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Thread: Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

  1. #1
    AbandonAllHope is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

    Hey!

    I'll try to keep this short.

    Me and my gf have been together for about 3 months, but been in constant contact for about 5 months now.

    She met a guy on an online website about 2-3 years ago and he's from another country.
    After all this time he's coming here for a vacation and my gf decided that she'll go and meet him.

    He's coming to another city in my country, so my gf will need to travel approx. 600 km and then rent a hostel in that city for about 3 days (and it's not cheap + travel expenses) just to meet him.

    I'm a bit uncomfortable with that, am I crazy or? What should I do? I honestly don't know what to think of it or how to set myself about that. It's bothering me.

    HELP!

  2. #2
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

    Just go with her. If she doesn't like that idea. You're GF is a whore which just gave you 3 days to find a better one. It's been 3 months, like an employment contract there should be a 3 month probation period were if it's not working, well..... No hard feelings.

    Your lucky mate.... Count your blessings, most the threads on here deal with the same shit, or worse, 1-5 years in a relationship. It's up to you, you can learn the lesson the easy way & read "how to get my ex back" threads and see how bad it could get, or experience it, and I will see your new thread at a later date.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  3. #3
    alphabeta is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

    Hi Abandon All Hope

    When you say She met him on an Online Website, has She ever actually met him in Person before? (I am guessing not)

    So I think the first thing is to ask your GF Why She wants to meet him anyway, as after all She is your GF now.

    If She comes out with a Lame excuse and claims She just wants to meet an old friend, you could always say if he's just an old friend, then we may as well go together and have a little vacation at the same time.

    In other words Call her bluff and guage her reaction.

    If She comes out with that 'Don't you trust me' rubbish, then say of course I do but seeing that he means nothing to you, what is your objection to me coming along.

    In that situation, I must admit that I would not like that either.

    But the one thing you don't want to do, is to let her use you as a 'Safe Haven' that She can return to, if She finds that this other guy doesn't live up to her expectation that She has been building up.

    Or you could use the Nuclear Option and tell her if She wants to go then don't bother coming back and tell her that You won't be used as the 'Mothership' that She can Flirt from.

    Plan 'B' would be to let her go and use that time to find another GF, then when She returns from her Online Guy dump her on the spot.

    She 'Wants her Cake and eat it' and only speaking for myself, I wouldn't put up with that.
    The Power in a Relationship always goes to the one who cares the least

  4. #4
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

    Abandon all hope. Edit this. I want to see you're masculinity, your testosterone. Change your name. How about to "1.mans.trash.is.ano ther.mans.sloppy.sec onds"
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  5. #5
    Dugly is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

    Say it's fine and let her go, but say one of your friend is throwing a party at **** and you don't wanna miss it. A shame she will be away, but you'll be thinking about her every time, not about that hot girl that YOU met on the internet - change her frame for thinking she can lose you. If she still doesn't give a damn, you shouldn't also give a damn to her and go look for other girls. You can do it and you know it bro

  6. #6
    Mike413 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

    Ask her how she would react if you said you were going to meet a woman you have known 3-4 years online and wanted to meet her for the first time. Or you could say something like "fine. Then you won't mind if I visit my ex girlfriend then."

    I'd say the best thing is to say to her something(which has already been suggested)such as "cool. When do we ​get to meet him?"

  7. #7
    AbandonAllHope is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

    Quote Originally Posted by Tyrone1991 View Post
    Just go with her. If she doesn't like that idea. You're GF is a whore which just gave you 3 days to find a better one. It's been 3 months, like an employment contract there should be a 3 month probation period were if it's not working, well..... No hard feelings.
    I understand that. My guess is that she's inexperienced since it's her first relationship and she doesn't know how to set up around it. I mean she's a kind girl; asked me if I'm cool with that and I basically said that i don't give a fuk, had to keep it real.

    As for the name, I used to produce music under it and yeah, it's a bit beta I admit.

    Quote Originally Posted by alphabeta View Post
    ... So I think the first thing is to ask your GF Why She wants to meet him anyway, as after all She is your GF now.
    THIS! It's alright to have friends, I get it. But after all they met on an online website and let's be honest to stay in contact for that long it has to be a 'spark' at some point.

    Thanks for the post, I'll be checking it out. Plan B seems reasonable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dugly View Post
    Say it's fine and let her go, but say one of your friend is throwing a party at **** and you don't wanna miss it. A shame she will be away, but you'll be thinking about her every time, not about that hot girl that YOU met on the internet - change her frame for thinking she can lose you. If she still doesn't give a damn, you shouldn't also give a damn to her and go look for other girls. You can do it and you know it bro
    Wow thanks man, this is a powerfull lil trick!

