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Thread: Not looking for something serious .... question

  1. #1
    Von
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    Default Not looking for something serious .... question

    So you go on a date (she calls it that).... you make out, hold hands etc.... its the first time you meet on a ''date'' setting.

    Now she tells you: ''I am not looking for anything serious''

    So basically my question is: ''I am not looking for anything serious'' what does it mean ? when you've been dating or after started kissing etc (but had no sex)

    Does it mean there is an opening for FWB ?

  2. #2
    redstar1324 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Not looking for something serious .... question

    Quote Originally Posted by Von View Post
    So you go on a date (she calls it that).... you make out, hold hands etc.... its the first time you meet on a ''date'' setting.

    Now she tells you: ''I am not looking for anything serious''

    So basically my question is: ''I am not looking for anything serious'' what does it mean ? when you've been dating or after started kissing etc (but had no sex)

    Does it mean there is an opening for FWB ?

    Why don't you just ask her... or next time you are kissing... grab her chest or put your hand between her legs and say "let's do more," and if she doesn't want to, then say "just once...."..... then try to keep going....

    The question would be.... what does "serious," actually mean?

    Does this mean that you will be having children together?

    What is "serious," that is not having children?

  3. #3
    Slickwilly is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Not looking for something serious .... question

    "Just once" can you be a bigger AFC bitch? Why is someone who recently asked the question "how do you ask for sex?" Giving sexual advise?

    It means she she doesn't want to be serious! She wants to have fun and date other people, as should you! Keep doing what you're doing, keep escalating and have fun.

    And if a girl turns you down for sex, never say just once! Go read up on the LMR threads that have been posted, they are full of useful information

  4. #4
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Not looking for something serious .... question

    Quote Originally Posted by redstar1324 View Post
    Why don't you just ask her... or next time you are kissing... grab her chest or put your hand between her legs and say "let's do more," and if she doesn't want to, then say "just once...."..... then try to keep going....
    Sorry mate, but this is probably the worst advice I've ever seen on here lol

    Don't ever say "let's do more" or "just once" lol! There's nothing more creepy or AFC than begging for sex

    That being said, how you respond is the more important part in all of this.
    When did she tell you this? Was it during the date, mid make out, after the date was over?

  5. #5
    althurber is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Not looking for something serious .... question

    Yeah, that is pretty nuts. If she tells you that she's not looking for anything serious, then take it for what it is: she doesn't want a relationship!!! It's up to you to get it out of her what that means. Ex. For me, I'm usually blunt and to the point, if she says she doesn't want anything serious, I take both of her hands very gently, look intensely, but calm right in the eyes, and ask her, "What do you want then, sweetie, because if it's not a relationship you seek, either one, you wanna get your power hunger satisfied by destroying my hopes to have anything to do with you, 2 you're bored and have nothing better to do with your miserable life, 3 you want someone to spend money on you and make you feel special, or 4 and foremost, you want fuck so you take your pick, because if it's 1, 2, or 3, you're wasting my time and I'm out of here. If it's sex you want, just tell me, that's all there is to it." But I'm a confident SA that will not step down from power, so it might not be the alternative you are looking for. Basically, "I'm not looking for anything serious" means that she's testing you to see if you're going to give an answer like an AFC and be all immature about it or what she's hoping for is that you will be mature and come up with an answer that will keep her interested enough so that maybe one day it might turn serious. Try this: "Well, if you don't want anything serious, what exactly do you want to happen in this glorious, but awkward moment?" And if she doesn't give you a straight up honest answer, leave, like right then. But more then likely she'll edge into a conversation about her main objective, and when she tells you, it's right then and there what you want to achieve and if you have the confidence to make it or if not the break it. Hope this helps

  6. #6
    Von
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    Default Re: Not looking for something serious .... question

    Guys thanks for the answers. What are the term LMR and AFC? Or you have any specific link to the articles/thread

    I always took it like ''i am not interested and let it go''
    I usually get that after we kissed on a date and I see her again ''in a date setting''/ or after the date (she calls).

    I've been myself a bit confused if I want a relationship or just ''casual fun'' because of some anxiety with my work load (I basically just have time to go out after 9pm on Friday and Saturday).... the rest are work, study and passions (gym,dance). And work often prevent me from doing those lol (7am to 11pm). So after the 2nd time I got this.... I know I just want FWB or find 1 girl that makes me vibrate and stop being excited about ''dates'' lol.

    I didn't push or reject the ''i want nothing serious'' I am just telling them I feel the same etc, got alot on my plate... and let it go (since they don't make me feel emotionnally involve, don't want to fight to keep them)

    There is still girl who said: ''I am not seeing anything romantic with you'' 3 days after we kiss and held hands..... gonna see her at a commun friend party on friday. She never said ''friend or nothing serious'' so maybe something physical is possible

    So yeah, I was curious what you guys interpretation was. I'll build up on what you althur and silk wrote.... I agree often its a ''test'' when girls push you back to see if you ''want'' them.

