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Thread: FWB

  1. #1
    Cocoaj131 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default FWB

    I've been seeing my FWB for about 6 months or so, everything was going well, he told me he likes me but wants to get to know me better about a month or so ago when I told him I had feelings for him. I understood and it's fine, i told him Im not hooking up with anyone else. He has a bit of issues which I think make him more hot and cold than the average guy, so I give him passes on it. He says he's gonna do stuff and doesn't do it. One of his parents are very sick, and he has issues with addiction. So basically I see him when I can, once a week, sometimes once every two weeks bc he works away. But lately it seems like he's pushing me away, he says he cares about me and he's protective of me, so I know he does care. He introduced me to his family and all of his friends and used to mention how when he got home he was going to take me on proper dates, but it never happened. And we started spending the night together, we went from that to him "hinting" he's gotta get up super early to do this or that after we sleep together.. I don't want to be used if that's the route this is starting to go, but bc of his issues I don't want to walk away from him and not help him when he's obviously struggling. He doesn't talk about himself having any feelings for me lately, and I'm just getting to the point where I don't want to bring it up anymore. I know my worth and what I deserve, but I have a lot of feelings for this man, we've been through a bit of stuff together.. And now he's telling me he's going to be working even further away for work soon.. Should I ask him to lock it down before he leaves? I'm not really sure where this is gonna go anymore.

  2. #2
    upperhandy's Avatar
    upperhandy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: FWB

    are you a guy or a girl.... advice will vary depending on your answer

  3. #3
    Cocoaj131 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: FWB

    Hey, I'm a girl.. I'm 26 and he's 25.

  4. #4
    Bluenose10 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: FWB

    Quote Originally Posted by Cocoaj131 View Post
    I've been seeing my FWB for about 6 months or so, everything was going well, he told me he likes me but wants to get to know me better about a month or so ago when I told him I had feelings for him. I understood and it's fine, i told him Im not hooking up with anyone else. He has a bit of issues which I think make him more hot and cold than the average guy, so I give him passes on it. He says he's gonna do stuff and doesn't do it. One of his parents are very sick, and he has issues with addiction. So basically I see him when I can, once a week, sometimes once every two weeks bc he works away. But lately it seems like he's pushing me away, he says he cares about me and he's protective of me, so I know he does care. He introduced me to his family and all of his friends and used to mention how when he got home he was going to take me on proper dates, but it never happened. And we started spending the night together, we went from that to him "hinting" he's gotta get up super early to do this or that after we sleep together.. I don't want to be used if that's the route this is starting to go, but bc of his issues I don't want to walk away from him and not help him when he's obviously struggling. He doesn't talk about himself having any feelings for me lately, and I'm just getting to the point where I don't want to bring it up anymore. I know my worth and what I deserve, but I have a lot of feelings for this man, we've been through a bit of stuff together.. And now he's telling me he's going to be working even further away for work soon.. Should I ask him to lock it down before he leaves? I'm not really sure where this is gonna go anymore.
    I'm going to sound like an ass but i'm not your friend i'm just giving you my 2 cents, that's what you're here for anyway. You sound like a typical girl attracted to the bad boy that they feel like they can change for the better, you can't and you won't.

    You said he says "he cares about you", so you "know" he cares about you. Well what people say and do are two different things. Actions speak louder than words. He seems like a douche to me for several reasons. He's a druggy, now i'm sorry but druggies don't make good company, the most important thing to them is their fix, and you say he has a sick parent, well no one's life is perfect honey and you can't use his parent being sick as a mental excuse to be get high everyday and do whatever is necesarry to get your fix be it stealing or what have you. (Not calling your fling a thief but it's typical that addicts steal because drugs are an expensive habit, i've been friends with druggies in the past so I know how they are). In addition he doesn't follow through with the romantic dates he says he'll do, so he's flakey and not a man of his word. Lastly, he's been distancing himself ever since you mentioned you want something serious....that's because he doesn't, he just wants a fling.

