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  • 1 Post By alphabeta
  • 1 Post By Mike413

Thread: Introvert in need of guidance

  1. #1
    LoneWolf is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Introvert in need of guidance

    hi guys. I am new to these forums, was told they should help me out a lot so here I am! I am a rather introverted guy, 20 years old, considerably well built, because I am living alone and working temporarily at a not very well-paid job - I do not have a lot of money to spend on fancy clothes, accessories nor parties/clubs and stuff like that. I am rather quiet, not because of anxiety but because there's really rarely someone I see or overhear in a conversation and think to myself "wow, I would like to get to know that person". I am a lot more mature than my peers - they are too goofy, judging from the way they talk it seems as if they dropped out of school after they hit puberty, their topics usually consist of who got drunk where and when, really not the type of topic nor people I admire, nor would they know a lick about PUA.

    Because of my rather introverted and serious nature I really do not have a lot to talk about because I lack any conversation worthy experiences, at least not something worth sharing with the majority of people I come in contact on a daily. I do not suffer from some severe case of anxiety or low self-esteem, so although I am a good guy, I have very strict standards for what kind of behavior I accept and what kind I don't, regardless of the person's race,age,gender,stat us and etc. Yet when it comes to females I genuinely do not know what I could talk about, I am quite honest with myself so I notice that I get slightly self-conscious when it comes to talking to the ones I actually like (no matter how mildly), because when I meet a person I make the common mistake of starting out the conversation sort of like an interview.

    So in conclusion, no money, no friends, no game - need advice on how and where I should try to overcome these obstacles and improve this aspect of my life.

  2. #2
    alphabeta is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Introvert in need of guidance

    Hi Lone Wolf

    In your situation, I would join a Social Activities Club, that caters for Age groups of 18-30 where they do all sorts of Stuff like Trips to the Movies and Theatre as well as Disco's and Barbecues and loads of other activities too numerous to mention.

    You won't believe the number of Single Girls who go along and everyone is very friendly and Welcoming.

    Also it won't cost much money, as everyone pays for themselves.

    Until I got too old to go, I had one of the best times of my life and you certainly won't be stuck for conversation, or a Girlfriend for that matter!
    The Power in a Relationship always goes to the one who cares the least

  3. #3
    Mike413 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Introvert in need of guidance

    I think just forcing yourself to go out there and meet people is key. You don't have to spend much money. You just have to look like you didn't fall off the apple truck. It doesn't matter if you make new friends or not just be social and try to strike up a conversation. With women look for eye contact. Don't put pressure on yourself. Just try to meet new people and have fun.

    Some of what you said applies to me too since I am in a similar situation. I actually am going to try to force myself to go out tonight. Admittedly, when you are alone it's much easier to just stay at home and watch tv or surf the internet or whatever but doing that isn't going to help our cause. LOL.

  4. #4
    Honcho is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Introvert in need of guidance

    The word "introvert" gets tossed around way to much these days. You don't talk because you have social anxiety of some sort. Introvert has nothing to do with it.


    I am an introvert. If i go socialize and talk to people for 5 hours, afterwards i need some me time. I'll go for a run with my headphones on or maybe a long hike. After that, i'm recharged and ready to go again. This is introversion. Once you get to socializing, you may well find yourself in the same boat.

  5. #5
    LoneWolf is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Introvert in need of guidance

    Quote Originally Posted by alphabeta View Post
    Hi Lone Wolf

    In your situation, I would join a Social Activities Club, that caters for Age groups of 18-30 where they do all sorts of Stuff like Trips to the Movies and Theatre as well as Disco's and Barbecues and loads of other activities too numerous to mention.

    You won't believe the number of Single Girls who go along and everyone is very friendly and Welcoming.

    Also it won't cost much money, as everyone pays for themselves.

    Until I got too old to go, I had one of the best times of my life and you certainly won't be stuck for conversation, or a Girlfriend for that matter!
    Thanks, I'll definitely take this into consideration and look for something of this nature around my area!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mike413 View Post
    I think just forcing yourself to go out there and meet people is key. You don't have to spend much money. You just have to look like you didn't fall off the apple truck. It doesn't matter if you make new friends or not just be social and try to strike up a conversation. With women look for eye contact. Don't put pressure on yourself. Just try to meet new people and have fun.

    Some of what you said applies to me too since I am in a similar situation. I actually am going to try to force myself to go out tonight. Admittedly, when you are alone it's much easier to just stay at home and watch tv or surf the internet or whatever but doing that isn't going to help our cause. LOL.
    I have been recently trying to increase the amount of eye contact I make with people. I've personally noticed that most people (men and women) avoid it like the plague, and some people have less of a problem with it, I would say that only about 1/3 - 1/4 people suit the latter option, and I'm not 100% sure, but about 1/5 seem to be somewhat receptive to it, at least enough to say "hello" if I greeted them (need to try this out soon). On a side note, I realize the number of receptive people would be a lot higher if my energy level was higher and I was glowing with friendliness, but at the moment - that guy is just not me. I'm trying to take these little baby steps for now as you said without putting pressure on myself, but I think I really do have a rather long way to go before I'm comfortable enough to actually go out on my own, I won't lie - sounds quite of a difficult challenge.