    That's why I love this forum, lots of different ideas and oppinions. I'll definitely be doing this!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mike413 View Post
    Ask her how she would react if you said you were going to meet a woman you have known 3-4 years online and wanted to meet her for the first time. Or you could say something like "fine. Then you won't mind if I visit my ex girlfriend then."
    That's what I came with about. Was thinking of asking her that, putting her in my position and get the reaction out of her.



    I didn't want to lose my frame, don't want to come out as an afc so I'm tempted to come up with an optimal solution.

    Thanks for the replies guys, it helps alot! Now it's time to confront her.

  8. #8
    alphabeta is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

    Hi Abandon All Hope

    I don't like the Party idea at all, because I get the feeling She will know that it's a Bluff with no substance behind it and this could give her the perfect 'tit for tat' excuse to make out with this 'Online Guy' if they ever get the chance to meet, which we obviously do not want to happen.

    What I think that you need to consider, is that She has known 'Online Guy' for almost 3 Years and may have well regarded him as just as no more than a pen friend, that She could correspond with but never get to meet.

    As for any flirting or sexy chat between them, then your guess would be as good as mine (or maybe not)

    So up until the time you met, considering how long they've know each other, in some ways it could be said 'he had first dibs on her' as you have only known her for 3 Months, which in terms of a Relationship is almost nothing at all.

    Then suddenly and right out of the blue, She is given the chance to meet him for the first time.

    She is obviously very excited at having the chance to lay the Ghost of her Curiosity at wondering what he's like, after Corresponding with him all this time and probably also regards the whole thing as a bit of an Adventure.

    The only stumbling block to this Plan, is none other than You.

    So now you have a difficult decision you must make, as while 'Technically' speaking, as her current BF her loyalty should of course be laying with you but then on the other side of the coin, She has only known you a short while.

    Though if the situation were reversed and you had been Corresponding with a Girl for 3 Years, wouldn't you be curious to want to meet her too.

    So there are a number of options that you might want to explore.

    (1) You could suggest going with her, which I very much doubt that She would want. 'Why don't you trust me to go on my own?'

    (2) You could appeal to her good nature, how would She feel if the situation was reversed.

    (3) You could let her go with your 'Blessing' in order that She can lay the Ghost of her Curiousity and get him out of her system and turn a blind to the fact that things may go a bit further than a 'Hug' or a 'Kiss'

    And then Subscribe to the Maxim of 'Out of Sight out of mind'

    You'll be damned if you do and you will be damned if you don't.

    A lot depends on how much She really means to you but if She goes regardless, then I would use that time to find a replacement which you don't have to bring in to play but keep on ice in the background until you are ready to use her.

    This will automatically make you less dependent on her, as in the back of your mind you will know that you can 'push the button' (or not) any time you like.

    Its a tricky situation, that none of us would ever want to be in but could be used as a real test of her loyalty.

    Like I once said to a Girlfriend 'Its not that I don't trust you' but much more a question of 'Can you trust Yourself?' The answer to that one was No!

    The one big thing in your favour, is that you have not known her for too long and as such have not invested too much time and emotion, in persuing a relationship that may be doomed to fail.

    Though I hope not.
    The Power in a Relationship always goes to the one who cares the least

  9. #9
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

    I understand that. My guess is that she's inexperienced since it's her first relationship and she doesn't know how to set up around it. I mean she's a kind girl; asked me if I'm cool with that and I basically said that i don't give a fuk, had to keep it real.

    At what point is telling her you dont give a F.... and then writing a thread about your concern about it "keeping it real"?
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  10. #10
    AbandonAllHope is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girlfriend meeting up with another guy

    Quote Originally Posted by alphabeta View Post


    (2) You could appeal to her good nature, how would She feel if the situation was reversed.

    Hey alphabeta! Once again thanks for the long post.

    I went with that option, and basically she went with that crap that she'd be happy for me and that she wouldn't complain or such. That she's looking at it as an trip, and she's happy to go there to "buy" things for me and her.
    Only told her that I want her to put herself in my position and then think about it. She even said that one of her best girl friends told her that she would probably be sceptical about it and that she understands me.

    Nevertheless, i thought that it went well. Really hoped that she did understand me, after all that i doubt it. She's leaving this Friday.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tyrone1991 View Post
    At what point is telling her you dont give a F.... and then writing a thread about your concern about it "keeping it real"?
    Hey man! Sorry, I should have wrote that better. What I meant to say is that I put myself in that frame, so I could perhaps distance myself a bit. Didn't really told her that of course.


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