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Thread: Oversharing and dealing with it on dates

  1. #1
    CervezaLover13 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Oversharing and dealing with it on dates

    First post! So just a brief background for context, I'm just out of a long relationship, 35, in process of getting a very mutual kidless divorce, and have been crushing tinder/bumble for the past couple months to the tune of an average of a drinks date per day. Much like anything, I still want much more success which to me means sex/relationships with more desirable women. So I should find good company here...

    Anyway, I feel like based on being attractive and having my life together I should be getting much more 2nd/3rd dates with women than I am. I'm concerned I have holes in my game centered around oversharing while on 1st meet/date. Here's a couple situations that come up a lot:

    1. Other awkward internet dates. This is actually fun and I have a couple good stories, girls share their stories and you build a connection. My question is how to answer the "how successful are you on tinder" question. I've had girls straight up level with me via text after a date that they felt like I was a player. Should I even be talking about other dates that were awkward?

    2. Ever married? What would a PUA say to this? I've tried lying to great success but don't want to do that. I deep down want to find a great relationship with a great woman, lying can't be the only way to get there. Saying you're in the process of divorce will get ugly women running from me so I seem to have data that says you have to lie. Or is there an evasive maneuver here? So yeah, standard question about past relationships, what do you say?

    3. General oversharing question. Girls ask 20 questions. Tell me I shouldn't say anything about my family, for instance I was on a date and we got talking about addictions in our families. Is this a huge gaff? I sense even typing it now (haha) that it is. I don't even remember how it got there. The reality is that I'm likely killing a lot of potential chicks with unfiltered conversations that while entertaining and resulting in kissing at the end, tend to result in a woman thinking about it the next day and finding 2-3 things that were awkward that make her want to not text back.

    As an FYI, I've fixed a ton of texting holes in my game via this forum so for now I believe that's in check. Also, the kissing thread I could have written. So I'm just throwing this out there because I believe I've isolated my issues to certain discussion topics above.

    I really appreciate this forum and thanks in advance for the help!

  2. #2
    redstar1324 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Oversharing and dealing with it on dates

    Quote Originally Posted by CervezaLover13 View Post
    First post! So just a brief background for context, I'm just out of a long relationship, 35, in process of getting a very mutual kidless divorce, and have been crushing tinder/bumble for the past couple months to the tune of an average of a drinks date per day. Much like anything, I still want much more success which to me means sex/relationships with more desirable women. So I should find good company here...

    Anyway, I feel like based on being attractive and having my life together I should be getting much more 2nd/3rd dates with women than I am. I'm concerned I have holes in my game centered around oversharing while on 1st meet/date. Here's a couple situations that come up a lot:

    1. Other awkward internet dates. This is actually fun and I have a couple good stories, girls share their stories and you build a connection. My question is how to answer the "how successful are you on tinder" question. I've had girls straight up level with me via text after a date that they felt like I was a player. Should I even be talking about other dates that were awkward?

    2. Ever married? What would a PUA say to this? I've tried lying to great success but don't want to do that. I deep down want to find a great relationship with a great woman, lying can't be the only way to get there. Saying you're in the process of divorce will get ugly women running from me so I seem to have data that says you have to lie. Or is there an evasive maneuver here? So yeah, standard question about past relationships, what do you say?

    3. General oversharing question. Girls ask 20 questions. Tell me I shouldn't say anything about my family, for instance I was on a date and we got talking about addictions in our families. Is this a huge gaff? I sense even typing it now (haha) that it is. I don't even remember how it got there. The reality is that I'm likely killing a lot of potential chicks with unfiltered conversations that while entertaining and resulting in kissing at the end, tend to result in a woman thinking about it the next day and finding 2-3 things that were awkward that make her want to not text back.

    As an FYI, I've fixed a ton of texting holes in my game via this forum so for now I believe that's in check. Also, the kissing thread I could have written. So I'm just throwing this out there because I believe I've isolated my issues to certain discussion topics above.

    I really appreciate this forum and thanks in advance for the help!
    I wouldn't suggest lying about being married. Why would you do that? Just have a good answer for why it ended.

    Also, if they accuse you of being a player... just say that you are keeping your options open until something good comes up, or something like that. Why would they expect you to have 100% of your life ready to invest in them from the first meeting? That's crazy.

    Can you be more specific about your addictions conversation? How did this portray negative value, in your opinion?

  3. #3
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Oversharing and dealing with it on dates

    Hey, CervezaLover13, first of all - welcome to the forums. Second, it's great that you're able to look at yourself from the other persons point of view and notice the mistakes you make, not a lot of people tend to do that.

    1. If it's your first date, it's fine to bring up your awkward internet dates as long as they're funny and lighthearted (but I don't recommend you talking trash about those other girls).