    My advice to you would be you should have never asked for anything serious in the first place, you scared him off a bit by doing that.
    If you do date it's gonna be a typical no good relationship where you're gonna try and change your "bad boy" boyfriend and it's not gonna work especially since he'll continue seeing other girls and doing drugs, you'll put up with it, but in my opinion it's not worth it, logically speaking.

    As damage control I would voice to him that he's "right that you guys should just keep what you have the way it is and just be friends". Since I know you want to keep the FWB. Hopefully that'll stop the distancing and make things the way they were.

    This kind of reminds me of a FWB I used to have. I say "used to" because all she does now is flake, and has no respect for me. Did I do something wrong? Logically speaking no, but the game is much more emotional than logical. I'm not going to bore you guys but basically guys will treat her shitty, for example flake on her or act like tools. I on the other hand was always open, honest, treated her like gold, made her laugh, never pushy or forceful about sex. Those aren't qualities that immature girls look for in a guy. I call her out on her lies and her bull shit and she admits she knows i'm right but she'll continue to be shitty to me because I was good to her.

    In regards as what to do, I gave you the advice you want, not the advice you should take.

  5. #5
    Slickwilly is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: FWB

    Quote Originally Posted by Bluenose10 View Post
    I'm going to sound like an ass but i'm not your friend i'm just giving you my 2 cents, that's what you're here for anyway. You sound like a typical girl attracted to the bad boy that they feel like they can change for the better, you can't and you won't.

    You said he says "he cares about you", so you "know" he cares about you. Well what people say and do are two different things. Actions speak louder than words. He seems like a douche to me for several reasons. He's a druggy, now i'm sorry but druggies don't make good company, the most important thing to them is their fix, and you say he has a sick parent, well no one's life is perfect honey and you can't use his parent being sick as a mental excuse to be get high everyday and do whatever is necesarry to get your fix be it stealing or what have you. (Not calling your fling a thief but it's typical that addicts steal because drugs are an expensive habit, i've been friends with druggies in the past so I know how they are). In addition he doesn't follow through with the romantic dates he says he'll do, so he's flakey and not a man of his word. Lastly, he's been distancing himself ever since you mentioned you want something serious....that's because he doesn't, he just wants a fling.

    My advice to you would be you should have never asked for anything serious in the first place, you scared him off a bit by doing that.
    If you do date it's gonna be a typical no good relationship where you're gonna try and change your "bad boy" boyfriend and it's not gonna work especially since he'll continue seeing other girls and doing drugs, you'll put up with it, but in my opinion it's not worth it, logically speaking.

    As damage control I would voice to him that he's "right that you guys should just keep what you have the way it is and just be friends". Since I know you want to keep the FWB. Hopefully that'll stop the distancing and make things the way they were.

    This kind of reminds me of a FWB I used to have. I say "used to" because all she does now is flake, and has no respect for me. Did I do something wrong? Logically speaking no, but the game is much more emotional than logical. I'm not going to bore you guys but basically guys will treat her shitty, for example flake on her or act like tools. I on the other hand was always open, honest, treated her like gold, made her laugh, never pushy or forceful about sex. Those aren't qualities that immature girls look for in a guy. I call her out on her lies and her bull shit and she admits she knows i'm right but she'll continue to be shitty to me because I was good to her.

    In regards as what to do, I gave you the advice you want, not the advice you should take.
    x2, you're not going to change him and while he's using he won't change for the Better!

  6. #6
    Cocoaj131 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: FWB

    Thank you guys for the response! I guess I knew the truth about him, I'm not naive. I know he's full of shit, but I hoped deep down he really did care. Actions do speak louder than words.. He was supposed to see me tonight and flaked on me. The sad thing is it's not even really disappointing or a surprise anymore. I feel bad for him, I know I shouldnt, because he's choosing to do this to himself and his body. He keeps reaching out for help about his addiction, but ultimately ends up falling into it again. I know he is the only person who can help himself, but a lot of his friends are not in much better shape, so I guess I'm more or less waiting for him to wake up... And even worse now my period is late. I'm hoping its from stress and different eating habits, but I'm really starting to get nervous.


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