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Thread: Too available

  1. #1
    Stu-B is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Too available

    I've been running into issues of being too available. The fact of the matter is that I know I'm too available. I've planned really well for my life and I was able to fully retire at the age of 39 (I'm now 41). I fill most of my day exercising, cooking, errands, sports, learning new stuff but most of my evenings are just relaxing (Plus some traveling). My weekends are the same while I worked...hanging out with friends, going out and other entertainment.

    I know everything says to stay busy between working and fun stuff but since I don't work anymore it seems like I'm too available. I don't have the need to fill every waking hour nor do I wish to...so am I only left with lying about what I'm doing?? And make it sound interesting when I'm just chilling at home.

    I never knew this would be an issue. I feel like I need to go find work just so I can say I'm busy. It makes no sense to me.

  2. #2
    Mr. Assertive is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Too available

    First off, hats off to you, to retire at 41?! That is very impressive. I would love to hear how you came about that.


    Find something else to do, get some hobbies, learn something new, maybe even dare I say, take a class ? You have a lot of free time. It is never too late to learn something new. Keep traveling!

  3. #3
    Stu-B is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Too available

    Thanks! I retired from the Military after 23 yrs, and I've always been a saver/investor...plus no kids, no debt (including house). I was married for 5 yrs but it was an easy divorce (Only cost about $300 bucks).

    I can see learning something new, I guess it would need to be something I'm interested in doing but it seems odd to me. This year I'll be traveling a lot (About 6 months of it). The biggest thing I'm excited about is to get as much practice in with talking to people (mostly women) while overseas. I've been a little introverted in the past and I'm kicking my own beta ass to the curb.

  4. #4
    Mr. Assertive is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Too available

    I reread your post. You don't have to fill every hour with something productive, everyone here has their down time, sometimes I tell the chick that I will be watching netflix and I will talk to her later. Because honestly, I need a break sometimes.


    My friend asked me the same question last night, I told him, just tell her something out of the ordinary, she doesn't really care what you are REALLY doing, she is probably bored and wants something out of the ordinary. My friend came up with "just decorating the office with seal paintings"

    and that turned into a funny convo. Think outside the box. It sounds like you know a few things about life if you are a traveling man.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Too available

    Why would you lie, or make it sound interesting chilling at home, you got the life. Just give them a bit of a back story, "I made some wise decisions in the past that made be able to retire at age 39, I've done Seen place and knocked off a lot of my bucket list. Now I am relaxing, enjoying the life my decision rewarded me." Then write "Maybe I will write a book with my time on how to get this time"
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Too available

    Stu!

    I hear you brother. And I'd like to congratulate you on your shrewd investments and time spent kicking ass.

    I just want to add a few cents to this thread.

    I agree with these guys, for the most part.

    Yes, when she asks "What u doing?" you can shoot her a silly text like "Dancing to Kids Bop 12" or "Whittling" and that would show that you don't take life too seriously, it's good.

    But I'd like to add that, what really turns a woman on is a man with a PASSION. A man with purpose. It doesn't have to be a 'job'. It can be anything, LITERALLY anything. Whatever lights a fire in your chest, whatever gets your rocks off. Woodworking, painting, typesetting, travel, cartography, spelunking, whatever. When you tell her "I'm your passion, it's like she gets a whiff of your masculinity, that urge to create and build something, and she fucking loves it.

    And really, even though you're retired, do you really want your book to read: "Stu had a kickass military career, invested wisely, and retired young. His retirement was mediocre. He dabbled in travel, but for the most part he just chilled...until he died." Or do you want to spend your days gripped with passion, experiencing life to the fullest, contributing your gifts to the world?

    Having a passion is part of becoming an Attractive Man. Then you don't have to use tricks or techniques, being well-sexed is just who you are.

    The choice is yours, friend.
    Much Love
    Jake Berreth
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    PM me for details

  7. #7
    Stu-B is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Too available

    Thanks for the advice...I'm fairly new to turning this ship around. I do need to think more outside the box.

    And really, even though you're retired, do you really want your book to read: "Stu had a kickass military career, invested wisely, and retired young. His retirement was mediocre. He dabbled in travel, but for the most part he just chilled...until he died." Or do you want to spend your days gripped with passion, experiencing life to the fullest, contributing your gifts to the world?
    You're right and thanks for the kick! I do have passions (Mostly travel right now) but I'm struggling with finding anything new. When I look back with the interactions with women when they asked me what I do for a living, I would say dumb shit like: "Nothing", "I'm retired AF, don't plan on working again" or "I don't work anymore". I thought it would stand out like the Northern star but instead it would completely deflate the conversation. Plus, I would down play it a little so I don't come off as bragging. I need to say it like I don't work any more so now I try to live life to the fullest by doing XYZ!

    I've even down played my trip with friends and family because I didn't want them to think how much their own lives suck. Fuck...I'm about to go visit about 30 freakin Countries...damn right it going to be exciting! I need to own it!

  8. #8
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Too available

    One thing to note.

    While it is great that you are visiting 30 freaking' countries, and women will definitely be very impressed with something like this... you have to be relate-able still.

    If you want them to be in your life, then you must know how to include them. They cannot be included if you are way up there, while they are way down there. The huge disparity in lifestyle will be a stumbling block, if not now, then later. Imagine asking a girl to join you on trips, and she couldn't go because she has to work. How would that feel for her?

    So, my suggestion is... while the travelling stuff is great, don't play it as your only card. You've gotta have other things going on for you as well. That or... go exclusive, and only play with the ones who can afford to join you in this journey.

  9. #9
    Stu-B is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Too available

    Another great point! I could ask if she has traveled anywhere outside of the US and if not then I could say where would you want to go if you were to travel. Is this the kind of thing you would say?

    As for the retired part: I'm thinking I should say "I was in the AF for 23 yrs and now I'm taking a sabbatical". Improving my health/fitness and getting some over due traveling. Usually they ask so what are you going to do next. Most of the time I would say "nothing" but I need to change it to "I might do XYZ". Or change up the convo by asking "Are you trying to size me up?". Or finish up asking "What kinds of things would you do if you didn't have to work?"

    Anyone else have any good idea's to do something different?

  10. #10
    Jironasaurus is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Too available

    In this case, it's not about what you say. It's about how your lifestyles can sync with each other. If she's going to be a one night stand, sure, you don't have to go through that trouble. But if it's someone you're gonna be seeing in the medium to long term, then you wanna ensure that she can at least see herself traveling with you frequently.

    With regards to your retired bit, I am with JayBee. It would be a lot easier on you (in the short and long term) if you occupied your time with things you enjoy doing. That keeps you busy, which means you won't be checking your phone all the time, and it also means that you will have plenty of "conversational material" to help you with the lady. That way, you don't have to do what you are doing now... wondering about what to say, and how to say it.


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