    I'll go along the line of this from now on (direct and confidant, and taking the hands gently): "What do you want then, sweetie, because if it's not a relationship you seek, either one, you wanna see if can destroys my hopes to have anything to do with you, 2 you're bored and just came here to waste time, 3 you want someone to spend money on you and make you feel special, or 4 and foremost, you want sex. So you take your pick, because if it's 1, 2, or 3, you're wasting my time and I'm out of here. If it's sex you want, just tell me, that's all there is to it." I'm a confident ans social person that knows what he wants. where he wants to be and we won't be friends. You wouldn't have kissed a friend''

  7. #7
    Slickwilly is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Not looking for something serious .... question

    LMR- Last Minute Resistance
    AFC- Average Frustrated Chump

    You can learn about the terms here.
    https://www.puaforums.com/common-pick-up-terms/

  8. #8
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Not looking for something serious .... question

    Quote Originally Posted by Von View Post
    I usually get that after we kissed on a date and I see her again ''in a date setting''/ or after the date (she calls).
    I'm curious as to what your follow up is after a date? Somewhere along the line you are doing something that causes her to lose interest. You're hooking up with these girls and getting a second date, so I'm not sure what it is.. the first thought that comes to mind is neediness. It's hard to know for sure, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by Von View Post
    I've been myself a bit confused if I want a relationship or just ''casual fun'' because of some anxiety with my work load (I basically just have time to go out after 9pm on Friday and Saturday).... the rest are work, study and passions (gym,dance). And work often prevent me from doing those lol (7am to 11pm). So after the 2nd time I got this.... I know I just want FWB or find 1 girl that makes me vibrate and stop being excited about ''dates'' lol.
    You need to figure this out first! As an alpha you know what you want, you go after it, and if it's not what you want then you're happy to walk away and find what it is you do want. Decide that and you won't have a need to ask that question again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Von View Post
    I'll go along the line of this from now on (direct and confidant, and taking the hands gently): "What do you want then, sweetie, because if it's not a relationship you seek, either one, you wanna see if can destroys my hopes to have anything to do with you, 2 you're bored and just came here to waste time, 3 you want someone to spend money on you and make you feel special, or 4 and foremost, you want sex. So you take your pick, because if it's 1, 2, or 3, you're wasting my time and I'm out of here. If it's sex you want, just tell me, that's all there is to it." I'm a confident ans social person that knows what he wants. where he wants to be and we won't be friends. You wouldn't have kissed a friend''

    Your original response was better than this! This response gives off a vibe that you're a spoiled brat and upset because you didn't get what you wanted.

    Your best approach is to remain non-reactive! I'm not really sure why this is even coming up in your conversations so early but make sure you focus on just having fun with these girls, don't be even remotely needy, go on a date or two, escalate, and let them worry about the technicalities.

    First and foremost, though, I would figure out what it is you really want. If you just want to date casually, that's fine! If you want an exclusive relationship, that's also fine but know what you want and if they can't give that to you, you wish them well and move on to the next girl.
    Don't be a dick about it and don't underestimate the power of having female friends

  9. #9
    Von
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    Default Re: Not looking for something serious .... question

    Thanks Slick for the info

    Hey Kvn, thanks for the reply

    1) My followup usually is a text, about how she doing, what her plans are, a little text game (a word for a word etc...). If I auto analyse myself, I would think I am more ''talkative, excited, faster on the reply'' or bigger text, like if it did really escalate,

    It's something I have been asking myself.... what kind of ''followup'' could be appropriate..... do I simply act like nothing happened....

    2) I know i miss the intimacy of a relationship but I am not in a hurry of getting back in it (however my physical behaviour might make my mind lie).... Right now, i am stressed about finishing studies that are required for my line of work and it stress me to share my time other than ''what I planned for fun''(aka friday and saturday nights) and it could last a couple of years..... So i'll settle for the casual and be more ''alpha'' about it... Girls sense it that although I might have settle everything in my life, this part is the mysterious one

    3) My original approach: ''i know what I want and where i wanna be but what do you mean, after we just kissed etc...'" ?

    I appreciate you guys giving me time

  10. #10
    Kvn07 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Not looking for something serious .... question

    How long do you normally wait before you follow up though? For me, I will normally text when I get home or if she's the one that drove I get her to text me when she gets home. Give a little push-pull and make a joke from the night.
    This is one I sent only last night:
    Me: "Made it out of the hood and got home safe, punk Thanks for a fun night! I can't believe you made me kiss you like that lol"
    Her: Excuse me!! How did I make you kiss me?????? No thank you, it was really fun

    I gave her some shit about her taking advantage of me and set up a day 2 of her coming over and cooking me dinner this weekend lol

    do I simply act like nothing happened....

    You act like nothing major happened. It was a kiss, big deal. Keep gaming like you have been up until that point and, as I said last post, let her worry about the technicalities of whether she wants to go exclusive or not. Until then have fun, enjoy her company and see other girls.

    I think it's more important to figure out why this is being brought up in the conversation so early rather than focusing on a good response. I think if you work out what it is that is making them throw their guard up like that and fix it, you won't come across this problem again.

    There's a couple of ways you can do it:
    If you want to be a little more serious about it, you can say something like; "Yeah, that's cool! I've got a lot going on at the moment that I'm not really sure I can commit to anything serious right now. I enjoy your company and something about that moment made me want to kiss you, so I did. I hadn't really thought much more about it".

    Or if you wanted to be a bit more light-hearted/cocky, funny with it, something along the lines of; "Whoa! I thought we were just out having fun. I probably should have seen this coming.. you're hooked on me already! I just wanted to kiss you, I didn't say you could go thinking about relationships already".

    These are just ideas you'll need to calibrate to your personality and deliver with the right body language and facial expressions of course.

    Hope that helps some more.


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