, the more needy you will appear and less attracted she will be.

    Give her abit of friend zone, don't make it too obvious, just ease into it.

    start with less conversation and start talking to other female collegues.

    Get another girl texting you and make sure she notice it if she sits next to you or if you have an iphone pretend to check the time and make sure it appears.

    She cant know that she already has you so using your environment and changing your behavior can help make her feel like she is loosing you, which is what you need.

    My mate recently did the same as you with this chick, she went cold, then he did, then she text him saying she met a guy and they have heaps of chemestry and what should she do?, he said go for it, I dont have time to give you advice, good luck now i can give these other women a chance, after some chatter, she is back interested in him.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    That friend of yours Tyrone sounds like quite a guy! Legend status perhaps!

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Jason For This Useful Post:

    Tyrone1991 (11-23-2015)

  7. #6
    daflk is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    guys thanks for feedback. i think backing off is good. I asked her to coffee on Monday and she told me "lets wait until I can think properly". Recently I feel power has shifted to her because I've initiated more conversations at work than she has, so I am going to back off and show her I have options (which I do, a cute girl who i've known a long time agreed to come over to my place to have "sisha" on Thursday). I'll keep her as a side project and work on the Thursday girl as main and since girls sniff this out, hopefully she'll come right back.

    Views?

  8. #7
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    this can definitely backfire.. You showing off that you have other options isn't going to help you, I mean yeah sure go see the girl that's interested in you, but don't rub it in the colleague's face.

  9. #8
    daflk is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Quote Originally Posted by Alergy View Post
    this can definitely backfire.. You showing off that you have other options isn't going to help you, I mean yeah sure go see the girl that's interested in you, but don't rub it in the colleague's face.
    Good point. I guess its not so much about rubbing it in than to show that I'm cool and unphased. I should think that I should act cool, leave work in such a way that she's wondering if I got a date (I do that by dressing up more). She always used to ask me if I have a date..

    But isnt the idea also that she probably thinks she has me now so she needs to feel me slipping from her grasp for attraction to take over rationale thinking or token resistance however you want to put it?

  10. #9
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Its not rubbing in her face at all, say your talking, your phones on the table or pretend to feel a vibration, you check the phone in front of her and a girls name is there through text. She will see it and either pretend not to notice or will ask about it. To draw more attention put in brackets next to girls name eg: Sophie(SEXY)

    Its indirect, she technically shouldn't be looking at your phone anyway lol...
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  11. #10
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kiss-closed and brought colleague home. She now needs time to "think".

    Quote Originally Posted by daflk View Post
    Good point. I guess its not so much about rubbing it in than to show that I'm cool and unphased. I should think that I should act cool, leave work in such a way that she's wondering if I got a date (I do that by dressing up more). She always used to ask me if I have a date..

    But isnt the idea also that she probably thinks she has me now so she needs to feel me slipping from her grasp for attraction to take over rationale thinking or token resistance however you want to put it?
    I think you should go on the other date because your single and you can. However; going out of your way to appear like you're going on a date or trying to get her to figure it out isn't the best move. If she figures it out on her own that's fine.

    You already went direct and put your cards on the table. Trying to play games now isn't congruent. The key to direct game is to state your intentions, qualify her (state why you think she's special i.e. better then other women), then being unphased and ok with things not working out.

    Here's an example to illustrate my point.
    Her: I don't know. We're colleagues.
    You: I think you're amazing, but the fact we're colleagues seems to bother you allot. Perhaps we shouldn't date.
    Her: Well...

    See what I mean? You already put your cards on the table. You know she likes you and she knows you like her. By agreeing with her you take her power away and show that even though you think she's special, you're completely willing to walk away. Control the situation.

    By trying to "convince her" you push her further away. By agreeing with her on the "issues" she has (even though she likes you) she'll rationalize why you two SHOULD date. You would naturally do this if you were absolutely confident you could get her, because you wouldn't be phased if you didn't.

    One of the big differences in these situations in a guy getting the girl or not is if he BELIEVES he can. Remember that.


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