    Quote Originally Posted by Honcho View Post
    The word "introvert" gets tossed around way to much these days. You don't talk because you have social anxiety of some sort. Introvert has nothing to do with it.


    I am an introvert. If i go socialize and talk to people for 5 hours, afterwards i need some me time. I'll go for a run with my headphones on or maybe a long hike. After that, i'm recharged and ready to go again. This is introversion. Once you get to socializing, you may well find yourself in the same boat.
    I agree, that word does get tossed too often, but so do prejudices. Everybody does have social anxiety to somewhat extent, I am no exception. Although AA does put some obstacles, it's harder to force yourself to go out and approach people when you are not an extrovert. My perfect evening involves getting back from work, taking a jog, reading a book for a few hours and taking a walk if the weather is nice, finishing off with a show I like, rinsing and repeating. My last going out trip was not to some club or massive party or concert, but meeting up with a few old friends who live abroad and going camping for a few days. I do enjoy talking to people I actually find interesting, especially when they have an interesting worldview and look further into the future than the weekend, but being surrounded by people you do not exactly like for pretty much your entire day, makes you rather weary and the last thing you want to do is socialize after that, especially when you are an introvert.

    Although I am not a fan of such assumptions, I would like to know how a true and proud introvert like yourself battled your lack of desire to socialize and meet new people.



    By the way, what would you recommend to become more interesting in a conversation, I think I should focus primarily on this because it would diminish some AA knowing that I have something of value to contribute to a conversation, which would really help me when I feel like meeting someone new, thanks in advance guys!

  6. #6
    Mike413 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Introvert in need of guidance

    Well, if you are out in a social environment where you don't know anyone and most of the people there do know eachother then most of the time they will avoid eye contact with you. People go out with the hopes they will meet new people yet for them it seems it rarely happens because most people don't want to go outside of their comfort zone. In a way who can blame them but at the same time they just wind up hanging out and socializing with the same group of people they have known since high school.

    So yes it does seem most people avoid eye contact in general. Apparently you can force eye contact but I haven't really figured that out yet. I think getting eye contact is important before approaching if possible. Even better would be a smile. The thing is if you go up to someone and don't say something to them and just point at them they will probably think you are being creepy. It's definitely a slippery slope as far as going in cold with eye contact. This is why I have decided from now on I will probably only go to places by myself where there is a dance floor. I think I have a better chance of dancing without any verbal communication than just in a bar environment where it seems like everyone has known each other since they were all in footy pajamas.

  7. #7
    alphabeta is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Introvert in need of guidance

    Hi Lone Wolf

    The next time you talk to someone, look at their eyes while they are talking and as soon as they lose eye contact with you, then you 'Should' get the feeling, that they have lost interest either in you or what you were talking about, or maybe both.

    Maintaining eye Contact while talking to someone is considered as being polite and respectful, as that's the way to demonstate that you are interested in what they are saying, while looking away says you're not.

    I'm not suggesting you stare them out, as that would be wrong but what you have to learn to do, is to 'Smile with your eyes' and really take an interest in what they are saying and then introduce a new topic, so the Conversation is 'to and fro'

    As for Topics of Conversation, its always better to talk about something you know, so you could talk about 'Jogging' and whether those 'Fit Bit' things work, or the Best Trainers to go and buy, or maybe talk about Camping or a Show you saw on TV.

    Its actually even better, if the person you talk to has a different view altogether and doesn't agree with everything you say, as that can make for very stimulating conversation.

    As far as your Social Life is concerned, why not go to a 'Salsa' Class or learn some Ball Room dancing, where everybody turns up on their own and learns together and everyone has 'Two left feet' to begin with (Lol)

    In the case of 'Salsa' dancing and also 'Ball Room' dancing, the Ladies quite often outnumber the men and you will be asked to change partners, everytime that you learn a new Step.

    I was absolute rubbish at this but the one thing I can tell you was it was a lot of fun and you will have loads of people that you can talk to as well as loads of People, who'd love to talk to you, as they don't all go for the dancing but tend to treat it much more as a Social type of event, where they can meet other people just like you.

    Then once you've hooked up with a nice young lady, as I feel sure you are going to do, then you can take her to places you like or even go jogging together or even go Camping.

    Forget about words like 'Introvert' or you will go and 'Pidgeon Hole' yourself, especially in the eyes of other people.

    I don't like people around me because I find they just get in the way but as I don't go shouting about it, they are none the wiser.

    You are just as normal as anyone else you may meet, its really more of a question of being happy in your own skin.

    I have loads of friends I can call on, if I need any help and one or two girls to go out with, any time I need some company, although the truth of the matter is I'm such a busy guy, that I prefer to be on my own, rather than to go out in a Crowd but we are all different, so maybe that's just me.
    The Power in a Relationship always goes to the one who cares the least


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