    2. I truly admire your need to be honest, but keep in mind that marriage talk is a very big bomb, especially if it's on the first interaction. If you choose to tell the girl you're on a date with, that you're getting divorced, I strongly recommend you keep it as subtle as possible, if possible - without being the first to mention it. Here's how I'd do it if I was in your shoes - focus only on making her laugh and attracted to you, but if the topic comes up about relationships, or if she asks if you're seeing anyone - tell her gently that you're filing divorce papers, that you're grateful for the experience and that she's just not the one for you. Again - don't talk too negatively about her, it's a huge turn off and it demonstrates that you still probably have feelings for her and that you're insecure, you talking about the divorce should be the only time you mention your current wife.

    2.1 don't pressure yourself into stating about her on the first date, in fact, I strongly recommend you to talk about her only at the start of the second date - when she's already attracted to you and is comfortable with your presence, you say something along the lines of "hey, sorry, I probably should have told you this earlier, but I'm currently filing my divorce papers, we're both better off this way, I just felt like you have the right to know this " and immediately jump into a light conversation.

    3. Yeah, again - you sound definitely like a nice guy, but you place too much focus on negative topics. I used to have the same problem with people a couple years back, I tried to game girls, but ended up being their emotional tampon - all this, because I let them lead the conversation, you're the man - it's your responsibility to do so. But I do sometimes find myself in situations like this (letting the conversation go south), and I don't do anything special, instead of letting it go downhill, I just tend to be very direct while saying something as simple as "okay enough of that, we came here to have fun, let me make a toast to positive emotions!".

    so yeah, this is all I can advise you for now, hope this helps you. Also - have you read/are reading any pick-up related material? And if so, what?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Oversharing and dealing with it on dates

    Hey CervezaLover13!
    I understand where you're coming from and I have one very simple tip for you.

    Lead the conversation.

    1. "How successful are you on tinder?" This is a shit test. She's trying to make you nervous/make you squirm. Don't squirm. Be cool, and be honest. It sounds like you've been successful, you've been on plenty of dates, say so! Then follow up with something witty, or change the subject.

    Also, her asking you this question is a huge indicator of interest.

    Examples:

    "How successful are you on tinder?"
    "Very. Stop trying to seduce me." Maintain good body language, a slight smirk, and nonchalant attitude and that will have her giggling her head off. Hold that pause for a moment then take the conversation to wherever YOU want to take it.

    Lead the conversation.

    "How successful are you on tinder?"
    "Incredibly. If you could go one place in the world, where would it be?" A quick redirect after being cocky like this will make her feel incredibly attracted to you. Again, maintain that nonchalance, and a silly smirk. Don't fidget.
    Honestly, the redirect can be whatever you want. You can ask a question (as above), launch into a story about some stalker chick that used to call you 30 times a day, or whatever really. Just so long as you're...

    Leading the conversation

    Taking it to where you want it to go.

    And in my opinion, no. You shouldn't be talking about other awkward dates with your current date. You're bringing up bad experiences. Women are very sensitive and empathetic so when you talk about a bad experience, she's going to think of a similar (shitty) experience that happened to her. So now you're both sitting there talking about and thinking about shitty dates, while you're trying to have an awesome date!! It just doesn't work, steer clear, brother.

    2. "Ever married?"
    "Are you trying to purpose to me? I'm flattered but..."
    In my opinion, this is a ridiculous question for a woman to ask on the first date, and it should be met as such. Meet it with something light and playful like the line above, tease her a little bit for asking such a ludicrous question.
    If she persists, then it's obviously an issue for her, and just come out with a "yes, I have been married before" then change the subject to something like "If The Hulk and a Tyrannosaurous Rex got into a fight, who would win?". Keep it light and playful, my friend, and always always always...

    Lead the conversation

    3. Yeah, stop talking about the addiction in your families thing on the first date. That's like a 10th date topic. You're going to want to

    Lead the conversation

    in a direction that's more flirty, fun, playful, teasing, challenging. Rather than getting serious and dark. Ya dig? Of course you do, you're wildly intelligent.

    That's about it my friend, keep a light, playful, fun vibe going. Tease and challenge her a little bit in the beginning. Towards the end of the date, steer the conversation towards more sexual topics, then accuse her of trying to get in your pants and change the subject to something non-sexual. Push that button a couple times while escalating intensity, and you should have no problem taking her home and messing up your sheets.

    Hope that helps!
    Jake Berreth
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  5. #5
    CervezaLover13 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Oversharing and dealing with it on dates

    Thanks for the tips, especially JayBee and Alergy.

    I had a date last night and I used both the 5 lies game and the cube game as conversation leads and it went much better. I did bring up my ex and need to keep working to just not do so. But in fairness, she brought up that she was on Bumble to find a relationship so I was just trying to keep up! What I did say was similar to the advice above regarding keeping it short and sweet. I like the suggestion lines such as "are you proposing" and the "T-Rex" line.

    Again, thanks!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Oversharing and dealing with it on dates

    Super happy to hear that man!
    I hope everything continues to go in the right direction for ya.

    If you want to bounce any ideas back and forth, shoot me a PM, I'd be glad to help.
    Jake Berreth
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